Red Sun At Night
by Medea Jade
Summary: Commander Shepard has done the impossible, but her crew, friends and lover are marooned on an unknown planet. Kaidan Alenko leads these people through the trials of starting a new life from scratch. See my profile for info about chapter updates!
1. Chapter 1  Beginnings

Kaidan Alenko pressed his fists into the small of his back and stretched, relishing the pain as his muscles unknotted. He rolled his neck and dragged his forearm across his brow, wiping away layers of sweat and grime. As he did so he couldn't help but see the changes under his skin. When the sun shone on exposed flesh at just the right angle the network of green filament beneath the skin became visible. The same synthetic network now found in all organic beings.

Leaving his shovel where it was, trust inches into the freshly turned soil, he back away from the garden plot and into the welcome shade of a nearby tree. Its tangled branches cast deep shadows and trapped the cool night air until well into the heat of the afternoon despite not being in full leaf yet. Even being in the best shape of his life, farming was a grueling work. Nothing in his Alliance training had prepared him for this.

He was alone in the garden today. The heat of the late afternoon sun had driven the rest of the crew back to the settlement to work on other various projects. As grueling as the work was, Kaidan was grateful for the moment of solitude. A strange thing considering there were only forty-four other people on the planet.

By some miracle, all aboard had survived the crash on this mysterious planet with its huge, ever present moons. Steve Cortez and the others in the shuttle bay had been lucky to make it out. The rocky outcrop the Normandy had finally settled on had sheered its way through the hull, damaging one shuttle and nearly puncturing the drive core.

Yet, even the hulking dog mech had crawled out of the twisted mess of metal.

It had taken about a week for the reality of their situation to fully sink in. No one was coming for them. The entire crew had looked to him for guidance. Military rank still held sway in those early days, and he'd taken on the challenge gladly.

The ship was intact enough that for the first few weeks they stayed in the vicinity of the crash, but as food stores got low and local flora seemed to provide little in the way sustenance, they'd been forced to make a move.

Finding a location had been easy once they'd managed to extract the undamaged shuttle. Cortez, Kaidan and Liara had flown in a series of every widening circles around the crash site to get the lay of land. The terrain reminded Kaidan of parts of China. Long river valleys divided by high jagged peaks in long lines leading east towards an ocean they could just see in the distance.

They discovered the ship had come to rest only a few kilometers above a natural plateau of arable land halfway down a south facing slope. It had taken them only days to forge a usable path to the plateau and Kaidan had begun directing work on a settlement immediately.

Though the crew of the Normandy had been largely technical staff aboard only for the retrofit, many of them had been trained in multiple disciplines over the course of their careers. One woman, Catherine Hogan, who had been working on the ships life support systems, had originally trained in horticulture hoping to move to a colony one day, and Kaidan had put her in charge of a crew of ten to work on food production. Catherine's team had stared by hunting down edible local plant life, even finding several species palatable to turians and quarians, which made Garrus and Tali significantly less fearful about the future. Now, everyone took turns working in the gardens, though some were better suited to it than others.

From under the wide canopy of the bordering tree line Kaidan surveyed all they had accomplished in the last several months and felt truly hopeful for the first time in ages.

He was just about the get back to work when there was a raucous crashing in the underbrush near the path. Instinct sent his hand to this hip for his pistol and he gripped uselessly for moment before he remembered he no longer carried it. There were large predators on the planet, but they'd mostly steered clear of any areas the crew frequented. Kaidan was regretting staying at the gardens alone when Catherine came careening out of the trees and pelted across the fields at top speed.

"Catherine, what's wrong?" he called out as she approached. There was a smear of blood across her cheek and her short, curly hair was in disarray, filled with twigs, and her bare knees were scuffed with dirt.

"Are you all right?" Kaidan reached out to steady her as she came to a shaky halt. She was red in the face and panting, but her blue eyes sparkled with laughter.

"I'm fine," she gasped. "I wiped out on the path. Never mind that. You've got to get back to the camp. Tali did it. She got the comm working?"

"Which comm?"

"The only comm that matters! The quantum communicator. She's reached Earth." She laughed almost hysterically, grinning from ear to ear.

"Holy crap," was all Kaidan could say. He took off at a hard run up the path to the camp. Behind him, he heard Catherine keeping pace. Nobody was going to want to miss this.

They reach the south end of the camp and it took all of Kaidan's will power to slow to a jog as he wove through the tents and stone houses. The approach to the great hall was packed. Everyone was there already and they parted as Kaidan voice boomed for them to make way.

Garrus Vakarian met him at the door as Kaidan and Catherine stepped inside.

"You certainly made good time, Cat," he patted Catherine one the shoulder as she put her hands on her knees and tried to catch her breath. "Grab a drink. There's no one to talk to yet."

He turned to Kaidan. "I don't know how Tali did it, but that girl is a genius."

"Has there been a reply? Can we really talk to Earth?" Kaidan tried to bring his sober frame of mind back to the forefront. He didn't want to get his hopes up.

"We've pinged a relay on Earth and got an automated message in reply. If someone is still monitoring the stations we should have a response soon."

They walked through the tables and benches of the mess hall and towards the labs in the back. Garrus paused outside the door and leaned his tall frame against the wall, crossing his arms.

"Kaidan, are you ready for this?" he asked quietly in his deep, two-toned voice. "We have no idea what we might hear."

"Garrus, I've been ready for this for months. It's killing me, not knowing what happened to..." He caught himself and finished with, "Earth."

Garrus knew what he really meant was Shepard, but he tactfully refrained from saying anything.

"I know. We'd all like to know what happened. Tali said she could route the image to a screen in the hall so everyone can watch. Good idea? Or bad?"

Kaidan dragged his hands down his grimy face and sighed deeply.

"Hard to say. Everyone deserves to be part of this, but who knows how long this connection with last. We can't waste it."

Garrus nodded, his mandibles twitching slightly.

"I think everyone understands that. Keep it professional and I don't think anyone will complain too much."

Wishing he had time to clean himself up and get into the uniform he hadn't donned since the crash, Kaidan gripped the doorknob and entered the lab.

The huge room had been the first building they'd erected. He and Liara, using their biotics, had helped raise the massive stones that made up the walls. The roof and floor were salvaged plating from the Normandy protecting all their most sensitive equipment from the ship. As such, the such the room had no windows. Karin Chakwas' medical suite occupied the south wall, while EDI's mainframe took up the entire north portion of the space. Moving her had been a challenge, but well worth it considering the knowledge she contained. The rest of the space was filled with workbenches cluttered with tools and plans and blueprints. Tali had cleared space against the back wall for the remains of the quantum communicator and had been working on it in all her spare hours.

Kaidan had never expected it to work again. There had been significant damage to the rear of the ship and they didn't exactly have a source for spare parts.

Closing the door softly behind him, Kaidan stepped into a room filled with the iridescent blue light cast by the holographic projectors in the relay. His breath caught in his throat and he had to fight away the reminder of their situation; the fact that their technology was only going to go backwards for the rest of his life.

"Kaidan, you're here," Tali called from the console beside the comm. "I'm still waiting for a response."

He putted a hand on her shoulder and turned her away from the orange light of he computer and hugged her tightly.

"Tali, have I ever told you how amazing you are?"

She laughed and hugged him back.

"If there is one thing quarians are good at, it's salvage and repair. I knew I could do it, but I didn't want to get anyone's hopes up."

They broke apart and turned to look at the round, glowing panel on the floor. The barely restrained tension and anticipation in the air was palpable. A millions doubts ran through Kaidan's mind. What if earth was a smoking ruin? What if there was no one left to answer their call? What if the Crucible hadn't worked after all?

Both of them jumped when a static filled imaged leaped into existence above the panel. Neither of them spoke while Tali cleaned up the signal and brought the figure into focus.

As it cleared, Kaidan stood to attention and snapped out a sharp salute.

"Admiral Hackett, it's damn good to see your face, sir." Kaidan couldn't restrain a grin.

"Major Alenko, you're a sight for sore eyes," Hackett said as he saluted in return. "Where are you Major? When we didn't find the Normandy after the battle we feared the worst."

"All crew survived, Admirable, but we're stranded. Joker managed to get us through the mass relay, but we crashed when that energy wave hit us, and we have no idea where we are. The skies don't match any know star charts."

Hackett's face was grim. "Alenko, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but there won't be a rescue. The relays were destroyed. Every last one of them from what we can tell."

"We figured as much, sir," Kaidan said calmly even as his heart sank with disappointment. "What happened? Did we win?"

"Major, there's so much to tell you I'm not even sure where to start. I assume the changes we've found in ourselves, you're finding there too?"

"If by that you mean the fact that we all appear to now have cybernetics, then yes."

"And the geth here on Earth appear to have developed some organic parts. No idea what that's all about, but seeing as we're all now essentially the same, it's really cut down on the arguing."

"We've seen some benefits here as well. Joker's disease has been significantly lessened, and it would seem that our dextro-amino based crew are having a much easier time than we expected adapting to the new environment."

It was then that Tali jumped in. She stepped up beside Kaidan and saluted. "Admiral Hackett. Tali-Zorrah vas Normandy. I apologize for the interruption, but Kaidan is far too polite and I'm sure you can guess what the burning question is. Shepard... did she make it?"

The Admiral took his hat from his head and Kaidan's heart sank. A military man only removed his cap for one reason.

"The Commander didn't survive. Whatever she did on the Citadel saved us all, but we were unable to find her body in the wreckage. We can only guess that she was incinerated in the explosions that destroyed the station." He paused for a moment, cleared his throat and continued. "I know how close you were to her Kaidan, and I'm sorry to have to tell you this. However, we found Admiral Anderson's body at the console used to open the arms, so you can be sure she didn't die alone."

No one spoke for several moments. Kaidan could tell Tali was crying behind her mask. A lifetime in an environment suit couldn't take away the instinct to wipe away tears.

"Thank you, sir. I can't think of anyone she would rather have been with at the end, and I'm sorry Anderson didn't make it. He was a good man."

Kaidan turned for a moment and watched Tali quietly leave the room. He hoped Garrus was still outside. They would need each other. Pushing away the hurricane of emotions he faced Hackett again.

"So, the Reapers were destroyed? We're safe?"

"That's where things get strange, Major. The Reapers are still alive."

"What?" Kaidan exclaimed, rage soaring to the surface.

"Whatever Shepard did stopped the Reaper attacks. In fact, not only did it stop the attacks, but the Reapers have been communicating with us. It would seem that their memories have been almost entirely wiped. They don't know why they were attacking, only that they had to. Whatever controlled them has withdrawn and they wish to exist peaceably with the rest of the galaxy."

"With all due respect, Admiral," Kaidan ground out between clenched teeth, "that's fucking insane."

"That's exactly what we all said," Hackett replied with a deep sign. Kaidan realized just how old the man looked. He'd always seemed a little long in the tooth, but now it was even more obvious.

"Kaidan, son, I hate to say this and drive the reality home that much more, but it's not your problem anymore. The Reapers have been communicating with all sentient life from what we can tell. The fact that you knew nothing of this tells me that there are none in your system. Consider yourself lucky."

They were each silent for a moment. Neither knowing what to say. Hackett broke the quiet.

"Major, there is no longer a chain of command for you, so don't feel you have to answer this, but I'm curious to know how the Normandy even ended up… where ever you are."

"Not at all, sir," Kaidan fought the urge to stand at attention. Hackett was right; he was no longer a soldier. "When we thought our assault on Reaper beam had failed we fell back and regrouped. Once we realized Shepard had made it to the Citadel, we went back to the Normandy, hoping to make a landing once she got the arms open.

"By the time we got into orbit, the explosions had already begun and we were far too close for comfort. Joker saw an opening and made an emergency jump. That's when we saw the energy wave. We had no idea what it was and thought it was probably better to stay ahead of it. Wishing now we hadn't."

"Alenko," Hackett said with a small laugh. "You and your crew are probably better off than us back on Earth."

Kaidan raise an eyebrow, taken aback by the strange statement.

"With the relays destroyed, every ship in the system is now trapped here. Asari, salarian, turian, krogan, quarian, the works. Working out how to share Earth has been… challenging to say the least. Thankfully, Shepard is still managing to help us out. Every time things get too heated, all someone has to do is mention her name and that shuts people up real quick. She didn't sacrifice herself so we could all go back to war with each other. It'll all work out in the long run, but it's going to take some doing, and to be honest, I'm just not sure how much I have left in me."

"I'm sorry, sir," Kaidan said a bit breathlessly. "I wish we could help somehow."

There was a sad silence that weighed heavily on both of them. Walls and shields threatened to fall and expose the raw emotions beneath.

"Tell me about humanity's newest colony." Hackett smiled in a way Kaidan had never seen in the old man. It was almost paternal. Kaidan wondered if Hackett had a family somewhere. If they had survived the war.

"Well, sir, it hasn't been easy. Like I said, the entire crew survived the crash. However, we lost two people early on." Kaidan paused, finding it hard to talk about those who'd died on his watch. "The first was a woman who took her own life. Her name was Ai-Wei Lightfeather. She was the only person of Asian descent on the crew. Also the only person of Native American descent. Hard to believe we are even thinking of these things, but it's hard to forget that the few of us will be the ancestors of this colony.

"The next loss was entirely accidental, but even tougher to cope with. A fall from a tree. Olivia Mendez. She was pregnant. Would have been the first child born here."

Kaidan went on for some time. Talking about the building of the camp, stripping the Normandy for parts, researching the seasons and orbit of the planet. EDI was more than pulling weight, using all of her computing power to analyze data and compile the most valuable information into codices. Without her, these things would have taken months to work out.

"All in all, sir, it's been a relatively smooth ride so far. The future is going to be a challenge, but we're all just grateful to be alive."

Hackett nodded in agreement. "Glad to hear it, Alenko. Sounds like things are on your side for once. Now, there is one thing that you can do for me."

"Name it, sir."

"The data was just delivered to me from Alliance Command. We've got information on the families of the crew. You'll be happy to know that your parents are safe and sound in the interior of BC."

"That's the best news I've had in years, sir." Kaidan's heart soared.

"Doesn't look like I'll be able to transmit the information to you over this link. You'll have to copy it down by hand. Still know how to hold a pen?"

Kaidan grabbed a datapad and stylus and got to work. The news was grim, but not as devastating as he'd feared. Many of the crew had lost family. Mostly parents and older relatives, but a few had lost spouses and even children. Kaidan rejoiced at the fact that there were several people who would be receiving good news, including Garrus and Joker.

After the list was complete they continued to share news, talking like old friends and building hope in each other for the future. As the sun began to set, the signal was starting to fade.

"Admiral, seems we're losing the signal at this end. I hope Tali will be able to bring it back up, but..."

"I'll pass the good word on to everyone about your survival. Earth could use the good news."

"It's be a pleasure talking you," Kaidan said with a smile. "I hope we can do it again, Stephen."

Hackett smiled. He can't have heard his first name too often in the winter of his life, but as he'd said, there was no more chain of command, and he deserved to know all his hard work had paid off with friendship.

"One more thing, Kaidan. I don't know if you're a religious man, or if any of your crew are, but I thought you might like to know this. The heads of all major religious groups on Earth have decided to make Shepard a saint. She was a paragon of virtue, integrity and courage. There's never been another like her. I, for one, am proud to have known her."

Kaidan stared at the floor, unable to speak for the lump in his throat. Static filled the air once more and he swallow hard and forced his voice around the blockage.

"Likewise. She was the bravest, fiercest woman I've ever known."

Hackett nodded.

"Until next time, Kaidan. Hackett out."

And with that, the signal dropped and the room went dark. Kaidan stood in the gloom, unsure of what to do next. For months his head had been filled with an endless to do list, his mind constantly prioritizing, delegating and ciphering. Now, it seemed he'd gone blank, and all that was there was the achingly sore memories. He couldn't see the future at all. What came next seemed beyond him.

But Tali's omnitool must have shown her that the connection had been lost and she, Garrus and Joker rushed into the room, crowding around him silently, seeming unsure of what to say.

"I don't know what where to start," Kaidan said quietly.

Joker put a hand on his shoulder.

"Start with the freaky green stuff."

Kaidan gave an amused snort. Leave it to Joker to say something like that and lighten the mood. He wasn't just the best pilot in the galaxy. He was good for so much more.

"Joker, the only thing I can say about that is that it's everywhere. Earth too. And on every other planet they've managed to contact."

Tali took Kaidan by the hand and asked, "Are you ready to talk to everyone, or do you need a moment?"

Kaidan shook his head. "No. I'm not ready, but I have to do this. They deserve to know everything. Garrus, ask everyone to come inside."

Garrus trotted out into the hall and towards the exit. Joker made his way to his way to the tables and Kaidan noticed once again how his limp was disappearing. He moved to follow, but Tali took his elbow in her slender, three-fingered hand and held him back.

He turned to face her and found her without her mask. Her bright eyes glowed with the green tint of synthetics, more so than anyone else's, and bits of jet black hair curled around her neck. She rarely took advantage of her increasingly enhanced immune system, but when she did it was usually when she wanted someone to know the depth of her emotions.

"Kaidan, I just wanted you to know..." she faltered, tears welling up again. "I'm so sorry. About Shepard. She was everyone's friend, but she was your partner. Your lover. I wish I could comfort you and tell you it will be all right, but I know how empty that can sound."

Kaidan wanted to look away, wanted to avoid the topic and save it for a less stressful day, but when Tali took her mask of for you, you maintained eye contact.

"Thanks, Tali."

"If you ever want to talk, you know I will always listen."

He smiled weakly and nodded. She put her mask back on and injected a quick dose of antihistamine into a port in the arm of her suit.

People were filling the tables in the hall when Kaidan took his place at the head of the room, standing in front of Shepard's rescued fish tanks. He looked out over them with mixed emotions. Much of today's news would be bad and it was up to him to find a way to soften it.

He'd hoped there might be some chatter in the room and he'd have a chance to collect himself before starting, but people were silent and air was thick with anticipation.

"Well, people, I've got good and bad news in every department," he began, trying to make eye contact with everyone in the room. "Firstly, and we all knew this was likely to be the case, there will be no rescue. The war is over, but the relays are all gone. But however difficult things may seem here, we're not that badly off."

He told them everything Hackett had reported. The trapped fleets, the state of Earth, the desperation of the people who remained. That was probably going to be the easiest piece of news to deliver. It was something they had all pretty much accepted already. He steeled himself for the next blow.

"Secondly, Shepard didn't make it. The good news is that she saved us all. And not only did she save the galaxy, but apparently she posthumously built bridges between all the religions of earth. They collectively sainted her and have united under a common banner."

Catherine spoke up from the back of the room with wonder in her voice. "So, not only did Shepard cure the genophage, broker peace between the turians, salarians and krogan, and the geth and quarians, and save the rachni, again, but she's probably stopped the religious wars on Earth too? Wow. Just... wow."

Kaidan couldn't help but smile at this. With Shepard, all you'd had to do was add the word impossible or suicide before mission and she'd seen it done.

When the room quieted down again he continued.

"On a similar note, Admiral Hackett was able to provide me with a casualty report and a list of survivors for relatives of the crew. I can either go through it with you now, or I can post it to your personal datapads."

Morgan O'Niall, James Vega's girlfriend, spoke up from her seat next to her hulking partner. "I think we're all going to need each others support for this. I'd like to hear it now."

There were murmurs of agreement throughout the room. Kaidan had hoped to be able to just post the lists. Being the bearer of bad news was one thing, but this would be a whole other level.

Morgan clearly saw the discomfort on his face and immediately came to his rescue.

"Let me read it, Kaidan." She stepped up beside him and took the datapad from his hand. "It's been a trying day for you already without adding this to it as well."

Her smile was warm and caring.

"Thank you," he whispered, and retreated to a seat near the back.

Morgan took a moment to look over the list. Kaidan clearly saw the moment when she found her own parents names on the list of the dead. When she finally spoke her voice was strong and unwavering.

"As Kaidan said there's good news and bad news. And Cat is absolutely right; we are going to need each other support, because even the good news is going to be bitter sweet. You're a smart lot and I'm sure you've realized that even if your family made it, you're never going to see or talk to them again in all likelihood.

"I'll just start at the top and work my way down. First we've got the non-humans. Garrus, your dad and your sister made it. They escape Paladin and, oddly enough, ended up on the same salarian colony as Jeff's sister, Hillary."

Joker stood up and gave a loud whoop, pumping a fist in the air and grinning like a mad man. There was some equally manic laughter laced with fearful anticipation.

"Sorry, everyone. Probably should have save that for later." he sat back beside EDI, blushing.

Morgan continued.

"Tali, I'm sorry to say that your aunt, Shala'Raan, did not make it. Apparently, her ship was destroyed taking down a reaper. They think it was a kamikaze move."

Tali said nothing, just leaned into Garrus who wrapped an arm around her should and leaned his head down onto hers.

Morgan made her way down the list efficiently and with just the right amount of sympathy in her voice. She paused respectfully after each name, allowing a moment of silence before continuing.

Watching her Kaidan felt a pang of jealousy. Morgan and James found themselves a couple after only a few short weeks. Everyone had grown used to them by now, but they were a strange duo.

James was a bear of a man, muscle bound and towering. Morgan was petite to say the least. She stood a full foot shorter than his six foot two inches, and was lean and toned despite the fact that she wasn't actually a soldier. Her red hair she kept cut short in military fashion, buzzed up the back and only inches long on top. The shade of her eyes had barely been altered by the green synthetic filaments.

She was a pretty little thing and her looks belied fierce nature. Truth was, she reminded everyone a little bit of Shepard. But it wasn't that similarity that fueled Kaidan's envy. It was the simple fact that James Vega now had something that Kaidan had possessed and lost.

He ached for Shepard. Despite the fact that he had said his goodbyes in London before the final assault, even though he had known it was probably the last time he would see her, he still could not reconcile himself to the fact that she was gone.

He supposed it would probably be worse if she had lived. Knowing she was out there and he couldn't touch her, hear her voice, tell her his troubles. It was a horrible thought, but everyone could get away with being selfish in their own mind.

Before he knew it, Morgan was settling back into her seat and Kaidan was forced to get back up in front of everyone.

"Well, there's not much else to tell you, people," Kaidan rubbed his hands down his face and sighed. "Liara, you might be interested to know that some of the younger asari have decided to attempt sub-light travel to the Exodus System in hopes of finding Eden Prime intact. They are trying to convince some of the krogan to go too, since they're also so long lived."

"Thank you, Kaidan," Liara said in her soft, even voice, giving him a small smile. "The asari are good at long space flights. It's how we came to find the Citadel so long before the other species. I'm sure they'll make it there safely."

Kaidan wrapped up their gathering with a few words of sympathy and then slipped away. The sun had set and the world was bathed in the silvery light of the two huge moon suspended above the horizon. Behind the hall he climbed another path up to a ledge looking out over the settlement.

By some lucky fluke there was a large rock sitting near the edge of the sharp drop off. It was large and rectangular, with smooth and flat surfaces. It had quickly become a favoured spot for contemplation and solitude.

The night air was damp and slightly chilly, but Kaidan felt numbed to it. He sat down on the rock; its surface still warmed from the sun, and put his elbows on his knees and chin in his palms. Until today he'd actually felt like he was recovering, getting over thing and moving on. Establishing the connection to Earth had dredged up everything he'd put to rest, or at least he thought he had put to rest.

It was like the destruction of the first Normandy all over again. Those two years had been hell. He'd functioned on autopilot for almost a year before he'd finally come up for air. Even then, Kaidan had felt like he was seeing the rest of the galaxy through a haze. As if there was a veil of loss that isolated him from the people he'd once called friends.

But this time he knew Shepard was never coming back. And even if by some miracle she did, she would be trapped on Earth and he would be here.

The stars above were washed out and faint, through the brilliance of two moons. Even on the darkest of nights, nothing in the sky was even remotely familiar. It was nights like this that Kaidan longed to be at home in the Rockies, looking up at the stellar canvas of the north, the familiar shapes of Ursa Major, Cassiopeia, and the Pleiades.

His mind was busy trying to pick out patterns in the bright white speckles in the sky when Liara approached from the path.

"Do you mind if I join you, Kaidan?" Her voice was soft and seemed to add to the beauty of the night rather than take away from it.

"Not at all, Liara. I could use the company."

She sat down next to him. Close, but not too close.

"I'm still slightly surprised every time I look up at night and see those moons. Thessia was unique. It had no moons. When I was a child, the idea of a moon terrified me. I had nightmares about a moon falling into the planet."

"When I was a kid," Kaidan said. "I wanted to live on the moon."

Liara laughed softly, a musical sound.

"Aren't children wonderful. I can't wait until we have some here."

"Yeah, I guess it's going to happen sooner or later. My money's on James and Morgan." Kaidan tried to smile.

"I wouldn't count out Amelia and Pete. I live right next door to them. It's hard not to hear what they get up to every night."

"Don't worry." Kaidan patted her leg. "We'll have all the cabins built soon and then we'll all have walls."

"Things are coming along quite nicely, aren't they?" Liara stood and looked down over the camp. The metal roofs made from salvaged pieces of the Normandy's hull reflected the moonlight and glistened with droplets of falling dew. The few tents that remained were barely visible, their camouflage capabilities still active.

Yellow light spilled from the windows of the great hall and Liara could see people coming and going from the shower facility on the far side of the building. The days here were longer than people were accustomed to and the settlement bustled well into the night.

Liara turned back to Kaidan and brushed a lock of hair out of his eyes. He'd been letting it grow longer since their first winter. Liara wasn't particularly attracted to human males, but it wasn't hard to see what Shepard had.

"Kaidan, I've always wanted to apologize to you for what happened when I first met you and Shepard."

Kaidan straightened and raised an eyebrow at her.

"Apologize for what?"

"I tried to force her to make a choice, me or you, when I knew very well that she only had eyes for you." She blushed, here cheeks going a dark shade of purple, and sat down so she wouldn't have to lock eyes with him again. "Young asari who can't yet conceive often move from partner to partner. At that age it's more about bonding and friendship than anything sexual. With life spans as long as ours it's part of how we learn to make lasting connections."

"I've never heard of that," Kaidan said.

"It's a very primal reaction. Very much like how human males often fight over females. My point is that I tried to apply asari nature to two humans and it was... inappropriate. I knew so little about your kind at that time."

"I appreciate the thought, Liara, but if it hadn't been for that moment I may never have told Shepard how I felt."

Liara leaned her head down on his shoulder, nudging him a little while her elbow.

"Yes, you would have. You and Shepard were always meant to be. I'm so sorry you didn't have more time together."

"Yeah. Me too."

"But Kaidan, meant for each other or not, you can't let this be the end of you. If the asari have learned anything about love it's that you can find it more than once, and no two loves are ever the same. Don't ever stop looking."

Kaidan didn't know how to respond. Looking for love now seemed impossible and just the thought of being with someone else made guilt flare up in his chest.

Before he could think of something to say in reply, Liara stood again and rested a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't answer, Kaidan. Just remember."

And with that she turned and walked down the path. Kaidan watched her go and was glad that she had returned to the Normandy after the failed assault. The fighting had been intense on the ground, but they all felt the pull to go to Shepard's aid.

Kaidan had never been a spiritual man, but he sometimes wondered if there had been more to that feeling that loyalty. They were a team, close knit and strong, and wouldn't be doing as well as they were if even one of them had been missing now. Except Shepard was missing, but just like on Earth, she remained the glue that held them all together.

The chilly night air finally began to nip at the bare skin of Kaidan arms and he rubbed them briskly as he stood and took one last look out at the horizon before heading for his little cabin.

The camp was quiet when he made it back and closed his door on the outside world. He flicked on the lamp on his desk and looked around his small space. There was enough room for his desk, a small couch, a double bed, and a wall of storage. Most of the furniture had come from Shepard's cabin. The crew had insisted it become his considering he'd spent the majority of his nights there anyway.

Usually, these things were a comfort, but tonight they were nothing more than a painful reminder. He didn't want to get into bed, but as he pulled his datapad from his back pocket he remembered that he wasn't the only one who would be dealing with tough realities that night. Self-pity would get him nowhere.

He peeled off his grimy clothes and hung them on a hook on the back of the door. The reed blinds were already pulled shut and once he turned the lamp off the room fell into near complete darkness.

The blanket and sheets warmed immediately as the nanites woven into them reacted to his own body heat. Pleasantly warm and exhausted from a day of hard work, Kaidan called on his soldiers ability to sleep any time any place and was drifting off in minutes, despite the heavy emotions weighing him down.

His last thought as wakefulness faded was of Catherine bursting from the forest path. As sleep took him the scene changed and instead of running for the camp he was plucking bits of leaves from her tangled hair and wiping dirt from her cheek. Had he noticed before that she had very blue eyes?


	2. Chapter 2 Nuts

It was well over a week before things got back to normal around the settlement and people took up their vigorous work pace once again. It was a dreary, grey day and most people took advantage of the cool weather to get the heavy lifting done.

Stone was being quarried from a rock face nearby using a combination of Javik's particle gun and Liara's biotics, and hauled back using James' brute strength. Using the rail system they'd manufactured, he could move a dozen large stones without breaking a sweat.

Those not involved in the building process were working on other projects; weaving reed mats and curtains for the new homes, converting the solar panels from the ship to function on a smaller scale, repairing clothing and equipment. There was never a shortage of work to do.

Kaidan sat in the hall with EDI and Cortez planning a shuttle trip to the coast. Their stores were significantly depleted after the winter, and until their gardens started producing, things would be tight. The coast offered large amounts of food at any time of year, but their voyages there had to be carefully timed and planned. The fuel remaining on the Normandy would last them for years if they were careful and used it sparingly.

"I have analyzed the weather over the last few weeks and compared it to that of last year, Major," EDI said as she handed a datapad to Kaidan with the readings she's gathered.

"Thanks, EDI. And please, don't call me Major anymore. There's no rank here."

"As you wish, Kaidan," she replied with a slight nod of her head. "If you wish to make a journey to the coast my suggestion is that you do it within the next few days. After that, my analysis shows that easterly winds will rise making travel in that direction more costly. It will also bring heavy rains that will reduce visibility and our ability to gather in the shallows once we arrive."

Kaidan scrolled through the information, skimming over the data and considering their next move. While EDI was right about the timing, he wanted to delay the trip for another week or two if possible to allow them to scout for other food sources.

"How accurate are your predictions, EDI?" Kaidan asked.

"Given that we have not year been on this world a full year, it is difficult for me to make entirely accurate predictions," the AI explained. "However, having experienced a full summer and winter, I can say with 87% certainty that my predictions are correct."

Cortez reached for the datapad and Kaidan handed it to him. He took a quick look and asked, "And you really think these rains are going to be this sudden and violent."

"Yes," she replied with certainty. "Given the average temperature, the geography of the land, and the conditions of the previous two seasons, I believe that the weather will soon be quite inclement."

"Well, I guess that settles it then," Kaidan said resignedly. "We'll leave tomorrow morning at sunrise and hopefully whoever Catherine decides to send with us will be able to identify some fruit trees in the area even though they aren't in full leaf yet. Steve, I'd like to bring at least three other people. If we want to fill the cargo space, is that too much for the shuttle to handle?"

Cortez thought for a moment and then shook his head. "Should be fine. I might have to fly a little higher to avoid having to maneuver too much, but I wouldn't worry about it."

"Kaidan, I have not yet had the opportunity to visit the coast," EDI stated, in her typically factual tone. "I would like to accompany you on this trip."

"I'm sorry, EDI," Kaidan said and reached out to put his hand on hers. She appreciated any gestures that acknowledged her humanity. "I know you really want to go, but I need you and Tali to keep working on the refrigeration units. If they aren't functioning at 100% when we get back, the supplies we bring won't last long."

EDI nodded. "I understand. But if I may, I would like to reserve a place on the next mission."

Kaidan and Steve glanced at each other and shared half repressed smiles. EDI still spoke with such formality sometimes.

"EDI, I give you my word that next time Steve flies to the coast, you can go too." Kaidan winked at her, and he could have sworn he saw colour on her cheeks.

"Thank you, Kaidan. If you don't need anything else from me now I will join Tali and continue our work on the refrigeration."

EDI stood and left the table. Kaidan couldn't help but watch her move. She was graceful and lithe, and her body, though synthetic, would stir any man's desires. When she entered the lab, Kaidan looked back at Cortez who didn't try to hide his smirk.

"Hey, she's hot," Kaidan shrugged. "Besides, I think Joker likes it when we look. Makes him feel proud."

"Oh, I get it, Alenko," Cortex laughed. "I may prefer to look at you, but I can appreciate her beauty."

"Save the flirting for Avery," Kaidan pointed a finger at him good naturedly. "He's much more likely to fall for your charms."

"All right. Business it is then. So, who are we taking with us?"

"Other than whoever Catherine send to scout the trees, I was thinking Gabby and Ivan. Gabby's gotten pretty good with that scanner the doctor designed and we'll need to be able to get readings on any new species we find. Ivan will work his but off and we'll need to get this done quick if EDI's right about the weather."

"If there's nothing else I'll go let them know and start getting our gear together."

"Sure thing," Kaidan handed him another datapad with a list of supplies they'd need. "You go take care of that and I'll go talk to Catherine."

Out of habit, Cortez gave Kaidan a salute, and left the building. Kaidan spend a moment sitting at his table in the hall watching the fifteen or so people who were working there today. Several were gathered in the kitchen area across the room from the fish tanks. Preparing a meal for over forty people was a big job and they had to start early. Several more were gather at one table working on the reed curtains for the new homes. These were ingenious people, they really were.

Kaidan tried to get to know all of them, but he was so busy there was little time to socialize. He tried to have a least one meaningful conversation a day and slowly but surely he was learning about these few people he would be spending the rest of his life with.

The hall was the only building where they had bothered to install automatic doors from the ship. They'd pulled the whole works from the hall leading to the cockpit. It was a little piece of the familiar in a new place. Kaidan hated it. Every time they opened he half expected to find a corridor of the Normandy.

He exited the hall and stepped into a grey misty sort of rain. The kind that hung in the air but didn't seem to get a person too wet. It was a pleasant change from the early heat wave they'd had the week before, and it had in no way slackened the work efforts of the people outside.

The small stone houses had been going up in rows leading away from the front of the hall. Twenty had been built so far, two rows of ten facing each other. The frames of three more were going up just behind the first row. The twenty or so tents still in use were scattered behind those. The tents were small with barely enough room inside for beds. They were part of the emergency supplies in the ships escape pods and were warm and dry and durable, but not intended for long periods of use. They'd held a lottery to select who would be the first to move into the houses as they were completed. As their only medical doctor, Karen Chakwas had been exempt from this process. For the health of the whole crew they had to ensure her safety and wellbeing.

According to the lottery Kaidan should have been among the last ten to move into a house, but the crew had insisted that he take the second house to be completed. He's tried to protest, but they brooked no argument. Garrus had taken him aside and told him he was a fool not to accept. That these people were willing and happy to make this gesture was a sign of the quality of the leadership he was providing. He was now grateful that he had accepted.

Expecting to find Catherine busy helping with the construction, Kaidan made his way to end of the rail line leading from the quarry. James had just arrived with the next load of stones and was helping Kenneth Donnelly unload them.

Each cut stone was a meter long, fifteen centimeters on all sides, and weighed nearly fifty kilograms. Any larger than that and they were too much for many of the crew to lift repeatedly. James however had little trouble and his ability always pushed those working with him to greater feats of strength. At first, Kaidan had worried that someone would get hurt, but James' leadership skills had truly blossomed here and he kept a watchful eye on those around him.

Kaidan approached the sled and grasped a stoned by each end and hauled it to his chest.

"Hey guys," he said with a grunt of effort. "Either of you seen Catherine today?"

"Catnip?" asked James. "Yeah, she and some of her guys are working at the cold frame."

"I still don't get why you call her Catnip, Jimmy." Kenneth's Scottish accent was becoming less pronounced, but it was still distinct.

"Same reason I call you Ginger, Ginger."

"That makes no sense. You call me Ginger because I've got orange hair. Does Catherine have hair made of Catnip?"

James showed off by lifting a stone one handed onto his shoulder before he replied. "No, I call you that because it suits you. Catnip suits her. Don't you agree, Kaidan."

Kaidan lifted another stone, this time on to his shoulder, joining in the testosterone display just for the hell of it.

"Why don't I have a nickname yet?"

"Haven't had one jump out at me. I'll let you know when one does."

They each put their stones down at the same time and gave each other knowing little grins.

"Right, James. I've gotta find Catherine. Don't hurt your self."

James slapped him on the back as Kaidan turned to leave.

"Haven't even broken a sweat!"

Kaidan made his way across the open area of the settlement to the path down to the plateau. The cold frame was in the garden area, tucked in a sheltered corner where it would get the most sunlight every day and not be covered by too much snow in the winter. Catherine and James had built it in the summer and started saplings of local fruit and nuts trees inside.

The majority of the tiny trees had survived the cold, but they were still quite small. Kaidan wondered what Catherine was up to since he thought the trees were still too fragile to transplant. They were only about thirty centimeters tall so far. Eventually, once they had cleared a little more space, they planned to start an orchard.

Kaidan had to stop his musings and focus on the path. The drizzle had made it slick and slippery. He was getting wetter faster beneath the canopy than he had out in the open as the rain coalesced and dripped from the branches above.

By the time he made it to the gardens he was wishing he's stopped to grab his wet weather gear and glad he'd worn a sweater, gladder still that he had bought some on the Citadel before joining the Normandy. Shaking some of the water out of his hair he walked to the group of five or six people gathered around the knee high cold frame.

He parted the crowd to find Catherine kneeling inside, her hands covered in dirt and curly hair clipped back from her face. She appeared to be pulling up one her saplings and explaining something to her team.

"You sort of have make the bottom look like the top. The feeder roots shouldn't come out further than the longest branch. If we keep the roots trimmed back to the drip line of the canopy we'll use less water keeping them alive through the summer."

"From what EDI says there's going to no shortage of water in the near future."

Catherine looked up when Kaidan spoke and gave him a grin.

"Perfect time for the job," she explained cheerfully. "Less stress on the trees. Especially since they are already in leaf. It's too bad we don't have more glass. The sun here is hot enough that we could keep crops producing all year round."

She gently and efficiently placed the tree back in the ground and packed the soil down around it. Pushing up off her knees she swung a leg over the low side wall and brushed the dirt off her pant legs.

"I'd like to get them all done today so we don't let too much heat escape the soil inside. Work quickly, but don't rush. They're still delicate." She turned away from her team and followed when Kaidan gestured with his head that he wanted to talk private.

"What's up?" she asked.

"We're flying to the coast tomorrow and I was hoping you'd be able to send someone with us," he told her. "I'd like to take a few detours and ID the locations of more fruit groves. I have to keep EDI here so I need someone who can spot the trees from the air."

Catherine glanced back at her team. "I guess I'm coming with you then. I don't think any of them could do it yet."

"I was going to ask, but I didn't think you could spare the time."

Catherine shrugged. "If this rain really is going to start soon then there isn't much we can do. I don't want to start planting only to have our seeds get swamped. And I don't need to oversee the expansion of the gardens. Everyone here knows how to colour inside the lines."

"Great," Kaidan said with a smile. "We leave bright and early tomorrow. Gabby and Ivan are coming too so pack light. It's going to be a full load."

"Since you're here..." She started back towards the cold frame, but to the other side where the roof was not propped open. "I want to show you something."

"What is it?" Kaidan knelt down beside her in the mud, glad he'd chosen to wear his heavy duty pants.

"Look there." She lifted the lid open enough for them to lean inside and pointed at a few green shoots breaking through the dark, loamy soil.

"What am I looking at?"

"I planted apple seeds last year," Catherine said with wonder in her voice. "There was still some fresh fruit on board. Must have come from one of the colonies because they aren't GM. If they were, they wouldn't have grown. They seem to have all come up. If they survive, we could be eating apples in a few years."

Kaidan shook his head in amazement. He was almost speechless.

"Catherine, I... That's just so awesome. I love apples."

Catherine reached down and brushed one of the tiny, bright green leaves with the tip of her finger.

"I know. I remember you saying one day how much you miss them."

Kaidan looked at her. In profile she reminded him of someone. The curve of her cheek and her slightly upturned nose.

"You have a good memory, Catherine. I hope they make it."

Catherine stood and took a few steps back.

"So, I'll finish up here and then get my gear." She looked past him now, not making eye contact. "Are we meeting at the shuttle or the hall?"

Kaidan stood as well, wondering if he had made her uncomfortable somehow to cause her to back away like that.

"We'll meet at the shuttle at dawn. And bring what you need for overnight. We'll be stay at least one night."

Catherine nodded and met his eyes briefly. "I'll be there."

She turned back to her team and Kaidan walked back around the edge of the garden. As he did, he tried to think what he had done to make Catherine react that way. It wasn't the first time it had happened. As the head of their agricultural efforts, Catherine met often with Kaidan and they were always friendly, conversing with an easy companionship, but every now and then, like today, Catherine reacted to his presence as though he had said or done something that suddenly turned her awkward and uncomfortable.

Kaidan didn't like to be at odds with anyone, and the more this happened, the more he wanted to confront her about it. He'd already had it out with one of men from the CIC.

There had been a few people who'd reacted badly to the results of the housing lottery, but only one man had vocalized the frustration. Because Liara and Joker had ended up very near the top of the list, the man had accused Kaidan of playing favourites.

Kaidan had set the man straight without hesitation. It had nearly come to blows, but the man backed down before he'd let his stress get the better of him. A woman had offered to trade positions with his and that had been one of the defining moments for the settlement. The precedent for kindness, compromise and selflessness was set early on.

There had been very few disputes and most things had been easily settled, though it seemed like a week didn't go by where blows weren't exchanged. But there had been nothing worth holding a grudge over and Kaidan chocked it all up to the emotional stress people were under and knew it would go away given time.

Kaidan spent the remainder of the day working on the housing. The construction work was only delayed by how quickly they could cut stone, which unfortunately was not quickly enough for anyone's liking. The tents were serviceable, but not spacious. Some of the taller crew members had trouble standing up straight in them, and Garrus, who was just over six and half feet tall, barely had enough room to lie flat.

They finally had to quit when the rain got too heavy, but by that time it was nearing sundown anyway and everyone was ready for food. The stores were low, but at least they had meat that night. There were some skilled marksmen on the crew and the wildlife was similar to that of Earth so far. Several species of bird they'd encountered so far were easily brought down and tasty to boot. And the synthetics seemed to disintegrate upon death, leaving the carcass entirely edible. Kaidan went to bed with a full stomach and a full mind, going over every detail of the next day's trip.

He didn't sleep for long. He rarely did these days. Only five or six hours at a time, the bare minimum of what his body required to function well. The days here were nearly thirty hours long and that made for long nights no matter what time of year it was.

It was still several hours before dawn when Kaidan awoke. He lay in bed staring at the ceiling. The cabins small window was directly above the head of the bed and the light of the smaller moon shone in through the cracks in the reeds, leaving silver streaks across Kaidan's torso and thighs.

With his hands tucked behind his head, Kaidan stared into the darkness above and let his mind wander. How many nights had he spent lying just like this with Shepard at his side? An arm draped across his chest, one leg thrown over his, her hair tickling his chin.

It had been the only time she'd really slept, after an hour or so of passionate lovemaking. They'd put this bed to good use, but they hadn't done a lot of talking. Not as much as he would have liked. So many of their conversations had been about the mission, and while it had been good for both of then to be able to talk about what they were going through, Kaidan felt like they had never had the change to be intimate rather than close.

Kaidan closed his eyes and imagined the view above the bed on the Normandy. The huge skylight that filled the ceiling. The deep and endless abyss of space stretching out around them. Streamers of gas and debris igniting against the ships kinetic barriers in brilliant pinks, purples and blues. The thought always brought to mind of the first nights he'd spent in that cabin.

He and Shepard had speculated about other galaxies in the universe, wondered if they faced their own versions of the Reapers. With hundreds of billions of galaxies out there it was a hard concept to wrap the mind around. Normally, trying to imagine the infinite scope of the galaxy made Kaidan feel small and insignificant, but that night… That night it had given them hope. Someone somewhere was safe from the Reapers. Had never even heard of them, and probably never would.

That night was the last time he had slept longer than six hours. Somehow, they'd managed to go a full eight hours without a an urgent message or anything critical that called for Shepard's immediate attention, and they had slept through the entire night cycle. They even had time for some quick sex before Shepard's sense of obligation reasserted itself and they went back to their duties. As if anyone begrudged her a good night's sleep and some of the R and R she was always insisting her crew take.

Unable to lie in bed any longer thinking about the past, Kaidan threw back the blankets and sat up. The cool air sent goose bumps in a wave across his naked body. Though the houses each had high efficiency solar panels providing the power for the radiant heat in the floors, they hadn't been able to adjust the power output for the nearly fifteen hour nights. Winter mornings had been tough.

Kaidan strapped his omnitool to his wrist and checked the time. There was still nearly three hours to sun up and he wracked his mind for something to fill the time with. He didn't want to disturb anyone's sleep so construction was out of the question. He'd already made it a standard rule that no one was to leave the camp alone during the night. At least not until they'd established what the main predators here were and how to deal with them.

Finally, he sat down at his desk and turned his computer console on. Though EDI kept the official and unbiased log for the settlement, Kaidan kept his own personal journal.

The holographic keypad sprang to life in front of him and he brought up a new file, but inspiration failed him and he had no idea how to start, even though all the information was all right there.

It was just too silent in his little house. He'd grown so used to the noises of ship life, the constant hum of the engines, the click and hiss of the air exchangers, the constant movement of other people. The quiet of the nights now seemed oppressive.

Hoping music would do the trick, he navigated through his audio files and turned on some of his favourite. The music was well over a hundred years old, but had lost none of its beauty or poignancy. From the age of long hair, marijuana and sexual freedom came the unique voice of Canada's most well remembered musicians; Neil Young.

He opened Decade, his favourite album, and let the dulcet, almost mournful harmonica carry him back to Earth. Back to his uncle's place in the interior of British Columbia.

Kaidan had spent a lot of time there as a young teen before he'd been shipped off to BAaT. In and out of trouble at home in Vancouver, his parents had encouraged the frequent trips. The old log home had sat on a hill looking out over acres of apple trees, and Kaidan's had spent many summer evenings on the rustic back porch with his feet up on the railing sipping cool lagers and listening to Canadian classics with his uncle.

Now Kaidan leaned back in his chair and let this music bring him back to that place. Long ago, back on Earth, a girl he'd met in that valley had told him that the song Heart of Gold had been written just for him. The first girl he'd ever kissed. She snuck up to the house the evening after they'd met at the lake and they'd spent the night on the roof of his uncle's cabin, looking up at the blanket of stars through the softly soughing branches of pine trees. She'd sung along to Harvest Moon and when it ended he kissed her. A sloppy, virginal first kiss, but one he'd never forgotten.

Kaidan had left the next day to return to Vancouver for the start of the school year, and only days after that had been taken out to the Conatix Industries run Gagarin Station for Biotic Acclimation and Temperance Training. He'd never seen the girl again and now he struggled to remember her name. That kiss had kept him going through the first few months of Brain Camp. Tough, painful months where their turian instructor, Commander Vymnus, had bullied and beaten Kaidan and his fellow trainees.

Years later, after BAaT had been shut down and before Kaidan had joined the Alliance, he'd gone back to that cabin in the woods with his dad. The place had been different, but no less relaxing. Working hard in his uncle's orchards, Kaidan had come to terms with everything that had happened to him as a new member of the galactic community. It had taken a lot of soul searching to banish the hatred he felt for turians.

Just before enlisting with the Alliance he'd used the reparations Conatix had paid out to students of BAaT to purchase land on the Sunshine Coast. On a hill over looking Ruby Lake on the Sechelt Peninsula north of Vancouver he'd found the piece of heaven he'd dreamed of retiring to. Every spare credit he'd earned had gone into a savings fund to be used to build a house there, surrounded by old growth forest, bald eagles and black bears.

Kaidan had never talked much about his life back on Earth, or the hopes he'd had for his future there. Somehow he'd always known he was likely never going to retire to that piece of land so losing the possibility had never hurt him as much as it should have. All of it now just felt like good memories of the past to be reminisced about in times of trouble.

When Kaidan opened his eyes again, the sky outside was beginning to lighten. Here, the morning twilight lasted nearly an hour as the sky changed gradually from black to grey to shimmering yellow and orange. Very few people would be up so early and Kaidan shut his computer down and gathered his gear, hoping to make it to the hall for breakfast before the other early birds.

He met Cortez along the way and they ate a quick meal of dried fruits and indulged in a small cup of coffee from the Normandy's seemingly endless supply before heading to the shuttle. A landing area had been cleared to the west of the camp, near the quarry, where the ground was most rock. They'd used the remains of the second shuttle to build a shelter for the surviving one. It was bulky and awkward and took Kaidan and Cortez a little over forty minutes to remove the necessary parts to access the transport underneath.

Ivan appeared not long after, and just as the sun was breaking over the horizon, Gabby and Catherine emerged from out of the woods with the packs over their shoulders and chatting amiably. Kaidan and Cortez sat in the cockpit while Ivan pulled up his hood, crossed his arms, stretched out his legs and went back to sleep.

Catherine and Gabby sat across from each other and continued to gossip about the camps activities while Cortez started the shuttle up for their journey of several hours. At top speed, the shuttle could make the entire trip in a little under an hour, but that burned a huge amount of fuel, so he took them just above the trees tops at slightly under half speed.

The trip there would be made even longer by the circles they planned to make to allowed Catherine to look for food sources. They'd already scouted much of the nearby terrain so the search wouldn't begin in earnest until they were further east along the valley.

"So Gabby," Catherine said with a sly grin. "Rumor has it that a Scotsman has been seen leaving your tent in early hours of the morning."

Cortez and Kaidan exchanged a look as Gabby laughed and made little effort to deny the fact.

"We spend most of our time together already. It only seemed natural," Gabby explained. "Besides, the guy's always had a little bit of a crush on me."

"Well, I'm happy for you," Catherine replied. "Ken's a good man. He's got a house though. Why stick to the tent?"

Kaidan could almost hear Gabby's blush and he turned in his seat to look at her against the back wall.

"You don't have to answer that," he laughed. "Mind your own business, Cat."

"Oh, now I have to know!" Catherine exclaimed.

Gabby wasn't typically a coy woman, but Kaidan had had some late nights sitting up drinking with Kenneth and had heard more than he wanted too about the man's interests.

"I'll tell you, but you can't let on to him that you know." She leaned conspiratorially across to Catherine and whispered. "He is totally caught up in the idea of having sex outside, but I'm playing with him a little bit. The closest I will let him get is sex with the flap open."

Catherine and Cortez laughed loudly, and Ivan chuckled under his hood, obviously not asleep.

"Gabby, you tease." Catherine said with a giggle. "Be honest; have you ever done the deed out in the wilderness?"

"Oh, lots," Gabby said without a hint of shame in her voice. "But don't tell him that. This game is fun."

Kaidan leaned over to Cortez and muttered, "So, do you tell him, or do I?"

"I'm staying out of this one, Kaidan. Gabby scares me."

"I can hear you!" Gabby said from the back, and they all laughed.

They were a fair distance from the settlement now and Cortez changed course, moving further down the mountainside and Catherine took this as her cue. Still chatting with Gabby she stood and lifted the seat of the bench and pulled out a harness. She stepped into the straps and pulled it up over her shoulders, clipping it securely around her chest.

As Cortez raised the shuttle a little higher over the tree tops, Catherine popped the side hatch open and slide it back. The cool morning air rushed inside along with the tangy, almost citrusy smell of the forest. With the safety line clipped securely to the handhold above the door, Catherine leaned out and let the harness take her weight. Kaidan felt a surge of worry as she let out a whoop of joy. He could hardly blame her for the lack of restraint. They were all used to flying, and the adrenaline rush it brought on. Some missed it more than others.

After a few minutes he called her back to her task.

"All right, back to business, Catherine. What do you see out there?"

She pulled herself back inside and shaded her eyes with her hand, scanning for familiar trees in the myriad of plants below.

"Nothing yet. Lots of single trees, but no substantial clusters of any kind. Steve, fly a little further down the valley side. There is some flatter land down there. We'll be more likely to find something."

Steve banked the shuttle to the left knowing Catherine would like the challenge, and she kept her footing like a champ, still not holding on to anything. A flock of brilliant blue birds, startled by the engines, took to wing and scattered in all directions. Kaidan followed them with his eyes and that's when he spotted it.

"Catherine, what's that over there. To the south east of us about two clicks ahead."

She leaned out the door again and peered into the distance.

"Looks like our first stop. Remember those amazing nuts I found last fall? Bluey green and tasted kinda like peanuts? Looks like we've just found the mother load."

As they drew closer, Kaidan could see the spindly, tan coloured trees towering over the rest. They were still leafy and green and Kaidan asked Catherine about this.

"They're broadleaf evergreens. Haven't seen any of the needled variety yet. Might be all we get."

"Like an arbutus, right?" Kaidan asked.

"Exactly. Steve, looks like their might be room to set down there. Can we?"

Cortez eyed the space amid the trees critically then nodded. "Should be all right. Why are we landing though?"

Catherine slide the door shut and started climbing out of the harness.

"The shells on those nuts were really tough. There might still be some on the ground that we can gather up. We could use them in our diets. Lots of protein, antioxidants and fatty acids."

Cortez landed the shuttle in a clearing with little room to spare. They exited the shuttle together, Ivan rubbing his eyes, still trying to shake off sleep.

"Late night, buddy?" Gabby elbowed him in the ribs. "Allers been keeping you up?"

Ivan stretched and yawned. The synthetics barely showed beneath his dark skin, but it was easy to see on pink of his tongue.

"That woman can go like there's no tomorrow," he shared.

"I guess sex is the topic of the day," Kaidan mumbled.

"Don't worry. You're not the only one not getting any," said Catherine as she walked to the nearest tree. She knelt down and picked something up from the grassy floor of the woods, turning it over in her hand. "Looks like we're in luck. There seems to be a lot of good fruit still on the ground."

Kaidan slid the shuttle door shut and lifted the cargo hatch open. The hydraulics protested slightly, but it opened easily enough. He withdrew five over the shoulder pouches someone had sewn together for just this purpose and handed them out.

"Let's gather as much as we can, but don't go too far from the shuttle. An hour should be enough."

He swung the pack over his head and settled it on his hip, flap open, and headed towards another tree. Sure enough, there were nuts everywhere. Before he knew it, his pouch was almost full and he finally stood up straight and stretched out his back and neck.

He'd wandered a lot further from the shuttle than he'd meant to, but he could still see the others a hundred or so meters away. It was unusually quiet here. He'd grown accustomed to almost constant bird song, but the trees here were silent. Looking up the long, skinny trunks and into the sparse foliage above, he could see patches of blue sky. There were also shapes moving amid the branches above.

A closer look revealed a strange monkey like creature that blended in almost perfectly with the surroundings. he squinted at them, trying to get a better look and that's when he heard the screams.

A turned and ran through the maze of trunks and stopped short when he found several of the creatures on the ground between him and the woman. Upon a much closer look that Kaidan would rather have avoided, he could see that the similarity to a monkey stopped at their shape. They were about a meter tall. Their skin was mottled green and leathery. Their limbs appeared to be double joined and incredibly long compared to their bodies. They had tails with a long line of spikes atop, not unlike a crocodile, while their heads were topped with dangerous looking horns that Kaidan doubted were just for display.

As he skidded to a stop, they turned and bared their teeth, small canines dripping with venomous looking saliva. Out of the corner of his eye he could see the shuttle off to his left. Ivan was already there and Kaidan hoped he we as good a shot with a rifle as he claimed to be, just in case this turned ugly.

He had no idea where Steve was and hoped he was okay. About twenty meters away Gabby was on the ground and Catherine stood over her wielding a huge stick. She turned in circles trying to keep an eye on the creatures moving in from all sides.

Kaidan gave a sharp whistle and she flicked her head in his direction, relief flooding her face.

"Are you okay?" He said in a low voice, keeping his eyes on the four animals in from of him.

"I'm fine, but one of them threw a rock at Gabby. It hit her in the head. She's awake, but dizzy, so I told her to stay down."

Kaidan could hear the fear in her voice though it was steady and even.

"Okay. Cat, get Gabby on her feet and start moving towards the shuttle. Slowly, and keep your eyes on them," he instructed. If they were lucky, the creatures just wanted them gone.

"Where's Steve?" Kaidan asked, glancing at the shuttle.

"He was heading back with Ivan. He should be there already." Gabby was standing now, leaning heavily on Catherine.

Another look at the shuttle fifty meters away found Cortez and Ivan standing at the open hatch with rifles raised to their shoulders at the ready.

"Let's start moving, Cat. Just a few steps at a time." Kaidan moved sideways slowly, not taking his eyes off the women, watching the weird lizard monkeys with his peripheries. There were more of them now, but only a few between them and the safety of the shuttle. Kaidan tried to angle his path to meet up with the women and the creatures followed, still keeping their distance, but hissing and snapping their jaws the whole time. Their beady little eyes watched Kaidan's every move.

They were within ten meters of the shuttle when a particularly large monkey, very obviously a male, moved ahead of the pack towards the women. Catherine raised her stick and yelled at it, trying to be the bigger, scarier thing in the woods. The animals paused, but then raised itself up on its legs and howled right back at Catherine.

In the blink of an eye it and at least a dozen others were charging. Without thinking Kaidan threw his hands out in front of himself and let lose a biotic shockwave that could crush bones. Creatures went flying back into the rest of the pack, which scattered into the trees, chittering and hissing their rage.

"Run," Kaidan yelled at the women, and all three of them took off for the shuttle.

There were several sharp pops and a metallic smell filled the air. Ivan and Cortex were looking down the rifle scopes, taking careful aim and picking off the ones that got too close.

Kaidan barreled past them, close on the heels of the women, and leapt into the shuttle. The other two men backed in slowly, not firing another shot as the creatures seemed to be keeping their distance now.

Ivan hauled the door shut and they all sighed with relief. Though Kaidan could already feel a headache coming on, he turned his attention to Gabby right away. There was a nasty bump on her forehead, but no blood.

"Let's have a look at that." He crouched down in front of her where she sat on the back bench. She sucked sir through her teeth as he gingerly touched the lump. It was bruising already.

"Doesn't look too bad," he said with relief. "How're you feeling?"

"I'm okay. Little freaked out, but okay. What were those things?"

"Something new," Catherine replied from the opposite bench. "Clearly they would prefer we keep our hand off their nuts."

Gabby giggled and Ivan smirked.

"Get your minds out of the gutter," Kaidan said with a wry smile as he took off his pouch and set it on the floor. Despite the encounter it looked as though they'd made off with a good haul.

"I'm still fit for duty," Gabby stated with a definitive nod. "Don't even think of taking me back.

"Wouldn't dream of it."

The shuttle lurched and they were airborne again. Kaidan settled back in his seat and they were on their way.


	3. Chapter 3 Rain

By the time they reached the coast just a few hours later, Kaidan's headache had developed into a full blown migraine. He'd barely used his biotics in months, and that shockwave had really done a number on his antiquated L2 implant.

He was used to working through the pain, but this time it was almost too much. The headaches had been almost constant before and he'd learned how to ignore the pain. It had been so long since he'd had one he'd forgotten how awful they really were.

Catherine was the first to notice the change in his behaviour. When they stepped out onto the sandy beach, he immediately shaded his eyes. He was terse and grumpy as they unloaded the storage bins and buckets. When the others had moved closer to the water, Catherine hung back and sat down in the open door of the shuttle.

"Sit down, Kaidan." She patted the metal floor beside her. "Take a load off."

Kaidan, usually reluctant to stop working, sat down heavily beside her and put his head between his knees.

"Everything okay?" she asked, with concern in her voice.

"I get headaches sometimes," he told her through a stiff jaw. "This is a bad one."

She pulled herself backwards on her behind into the shuttle and got on her knees behind him.

"My best friend back on Earth had an L2. He always had headaches. Right up until he died of a massive brain hemorrhage."

Kaidan turned to look back at her with a disgruntled look. "That's not helping."

She laughed. "He was one of the first to get the implant and mistakes were made. He was never even able to use his biotics. I can only imagine how an effort like that shockwave has made you feel. Anyway, my point was that I used to give him massages and he said they helped. I could do the same for you."

When he didn't reply right away, she sat back on her heels and said, "I'm sorry. This is presumptuous."

She made to stand up, but Kaidan reached a hand back and touched her leg. Something in her voice had triggered a distant memory and he'd been trying to see it through the pain.

"No. I appreciate the offer. Give it a go. It can't hurt, that's for sure."

Catherine settled back down and tentatively put her hands on Kaidan's strong shoulders. She was gentle at first, moving the heels of her hands in slow circles into the tense muscles. Kaidan had to admit, it felt good. He sat up a little straighter and let his arms fall to his sides, palms resting on the cool metal floor.

She let her hands drop lower as she rolled her thumbs on either side of his spine. Kaidan could feel the tension coming out and he grunted a little as she hit a particularly tight knot. She pulled back a bit.

"Keep going," he said under his breath. "Feels great."

Assenting, she went to work on the knots and Kaidan relaxed into the sensation. Soon her hands were back up at his shoulders and she was dragging her thumbs down the back of his neck while her fingers gently massaged over the arteries below his jaw. He tilted his head back as she moved her hands to his head, running her fingers into his hair to rub his temples.

Kaidan felt as if a great weight had lifted from him, and the headache was a shadow of what it had been. The piercing pain had been reduced to a dull throb he could easily ignore.

Catherine pulled her hands from his now tangled hair and gave him a pat on the back before settling down beside him once more.

"Feel better?" she asked.

"Much," Kaidan replied as he rolled his shoulders and tried to smooth his hair back down. "Where did you learn how to do that?"

"When my friend, Tommy, started getting the headaches _I_ started reading up on pressure points and acupuncture. Eventually I took a course in massage therapy. It was horrible watching him suffer. Something simple as turning his head too quickly could bring on a crippling migraine."

"Why did he never have the implant removed?"

"He did. We both did. But the damaged was already done."

Kaidan stared at her, bewildered. "You're a biotic?"

"Yup, Tommy and I were both exposed to eezo at the same time as kids." Her eyes went a bit vacant as she spoke.

"So, you two knew each other a long time."

"All our lives," she smiled. "Not a day goes by that I don't miss him, but now he's one of those memories that just feels good. You know?"

"Yeah, I get it. I've got a few like that." Kaidan thought again about the girl in BC. "So you never got another implant?"

"Nope. Never wanted to be a soldier. Not much else you can do as a biotic. What about you? Why have you never upgraded to something safer? I hear the L5x is brilliant, and you must have had access to the best surgeons."

Kaidan sighed, and his hand instinctively went to the small lump at the base of his skull where the L2 sat beneath the skin. The amp port had almost completely healed over now.

"It's a pretty dangerous operation, for starters. But mostly, I just... Well, I felt pretty used and abused by Conatix. I guess I felt like getting an upgrade was condoning what they did."

"So, you thought a bit of masochism would set them straight?"

"What can I say? I can be a stubborn guy."

There was a silence between them then, and Kaidan wanted to say more. Wanted to ask her about her past, about her occasional strange reactions to him, but felt suddenly awkward and tongue tied.

"We should got some work done," Catherine said after a time as she stood and grabbed one of the buckets set out on the ground beside the shuttle. "Food won't gather itself."

As she walked away towards the water, Kaidan had his first chance to look around at their surroundings. He'd been here before, but it looked much different in its spring mantle.

They'd landed in a sheltered cove, where rocky shelves jutted out into the slate grey water. There were patches of fine sand here and there, the silvery grains reflecting the sunlight into little rainbow fractals.

The forest reached right down to the water in places, the trees graying and falling into the desiccating salt water. Further out in the water, jagged pinnacles of rock, similar to the ones inland near the crash site, rose up out of the waves, covered in the naked silhouettes of trees and shrubs.

Though the sun was warm, the water still looked icy cold, and Kaidan was glad the massive tide was out so they could scour the rocks for crustaceans and mollusks, rather than wading in the tidal pool as they had done on their last trip just before winter. Even then the water had been chilly and the experience unpleasant.

The sun was still high in sky, but it was beginning its decent to the horizon and Kaidan hoped to be able to fill the cargo compartments before dark so they could be on their way first thing in the morning. Grabbing his bucket, he joined Cortez on the rocks.

Steve looked up as he approached.

"What earned you a massage, my friend?"

"Implant's acting up," Kaidan said as he crouched at the waters edge to get some water in his bucket. "That woman's got magic hands."

"Yeah, seemed like you were enjoying yourself."

"I'm sure she'd do the same for anyone," Kaidan reasoned. "Nothing special about me."

"Oh, I don't know. You _are_ the best looking guy here. I doubt she found it a chore," Cortez chuckled.

"Back to work, Lieutenant," Kaidan said, pointing to the buckets at their feet, and they got busy collecting.

After the incident earlier in the day with the croco-monkeys, the five of them stuck close together, and Kaidan kept a watchful eye on Gabby, though she seemed to be doing just fine.

Several hours later they had filled the crates to the brim with edible seas creatures. With the tool Dr. Chakwas had devised for scanning potential food sources, Gabby had identified several new shelled animals and even a few fish, though those had been tougher to get their hands on.

While not straying too far, Kaidan and Ivan had collected a mound of seasoned driftwood from above the high water mark and built a towering fire not far from the shuttle while Catherine and Gabby set up their tents. Cortez spent several hours readjusting the loads, ensuring the ship would fly on an even keel when they took off the following day.

A soft breeze blew in off the water, smelling of rain and brine, but the night was warm and the fire barely needed. The giant moons hung like solemn sentinels on the eastern horizon, their faces fully revealed in all their pockmarked glory, so much like Luna they made everyone ache for home whenever they waxed. Tonight they made Kaidan marvel again at EDI's estimate of the size of the planet. Given the size of the moons, he'd already guessed it must be enormous.

EDI's computing had revealed it to be nearly ten times the size of Earth and no one could fathom how a garden world of such a size could have gone unnoticed in a galaxy hungry for expansion. Their only current theory was that they must be very near the Outer Rim, perhaps even beyond the Perseus Veil, where few organic explorers had ever ventured.

The Veil was typically visible from a great distance, and they should have been able to see it in the night sky, but according to EDI the light of the two moons could easily eclipse any from the nebula.

Glutted on the rich pickings from the shores, the five of them sat around fire, staring into the flame, each lost in their own thoughts. Ivan was propped up against a rock ledge, dozing once again. They were all exhausted, and Kaidan had encouraged Gabby at least to call it an early night, but they were all reluctant to leave the fire side.

Humans were the only species in the galaxy to go camping. Perhaps it was due to their rather recent evolution, compared to other species, that they managed to hold onto their primal need to commune with nature, build fires, and cook meat spitted on a stick over an open flame.

Their conversation was quiet and desultory, everyone feeling content to just relax and watch the fire die down. Ivan was the first to crawl into his tent, and before long his light snoring could be heard from behind the flap. Gabby and Catherine were the next to give in and said their goodnights with impressive stretches and yawns.

Cortez and Kaidan were left alone to stoke the glowing embers and watch the heavens wheel above them. Their silence was companionable, neither feeling the need to fill the quiet night with idle chatter. The waves lapped at the shore, soft and rhythmic, juxtaposed by the more irregular sound of the wind stirring the occasional creak and rasp from the nearby trees.

Kaidan was about to consider sleep when Cortez spoke.

"It's not so bad here, is it?"

The question seemed rhetorical, but Kaidan could sense a deeper need beneath. Cortez had been happy here thus far. He'd lost so much even before the Reapers arrived, leaving the rest of the galaxy behind had been almost a relief to him. A reason, an excuse, to let go of the past. But the feelings stirred guilt in him, knowing what others had lost, that not all of them had wanted a new beginning. Now he seemed to be seeking a kind of forgiveness from Kaidan.

Kaidan looked around them before answering. Out at the flickering firelight reflecting on the waves, up at the twinkling stellar canvas above them, at the tents with three of the brilliant people who shared this world with them.

"No. Not a bad place at all."

Cortez nodded, but didn't respond. After a few minutes he stood and stretched.

"I'm for bed. Thanks, Kaidan."

"Any time, Steve. Sleep well."

When Kaidan was alone, he got up and was ready to head for his tent, but diverted instead to stand at the waters edge. The tide was slowly creeping back in, filling all the hollows and crevices in the rock shelves. The cold sunlight reflected off the moons illuminated everything it struck to crystal clarity, but cast deep shadows that cut sharp lines everywhere they touched.

The headache had entirely retreated, leaving Kaidan feeling clear headed and wide awake, rather than muzzy and deflated as he usually felt after a migraine. He closed his eyes and breathed in a deep lungful of the crisp ocean air. It smelled like home. Like Vancouver. Vancouver always smelled good. Like ocean, loam and green things. Such a difference to some of the other cities he'd visited.

As he stood there the wind picked up and blew a little bit of salt spray into his face. It was refreshing after the heat of the fire. And suddenly sleep was creeping up on him as the wind stole some of the heat from his body. With one last look across the water, he walked back to his tent and ducked through the door.

His palette, though hard, felt like the softest thing in the world as he crawled into his sleeping bag and bunched up his pillow under his head. Sleep stole over him quickly and he was lost before he even had time to considered closing his eyes.

He didn't wake again until the sun peaked over the horizon, bathing his tent in warm, golden light. From outside he could hear the activity of the others moving about the camp and chatting quietly, clearly trying not to wake him.

It was the best sleep he'd had in ages, though not as long as he would have liked since he'd stayed up so late. Pulling on his boots he emerged from the tent to the smell of coffee and citrusy wood smoke.

"Morning," Gabby called brightly from her seat by the remains of the fire. She cradled a mug of steaming black liquid in her hands and a plate of nuts and dried fruit sat beside her.

"Morning," Kaidan replied with gravel in his voice. He cleared his throat before speaking again. "Any more coffee?"

Gabby pointed to a metal thermos sitting on the rock ledge beside an open crate with their rations.

"Fill yer boots."

As Kaidan poured himself a mug, he looked around for the others.

"You just missed them," Gabby said when she noticed him looking. "Catherine wanted to check out something on the forest edge just down the beach. Don't worry. They'll be back soon."

Kaidan sipped at the hot coffee, savouring the bitter taste.

"I am really going to miss coffee," he said with semi mock sadness.

"Can you believe Cat doesn't drink it," Gabby exclaimed in disbelief. "At least someone won't be going through withdrawal in a few months."

Looking out across the water, Kaidan could see clouds looming on the horizon.

"Looks like EDI was right about the weather," he commented. "We shouldn't linger here too long."

Who knew how quickly that cloud bank would reach land, or what it would carry with it. Kaidan had experienced monsoon season in India as a kid and hadn't liked it. You'd think growing up on the west coast would have prepared him for rain, but it had been like nothing else he'd ever seen. The rain had come down like some giant above was dumping a bucket of water on them. A solid sheet that would soak you to the skin in an instant.

Kaidan hoped the weather here wouldn't be quite so severe, otherwise the people in tents were in for a rough go of it. It would also be the first major test of the their construction abilities. If their work wasn't solid they could be in for a rash of leaky roofs and shifting foundations. It wasn't as if any of them were architects or engineers.

"We'd better pack up and get a move on soon." Kaidan gestured at the ominous horizon.

"They said they'd only be a little while, but if you're that worried let's start without them."

She popped the last few nuts into her mouth, crunching loudly. Dusting the sand off backside she grabbed a stick and started raking out the last of the coals. The rising wind picked up a cloud of ash and it swirled away down the beach.

Kaidan finished off his coffee and set to work rolling up the tents. He had to stop when he reached Catherine's. Everyone else's was neat and tidy, their gear stowed away and ready to go, but her tent looked like a bomb had gone off inside.

Her sleeping bag was a rumpled mess and her clothing from the day before was scattered about the floor with little regard to order. She clearly had never lived in a barracks.

Feeling like he'd invaded her privacy, Kaidan backed away and looked around for other work. Gabby had loaded most of their gear back into the main space on the shuttle and there was little else to do.

"Kind of a disaster in there, eh?" Gabby said as she stuffed her neatly folded sweater into her pack. "She never would have passed muster."

"Please, don't tell me her house looks like that too," Kaidan begged.

"Well, she never makes the bed, that's for sure," Gabby laughed. "Her theory is why bother if you are just going to mess it up again in a few hours. I get it. Sometimes I wish I could let my self control slip like that. I mean, it's not like we have to stick regs any more."

Kaidan shrugged. "Still, there's something to be said for order."

"Hey, don't knock it 'til you try it. That girl's clearly got her head straight. Maybe having a little self imposed chaos in your life keeps you sane."

"That's true," Kaidan admitted. Catherine certainly seemed to have her life together, even after having been completely uprooted and transplanted here.

"So, Kaidan," Gabby said tentatively. "What's going on with you and Cat anyway? Hard not to notice that massage yesterday."

"Nothing going on," Kaidan said quickly, not wanting to provide grist for the gossip mill. "Saving your ass yesterday gave my implant a bit of a rattle and she was helping me relieve a headache."

"Whatever you say," Gabby responded, clearly not convinced.

"Really, Gabby. Nothing is going on." Kaidan was careful not to sound too stern for fear of sounding like he was protesting too much.

It was then that the other three arrived. They were each carrying a satchel filled to bursting with leaves and shoots.

"Early greens," Catherine announced as she walked up with a spring in her step. "Thought we might find some near that stream. Sure enough, we hit the mother load again."

"And this time we didn't encounter any furious locals," Ivan chimed in.

"That's great you guys," Kaidan helped Catherine lift the heavy pouch off and passed it to Cortez who was already packing his away in the Kodiak. "It's going to be a nice change from what we've been eating all winter."

"I see you've left my tent to me." Catherine grinned as she walked towards it. "I wouldn't have minded if you'd just stuffed the whole works in the bag and tossed it in the shuttle."

"Kaidan was too scared of the chaos," Gabby told her with a smirk.

"Oh, it's not so bad," Catherine said as she dragged out her sleeping bag.

Kaidan cringed a little as she began stuffing it into it's bag, punching at it when it didn't fit all the way. It went into her backpack along with her clothes and other gear. Gabby was right. She would have failed muster in one inspection. But she did it all with a smile and it was obviously all part of the carefree nature that kept her lighthearted and happy here.

The shuttle was far too heavy for them to land anywhere on their journey back to the settlement. As they got closer, Catherine once again got into her hearness, but this time she was more sedate, simply sitting in the open door and marking locations on her datapad.

She was the first to notice the change in the weather. She was gripping either side off the hatch and leaning out to sniff the air when Kaidan got up from the cockpit to stretch his legs.

She turned to him and asked, "How far are we from the ocean now?"

"About three hundred clicks or so, why?"

"I can smell brine in the air again."

"Could just be from the cargo," Kaidan shrugged as he sat down on the front bench. "We've got a lot of salt water in there."

"No, it's definitely on the wind. And there's already a bit of haze in the air."

Kaidan leaned to look out the open hatch. Sure enough the sky above seemed to be covered in an translucent film. The sun was still shining, but its light was noticeably weaker.

"Well, we're almost back, so let's not worry about it yet," he said with a grim look that belied his casual statement. "Better come in and close the hatch anyway. We'll get there faster with out the drag."

He held out his hand and Catherine grasped it as she stood. She pulled the door shut with surprising strength and started unclipping the harness. Kaidan was about to reach for it, scared she would put it away in the fashion she did everything else, but she gave him a smile as she folded it, closing the snaps around it into a tight, compact, and neat ball.

"I'm only careless with my own stuff."

"That's good to know," he replied, as he lifted the seat for her so she could stow it away.

They sat back on the bench together, her with a heavy sigh as she leaned her head back against wall. Gabby was completely engrossed in something she was reading on her datapad, and Ivan had joined Cortez in the cockpit.

"Thanks again for yesterday," Kaidan said quietly. "I don't know how much help I would have been if that headache had kept up."

"No worries." Catherine smiled up at him. Sitting, their heights were almost even, but she was still shorter than him by several inches. "I really think you should talk to Karen though. She might be able to do something for you. Conatix won't know now."

"Maybe you're right, thought I'm not sure I mind having an excuse to ask for a massage."

Catherine blushed and looked away shyly, but her response was interrupted by a deep rumble that vibrated the shuttle.

"What the hell was that?" Kaidan yelled in surprise as he swung back into the cockpit.

"Trouble," replied Cortex as he poured on some more speed. "That storm is catching up to us. I've never heard thunder like that in my life."

Kaidan wished there were windows on the back of the shuttle so he could gauge just how much time they had before the storm hit.

"Don't take any chances, Steve. Just get us home."

Everyone was alert and tense now, but no one more than Catherine. She'd gone slightly green and her knuckles were white where she gripped the seat.

"I really hate thunderstorms," she said with a nervous laugh. "I especially hate flying in them."

Kaidan stepped back into the cockpit and looked down at Cortez. Steve glanced up and seeing the look on Kaidan's face, added a little more speed. The trees below now whizzed by in a blur. Kaidan barely noticed as they whipped over the garden, and before he knew it they were at the landing area and Steve was setting them down.

Everyone jumped into action. Ivan was the first out and began lugging everything out at double times speed into a pile beside the ship. Once everything was out they closed the hatch and opened the cargo compartments. Others were arriving by that time and already making trips back to the hall with the supplies.

Javik fell in beside Kaidan, grabbing a crate of sea water and mollusks from him, just thunder rumbled once again in the distance. The leading edge of the clouds was already over them.

"You have made it back just in time," Javik said in his basso voice. "We were concerned you might becoming caught in the storm. We've been hearing the thunder for quite a while now."

"It was a little nerve wracking," Kaidan replied. "Where's James? We could use his help getting the shelter up around the Kodiak."

"Vega is helping put the finishing touches on some changes we made at the came at EDI's insistence. He is needed there."

Kaidan wondered what Javik meant, but didn't have time to stop to ask. The late afternoon sun was completely veiled now and the thunder a near continuous reverberation, and Kaidan could feel the vibration through the thick soles of his boots.

When the last of the supplies had been carried away to the hall, only Kaidan, Cortez and Javik remained the put the shelter back in place. Lightening flared in the distance as they lifted the heavy plating, sliding it into the foundation on either side of the shuttle until it eventually formed an arc over the Kodiak.

The air had grown thick and muggy, and sweat prickled on Kaidan's back. The air tingled with electricity, and without a word between them, the three simultaneously broke into a jog. Kaidan cleared the forest path first and had to stop when he saw the changes.

A platform had been built against the side of the hall using pieces of the outer hull of the ship. Kaidan could see the blue and white of Alliance markings. It was raised up on several large rocks so that it was almost half a meter off the ground.

The unused tents had been split in half and jury-rigged into a sloped canopy held up by sturdy branches set in holes cut into the plating. Beneath it sat all of the remaining tents still in use by members of the crew. Their domed roofs all but filled the space.

As he neared the settlement, Kaidan could see that the path between the houses leading up to the front door hall had been built up and covered in gravel. James was in the process of dumping another load near the door.

"What's all this, James?" Kaidan asked, his voice echoed by a peel of thunder.

James dropped his bucket and dusted off his hands.

"The platform was EDI's idea. Didn't take too long to build once we got the pieces of the hull down here. The path was the Doctor's idea. She's worried about us all walking in the mud everyday. Something about trench foot and infection."

Lightening snapped overhead, a crack of thunder followed close on its heels, and the two men ducked inside the door. James added his bucket to a dusty pile of them just inside and leaned against the frame to survey his handy work.

"We've also got a huge stack of dry wood in the one house we managed to get a roof on. It's not ready to move into, but it'll keep the rain out. Sparks was worried that the solar panel might not produce enough energy to heat water, cook food, _and_ keep the freezers going."

"Oh, so Tali and EDI got them working?"

James nodded as he moved aside as someone darted inside. People seemed to be gathering in the hall, preferring to be together to endure the coming storm. The sky was now so dark that Kaidan could barely see the last house just fifty meters from the hall. The wind had picked up and was blowing leaf litter and dust in swirls around the edges of the buildings.

Kaidan heard a house door slam and saw Garrus loping up the path towards them. He was within only strides of the door when the rain started. One second it wasn't raining, then Kaidan blinked and a torrential downpour had obscured everything.

Garrus fell through the door, water pouring off the armor he still insisted on wearing.

"Crap," was all he said as he wiped the water off his face.

Kaidan laughed and slapped him on the back. The hall was filled with people and their voices combined with the pounding of the rain on the metal roof made the space almost deafening. Someone had brought out the emergency lights and scattered them about the space, filling it with a soft yellow glow.

Several people were helping load the supplies into the freezer units and storage cupboard against the shaded west wall, while a few were already starting the evening meal. Having a fresh salad for the first time in months was going to be a real treat.

Kaidan could see Gabby and Ken on one of the couches in the lounge area. Her arms were moving wildly and though Kaidan couldn't hear her words, she was clearly telling him about the weird green monkeys.

Cortez was sitting at one of table across from his love interest, Avery, not saying much, but clearly glad to see him if the way their hand touched was any indication.

Ivan was nowhere to be seen, but neither was Diana, so Kaidan could guess what they were up to. He suspected the pair would miss dinner, but doubted they would care much.

Kaidan wandered through the busy room, joining conversations here and there, answering questions about the voyage to the coast, and commending people on their hard work preparing for the rains. He eventually found EDI and Joker together in the labs, tinkering with circuit panels and other electronics.

"Jeff, I don't believe your video collection can be salvaged," EDI was saying. "Your naughty movies are gone."

"Hey, they're not all naughty," he told her loudly, then finished more quietly, almost under his breath. "And don't say that."

Kaidan decided to stay out of that particular argument. Instead he slid onto a stool next to EDI and picked up a circuit board from the pile she was cleaning. The insulation in the ceiling muffled the noise of the rain and it was almost possible to speak in a normal voice.

"Good call on the weather EDI," he said in praise.

"I was happy to be of service, Kaidan," Her eyes sparkled through her iridescent blue visor. The pupils and brown irises had become much more pronounced over the winter as she evolved to a more organic state. "I see your trip to the coast was productive."

"Yeah, you guys brought back a shit load of food," Joker said happily. "I'd give my left nut to have that lobster dinner in front of me right now."

"Jeff, don't be disgusting," EDI chided.

"Tonight is going to be a bit of a feast," Kaidan said as he scraped away a patch of rust. "We owe a lot of that to Catherine. Where is she anyway?"

EDI and Joker exchanged a glance and a worried look fell across Joker's usually smiling features.

"Uh, she's not in the hall?"

"Not that I saw." Kaidan stood and went to the door, scanning the room for Catherine. Her distinctive curly hair didn't jump out at him from anywhere. "I don't see her. Should I be worried?"

"She carried a bundle of greens into the hall and said she had to go check her tree before the rain began," EDI said. "Perhaps she went to her cabin, or to the showers before coming to the hall."

"I'd better go find her," Kaidan said with worry and left before EDI or Joker could say another word.

He wove he way through the crowd to the front door. James grabbed his arm before he could get outside.

"Whoa whoa, where are you going?"

"Apparently Cat went down to the garden just after we landed. She's not back yet."

"She's probably in her cabin," James shrugged. "Don't worry about it."

Kaidan remembered the fear he'd seen in the shuttle after the first peel of thunder and wasn't convinced. He turned aimlessly on the spot, trying to decide what to do. Was he overreacting? Would he seem silly and over protective if he found her safe and warm in her cabin? On the other hand, what if she was out there in this wicked downpour?

"Better safe than sorry," he said to James, and ignoring the protest ran out into the rain.

He was drenched in an instant and it wasn't a warm rain either. It chilled him to the core in seconds. His heavy boots splashed in puddles as he sprinted down the path to Catherine's cabin. It was one of the last in the row, closest to the tree line at the south edge of the clearing.

Kaidan didn't bother to knock. If she was there she probably wouldn't have heard it over the rain anyway. But the cabin was dark and empty. Catherine had dumped her pack unceremoniously on her bed and left.

He didn't stay to look around, but ran back out into the storm and for the gardens. The path was muddy and the canopy did little to slow the downpour. He might as well have been wading though a creek. Halfway down he lost his footing and slid the rest of the way down on his backside. Covered in mud and angry at his clumsiness, he arrived at the gardens and looked out at the sodden fields.

It was so dark he almost didn't spot Catherine on her knees behind the cold frame. His feet sticking tightly in the mud, he moved as fast as he could to reach her. As he neared he could hear her crying.

"Cat," he yelled as he got closer. "What are you doing? You're going to kill yourself."

"I'm not leaving until the saplings are safe." She was trying desperately to build a dam behind the frame. Water was flowing swiftly out of the forest and around the structure, eroding the soil from the base, threatening to wash the little trees away.

"We can plant more trees, Cat," Kaidan said as he tugged at her arm. "We can't get another you."

She turned on him, her eyes pleading, and swatted his hand away. "I'm not losing these trees, Kaidan. Either help me or go away."

Her hair clung in clumps to her forehead and neck and her arms were covered in mud up to her shoulders. Kaidan certainly wasn't going to leave her here and he couldn't bodily carry her away in these conditions. He turned away and went to the forest edge and picked up a large rock from that pile they had cleared from the fields.

When she realized what he was doing she joined him and they carried rock after rock until they created a berm large enough to divert the water around the frame. Kaidan's hands were so cold her could barely feel them and Catherine's lips had turned blue and she was shivering violently.

Satisfied their work would hold he put his arm around Catherine's waist and took her weight as she sagged into him. Once again, the canopy offered no respite when they reached it, and the climb up the path was exhausting. They slipped and slid back down several times and eventually they had to abandon the path and move into the undergrowth for better footing.

Catherine seemed ready to pass out by the time they reached the edge of the settlement, and Kaidan had to all but carry her. Through the darkness, Kaidan could just make out the open door of the hall and several shapes standing within. As he got closer James and Garrus rushed out to meet them.

James picked Catherine up in his arms as if she weighed nothing, and Kaidan wouldn't have fallen to his knees if Garrus hadn't caught him.

"Let's get you warm and dry," he heard Garrus say as they stumbled through the door and out of the rain at last.

Kaidan was barely aware of what was happening and found himself minutes later in the med bay with someone stripping his sopping clothes off and wrapping a heated blanket around his shoulders. Someone pushed him down to sit on the edge of the bed and tugged at his boots.

With relief he rolled onto his back and more blankets were piled on top of him. As the heat began to seep back into his bones he heard Doctor Chakwas voice nearby.

"Get some hot water, James. She's nearly frozen."

There was commotion and panic all around and Kaidan felt the pull to get up and help, but every time he tried someone held him back down. Finally he gave in and just lay there, soaking in the warmth from the blankets.

Eventually he passed out, but not before he heard the word 'death' come from James' mouth.


	4. Chapter 4 A Wake

When Kaidan awoke it was still dark and the time impossible to tell. The rain did not appear to have slackened any and still drummed relentlessly on the roof above.

Metal partitions had been set up around his bed and only the diffused orange light of a computer console beyond lit the space. He could hear the gentle tapping of someone typing, but little else.

He raised himself up on his elbow and felt a bit too woozy for any action just yet. He felt a bit stiff and sore, but otherwise unharmed.

"Hello?" he said into the quiet as he lay back down.

The partition on his right lifted away and James appeared.

"Hey man." He gave Kaidan a gentle punch in the shoulder. "'Bout time you woke up."

"How long have I been out?" Kaidan asked.

"Just over night. Hang on a sec. I'll get the Doc."

James disappeared for a moment and when he returned Doctor Chakwas was behind him.

"Kaidan, you're awake. Good." She rested the back of her hand on his forehead for a moment and then did the same to James with her other hand, comparing.

"Still a bit warm, but I suspect you'll be just fine." She smiled down at him in a matronly way.

Karin and Kaidan knew each other well. She'd been the first medical professional he'd encountered who had not lectured him to upgrade his implant, but simply respected his choice to leave it as it was.

"Once we get some food in you, you'll feel much better." She turned to James and said, "Go get a bowl of soup for the Major."

James turned and said as he left, "Might grab some for myself as well."

Karin laughed and took a seat beside Kaidan's bed. "That man would eat all the food we have if we let him near it."

She tapped a panel on the side of the gurney and the back angled up so Kaidan could sit comfortably while he ate.

"That was quite a risk you took yesterday," she told him softly, her voice just on the border of a reprimand. "Care to share what exactly happened?"

It was then that Kaidan remembered what he'd heard before passing out last night.

"Catherine! Is she all right? Last night didn't sound good." Kaidan was surprised at the amount of worry he felt.

"Sorry, amigo," James said as he returned with a steaming bowl of soup. "Apparently saying someone feels as cold as death is not the kind of attitude welcomed in a med facility."

"No," Karin said with a small smile James couldn't see from where he stood behind her. "It's not. Which is why it fell to him to keep watch over you both all night."

"But she's okay?" Kaidan asked again. Even though he could tell by their light manner that she was fine, he still wanted to hear Doctor Chakwas say it.

Karin nodded. "She's not awake yet, but she's got a pretty high fever so that's a good thing. Her temperature spiked last night and has been steadily going down since then."

Kaidan sighed with relief, and with the worry gone his stomach suddenly growled ferociously. He hadn't had anything to eat since the previous morning at the beach and he was ravenous. He reached for the bowl of soup and forgot the spoon entirely and sipped from the hot bowl cautiously.

It had a distinctly Thai flavour, fishy and nutty at the same time. It was divine and soon he was gulping hungrily at it while the doctor did a quick scan on his implant.

"I heard you had to let loose some pretty heavy biotics," she asked as she studied the results on her omnitool. "Any headaches?"

James gave an amused snort. "Word has it he likes those headaches now."

Karin raised an eyebrow at him. "What does that mean?"

Kaidan gave James a look and rested the half empty bowl in his lap. "Catherine was good enough to give me a massage afterwards and it made a big difference. She used to do the same for her best friend."

"Ah, yes, I've read some articles in medical journals about massage therapy and biotics. The opinions varied greatly. I'm glad it works for you." She patted him on the leg and pulled the blanket up over his bare chest. "Eat your soup."

She went around the other side of the stall and Kaidan caught a brief glimpse of Catherine in the next bed, only her face visible around the blankets pulled right up to her ears.

"So what did happen yesterday?" James asked.

Kaidan grabbed the spoon and shoveled a piece of meat into his mouth. The rich, oily flavour burst in his mouth and he took a moment to savour it before answering James' question.

"She went to check on the cold frame and the rain hit while she was there. Lucky she did because run off from the hill was heading right for it and would have washed it away. We built up a wall of stones to divert the water. I really hope it worked."

"I'll go take a look later," James said and gave Kaidan a fist bump. "Feel better, amigo. I'm sure your damsel in distress will want to thank you."

He grinned as Kaidan raised his hands in exasperation.

"Nothing's going on, James."

"Gotcha," he replied with a conspiratorial wink and walked away whistling.

Kaidan shook his head and tucked back into his soup. He polished is off in minutes and even used his fingers to glean the last bits of flavour from the bottom of the bowl. Feeling like he might be able to get out of bed, he looked around for something to put on but found nothing. Doctor Chakwas returned as he was trying to wrap a blanket around his waist.

"And just where do you think you're going, Major?" She put a hand on his shoulder and eased him back down to sitting on the edge of the bed. "There's no work for you to do today, Kaidan. Just stay put and take it easy."

"I'm fine, I really am," Kaidan protested. "I can't just sit here."

"You can, and you will," she told him firmly. "At least until this evening, though I'd rather you spent another night here where I can keep an eye on you."

"Fine, but at least bring me something to do," Kaidan begged. "And a shirt would be nice too."

"I've got a portable vid screen I can bring you. Watch a movie. Relax. I'll see if your clothes are dry."

She left and Kaidan rested his head back on the pillow. The rain sounded just as heavy as it had the evening before and he wondered how the tents had fared over night. For that matter, he wondered how all their various homes had fared. If there had been trouble it wouldn't have surprised Kaidan to find out that they'd kept it from him. They should realize by now that he would worry more have no information.

Over the pounding rain he heard the sound of blankets rustling. Some mumbling followed, and ignoring the doctor's orders he swung his feet over the edge of the bed and wrapped the blanket around his shoulders before sliding the partition aside.

Catherine was awake and trying to release her arms from the blankets tucked in tightly around her. Her brow was glossy with a sheen of sweat and her cheeks were an unhealthy pink and white.

"Hey hey hey," he said softly. "I don't think you're dressed under there. Might want to keep covered up."

"It's really hot," she said groggily, her eyes not seeming quite able to focus on him.

"Doctor Chakwas say you have a hell of a fever. You're on the mend, but it's probably best to stay where she put you."

"Are my trees ok?"

While Kaidan didn't want to lie to her, he also didn't want to cause her to worry. He debated for a moment and finally said, "I'm sure they're fine. James is going to check on them."

Catherine nodded weakly, and closed her eyes again, letting her head fall to the side, her cheek touching his hand where it rested on the pillow. She was hot to the touch even to Kaidan's fevered skin.

"I'm really sorry about yesterday," she whispered. "I panicked and put you in danger."

Kaidan shook his head. "Don't worry about it. You were looking out for all of us."

Still holding the blanket on with one hand he placed the other on her forehead. It sure didn't seem like her fever was breaking. The pillow was damp with sweat and her eyes were glassy as she blinked, trying to stay awake.

"I'll be right back," he said, but she only mumbled something unintelligible in response.

Kaidan left the medical area just as Doctor Chakwas was coming through the door from the main area of the hall.

"Doctor, I think she's getting worse," he explained hurriedly. "She woke up a few minutes ago, but seems a bit delirious."

The doctor pushed a buddle of clothes into Kaidan's chest as she moved swiftly by him to Catherine's bedside. She did a quick scan with her omnitool and Kaidan saw a temperature of 40C flash on the holographic screen above the doctor's arm.

"She's definitely warmer than she was an hour ago," the Doctor noted. "But still not as warm as last night."

"She was warmer than 40?" Kaidan asked in disbelief as he dumped the pile of clothes on his bed. "Shit that's hot."

"The highest reading I got was 41, which is touching on hyperpyrexia," the doctor's voice seemed unconcerned, but to Kaidan's ears it sounded like it had been close to a medical emergency.

"Are you sure she's going to be alright?" he asked from behind the partition where he was pulling on the pants and sweater Karin had brought him.

"Some people just run hotter than others, so when they get a fever it runs hotter as well. I'm sure she will fine, but I'm going to give her a shot of antibiotics just in case."

"You mean you haven't given her anything yet?" Kaidan said with shock as he went back to Catherine's side and looked down at her florid completion.

Karin put a hand on his arm and he turned his face towards her, trying not to look as distressed as he felt.

"A fever from exposure and a fever from infection are very different animals," she explained calmly. "In some cases it's safer to let the fever run its course. And we don't have the medical supplies to simply play it safe whenever someone is a little bit under the weather."

"Not the best choice of words, Doctor," Kaidan said with a smile he couldn't quite tamp down. Karin Chakwas was a brilliant medical practitioner who had seen a lot during her long service with the Alliance, and if she thought her course of treatment was the right one, Kaidan believed her.

"Kaidan, if you're that worried about her then that's all the more reason to stay here and recover yourself."

Kaidan nodded his agreement and went back to bed without protest. He didn't feel terribly ill, but it was hard to ignore that he had a fever. His muscles ached and he longed to have a hot shower and wash the sweat away, but that would mean going outside to get to the shower facilities and that he was sure Doctor Chakwas would not allow.

Once the rest of the settlement knew he was up and about, he spent much of the remainder of the day talking to concerned visitors. James brought him good news about the cold frame, which was so far intact. They'd built up the rock wall a little more and guessed that it would be a good idea to create some channels through the fields to deal with the flash floods every year.

Kaidan was sure everyone was now gossiping about him and Catherine, but there was no concealed relationship there so he didn't worry too much about it. And he certainly wouldn't stop being friendly with her just because of some good natured ribbing from his pals.

Catherine's fever broke that evening and she awoke lucid and asking for food. Kaidan brought her a bowl of broth and they ate together with Morgan and Liara. Throughout the meal, Liara cast quizzical glances at Kaidan and he tried to ignore it, knowing she was going to draw her own conclusions regardless of what Kaidan said.

He went back to his own house that night, thankfully finding it warm and dry. Only one of the houses had been found to have a leaky roof, but it had been easily repaired, and the tents were faring well even if the rain did make for a noisy night. Several people couldn't take it and decided they would rather sleep on the couches in the hall.

The rain kept up for several more days before it finally abated. Kaidan woke one morning to a soft hiss instead of the steady bombardment that had become the usual background noise. The sky was lighter and the rain, though still heavy, had slowed significantly.

The day it finally stopped was the same day, nearly a week later, that Dr. Chakwas finally let Catherine out of her med bay. She had lost some weight and her cheeks were gaunt, but she was back to her cheerful, effervescent self.

The sun at last emerged again and with it came soaring temperatures. Within days the world around them turned from dull grays and muddy browns to vivid greens and whole riot of other colours as the trees came back to life and flowers blooms everywhere.

It took another week for things to dry out enough for outdoor work to begin again in earnest. James and his crew had the frames up for the last of the houses up in record time and soon Joker, Tali and EDI began wiring the new structures for heat and solar power.

There was still a bounty of parts to work with from the Normandy and Kaidan had the people now idle after the completion of the houses start dismantling and sorting what technology remained. The central area of the crew deck began to look like a warehouse, while the CIC and engineering were naked and skeletal.

Those who weren't salvaging were dedicated to planting and foraging. Garrus and Javik had started taking hunting parties out on overnight forays, bringing back game and early greens, fruits and berries.

On one occasion they returned nearly empty handed, but exhilarated by their first encounter with one of the planets large land animals. Ivan had described the herd of herbivores as a combination between an elephant and a bear, with the same leathery skin as the monkeys. Unfortunately, no one had brought anything to capture an image with so everyone else in the camp was eager to join the hunting parties, hoping to catch a glimpse of the strange creatures.

Catherine and her team spent every day from dawn 'til dusk in the fields tilling, weeding and planting. The cold frame had been lifted away from the saplings and they were growing quickly, straight and true.

Kaidan found that he was spending more and more time in the gardens as the weeks went by. The pace and intensity of the work suited him. He went to bed exhausted each night, and though he still didn't sleep well, it was better than it had been.

Before they knew it, they were into the first days of summer. Kaidan and Catherine were walking back from the field together after a long day of digging channels around the raised beds and met Liara walking the opposite way.

"Hey Liara," Kaidan greeted her. "Where are you headed?"

"I was looking for you actually, Kaidan," she said with a smile that seemed more melancholy than Kaidan was used to seeing.

"Sure. I'll see you back at the hall, Cat." He touched her arm affectionately and turned to walk with Liara back down the path.

"You've been spending a lot of time with Catherine lately," Liara commented.

"I like working in the gardens," he said with a shrug. It had been several weeks since anyone had teased him about his closeness with Catherine. Maybe they were over their childishness at last. "What did you want to talk about, Liara?"

"Do you realize that as of a week from now we will have been on this planet for one year?"

Kaidan stopped where he was and his brow wrinkled as he thought. EDI had extended all their clock and calendars to account for the differences in orbit and day length and everyone had grown used to it. The days and months were the same only slightly longer by hours or days. Technically they had already been here a standard galactic year, but truly the planet took several months longer to fully orbit its parent star.

"Geez, you're right, Liara," he said in disbelief. "A year already. Should we do something?"

"That's what I was hoping to discuss with you."

They continued walking and soon reached the fields where they sat on a fallen log in the cool evening. Insects chirruped and buzzed all around. Strange animal cries echoed in the distance further down the valley. The moons were blatantly absent in the sky, and the stars were more visible tonight than usual.

"So what did you have in mind?" Kaidan asked after Liara didn't say anything for several moments.

"Well, this wasn't exactly a colonization effort," she said. "I don't believe a celebration would be appropriate. On the other hand, we are doing very well, thriving in fact, so neither should it be a mournful occasion."

Kaidan thought for a moment and said, "Have you heard of a wake?"

Liara shook her head.

"It's a tradition back on Earth. When somebody dies, instead of a depressing funeral, you have a party instead and celebrate their life. A lot of people associate it with getting completely blotto, and I've been to my fair share of that kind of wake, but they are meant to be bittersweet. A moment of mourning and joy. Grieving what you've lost, but rejoicing that you ever had it at all."

"I understand that," Liara said with her head bowed. "Asari traditions are similar in a way. When I said farewell to Shepard before the final assault, I showed her how asari mourn a loss. We join our consciousness with another and share our memories of those who have passed."

"You think it's a good idea then?"

"If you think this would be the best choice for the rest of the humans, then I bow to your judgment."

"Let's call it an anniversary wake and let people make of it what they will. Everybody mourns differently," Kaidan said, already making plans for the event in his head.

"Shall we announced it tonight? Let people start preparing?" She rose and Kaidan followed. It was getting dark and neither of them had brought lights. The path would be almost too dark to traverse soon.

"Yeah, let's do that. Who knows what people will want to do."

The walked in silence for several minutes. Kaidan could tell Liara had something else on her mind.

"If you want to say something, Liara, now's as good a time as any," he said encouragingly.

"I was just thinking about how much longer I am going to be here than all of you. I could easily live for another thousand years. I'm going to miss you, Kaidan. When I die, there will be no one left who remembers where we came from, or what we did to save it all. I'm... It's a frightening thought."

Kaidan wasn't sure what to say or how to comfort her. Humans simply didn't know how to think of time the way asari did.

"Well, you'll have children here someday, and they'll remember some of us I hope."

Liara smiled sadly. "And then I will have to watch their father die. I'm sorry, Kaidan. I haven't been coping well lately. I don't mean to lay this on you."

"I'm here whenever you want to talk, Liara." He put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. "I know it's hard for me to understand, but I'll always try."

There were tears on Liara's face when she let go and took a step back. Kaidan brushed one away with his thumb.

"I think a wake will do us all good," he said with a smile.

"Yes, I think so too."

That evening in the hall they told everyone about their idea and it was met with a mixture of excitement and sadness, just as Kaidan had expected. But just as they did with everything else, the crew began work planning with gusto.

A massive fire pit was dug and then surrounded by logs for seating. Diana's creative flare emerged and she set up torches surrounded by swaying mobiles of scrapes of metal polished to a high shine. They glinted and sparkled in the sun and everyone was eager to see how they would look the night of the wake.

Garrus took his team out and came back with two large kills, one of which was then gutted and stuffed with spices, fruits, nuts and berries. The other was cut up into smaller pieces and used in a variety of other dishes.

The time flew by and when the day arrived there was anticipation in the air. Kaidan was surprised at the enthusiasm everyone showed. He'd expected a much more reserved and mournful atmosphere, but then this would be the first event of any kind they'd held and it was hard not to feel some excitement.

As evening fell, people made their way in ones and two to the bon fire where the carcass had been spitted and turned slowly over the flames. Tables had been moved outside from the hall and were laden with food and drink.

They'd brought out the last of the alcohol and a few people were already a little bit tipsy. Kaidan had not planned to indulge, but when Garrus approached him with a glass tumbler with a few finger fulls of honey brown whiskey in it he could hardly decline.

They stood together on the edge of the party, watching their friends and neighbours laughing, eating and drinking.

"Well, Kaidan," Garrus said with a sigh. "You've done a hell of a thing here."

"Me?" Kaidan said a little surprised. "I haven't done anything."

"You took charge right off the bat. We've all worked hard for it, but it's thanks to your leadership. I don't know if I could have done it, that's for sure."

"Please, don't make me give a speech."

Tali approached from the fire, carrying a plate of food which she offered to Garrus. Her immune system was improving with every day that passed and tonight she had chosen to go entirely without her helmet. She'd braided her jet black hair into an elaborate bun atop her head and her pale skin glowed in the firelight.

"You're an absolute vision, Tali," Kaidan said as she gave him a kiss on the cheek before leaning into Garrus with an arm around his waspish waist.

"Thanks, Kaidan. You're looking quite dapper yourself."

In honour of the occasion, Kaidan had worn his dress uniform. The dark blue and gold shirt almost didn't fit anymore since he'd put on so much more bulk working in the gardens every day.

"Seemed appropriate for the occasion."

"Tali, tell Kaidan he should make a speech," Garrus said with an amused twitch of his mandibles.

"Oh, you have to Kaidan," Tali said. "Who else is going to?"

Kaidan did sort of want to. There were things he wanted to say to everyone, about how proud he was, how honoured, to be here with all of them.

"All right, might as well do it while I have drink in my hand."

He hopped up on a log and called for everyone's attention. When everything was quiet save for the crackling of the fire, Kaidan took a deep breath and began.

"As of this day, we have been here for a full year. A year since the galaxy was saved and our worlds fell apart. Every last one of us lost that day, and we've had losses since then. Tonight is the night we remember it all. But don't think about what you've lost, remember what you had. Remember it fondly and with joy." He bowed his head and the crowd followed suit. A moment of silence passed and he raised he head and his glass and said, "For Shepard," and tipped back his glass of whiskey.

Echoing toasts rippled through the crowd, everyone toasting to their own memory.

"This one's for you dad," he heard Garrus say.

People were going to the tables and pouring new drink and raising their glasses in more toasts. EDI held an empty glass to her mouth and said, "To Legion, who was one."

Someone handed Kaidan a new drink and he stared at it for moment before raising it once again to Anderson this time.

This went on for some time before a pensive hush fell over the crowd and Kaidan took the stage again.

"You know what I miss?" he asked no one in particular. "Bread. A good sandwich and a cold one."

There was some weak laughter and then James raised his glass and said, "I miss having a good cigar."

"I miss my cat," someone else said tearfully.

"I miss my dog," came a voice from the back.

"I miss toothpaste," Samantha Traynor said wistfully and everyone laughed.

People continued to call out things they missed; mangoes, a guitar, art work, willow trees. The list went on and on, sometimes bring laughter or sighs of regret, other times eliciting choked sobs of sadness.

"There's a lot to miss," Kaidan said, acknowledging them all at once. "There's also a lot to look forward too and we can't forget about that."

He looked out at the crowd, their up turned faces illuminated by the glow of the fire and dancing reflections from Diana's metal mobiles. Near the front of the crowd Catherine stood with Morgan and James and was whispering something in the other woman's ear.

Catherine gave her a little shove and Morgan stepped forward and reach up for Kaidan's hand. He pulled her up to stand beside him on the log.

"Speaking of things to look forward too," she began, but James had already dropped his glass which clattered on the ground at his feet. "And if you haven't already guessed what I'm going to say by that reaction from my dear man, I'll be quite plain. I'm pregnant!"

A cheer rose up from the crowd and Morgan took a bow.

"Seemed like a good time to announce that," she looked at Kaidan with a grin then hopped down and joined a flabbergasted James who seemed unable to form words.

"Like I said," Kaidan said over the excited din. "Things to look forward to. Let's eat everyone."

He stepped down from the log and went to shake James' hand. The man was grinning from ear to ear as everyone slapped him on the back and congratulated him.

Feeling more nostalgic and lonely than anything else, Kaidan soon made his retreat from the firelight and sat down on the platform of tents to watch the gathering from afar. He felt light headed from the few drinks he'd had, the sensation spreading through his body like a warm tide.

A figure left the group and headed in his direction. Kaidan stood, planning to head back to the fire to avoid having to talk to anyone one on one. He just wasn't in the mood for it tonight.

Then the figure got closer and he realized it was Catherine. She was wearing a blue dress that brushed her ankles as she walked. Her hair was longer now and the curls bounced on her bare shoulders with each step.

"Not having a good time?" she asked as she got closer.

Kaidan sat back down and she joined him.

"Just need a few minutes to myself, that's all. What about you?"

She giggled and leaned into him briefly. "I'm a little bit drunk. Toasted a lot of thing. Feels like a release. I can move on now."

"I've never asked, but who did you leave behind?"

She shrugged. "No one much. My dad died when I was a kid. Never really knew him anyway. No siblings. Not a lot of friends."

"And your mother?"

Catherine laughed. "Alive and well, by some crazy luck. Wouldn't give a crap if she knew where I am now though."

"You weren't close?"

"Oh, we were very close. Talked every single day. But in the battle she was injured. Lost her memory entirely. At least that's the message I got on Hackett's list." She rubbed at her eyes with her palms. "I hope she never remembers. I couldn't bear the thought of her worrying about me. Better than she never know I exist at all."

She was crying now. No sobs or rattling breaths, just silent tears. Kaidan put an arm around her shoulder and just let her weep.

When the tears stopped, she stood up and held out her hand for Kaidan's.

"Walk with me a bit before we go back to the fire."

He hesitated only moment before he twined his fingers with hers and rose to walk off into the moonlight with her.

"You really like it here, don't you?" Kaidan asked as they rounded the corner of the hall and headed down the path between the houses.

"I do. In a way it's like a dream come true."

A breeze picked up and blew the filmy fabric of her dress out behind her. She tucked her free hand into her armpit and Kaidan noticed the goose bumps dimpling the bare skin of her arms.

"You must be freezing," he said as he angled for his own house. "Let's get you a sweater."

He pushed the door open and flicked the desk lamp on before going to his storage wall and pulling doors open looking for something in particular.

"I bought this dress on the Citadel last time we were there," she said as she gave a little twirl, watching the fabric fan out around her. "I have no idea where I thought I was going to wear it, but I'm glad I bought it."

"It's a lovely dress," Kaidan said with a appreciative glance and pulled a folded black sweater out from a cubby near the bottom and held it out to her.

It would be a little too bit for her, but it would be warm. Catherine unfolded it and saw the logo on the front and gave a little gasp.

"This is Shepard's N7 sweater that EDI got for her. I can't take this."

Kaidan took it back, unzipped it and held it out by the shoulders.

"Just for tonight. She wouldn't mind."

Catherine turned and slid her arms into the waiting sleeves and shrugged it onto her shoulders.

"Thanks, Kaidan. Did you want to go back to the fire?"

She seemed suddenly nervous and Kaidan finally took the opportunity to confront her sudden changes in behavior.

"Cat, have I done something to make you uncomfortable?"

She clasped her hands together and took a few steps towards him.

"No, not at all, Kaidan. I'm sorry if I've ever made you think that."

She lowered herself to the plush cushions of his couch and he joined her, sitting only inches away.

"So why the nerves all of a sudden?"

Turning to face him, she pulled her leg up on the couch, her calf pressing into his thigh.

"If you don't realize, maybe I shouldn't say anything."

"About what? Cat, you can talk to me. You know that. We're friends right?"

He rested his arm along the back of the couch and she leaned into it, her darkly tanned cheeks flushed a rosy tint. Her eyelids lowered and she put a hand on his thigh. Kaidan felt a tingle run up his leg as she did.

"Has it not been obvious that I'd like to be something more than friends?"

Kaidan stared at her and thought back to all their previous encounters. The way she always stood a little closer to him than was necessary, the coy turn of the head as she looked away when he complimented her. And then he realized something. Far from discouraging her, he had been sending all the right signals in return.

The playful banter at meals, soft touches when they greeted or parted, even kisses on the cheek from time to time. Sure, he was much the same with Liara and Tali, but now he saw that with Catherine it all felt much different. How could he have been so blind all this time?

"How long have you felt this way, Cat," he ask in husky voice, not trusting that it would function with more volume.

"A while," was all she said, still looking down at her lap.

He reached out and lifted her chin with a finger. She looked up at him through thick black lashes, the synthetics in her eyes glowing ever so slightly.

Leaning down, he placed his lips gently on hers. She responded tentatively at first then pulled back just a little bit as if unsure. She barely moved as he bought his arm down around her shoulder and spread his hand out on the small of her back to pull her closer.

The breath she'd been holding in her lungs released in a great sigh and Kaidan felt her hand tighten where it rested on his thigh. He ran his hand up her spine and cupped the back of her head, tilting it to bring her lips closer to his, only millimeters away now.

"I'm going to kiss you now," he whispered and put his other hand against her warming cheek.

She nodded slightly and breathed, "Okay," as he lowered his lips to hers.

It was slow kiss at first, chaste and delicate, but as it deepened and their tongues brushed, the heat grew and Kaidan's hand wandered down to her hip. She swung her leg up over his lap and he ran his hand down her leg to grip behind her knee as he plunged his tongue into her mouth.

A whimper escaped her throat and Kaidan felt fire burn through his body, gathering in his loins. Without taking his lips from hers he pushed her back until her head rested on the arm of the couch and he lay half on top of her.

She ran her hand up his chest and fumbled with the metal links at the top of his shirt. The rest of the buttons followed and soon she was running her fingers across his naked chest. A surge of pleasure raced through him as she reached behind him and dug her fingers into his back. He broke away from her, breathing heavily, looking down on her round face and cool blue eyes. There was something familiar in them. Something that tugged at the back if his mind, begging him to remember. He pushed it away and focused on the moment.

"I think I know why James calls you Catnip," he said, his voice throaty. She giggled and planted her lips firmly on his.

Instead of giving in to the kiss, he stood and pulled her up with him. Swinging her around he lowered her smoothly to the bed. She raised her knees and the hem of dress slid up to her hips, revealing milky white thighs and a peek of her lacey blue underwear.

His breath caught in his throat and he quickly lost his coat and kicked his shoes off, sinking down onto the bed beside her. The black sweater lay open, revealing her ample bosom rising and falling quickly under the thin material of her dress.

Kaidan placed his hand uncertainly on her stomach and when she closed her eyes and arched into him just a little, he ran it up her body until it rested atop the peak of one breast. That feeling, that grasping memory tried to climb up again, and he leant down his face to hers and continued the kiss he'd halted. Why did this feel so familiar?

His leg found its way between hers and he nudged her knees apart and rolled until he lay mostly on top of her. Pushing the pillow out of the way, he pinned one hand above her head and slid the other under her back, burying his face in her neck, kissing the tender skin beneath her ear.

Her body writhed beneath him and her voice was sultry and anxious at once as she begged him not to stop.

Then all at once his mind flashed back to the fire and the toast and his glass raised in the air to Shepard and he pulled back away from Catherine.

"What's wrong?" She asked, reaching a hand up to his face.

He rolled away from her and sat on the side of the bed.

"I'm sorry, Catherine. I can't do this."

She didn't reply, but jumped off the bed and bolted for the door. She flung it open and then turned around quickly. Kaidan thought she was going to yell at him. Hoped she would. But she only grabbed her little shoes from beside the couch and yanked the sweater off and tossed it on the bed.

He heard gravel crunch on the path outside as she ran away from him. Guilt welled up and he hung his head. The memories of his last night with Shepard filled his mind. Lying on his back looking up at her silhouette profiled against the depths of space as she undulated gracefully on top of him, her hoarse cries filling the cabin. Rolling over on top of her when she'd finished and pinning her down to find his own pleasure buried deep inside her.

Waking hours later to her sitting on the edge of the bed, lines of worry creasing her face and the helplessness he'd felt looking at her. How could he even dream of beginning to replace those memories?

Kissing Catherine had felt so right, and so good. It didn't feel like betrayal. Yet, at the very same time, it did.

Feeling confused and unsure what to do with himself, he pulled his jacket and shoes back on, ran his fingers through his hair and started back to the fire. He could hear laughter and singing and longed to join them and forget about his troubles.

The first thing he saw was a couple he didn't recognize in the darkness lying on the ground behind a log, engaged in the very same act he had just quit. He made a bee line for the table with the alcohol and poured himself a glass which is downed in one gulp.

Soon his stomach was churning with the lethal mixture of guilt and alcohol and when James approached him from behind and slapped him on the back, he stumbled, nearly losing his balance.

Both men had clearly had too much to drink, but James was jubilant, feeling loud and brave, while Kaidan had gone straight to bulletproof and angry.

James took no notice of this and said loudly, "What are you doing back so soon, amigo? I saw you walk away with gorgeous little Catnip."

"Just leave it, James," Kaidan warned, his tone surly.

James just got louder and several people nearby looked over. "I can't believe you came back here. Go get her, Alenko!"

Kaidan couldn't explain what came over him. He wasn't a man to easily give in to anger, but it all burst forth without warning and his fist plowed into James' jaw. The huge man stumbled back, found his balance and launched himself at Kaidan.

His shoulder hit Kaidan in the hips and both men went down into the grass. They rolled, exchanging punches and knees to the torso until Garrus and Javik pulled them apart.

Javik held James back, the man's chest heaving, blood dripping from the nose Kaidan had likely broken. Garrus stood with a hand on Kaidan shoulder, not really needing hold him back.

"What the hell is going on?" Garrus said quietly to his old friend.

Kaidan shook off his hand and walked over to James. He held out his hand in truce and said, "I'm sorry, James. That was way offside."

James stared at Kaidan's hand and then slapped his own into the other man's palm. He gripped hard but Kaidan didn't wince.

"No worries, amigo," he said loud enough for everyone to hear, sending them back to their drinks and conversation, and then added quietly, "I'll lay off."

Kaidan let go, turned to leave the gathering, and stopped in his tracks. Catherine was standing at the edge of the firelight and had seen the whole fight. He locked eyes with her, then quickly looked away.

Garrus tried to stop him from leaving, but Kaidan just couldn't stay there. He needed to be alone. He brushed passed the turian and headed back to his house.

He closed the door behind him and fell onto the bed, his head spinning. His hip throbbed where James had landed on top of him and Kaidan tried to focus on the pain, let it bring him back to a sober state of mind.

Eventually he fell asleep, but his dreams were plagued by images of Shepard, his subconscious seeming to taunt and tease him. Morning came and still he stayed in bed. His uniform lay crumpled on the floor and the blanket pulled over his head.

Several times there were knocks at his door, but he ignored them all. He dozed fitfully until he awoke to find Liara sitting on the bed beside him.

"We need to talk," was all she said.


	5. Chapter 5 Damages

"Not now, Liara," Kaidan grumbled while pulling the blanket over his head and rolling onto his stomach.

"Yes, now Kaidan," Liara said harshly as she rose from the bed, grasped the blanket at Kaidan's feet and yanked hard. She dumped the blanket and sheet at the foot of the bed and slapped the sole of Kaidan's foot with the back of her hand.

He was naked, but he didn't care. If Liara didn't like it, she knew where the door was. His whole body ached inside and out. The throbbing in his hip said there would be a deep and livid bruise.

"Kaidan, you can't lie here all day," Liara said with more empathy in her voice. "Get up and get dressed so that we may talk."

Kaidan turned on her and bellowed out his rage and anguish.

"Get out now, Liara, before I throw you out!"

"Absolutely not!" she shouted back at him. Liara rarely raised her voice above her typical calm, quiet tone, and Kaidan was taken aback.

"Kaidan Alenko, you are behaving like a petulant child and you should be ashamed of yourself." She grabbed his pants from the floor and flung them in his face. "Now put some clothes on and speak to me like an adult."

Kaidan obeyed, but only because his nakedness was causing him to blush under Liara's intense stare. Once they were on he fell back on the bed and covered his eyes with his arm. He felt the bed shift as Liara sat down beside him. Her voice was gentle again when she spoke.

"What would Shepard think if she saw you behaving this way?"

"Don't talk to me about Shepard," he growled at her.

"And why not? She was my friend too, and I know she would not look kindly on you right now."

Kaidan sighed and looked up at her. "What do you want me to say, Liara?"

"I want you to apologize to Catherine."

"So, I guess everyone knows what happened last night?" he closed his eyes last night, feeling once again ashamed of how he had treated her and how he had lashed out at James afterwards.

"Catherine has told no one," Liara told him. "But everyone saw you leave together, and witnessed what you did when you came back alone. It's not difficult to work out."

Kaidan felt relieved and grateful that Catherine had said nothing. She was close with Morgan and Gabby and he had fully expected to have the wrath of at least those two woman come down on him today.

"Is it really so wrong of me to change my mind?" Kaidan said while trying to rationalize the idea in his own mind.

"Last night was not a... What is it humans call it? A one night stand? And your relationship with her has not been a mere dalliance. You've essentially been courting her for the last six months. Ever since the night you found her in the rain."

Kaidan knew what Liara was saying was true, but he had no answer. No justification to offer. He'd been moving on. Slowly but surely he had been getting over the past and forgetting Shepard.

"Kaidan, if you were not ready for what almost transpired last night, then you should not have let it happen. Catherine has had feelings for you almost the entire time we've been here and she has held back and let you make the choices for yourself. You must apologize to her. You must make this right."

"To what end, Liara? I might never be ready to move on," Kaidan said in a pained voice.

"That does not excuse you," she chided gently. "You must make your peace with her and you must do it before she comes to you. She feels she has done something wrong, and you and I both know that is simply not true."

Kaidan was silent. He could think of no answer to give. Liara's words were true and he knew he had to do something. Make some gesture of contrition. But he had no idea how to approach the conversation. Just thinking about Catherine made him feel humiliated. Looking her in the eye would be the worst thing he could face.

"Kaidan, I must ask," Liara said carefully. "Do you feel anything for Catherine?"

"Yes." His answer was immediate and slipped from his mouth before he could stop it.

"Good," Liara said with a nod. "I would hate to realize only now that I had completely misjudged you. You are better than this, Kaidan. And she deserved better from you."

"I'll say something, Liara. I promise I will. Just... Give me some time to think."

Liara leaned down and kissed him softly on the forehead.

"Don't wait too long. Soul searching won't bring her solace."

She rose and left the house, but Kaidan didn't move for a long time. He thought about everything that had happened the night before. The lean muscles of Catherine's back under his hand. Her warm, moist tongue entangled with his own and the sugar sweet taste of her lips.

Every movement of her body had felt so natural and so right, as if he had tasted her, smelled her, and caressed her before. He thought of the timid way she had accepted his kiss the first time he leaned in to her, and as he did that same sense of déjà vu tugged at him. This time he let it come, but it just made him think of home, of the Rockies.

Finally, Kaidan hauled himself up off the bed and neatly folded and tucked away his dress uniform. He picked up Shepard's black N7 sweater from where it lay on the floor at the end of the bed and held it to his face, breathing deeply. After so long Shepard scent had completely faded. That crisp, clean smell with a hint of thermal clip and sweat. He missed her smell. He missed her.

And then he realized something. As desperately as he missed her, he now went days at a time without thinking about her, and often when he did he greet the memories with a fond, if sad, feeling. Whether he wanted it to happen or not, spending time with Catherine had helped him reach this point, but part of him did not want to thank her for that. That selfish, maudlin part of him that dominated his mind right now wanted to ignore her and make her hurt the way he hurt.

Shaking off the feelings that offended his better nature, Kaidan dressed in his work clothes and steeled himself for what he might find outside.

He wasn't particularly hungry so he skipped the hall and went straight to the showers. The reservoir tanks from the Normandy which sat on the roof held and heated enough water for everyone to shower every day, but after the festivities the night before everyone had needed to bathe and only enough hot water remained for Kaidan to quickly rinse off.

Feeling somewhat refreshed he went to the hall to eat and found James and Morgan together in the kitchen. The hall was otherwise abandoned and Kaidan almost turned around to leave, but James called him over and he could hardly escape now. He walked over to them cautiously. James was smiling, though his face was bruised and nose swollen. Morgan's look, however, was frosty and she turned away from the conversation to continue cooking as Kaidan approached.

"That was one hell of a sucker punch last night, amigo," James clapped a hand on Kaidan's shoulder. "No hard feelings though. We've all been scorned once or twice."

Morgan spun on James and punched him soundly in the arm. He winced and rubbed it briskly. She gave Kaidan an icy stare and stalked from the building.

"We have different opinions about what happened between you two last night," James explained.

Kaidan leaned against the counter beside James and crossed his arms.

"Morgan's got you on this one. I was a complete ass last night."

James didn't seem surprised and Kaidan wondered if it had all been a ploy to get him talking. Not that he minded. Somehow talking to another man felt easier than talking to Liara.

He didn't say anything for a few minutes and James waited patiently beside him. Finally he made an attempt to explain what he was feeling.

"I just... I can't let myself forget about Shepard."

"What makes you think you have to?" James asked, and the question struck Kaidan like a hammer hitting a bell.

"How is it fair to Catherine if I don't?" he heard himself asking, as if his mouth was acting on orders he hadn't realized his brain had sent.

"No one said you have to forget her. You just have to learn to think of her differently than you do Catnip."

"That's surprisingly insightful of you, Mister Vega."

"I have my moments," James said with a shrug. "Now just swallow your pride and go talk to her."

"Where is she?" Kaidan half expected James to say she was in her cabin crying, but he knew better. Catherine was a tougher woman than that.

"Where she always is. With her plants."

Kaidan left the hall and made his way slowly to the fields, rehearsing in his head the whole way what he would say to her. Wondering how he could possibly explain to her how he felt without sounding like a completely self absorbed SOB.

When he reached the garden he spotted her immediately, on her knees with her head down, pulling weeds from between her rows of carefully sown vegetables. She was a fair distance from everyone else in the garden and at least ten people stood between Kaidan and her.

They noticed him first, and everyone paused in their work to stare, mostly at him, but a few of the woman turned their gazes to her. If he wanted to reach her, he would have to do the walk of shame and endure their disapproving looks.

He started towards her, but before he'd made it three paces she looked up and spotted him across the field. Her look was one of such misery that Kaidan stopped in his tracks. Indecision plagued him and he waited too long. He saw her chin quiver ever so slightly, and then her jaw hardened and she went back to work with determination.

The moment had passed and Kaidan had let it slip through his fingers. Maybe now wasn't the right time, with so many other people around. He would wait until after supper and go to her at home, privately.

He grabbed a shovel and went to work turning the soil between the rows of grains, acting as if that was what he'd come to do all along.

Kaidan laboured until the sun began to dip towards the horizon and the other people in the field began to leave their work and heading for the settlement. He kept working, hoping that Catherine would linger and maybe he could talk to her here, but one of her team found a reason to talk to her first and they walked away together leaving Kaidan standing alone with his shovel.

Dinner was a more sedate affair than usual. Everyone was feeling the effects of the night before and there were more than a few hung over people just resting their heads on the table tops moaning their woes to anyone who would listen.

Kaidan took his food and ate by himself in the lab. EDI joined him half way through his meal and conversed politely with him, but Kaidan suspected it was mostly due to her curiosity about human nature.

When he left the lab, the hall was emptying as people went to their beds early, leaving their dishes for later. Catherine was no where to be seen and once again Kaidan steeled himself as he strode down the path to her cabin.

His hand was raised to rap on the metal door when he heard voices within. Gabby was there with her and Kaidan couldn't help but overhear what they were saying.

"Cat, you didn't do anything wrong. Everyone thought you two were already an item and it wasn't because of you. He's been flirting with you for months."

"But I should have known he wasn't ready. How can I possibly compare to someone like Shepard? It was so stupid of me to think that he could ever love someone like me after having someone like her."

"No one could ever be like Shepard. She was living legend, and she may have loved him, but her duty always came first. Kaidan is a fool if he can't see what he's got here. Only an idiot gives up a chance to love again."

"I've loved that man for years, Gabby. Most of my life in fact. How am I supposed to look at him now?"

"What do you mean 'most of your life'? I thought you'd only just met him on the Normandy."

Catherine was silent and a morbid curiosity in Kaidan willed her to reply, though the answer was already clawing at his mind, demanding that he acknowledge it.

"I met Kaidan on Earth when we were just kids. He probably doesn't even remember me, but I've always remembered him. That's why this is so unfair to him. I've been in this relationship for decades longer than he has."

Kaidan backed away from the door, his heart pounding in his chest. How could he not have seen it before now? How could he not have recognized those blue eyes and that hair? It had been longer back then, a mass of swirling ringlets he'd got his finger awkwardly tangled in as they kissed. On the Normandy she'd kept it sheered short and had only now been letting it grow out, but there was no doubt that she was the same girl.

His heel caught a rock as he continued the walk backwards and he fell, now literally as floored as he felt.

"Kaidan, are you alright?" It was Garrus, standing over him with a clawed hand out to help him up. Grasping it, Kaidan pulled himself to his feet and continued to stare at the door to Catherine's house.

"I have fucked up so badly, Garrus," he whispered.

"Catherine's a reasonable woman," Garrus said comfortingly. "I'm sure she'll listen to what ever you have to say."

"No," Kaidan shook his head. "You have no idea how badly I have screwed this up."

And with that he turned and stormed back to his own cabin. His mind wrestled with a thousand thoughts all at once. Nothing made sense now. On top of reconciling a way to be with Catherine, he now had to decide how to tell her he knew who she was. If he should tell her at all.

The chance lost again for that day, he sat down at his desk and immersed himself in any work he could. And continued to do the same every day after that.

Each morning he woke and promised himself that this would be the day he would talk to her. And each day ended with him kicking himself. He just couldn't bring himself to do it. Before he knew it, a week had gone by. Then two weeks. And with each day that passed it became more and more difficult to fathom speaking to her alone.

He worked in the garden less and less, not avoiding, but finding he didn't like the work quite so much without her company. As a result she was forced to come to him to talk about matters concerning the settlement. She was civil and polite, but never looked him in the eye, and Kaidan's guilt grew with every strained conversation. The opportunity to restore some semblance of their friendly relationship had long passed and little chance remained.

The men of the camp didn't treat Kaidan much differently, but many of the woman, particularly Liara and Morgan, treated him with barely contained loathing. He didn't have the same easy companionship with Tali or Gabby either. Although, none of them said anything outright, Kaidan knew they were furious with him. Not because he and Catherine hadn't kissed and made up, but because he had never managed even an apology for his actions.

It was late in the summer when things took a turn for the worse in the settlement. Morgan was heavy with child and spent most of her time trying not to go into labour early. Several other women were pregnant as well, including Diana and Gabby, and along with harvesting the seasons bumper crops, people dedicated their time towards preparing for the arrival of the first children.

They began construction of an expansion on the great hall, trying to make more room for a larger medical suite at Doctor Chakwas' request. With help from EDI's considerable databases, the were also adding to the amount of furniture available to those now with houses of their own.

The Normandy had only contained twenty-two bunks and five sleeper pods. It certainly hadn't held any cribs or rocking chairs. They were still able to machine tools and some parts with the equipment from the ship, but supplies were running low and they had to start using the local flora to build what they needed.

Now able to put significantly more strain on his bones, Joker had found that he had a knack for carpentry. Day in and day out, glad to finally be of some significant use, he made built everything they needs; cribs, tables, chairs, bed frames, saw horses. He even managed to build a wheeled cart that was sturdy enough to be pulled up and down the garden path, making the harvest that much easier.

Garrus had been taking his hunters further and further afield through the summer as they learned their way around the terrain and local wildlife. They had already established where several types of bird nested and plans were made to snatch young in the spring so they could start domesticating them.

The hunters had left several days earlier and headed west, further into the mountains. The jagged peaks and valleys made traversing the landscape difficult and this was the first time anyone had gone that direction on foot.

They weren't due back for at least a day so when Kaidan saw Ivan come stumbling into the camp, nearly collapsing from exhaustion, he panicked.

He and several others rushed to his side as he fell to the ground quickly losing consciousness. They carried him inside the hall and laid him on a gurney. Dr. Chakwas hurried in minutes later and examined him.

"He's seriously dehydrated," said told Kaidan as she inserted a needle into a vein in Ivan's sun burnt arm and hung one of their few remaining bags of saline on a hook above the bed.

Ivan was trying to say something and Kaidan had to lean closer to make the words out.

"We were attacked. Huge cat thing. Garrus hurt," was all he got out before he fainted clean away.

At that moment, Diana came flying into the room and threw herself on Ivan's chest, shoving Kaidan out of the way.

While Karin tried to calm Diana and explain that Ivan would be fine, Kaidan went back outside. A worried crowd had gathered and he placated them all before taking James and Cortez aside.

"They were attacked. Garrus was hurt."

"Do we know where they are?" Cortez asked.

"No, but they can't be far." Kaidan glanced up and saw Tali approaching and lowered his voice. "Let me handle Tali."

"What's going on Kaidan?" He voice was slightly muffled through the breathing mask she now wore in place of the full helmet. "Someone said Ivan came back alone."

"We're not sure yet," he said calmly. "Garrus is injured, but that's all we know. We'll wait until Ivan can tell us more."

Tali didn't yet realize what rough shape Ivan was in, so although she looked deeply concerned, she didn't fly into a flurry of activity, trying to mount a rescue mission immediately.

"Garrus is tough," she said. "I'm sure he's ok."

She seemed calm, but they could all see the concern in her eyes. As she walked away, they could see her wringing her hands the way she did whenever she got worked up.

Kaidan turned back to Cortez and James. "If they could have brought Garrus back they would have. I think me may have to assume the worst. Get the shuttle ready. We're going to go look for them."

"Maybe we should wait for Ivan to give us some direction," James put in.

"Tali and EDI amped up the signal range of the comm array ages ago," Steve told them. "We should be able to keep in contact and get updates from Ivan while we get a head start searching."

James and Cortez jogged off to the landing area while Kaidan slipped back inside and furtively told Karin what they were planning.

"I'm coming with you, Kaidan. If Garrus is seriously hurt I'm the only one how can help him."

"All right, but don't say anything to Tali. I don't want her freaking out."

Acting as normally as they possibly could, they kept their pace to a quick walk as they followed James and Steve to the shuttle. They were in the air a little after noon and flying westward low over the treetops so Kaidan and James could keep an eye out the open door.

Their zigzagging course had only taken them ten kilometers when a red flare shot up in front of them. Their speed shot them past and Kaidan leaned as far out the door as he could as Cortez banked the shuttle around and began to descend to a rocky outcrop where several men and woman waved urgently at them.

There wasn't space enough to land so Cortez held the shuttle at a hover as close to the edge as he could managed. Kaidan jumped out and held out a hand to help Karin down. James followed carrying the emergency kit.

Adams jogged up to them as Kaidan surveyed the scene. Of the six people there, only three were still on their feet, and Adams was clearly injured as well. Two men had deep gashes that had been hastily bandaged, but Garrus was by far the worst.

They'd erected a shelter over him to protect him from the sun, but even in the shadow Kaidan could see he was pale. There was a thin of blue blood running down the rock away from him. Doctor Chakwas rushed to his side and got to work immediately, but Kaidan hung back with Adams.

"What happened?" he asked.

"We were trying to find a way through the next set of peaks and ended up using a game trail," he told him. "It was a narrow path and we had to go single file. Garrus was the first through and we heard gun fire almost as soon as he was out of our sight. He was shouting for us to stay back, but as if we were going to listen. We came out firing, but he was already down. The thing was massive. Like a big cat. Almost like a lion, but it was all grey and green. And it moved so fast we could barely track it. I got a lucky shot in and pegged it in the head. It fell off the cliff, but we didn't bother to see if it was dead."

"You guys are lucky to be alive," Kaidan breathed, relived that they all still were. "How bad is Garrus?"

"Pretty bad," Adams said, glancing back at his prone figure. "It got it's teeth into his neck. His armor saved him from the worst of it, but it must have shaken him like a rag doll cause he lost half his crest. Snapped two of the horns right off."

Kaidan patted him on the shoulder. "Get yourselves into the shuttle. It'll be a tight fit but we should be able to get you all back."

Adams nodded and went to the others and start helping them limp their way to the hovering shuttle. Kaidan went to Garrus's side to find the turian awake and blinking rapidly. His eyes were glassy, but they focused on Kaidan as he knelt down.

"Hey Garrus," he said with a weak smile. "Trying to get even uglier?"

Karin put a hand over Garrus's mouth and shushed him.

"Don't let him talk," she said and Kaidan heard he worry in her voice. "His throat is seriously damaged. I've done what I can here, but we have to get him back to my equipment quickly. He's lost a lot of blood."

James and Kaidan quickly took the shelter down and tied it to a hastily made frame to make a stretcher. They eased the turian on to it and moved him and carefully as they could to the waiting shuttle.

With the added weight, Cortez was having a hard time keeping it stable. It took some tricky maneuvering to get the stretcher inside, and Kaidan nearly slipped climbing in after it. Karin was last aboard and then Cortez shot away at top speed.

They radioed ahead and the signal was filled with static but audible. EDI's voice came out of the speaker at the front.

"I have prepared an operating table with proper equipment for turian medical procedures. When should I expect you?"

Kaidan leaned forward to the pick up. "Shouldn't be too long. Ten minutes max. We're going to land at the fire pit. Make sure the area is clear."

"Of course, Kaidan." She signed off and Kaidan leaned back against the cock pit wall. He closed his eyes and told himself that Garrus would be fine. He was still a young turian, only thirty-six years old, the same as Kaidan.

Kaidan turned and looked back into the main hold. Karin was now tending to the other injured. One of the injured was a woman, Rowan, who he didn't know very well. She was quiet and kept mostly to herself. Karin was unwrapping the bandages from a nasty gash on her leg and Kaidan winced with her as the cut reopened and blood dripped on the floor.

"Don't worry guys," Kaidan tried to reassure them all. "We'll be back soon."

Tali met them when the shuttle landed, holding back her tears as they unloaded Garrus and carried him as steadily as they could to the new door in the side of the hall where the hospital would be.

Tali clung on to Garrus's hand the whole way, ordering him to hang on, telling him he couldn't leave her here alone. Kaidan and James lifted him from the stretcher and lay him out on the operating table within the sterile space EDI had made while Doctor Chakwas scrubbed in.

Just a few short months ago, Tali would have leaned on Kaidan for support, but now it was Joker she turned to. He sat with her out in the hall while EDI tended to the more minor injuries of Adams and the others, her dexterous fingers and synthetic eyes not needing the extra tools the doctor required.

Liara soon joined them in the hall and went right to Tali's side, listening to her friend's worries with soothing sounds of sympathy and comfort. Javik, who was rarely seen around the settlement those day, made an appearance and offered to help if he could.

Worried for his friend, Kaidan paced up and down the centre of the hall, wishing there was something he could do. When Karin finally emerged two hours later, she spoke to Tali first and when the quarian had turned and rushed into the labs, Kaidan feared the worst.

"Is he going to be all right, Karin?" he asked as she took off the surgical gown and draped it over the back of a chair.

"I've repaired as much of the damage as I could. It was difficult given how much scar tissue he has," Karin said as she rubbed a kink out of the back of her neck. "He's lost a lot of blood though. Normally, a transfusion would turn the tide and give him quite favourable odds, but without that... I'm afraid he might not make it."

Kaidan sank to a chair and put his head in his hands. Garrus was one of his best friends. The turian had been there for him through some of the worst days of his life and the thought of losing him was unendurable.

"If he makes it through the night, he'll have a good chance," Karin said as she sat down beside Kaidan. "But as I just told Tali, I think it would be best if you prepared yourself for the worst."

Kaidan looked up at her. "You don't think he's going to make it."

"I think it will be nothing short of a miracle if he does."

Kaidan shook his head in dismay. "Please, keep me updated, Karin. I've got to keep moving or I'm going to go crazy."

"Of course, Kaidan," she said with a consoling pat on his knee.

As Kaidan rose to leave, Catherine came tearing though the door, pushing at it when it opened too slowly. Her bare feet, knees and hands were crusted with dried dirt. She rushed to Kaidan's side.

"Is he okay?" She was out of breath and pink in the cheeks.

"It doesn't look good," Kaidan said, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

"Oh no," she breathed, tears sparkling in her eyes.

She reached out a hand as if to touch his arm, but quickly pulled her hand back. Mumbling something about getting cleaned up, she turned and left the hall, bits of dirt dusting from her as she moved.

Karin turned and walked back into the labs and Kaidan was left standing alone in the centre of the hall. There was a commotion outside and he trotted to the door to see what was going on.

James was carrying Morgan up the path, his chin bouncing off her huge belly as he jogged. Morgan was clearly in pain and let out little cries while clutching at her abdomen.

Looking elated and terrified at the same time he slowed as he reached Kaidan.

"When it rains it pours, amigo. Morgan's in labour."

Morgan dug her fingers into James' shoulder as another contraction hit. "He can figure that out for himself you big idiot. Get me inside."

James gave a gleeful laugh and swung her through the door. A minute later he emerged again with Dr. Chakwas close behind. She was carrying the bag she'd prepared just for this event and shooing James in front of her.

"Put the woman down, you cretin," she admonished him. "She pregnant, not crippled. Moving will help with the pain."

"That's what I said," Morgan said as James set her on the ground.

James still kept his hand on the small of her back as he escorted her back to their house, totally out of his element. Karin stopped beside Kaidan and let out a deep sigh.

"I've been dreading this moment for months."

"Why?" Kaidan said, watching with envy as James fumbled around Morgan, unsure how to help as she swatted him away.

"I've never delivered a baby. My whole career has been sewing up soldiers. And Morgan is a tiny woman carrying a very large child. She's tough as nails, but this is going to be a rough night for her." She glanced at Kaidan and saw the worry in his eyes. "Oh, don't be such a man. She'll be fine. It's James I'm worried about. And me."

She chuckled and continued down the path after the loving couple. Kaidan stood and watched until they were out of sight. He desperately needed to talk to someone, or at least just sit quietly with a drink and delve into his thoughts with silent company, but with Garrus at death's door, Tali at his side, James attending the birth of his child, and Liara alienated, he felt horribly alone.

As dusk fell, tension through the settlement rose. Nobody wanted to be in the hall for fear of being present if Garrus didn't make it, and outside the air was filled with Morgan's cries of pain.

Her screams were interspersed with some of the most foul language Kaidan had ever heard, but it was hard to be amused as her labour entered its seventh hour.

Later, unable to rest, Kaidan got out of bed and pulled on his boots, hoping to find sleep somewhere out under the stars. Morgan's cries were weaker now and he wished he could support James, but their home wasn't large enough for another person, and Kaidan doubted Morgan wanted him there.

He wandered aimlessly, worry gnawing at his stomach. Tali and Liara were still in the hall which mean Garrus was still alive, but that offered little relief to Kaidan's tortured soul.

After nearly an hour of wandering, he found himself outside Catherine's door. He stood there staring at the polished metal, willing himself to have the courage to knock on it. When it opened and Catherine appeared in the doorway, they both jumped in surprise. Their eyes met for the first time in months and Kaidan could tell she'd been crying.

Without thinking he closed the space between them with two long strides and wrapped his arms around her. Her arms were tucked up between them, but she turned her head and rested her cheek against his chest, the tears beginning again.

Neither of them said a word during their brief embrace, and it was Catherine who pulled away first.

"You look exhausted, Kaidan."

"I feel like I haven't slept in days."

She stepped back inside and held the door open.

"Come inside."

He didn't hesitate this time but followed her inside and closed the door behind him. The standing lamp she'd claimed from the ship's lounge was on and draped with a piece of orange fabric that gave the room a suffused, orange glow.

Her small bed was unkempt and she had obviously just climbed out of it. The only other thing in the space was her locker from the ship, a chair from the mess hall and an end table made for her by Joker.

The bed was pushed up against the back wall beneath the window and a cool breeze wafted in, stirring the blue curtains. Looking at them, Kaidan realized they were made from the dress she'd worn the night of the wake.

He didn't know what to say to her, but he felt he said to say something.

"Catherine, I..."

She interrupted him with a finger on his lips.

"Hush, Kaidan. Tonight's not the night."

Taking his hand she lead him to the bed where she propped a pillow up against the wall and turned back the blankets. She pushed him down to sit on the edge of the bunk and then knelt down to pull off his heavy boots.

She climbed on the bed and sat across the top, her back against the pillow and feet sticking out the side. Patting her leg with one hand she pulled Kaidan down with her other.

He rested his head against her thigh and she dragged the blanket up over him. One hand lay on his chest while she stoked his hair, her fingers brushing against his forehead with every motion.

He closed his eyes and let himself drift. Eventually he fell sleep and when he woke Catherine was gone. He lay on his side with the pillow tucked beneath his head and the blankets pulled up over his shoulder. Sunlight steamed in through the filmy blue curtains.

Memories of the day before came flooding back to him and he leapt out of bed, yanking his boots back on and hurrying out the door. There was no one around and he couldn't decide where to go first.

Before he could make a decision, he looked up the path to see Karin coming out of the hall. She saw him and beckoned. He took off at a run, fearing for this friends.

"Garrus?" he asked breathlessly.

"Hanging on by a thread," she said wearily. There were deep shadows under her eyes and Kaidan doubted she'd slept at all.

"And Morgan?"

"Resting well. She delivered a healthy baby girl just after midnight," Karin said with a satisfied smile.

Kaidan grabbed her in a huge hug that lifted her right off her feet. "What would we do without you?"

Kaidan felt brilliant. Better than he had all summer. Garrus was still alive, a brand new life had arrived, and some kind of peace had been made with Catherine.

"James is showing her off in the hall, if you want to meet our newest crew member. I'm going to bed."

Kaidan gave her a kiss on the cheek and went into the hall, looking around for Catherine as he did so. He didn't find her, but James was standing in the middle of the room holding a tiny bundles in his massive arms.

He looked even more exhausted than Karin, but he grinned at Kaidan and whispered for him to come over.

"Would you look at this, Kaidan," he said as he raised the new baby up in his arms for Kaidan to admire. "I've got a daughter."

His voice was filled with wonder as he looked down on his child's red, wrinkled face. Using one finger, Kaidan pulled the blanket away from her face.

"Congratulations, James," he said with a pat on his friend's arm. "What's her name?"

"Lola Isabel Vega."

Kaidan looked from the child and into James' face.

"Some of my favourite people were Lolas," he told Kaidan, who tried not to let on how emotional the name made him feel.

"Yeah, me too," Kaidan replied. "I should go see Garrus. Give Morgan my love."

James was ignoring him already, totally lost in his love for this new little life. Kaidan made his way through the hall and into the dimness of the labs.

A more permanent wall had been built around the medical suite since his stay there and he quietly opened the door to find Liara and Tali asleep side by side on the couch next to Garrus's bed. Tali's eyes were swollen and her hair a tousled mess.

Out of his armor, Garrus looked small under the blankets pulled up over his chest. His head lay to the side exposing the damage to his neck. The wounds were covered in sterile, white bandages, but Kaidan could tell they were extensive.

As Kaidan looked down at the turian an alarm began to beep urgently beside the bed. EDI came around the corner from the next bed and took a quick reading.

"What's wrong EDI?" Kaidan asked desperately.

Tali was awake instantly at his side immediately, pushing Kaidan out of the way to lean down to Garrus's face.

"His blood pressure is dropping," EDI said while she made subtle adjustments on the machines around the bed.

"I thought Karin said he was holding on," Tali almost wailed.

"He was," EDI replied. "But things can change quickly."

She moved with more urgency now, injecting something with a purplish hue directly into Garrus's neck. Tali began to sob in earnest now, while Liara came up beside Kaidan and took his hand tightly in hers.

"Kaidan, are we about to watch our friend die?"

The question required no answer and Kaidan had none to give. He could only stand and wait, and hope that Garrus could pull through this.


	6. Chapter 6 Decisions

The day dawned golden and warm with the barest hint of autumn in the air, but Kaidan barely noted the beauty of it at all. He emerged from the hall, blinking and rubbing his swollen eyes. It had been a long night with nothing but fitful dozing in the chair he'd dragged from the main hall into the med bay.

By some stroke of luck, Garrus had made it through yet another night. He was still only just clinging to life, but every day he continued to live gave him a better chance at making it. The main concern now was brain damage. Several times now his heart had stopped and Doctor Chakwas was worried that this had caused injury that she could yet test for.

Since the morning after the night he'd spent in Catherine's cabin, Kaidan had barely left the hall, and he'd yet to see her again. What mattered now was being at his friend's side. If Garrus died and Kaidan wasn't there, he would never forgive himself. Catherine would understand, and if she didn't, well, then she wasn't the woman Kaidan thought she was.

Tali met Kaidan at the door, looking out at the glowing dawn with hope in her eyes.

"Today feels good," she said softly. "I think something amazing is going to happen today."

Kaidan looked down at her. He envied her ability to be endlessly optimistic. In spite of everything, she held out unassailable hope that they would look down on Garrus soon and find him awake and perfect.

"I sure hope so, Tali," he replied. "I sure hope so."

They stood together admiring the glorious new day before them. Birds sang and flitted about in the tress. Insects already heavy with pollen flew from flower to flower. Dew glistened on the sloping metal roofs of the houses.

They had stopped building at forty as couples moved in together. Space enough was left around them for expansion and other buildings were starting to take shape among them. New toilets at the far end so people didn't have to travel as far in the night. A woodworking shop for Joker. Most recently, as far from everything else as they could manage it, a tannery, to prepare the hides of all the creatures the hunters brought back. At the peak of the day, the settlement actually looked like a bustling little village.

While most people were working on the expansion of the hall and its new hospital space, a number of people had began digging for a cold cellar. While the Normandy had held space for a large amount of fresh food, the bulk of their rations had been freeze dried, vacuum packed, or dehydrated and had been stored only in crates. Now, the majority of their food stuff was fresh and had to be stored somewhere it would keep.

The digging was hard work and everyone did their share, but it was slow going and Kaidan doubted it would be done before winter.

"I guess someone else is going to have to take the hunters out until Garrus is on his feet," Kaidan wondered aloud.

"Kaidan, I owe you an apology," Tali interjected suddenly. "I haven't been a very good friend to you. I tried to think what Shepard would do if she were here, but now I realize that she would never have acted this way. The way I have. Relationships are about ups and downs, and I have no right to punish you. Especially when I know you are punishing yourself already."

"I deserved it, Tali," he said contritely. "I was jerk. I owe a lot of apologies right now."

"Well, you don't owe me one," Tali said with a sweet smile as she ran her three fingered hand through her tangled hair. "I do have a favour to ask though. I know you're just as tired as I am, but I haven't bathed in three days. Living outside my suit is so dirty. Would you stay a little longer while I have a shower?"

Kaidan chuckled. "Of course."

He touched his omnitool to hers to create a secure link. "I'll let you know if anything changes."

"Thanks, Kaidan," she said as she hurried off to the showers next door.

Kaidan stood on the path for a few minutes more and then went back inside. The earliest of the early risers were there already, eating breakfast and preparing for the day. Several asked after Garrus and Kaidan gave them the best news he could, which was that the turian was still alive.

EDI met him at the door to the labs and was nearly bursting with excitement.

"Kaidan, as you know, this morning I attempted the amplify my hearing to listen to Garrus' heart sounds in more detail," she said, her eyes sparkling through her visor as she lead him into the labs and away from the medical suites. "Instead I detected a weak signal coming through on the quantum entanglement communicator. We have a signal to Earth again. Admiral Hackett would like to speak to you."

"Is anyone with Garrus?" Kaidan asked, eager to speak to the Admiral, but equally mindful of the promise he had just made to Tali.

"Liara and Javik are with him," EDI replied. "I still find prothean behaviour difficult to interpret at times, but I believe Javik has been... distressed of late and wished to speak to Liara alone."

"All right then," Kaidan said with a nod. "Let's go talk to the Admiral."

The quantum communicator ate up massive amounts of power and they'd kept it powered down most of the time, with only the audio signal active to alert them. However, they'd had no communications since the spring and they had not been monitoring it as closely during the summer months while there was so much other work to do.

As Kaidan stepped up to the console a familiar blue figure flickered into existence.

"Major Alenko, I'm relived to see you're still alive," the Admiral said, clearly extremely happy to see Kaidan and EDI. "We've been unable to raise you for months."

"It's good to see you too, Steven," Kaidan leaned forward with his hands on the railing and tried to look as happy as the Admiral did. "EDI only just detected your signal today."

"I have a theory in regards to our inability to receive your hail," EDI spoke from beside Kaidan. "We only just entered the later half of the year. I believe that our ability to communicate off planet it determined by our orbit around the sun. This also allows me to calculate an rough estimate of our position in the galaxy. I do not believe we are as far away as I originally hypothesized."

Kaidan looked at EDI in surprise. He knew she could calculate more quickly than any other computer, and certainly more quickly than a human, but given that they had only just received the signal, this seemed particularly fast.

"Given that Joker only took the Normandy through the Charon relay, and how long we were in transit, and in addition to the direction I now calculate Earth to be in, I theorize that we are somewhere in unexplored space between the Local Cluster and the Viper Nebula on the outer fringes of the galaxy," EDI concluded.

"That close?" Kaidan and Hackett said almost in unison.

"Given the inaccessible nature of the majority of space between these two locations, close is relative. We might as well be in the Valhallan Threshold or the Far Rim."

"EDI, why did you initially think we might be beyond the Perseus Veil?" Kaidan asked, confused at this revelation.

"During our flight, my ability to accurately measure the passage of time was altered by the energy wave created by the activation of crucible. I have only recently been able to access all of the internal footage from the Normandy allowing me to piece together an accurate timeline. The apologize for the inaccuracies."

"Do we not have star charts of this area?" Kaidan asked.

"Yes, but they are incomplete and antiquated," EDI explained. "The relay network controlled the movements of all species and very few ever bothered to look beyond the systems the relays allowed them access to. As such, vast swaths of the of space between relays with significant distance between them remain almost entirely unexplored."

"Hang on a second," Hackett said. "The Alpha relay was destroyed along with the entire Bahak system. How could the Charon relay have sent you there?"

"I have a theory on that subject as well, Admiral," EDI said with a confidence that said her theory was more than an educated guess. "It is possible that rather than riding the energy beam between relays, we were in fact riding the energy _wave_ cast out by the exploding relays. The Viper System is the only named system in that region of space, which is why I used it as a point of reference."

Hackett rubbed at his chin and nodded. "Well, whatever way you look at it, it's nice to have some idea where you are."

EDI excused herself and returned to the medical suite leaving Kaidan to speak to the Admiral privately.

"How are things on Earth?" he asked, eager for news.

"Improving rapidly," Hackett said. "Having the most brilliant people from every species in the galaxy is definitely improving our odds of survival."

"If the salarians could make Tuckanka liveable, they can make Earth healthy again," Kaidan said, thinking of Captain Kirrahe and the other brave, brilliant salarians he'd met over the course if his career.

"My thoughts exactly," Hackett agreed. "England is a wasteland. As is much of mainland Europe. But North and South America fared much better and most of the remaining population has been relocated there. Africa is relatively unharmed since the continent was made a Galactic Historic Site after the First Contact War, and so much of Asia is so remote that other than the major cities it saw little action."

"That's good to hear. And what about the asari fleets? Have they left for Exodus yet?"

"Interesting news on that front as well," Hackett said, sounding upbeat. "Not only have they left, but they convinced most of the krogan to go with them. Many of the older members of each species elected to stay and live out that last of their days, but the younger have all left."

Kaidan let the Admiral keep talking when he realized it was obviously doing the old man some good. He learned that the geth had shut down as many of their active platforms as they could, uploading into the suits of the quarians trapped on Earth. Those that hadn't were taking care of clean up on parts of the planet that had become hostile to organic life.

Earth was becoming a planet shared by humans, asari, turian, salarians, quarian, and even batarians. Very few elcor and volus had survived the battle and it was likely they would die out within a generation or two since their physiologies made life on Earth extremely difficult for them.

"Earth has become possibly the most diverse planet in the galaxy," Hackett concluded. "I won't lie though. I don't miss the vorcha. They were horrible."

Kaidan laughed, loudly and with more energy than he had in a long time. "I agree with you there, Steven."

"So, how are things there?" Hackett asked, sitting down in a chair someone had brought him.

"Thing are going well, all things considered," Kaidan told him. "We're dealing with a bit of a crisis at the moment. One of our hunting parties was attacked. We didn't lose anyone, but things aren't looking great for Garrus."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Kaidan," Hackett said with a sad shake of his head. "I hope he makes it."

"Me too," Kaidan said, glancing towards the medical suite to see Tali slip quietly inside and hoped she hadn't heard his thoughts of Garrus' outlook. "It's not all bad news though. Morgan O'Naill and James Vega just had the first baby a day and half ago. Healthy baby girl."

"Congratulations!" Hackett said with a rare smile. "I always thought Vega had it in him to be a good father."

"There are three more on the way," Kaidan elaborated. "Most likely in the early winter. We're still trying to decide how to calculate age. Our year is now almost twice as long."

Kaidan paused and wrinkled his brow.

"What is it, Major?"

"I just realized that means I'm thirty-seven, not thirty-six," Kaidan said, feeling suddenly older. "Funny how one year can make you seem so much closer to forty."

"You're still a young man, Kaidan," Hackett said reassuringly. "Besides, who knows how long we'll all live now with synthetics running through our veins."

"That's very true," Kaidan acknowledged.

"Kaidan, is there anything that we can do to help you?" Hackett changed topics quickly and Kaidan wondered if perhaps he had a limited time with access to the comm.

"If the signal is strong enough it would be great if you could get some information for us. EDI has helped us figure out a lot, but we're running out of supplies and we'll need to start manufacturing things to replace them."

"Anything in particular?" Hackett asked.

"Clothing. A lot of our equipment is durable and will last a lifetime, but our kids are going to need something to wear. We've identified some plants that could be used like cotton and hemp, but we haven't got a clue how to get from raw material to finished product. And soon we are going to need a lot of diapers."

Hackett was laughing now and it took Kaidan a minute to find the humour.

"I guess our needs are going to be pretty different from here on out," Kaidan said.

"That they are, Kaidan," Hackett said, still smiling. "We'll send you anything and everything we can."

"We'll leave the data link open from now on."

"Before I go," Hackett said with a glance at someone off the platform that Kaidan couldn't see. "You're situation has become something of a legend here. People are clamouring for news, particularly those who served with Shepard when the Normandy was a Cerberus vessel. Do them a favour and start naming things. The planet, the moons, hell, even the settlement. Give them something to think about."

Kaidan nodded. "It's a good idea, Admiral. We've bounced around a few ideas here and there. Maybe it's time to come up with something concrete."

They exchanged a few more pleasantries and then signed off. Kaidan shut down the audio and visual, but left the data link open and set up several dump files to catch the soon to be incoming information.

Feeling drained and desperately in need of food and a shower, Kaidan started for the hall then remembered he'd seen Tali come back. He diverted to the medical suite and entered to find Tali, EDI, Liara and Javik all standing close around Garrus's bed. His heart dropped.

"What happened?" he said as he rushed to the turian's bedside.

The small crowd parted and Kaidan arrived at the end of the bad to find Garrus awake and looking at him with the turian equivalent of a smile, his mandibles twitching slightly with laughter.

"Shit, it's good to see awake, Garrus," Kaidan said joyfully and patted his friend on the foot.

"Good to see you too, Kaidan." His voice was raspy and the flanging effect was less audible than usual, but he sounded good.

"I assume this means you're going to be all right and we can all go get some sleep?" Liara asked, giving the turian a loving smile.

"I feel like I nearly had my head ripped off... Oh wait, I did." Tali swatted at him and then leaned down to kiss him passionately.

"Man, turians heal fast," Kaidan said.

"We'll leave you two alone," Liara said as she took Javik's arm and headed for the door.

Kaidan gave Garrus a mock salute over Tali's head and followed them. His relief was immeasurable. Suddenly things felt like they were taking a very welcome upward turn. Desperate to refresh himself and go in search of Catherine, he made to leave, but Javik blocked his way.

"Major, there is something I must discuss with you." Ever the solider, Javik was the only who still called Kaidan by his rank.

"Can it wait, Javik. I really need to get something to eat."

"No," Javik said adamantly. "This cannot wait."

Liara put a hand on Javik's arm and turned to Kaidan. "It can wait, but it is important."

Kaidan sighed, once again putting his conversation with Catherine on hold. "Okay. Let me eat and shower and I'll meet you back here in an hour."

Javik did not look pleased, but Liara agreed and they left the lab talking quietly together. Kaidan wondered just what was going on between the two of them.

He'd barely seen Javik all summer. The prothean much preferred his own company and spent little time with the rest of the crew. Though he had his own Spartan little house, he rarely slept there, and no one really seemed to know where he spent his nights.

The few times Kaidan had talk to him, Javik had said this was the cleanest place he had ever been and he was trying to come to terms with being 'at peace'. After a lifetime of war, he didn't know how to function with a weapon in his hands and an enemy to face.

Liara was often the only other person Javik would speak to and a few people wonder if maybe the two of them were becoming an item, though Kaidan suspected not. Javik had already broken Liara's heart once after the battle at the temple on Thessia.

Shutting it from his mind for the time being, Kaidan wolfed down a breakfast of fruits and porridge, had a hurried shower where he shaved away the scruff from his cheeks, and made a quick visit to see James, Morgan, and Lola.

Morgan was too much in love with her new daughter to continue hating Kaidan and she greeted him with an exhausted smile from the bed where she nursed the baby while James slept on a chair by the window.

It was the first chance Kaidan had had to talk to Morgan since the birth. She looked radiant, if tired and still somewhat pale.

"How are you?" Kaidan asked as he pulled up a wooden stool to sit beside the bed and look down at Lola where she sucked contentedly at Morgan's breast. Not a shy woman by any stretch, Morgan had no issue breast feeding in front of anyone who might be around.

"I'm doing okay," she said as she stroked her daughter's downy head. "Incredibly sore, but also incredibly happy. How's Garrus? Any change?"

"He's awake. Tali and EDI are with him and I'm sure Karin as well by now."

"Good. Maybe James will relax now."

Kaidan looked at James asleep in the chair, his legs splayed out in front of him and his head tipped back with his mouth open.

"He looks pretty relaxed." Kaidan observed.

"I had to drug him," Morgan admitted. "He hadn't slept in days. I was getting worried about him."

"He's not going to be happy."

"Tough," was all Morgan said, casually switching Lola to her other breast.

Kaidan stood to leave. "I'm glad you're doing well. I've got to run."

"Rumour has it you were with Cat the other night," Morgan said softly without looking up at him.

He didn't reply. He wasn't sure what exactly had happened between himself and Catherine and didn't want to say anything until he'd figured it out.

"Who told you that?" he finally said.

"Doesn't matter," Morgan shrugged, earning a tiny squawk from Lola. "Just don't slide back into whatever funk you've been in. She loves you. Now go away."

If she hadn't been smiling Kaidan might have been offended, but he gave her a half smile in return and left. As he made his way back to the hall he tried not to let Catherine come back into his mind. He didn't have time yet to dedicate the effort he wanted into figuring out what to do about that whole relationship.

Forcing the thoughts to the periphery, he bounded up to the hall feeling lighter and happier than he had in some time. He found Liara and Javik sitting together at a square table in the back corner, a relatively private place, and joined them.

"What's up guys?"

Javik and Liara looked at each, and she nodded, looking down at the table as the prothean spoke.

"Major, in the London city, did Shepard repeat to you what I told her about my plans after the battle?"

"There wasn't exactly a lot of time for chat once we reached the FOB," Kaidan remembering back to his final moments alone with Shepard. She'd tried to say goodbye and walk away, but he hadn't let her, instead pulling her in for one last kiss. "No offense, Javik, but you weren't the topic of conversation."

Unphased, Javik continued. "I told Shepard that I would go to the Cronian Nebula, what your people called the Orion Nebula in this cycle, and end my life so that my soul might rest with those of my men."

"That's pretty drastic, Javik," Kaidan said, taken aback.

"Mine has been a life of war and violence, and I have many sins to atone for." Javik's four eyes focused intensely on Kaidan. "I wish now to die a soldier's death. A clean death in battle, as I should have done fifty-thousand years ago with the rest of my people."

"I'm sorry," Kaidan sputtered. "What?"

"Do not be dense, human. I know your hearing is flawless."

"I'm not being dense," Kaidan's annoyance was clear in his voice. "I just don't understand what you're saying."

Liara jumped in before Javik could open his mouth. "Kaidan, Javik has not been happy here. We all know that. Imagine what it must be like to be the very last of your kind in the entire galaxy. To live in a world where no one understands your needs, desires, or motivations."

"You support this, Liara?" Kaidan asked in disbelief.

"I do, but on a condition."

"And what condition is that?" Kaidan asked, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms across his chest.

Liara blushed and fidgeted under the table. "He must father a child."

"And how is he supposed to do that?" Kaidan asked sarcastically.

"Don't be naïve," she said sharply, the blush gone. "Who else but me?"

Kaidan slowly lowered his hands to his lap as he stared at Liara, his mouth agape. So the rumours had been true. Liara and Javik had some kind of relationship.

"Close your mouth, Kaidan," she chided him. "Is it really so hard to believe?"

"I'm sorry, it's just a lot to take in," Kaidan said shaking his head and turning to Javik. "I have a lot of questions and I'm not really sure where to start. Mostly, I think I'd like to know why you're telling me?"

"I must fight someone to be killed in battle. I had originally planned to ask the turian, but as he is not unavailable, you are my second choice."

"You want to battle to the death?" Kaidan exclaimed causing several people to glance curiously in their direction. "You can't be serious."

"I am perfectly serious," Javik replied soberly.

"And if _I_ die?" Kaidan asked, still not sure if this was reality and not some bizarre dream.

"My aim is to die, not to kill."

"So, you're going to let me win?"

"No. I expect you to fight to the best of your ability and defeat me."

Kaidan pushed his chair back and stood with his palms on the table, leaning in to face Javik. "This is insanity and I'm not playing along."

He spun on his heel and stalked away. He heard another chair scrape against the floor.

"Kaidan, please."

It was the first ever than Javik had ever used his name. Kaidan stopped where he was and lowered his head, staring intently at the metal floor. There were footsteps behind him and Javik appeared at his side.

"This is not an idle or spontaneous request. If you wish, I can show you my memories. Perhaps then you will understand."

"No," Kaidan said immediately. "Shepard told me about the Echo Shard. How it effected you."

"So, you will do this for me?" Javik implored.

"I don't get it. Why me? Why not James?"

"I debated for many nights," Javik said as he paced back and forth in front of Kaidan. Three paces left, three paces right. "I finally decided that the turian would be the most likely to comply. The turian race is more like mine than any others of this cycle. But I had no chance to ask him before he was injured. And now that the James human has offspring, Liara T'soni would not allow me to make this request of him."

Kaidan turned around to face Liara, who stood behind him, patiently waiting. "I know you're pissed at me, Liara, but really, pitting me in a death match?"

"This had nothing to do with how I feel about, which by the way is quite fondly still," she told Kaidan with emotion. "I know you can do this for Javik. I want you to do this for Javik."

Kaidan then glanced around the room and saw several people staring at them, listening intently to their conversation. "Maybe we should take this conversation somewhere more private."

Javik and Liara realized how public their discussion had become and quickly agreed. They made their way outside and stood in the shade behind the hall. Now it was Kaidan's turn to pace. He'd had far too much information thrown at him today. Far too many thoughts to process on too little sleep.

"I'm still seriously confused here. Liara, if you two are together, why do you want him to do this."

"I'm sorry if that's what we've lead you to believe," Liara said, her eyes downcast. "Javik and I are not in the type of relationship you think we are. As an asari, I am simply better able to comprehend him. We have joined consciousnesses several times now and I understand why he wishes to do this."

"You are a powerful biotic," Javik added. "You are more than an equal match for me."

"I haven't used my biotic in months. And the last time I did it gave me a splitting migraine. I'm not sure I'm the same soldier I was. I'm not sure my implant could take it."

"We have considered that complication," Javik said handing Kaidan a datapad from a pocket in his armour-like body suit.

"What is this?" Kaidan scanned down the scrolling information, only half understanding it.

Liara stepped to Kaidan's side. "We would understand if you do not want to go through with this. Doctor Chakwas already knows about it, but until now has respected your choice not to upgrade your implant. This procedure would allow her to replace your implant with an L5x with minimally invasive surgery that could be completed in mere minutes."

This information was astonishing and Kaidan could barely believe it. "According to this I would be awake the whole time. How is this possible?"

"My people were appreciably more advanced than your own in the field of medicine."

"They say necessity is the mother of invention, and when your species has been at war for hundreds of years, being able save live quickly and efficiently is essential," Liara said, taking the datapad back from Kaidan.

After his conversation on the beach with Catherine, Kaidan had determined that if he was ever able to safely remove his implant he would. He had never considered being able to upgrade to an implant with virtually no side effects beyond the scaring of the operation itself.

"Why does Karin even have an L5x here?" Kaidan asked, the questions coming on instinct now, more than reason.

"Apparently, she always hoped you might reconsider and allow for your implant to be replaced," Liara told him. "To be honest, so did I. None of us enjoyed watching you suffer."

"So, if I go through with this," Kaidan asked cautiously. "When would you want to do it?"

"Tomorrow."

Kaidan stared at Javik, watching his eight black pupils dilate and contract as he stared back unblinking.

"And you're planning to go conceive a child tonight, are you?" Kaidan asked incredulously.

Once again, Liara blushed, but this time Javik reached out and put an arm around her shoulder protectively.

"The act has already been done. Liara carries a child that shares my heritage."

For about the third time that day, Kaidan was speechless. It was all just too much to take in. And yet for some reason, he found himself nodding and words coming out of his mouth all on their own.

"Give me until noon to sleep," he said, checking the time on his omnitool. That would give him nearly five hours to rest and maybe find he sanity he seemed to have misplaced. "I'll go Doctor Chakwas in the afternoon."

Without another word or a look back he walked away, turned the corner and marched away like an automaton. Once alone inside his cabin he stripped his clothes off and lay down on the bed and was asleep almost instantly, exhaustion taking over while his over stimulated mind rebelled by simply shutting down.

He was awoken several hours later when his door flew open and someone came storming in. Kaidan blinked against the sudden bright light, but his eyes weren't required to figure out who it was.

"Have you lost your mind?" Catherine shouted at him from the end of the bed, hand on her hips and eyes blazing. "First I find out that you are fighting a death match with Javik and then I hear that in order to not die in that death match you are going to let Doctor Chakwas cut into your brain."

"I was sleeping," he said stupidly.

"I don't care," she yelled back, her voice raising an octave. "This is craziness. You can't do this!"

"Why not?" He sat up and braced his elbows on his bent knees.

Catherine waved a hand in the air as if all the words she'd just shrieked at him were still floating around above them. "Did I mention the word _insane_?"

"You did," Kaidan replied calmly. "Just wondering what difference it makes to you."

Catherine sputtered and frowned at him, starting several sentences only to abandon them half a word in. "Fine, get yourself killed."

She stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Kaidan had played with her just now and he knew it, but it was nice to know she really did care to that extent still. Feeling only mildly rested he leaned back against the wall and considered everything he, Liara and Javik had talked about.

As he did, he began to understand. Not fully, but enough that he knew that he would be helping Javik, not hurting him. Neither Javik nor Liara were ones to make rash decisions. They each were logical beings who focused on facts and made choices based on them.

Despite what they thought, Kaidan did understand the need soldiers had to die in combat. He and Shepard had discussed the very same topic during one melancholy night of brooding reflection.

Shepard had been a soldier her entire life, following in her parents footsteps. She had been raised on the belief that sacrifice for your people was the greatest honour, and she had believed in it whole heartedly. Although Kaidan came from a military family as well, the same ideals had never been instilled in him, at least not to such a degree, and the choice to join the Alliance had come much later in life.

Kaidan would gladly have given his life to see the Reapers destroyed, and very nearly had, but when it came right down to it, it wasn't how he wanted to go. He'd always held out hope that one day he would find someone, settle down and start a family. He loved kids and wanted to be around to see them grow up.

Deep down, he'd always known that he and Shepard had been star-crossed. Whatever had happened on the Citadel at the end, Kaidan knew Shepard had acted without a second thought. He didn't doubt that she had spared a thought for him, but it would never would have stopped her. She knew her duty and she never faltered. It was part of why he loved and admired so much.

Javik was not prepared for a life that allowed him to grow old. He didn't know how to settle down and look at the future as a boon and not a battle. If Kaidan did this for him, it would be a mercy. But first he had to face his own demons. It was time to find Doctor Chakwas.

Kaidan found the doctor in with medical suite with Garrus who was sitting up and attempting to eat. Tali was feeding him carefully, though Kaidan could tell the turian wasn't convinced being spoon fed was necessary.

"You look good, Garrus," Kaidan said, leaning on the side of the bed opposite Tali. "Feeling up to fighting Javik in a battle to the death?"

Garrus tried to laugh, but it turned into a cough which Doctor Chakwas aborted with a mask over his mouth.

"No laughing, Garrus," she scolded. "I do not relish the idea of stitching up that mess of scar tissue again."

"Yes, ma'am," he said meekly then turned back to Kaidan. "I heard about that. You really going to go through with it?"

"Of course he is," Tali quipped.

"Didn't expect you to be on his side," Kaidan said with surprise.

"Liara is my best friend. Keelah, did you really think I wouldn't know she's pregnant? I've had months to get used to the idea."

"Then why tomorrow?" Kaidan asked. "What's the hurry?"

"Tomorrow is the anniversary of the death of his men," Tali explained. "Give or take a few days. EDI had difficulty calculating the precise date given how long ago it happened."

"Did everyone know about this but me?" Kaidan stood up and began to pace, suddenly doubting his decision.

"No. EDI, Karin and I were the only ones who knew," Tali said.

Kaidan turned to the doctor and asked, "And you can really do this surgery as easily as Liara and Javik think you can?"

"It's the most minimally invasive method I have ever seen in my life. It's ingenious really. I can explain it if you'd like."

Kaidan waved her off. "No, I trust you,"

It was like a carrot on a stick. He could spend the rest of his life able to use his biotics consequence free, but in order to do that he had to kill a friend. He's always been on the pro-choice side of the assisted suicide and A.N.D debate, but was this really the same thing? Javik wasn't suffering from a debilitating or fatal illness. He hadn't aged to the point where death would be preferable to prolonged life.

Kaidan had thought he'd had this figured out, but now all this doubt was cropping up. He looked at Garrus and hoped that his friend could help him understand.

"Would a turian want this?"

"I've never been a very good turian," Garrus retorted.

"Okay, would a good turian want this? Can you understand why Javik would choose this over life?"

Garrus sighed and looked passed Kaidan at the wall, his eyes going vacant as he reflected on something.

"All my grandfather ever wanted was to die a soldier," Garrus said. "He fought in every battle the turians found themselves embroiled in. As the years went on and he got closer to the age of forced retirement, he came back from each battle grumpier and meaner. When he finally died of simple old age, it felt more like a defeat than if he had been killed in battle with posthumous honours. So, yeah. I get it."

It made a strange sort of sense. Kaidan understood, but at the same time could not fathom feeling that way about his own life. Every time he survived any brush with death it felt like a victory and every breath he drew after that felt like a gift.

"Karin, how long will this upgrade take?"

"Not long. Perhaps half an hour."

"Let's do it. Now. Before I change my mind."

In the end the surgery took only twenty minutes. Kaidan felt no pain at all as the old implant was drawn out, despite it having been in place for more than half his life, but the difference was instantly noticeable.

Kaidan had been living with a low grade headache for nearly two decades and grown so used to it that when it was finally gone it was like coming up for air. His head felt clearer, his vision sharper, and the mild tinnitus he'd always suffered vanished completely.

Doctor Chakwas had him test his abilities immediately. Kaidan had been a formidable biotic to begin with, rivalling the power and skill of an asari commando, but now he guessed he was on par with the level of strength in an asari matriarch.

Outside in the field to the east of the houses, Kaidan lifted and threw a log crashing into a stone cliff face to the north with barely a flick of his arm. There was no pain, no pressure, and no waning of his strength.

It was hard not to be ecstatic about the results. Kaidan had to keep reminding himself why he had undergone this procedure. He'd thought his soldiering days were over. He'd thought his days of killing and aggression were behind him. But tomorrow he would be using these amplified abilities to end a life, and he still wasn't sure he could go through with it.


	7. Chapter 7 Battles

Kaidan had four sets of armor, and he sat on the couch in his cabin with Liara trying to decide which of them to wear.

The chest plate of each was propped up against the bed across from him; His regulation Alliance blues, relatively unscuffed, his mottled grey light armor, more like camo gear, his heavy blue armor covered in scorch marks and bullet impacts, and the silver Major's issue armor he'd almost never worn.

"I think you should wear the heavy armor," Liara said from her end of the couch. "With your new implant, you should be able to use your biotics to their full potential regardless of the additional weight."

"Liara, explain something to me," Kaidan said, turning away from the chest plates and looking at the asari.

"What would you like me to explain?" Liara asked, pulling her feet up underneath her, looking petite and vulnerable.

"Why are you doing this? If you don't love Javik, why are you having a baby?"

Liara gave a silvery laugh that fooled Kaidan none. He could hear the sadness beneath it.

"I never said I don't love Javik," she told him as her eyes filled with tears. "I only said that we do not have the type of relationship you believed."

"Help me understand here, Liara."

"Javik was raised in a time when relationships were forbidden," Liara said wistfully. "Children were born as a result of carefully prepared breeding programs."

"Why were relationships forbidden?"

"People are a lot less likely to sacrifice themselves for the greater good when they have something to live for," Liara sad with a sad smile. "So while I have become quite attached to Javik, there is little more that he is capable of giving me."

Kaidan realized then that the entire situation was far more complicated than he had at first realized. So much had gone on while he and Liara were barely on speaking terms and he felt like he had missed a very important chapter in her life.

"I'm sorry, Liara," he told her with genuine regret. "This must be so hard for you."

"Javik is able to share memory and emotions with me in ways that other species cannot," she explained. "Not even the asari can probe as deeply into another consciousness as Javik can. I know he has given me the best of himself."

Kaidan remembered the way Javik had placed his arm around Liara's shoulder when he revealed her pregnancy. He had seemed very much the proud and protective father.

"Why didn't you tell me this yesterday?"

"Javik carries enough weight on his shoulders without knowing the depth of my feelings for him." Liara rested her head on the arm of the couch and wrapped her arms around her knees, curling into a ball and looking even more childlike. "I convinced him to father a child because I am selfish and I want a piece of him to live on."

"Does he realize that any child you have is going to be asari no matter what?"

"Our child will have the physiology of an asari, but many have come to believe that our daughters carry more of their fathers in them than we ever thought," Liara said. "My mother always told me that I reminded her very much of my father, Matriarch Aethyta. Physical traits may not translate, but I believe personality quirks do."

Kaidan had heard many of these theories working with the men and women of his SpecOps Biotic Company. Since the first human with innate biotic ability was born, many people had wondered if the offspring of a human biotic and an asari would produce an even more powerful biotic. Though these discussion has usually begun intelligently enough, they'd often quickly degraded into vulgar silliness, but Kaidan wondered now at their validity.

"Are you sure you want me to do this?"

"Of course I'm not sure." She leapt up from her seat and leaned her head against the opposite wall, her back to Kaidan. When she spoke, her voice was barely audible. "I am only just over one hundred years old. A child in eyes of many. Yet I have lost so many people over the years. My mother, Feron, Shepard, and every other asari I have ever known. Letting Javik go is the hardest of them yet. Knowing that we could have a future together, raise our children together. But I know without a shadow of a doubt that Javik would never be truly happy. Please, don't ask me to analyze this any more than I already have."

Kaidan stood and crossed the floor to her. He sat on the end of the bed and pulled her down beside him. No words were necessary. His actions spoke loudly enough and he simply held her close as she composed herself.

Eventually, she pulled away, dabbing at her eyes with the cuff of her shirt. She walked around to the side of the bed and picked up a chest plate and handed it to him.

"I changed my mind. Wear Alliance blue. Javik will appreciate the military symbols."

She passed him his body suit next and turned her back while he pulled it on. It was a little tight across the shoulders, but it still fit. Liara helped him with the last few inches of zipper at his back and then handed him his armor piece by piece.

A heavier, looser fitting body suit went over the first. The chest plate clipped firmly into place attaching to the back under the arms and at his waist, covering his torso right down to his groin. Shoulder guards and gauntlets slid into sockets on the arms of the body suit, while the greaves clipped into place over his armored boots. More plating went on over his thighs and hips, and the suit was completed with metallic-knuckled gloves.

Kaidan flexed and stretched, trying to get used to the added weight of his armor again.

"Hard to believe I use to wear this day in and day out," he said trying to smile at Liara. "Shouldn't you go see Javik?"

"Javik and I have already said our goodbyes," Liara said, licking her finger and rubbing at a line of charring on Kaidan's chest plate. "Seeing each other now will only make this harder."

"I'm taking a big risk here, Liara," Kaidan said as he picked up his helmet, debating whether or not to wear it. "Accidents can happen when guys are just messing around."

"Javik has no intention of killing you. It will be self defense only on his part and your task will be to get around it."

"I feel much better," Kaidan snorted. "What are the rules of this anyway?"

"Javik will explain everything when we arrive. Are you ready, Kaidan?"

He shrugged once more, letting this gear settle into place, feeling at home in his armor. With nod to Liara, he headed for the door and out into the bright morning light.

A crowd had gathered in the field already. The fire pit had been covered over and the logs rolled well out of the way. The atmosphere was withdrawn and anxious and Javik stood alone in the centre of the space facing the rising sun, hands clasped behind his back and eyes closed in silent contemplation, or maybe even prayer.

Kaidan approached him and waited patiently to be acknowledged. At last, Javik opened his eyes and turned to face him.

"Good morning, Major," he said gravely. "Are you ready to do battle."

"I guess so, yeah. Some ground rules first might be good though."

Javik nodded, looking around at the crowd. "I have told everyone that they may watch, but only from a distance. They must not get in our way or behave distractingly. For their safety, as well as yours, we will be fighting hand to hand with only our bodies and biotics."

"Does anyone else know why this is happening?" Kaidan asked, thinking of Catherine and her vehement objections the previous day.

"They are all of the military," Javik said. "They may not agree, but I believe they understand."

_Maybe not everyone_, Kaidan thought as he scanned the crowd looking for Catherine not seeing her. He decided he was okay with that and wished more people had avoided the spectacle. As it was there were about twenty-five people standing around waiting, including James and Tali.

"Major, I have some final words if you will listen," Javik said, his level gaze looking past Kaidan to where Liara stood by herself away from the crowd. "Take care of Liara. She is brave and understanding, but I do not believe she aware of the depth of her attachment to me."

Kaidan struggled for moment, debating whether or not to share any of his conversation with Liara.

"I think Liara is aware of a lot more than you know," was all he said.

"I am ready to begin." Javik held his hand out and Kaidan grasped it firmly.

The crowd seemed to realize what was about the happen and took a step back from the combatants.

"Shall we begin at ten paces?"

He nodded and Javik turned to begin counting out the strides, but Kaidan called him back. Javik turned, his head held high.

"I just wanted to say it's been an honour knowing you and serving with you. Not many people can say they fought side by side with a prothean."

"The honour has been mine, human. I knew your species had potential. I am glad you have survived the Reapers."

They turned and stood back to back for a beat before each striding away. Kaidan mouthed the numbers with each footfall, trying to prepare himself for what he was about to do. On ten he spun and aimed his omnitool at Javik, overloading his shield in one blast. The prothean's frame shook with the electric jolt of it for a moment before he recovered and barely threw himself out of the way of a biotic stasis field that would have frozen him long enough for Kaidan to step in and press the attack.

Taking advantage of Javik's unbalance, Kaidan barreled towards him, his legs pumping furiously, and threw himself at the alien's legs. Before he could land, Javik's emerald green biotic field wrapped around him and sent Kaidan spinning across the grass. He rolled to a halt and came up on his feet, eyes searching for his opponent.

Javik had not moved and stood at the ready roughly twenty paces from Kaidan. Realizing he would need to get in close or else Javik would continue to throw him back, Kaidan unleashed a massive barrier in front of himself, pushing it along with great effort as he ran at Javik again.

At the last second he dropped the barrier, slid along the ground and sent Javik flying upward with a biotic push. His arms flailed in the air as he fell, and when he landed, Kaidan was on top of him. They grappled with each other, each fighting for the upper hand, neither quite getting it before the other delivered a bone crushing blow.

Javik surprised Kaidan with a sharp strike to the temple and he fell back stunned, feeling warm, sticky blood soaking into the collar of his body suit. Shaking it off he kicked up at the prothean just as he'd gained his feet and sent him sprawling back on the dusty, sun baked ground.

Sweat and blood dripped in the Kaidan's eyes, blinding him. He wiped it away with the cuff of his glove. It had been a long time since Kaidan had sparred one on one with someone, and Javik was formidably strong, never mind his powerful biotics. He guessed that this battle would be one of attrition, wearing away at each other until one of them finally gave in. Kaidan wondered what Javik would do if his endurance was greater.

Kaidan threw another stasis field, but Javik blocked it with a barrier and got to his feet as Kaidan regained his own. They face one another, each panting slightly, and Kaidan realized that brute force was not going to get him anywhere. He had to manipulate the battle to favour him.

Launching a series of shockwaves at Javik to wear down his shields, Kaidan attempted something he has never been able to even comprehend doing before. He'd seen asari do it enough times and he understood the concept. He gathered his energy inwards and lifted himself off the ground with his biotics, throwing himself at Javik as the tail end of the shockwaves destroyed his barrier completely.

There was no finesse to the action. It was not the smooth, graceful movement he'd seen the Justicar Samara execute on Lesuss, but it did the job.

Kaidan slammed into Javik's torso, his cheek scraping painfully across the prothean's armor. Javik attempted to use Kaidan's momentum against him and send him over on his back, but Kaidan drilled his elbow into the prothean's side, denting the ancient armor and forcing a cry from his mouth.

Ignoring the sound, Kaidan let adrenaline fuel him and grabbed Javik's wrist and tried to flip him over and pin him to the ground. The alien twisted, bucking wildly and Kaidan lost his grip as Javik took hold of his armor and slammed him into the ground. His teeth rattled with the force of the impact and he lashed out with a violent biotic kick, catching Javik in the knee.

Javik crashed to the ground and Kaidan backhanded his fist into the alien's jaw, rolling onto his knees as he did. Spitting blood, Javik thrust his leg out at Kaidan, but only managed to hit him in the heavy plating protecting his thigh. The blow was jarring, but didn't slow Kaidan as he locked Javik in a stasis field.

On his hand and knees, Javik could only stare down at the swirls of dust that eddied about his splayed fingers. Kaidan could have finished him off right then, warped his insides to shreds or pulled him apart with a singularity, but instead he pushed himself to his feet and waited.

The moment the stasis lifted mere seconds later, Javik spun into action, trying to leap away from Kaidan. But Kaidan was ready and as soon as Javik moved his arm shot out and his fingers wrapped around the alien's wrist. He twisted up and back, slamming the heel of his boot into the back of Javik's knee as he did, forcing him to the ground.

Kaidan landed on top of Javik, trapping his legs with his own and pinning the prothean's arms behind his back. Focusing intensely, he held Javik in another stasis lock and took the alien's head in his hands, reaching around to his chin and the other gripped tightly around the peak of his head crest. Javik was at his mercy.

It had all happened so fast. Kaidan had expected the battle to last hours, and he wondered if Javik had let himself lose. This was it. The eleventh hour. Kaidan held Javik's life in his hands and he would do nothing with it without one last confirmation.

"Are you sure?" Kaidan said softly in the prothean's ear.

"Yes," Javik replied, his voice strong and certain. Kaidan saw his eyes search out Liara and he gave one last deep sigh before he said, "You are an honourable man, Kaidan Alenko. Do it now."

Kaidan didn't hesitate. If he had, he never would have been able to do it. He let out a gruff yell as he twisted sharply to the right with all his strength. There was a crackling sound and the prothean went limp in his arms, breath escaping his mouth, his eyes giving one final flicker before he crumpled to the ground.

Shifting his legs off of the dead prothean, Kaidan grasped the alien's shoulders and rolled him over. He looked down into Javik's still face and began to panic. Had he really just done this? Ended a life with his bare hands?

Disgusted and enraged, Kaidan yanked at his gloves, throwing them on the ground. Standing, he ripped off his gauntlets and pauldrons and cast them away. His chest plate had barely clattered to the ground before he was bending over to tear away his greaves, and thigh guards.

His stood panting in the hot sun, wishing he could continue to strip away the layers, shed everything until there was nothing left but the man he wanted to be. A man who didn't kill on command, who didn't have the strength or ability to create the scene of extermination that lay before him.

"Every scrap of armor in this place goes with Javik to his grave," he yelled, collapsing to his knees and holding his head in his hands. Fury rose in his chest and he wanted to lash out at Liara, at Tali, at Garrus, at everyone who had convinced him that this was a good idea.

But there was no one to blame but himself. No one had put a gun to his head and forced him into this battle. He had reasoned and debated and come to the conclusion that this was the right thing to do.

And then Liara was at his side, one arm around his shaking shoulders and the other reaching down to clutch desperately at Javik's still hand.

"I am so sorry, Liara," Kaidan croaked past the growing lump in his throat. "Don't ever forgive me for this. This is unforgivable."

"This is what he wanted, Kaidan," her voice shook and she sniffed softly. Letting go of Kaidan she leaned over and placed her lips on Javik's, lingering for a long moment as tears spilled down her cheeks and splashed onto his. "May you find peace in the embrace of the Goddess," she whispered to Javik and then turned to Kaidan, her eyes as black as onyx. "Both of you."

A wave of euphoria washed over Kaidan and he fell back, slumping to the ground and staring up at the deep blue of the sky as his limbs went numb. All the aches and pains dulled and he felt a great, comfortable weight settle into him, as if he was falling into warm waters.

The last thing he saw as his eye lost focus was Liara's face above his and her hand coming down to brush the blood soaked hair from his brow.

Something cool and damp touched his cheek, and soothing, feminine voices seemed to be all around him. Kaidan wanted to open his eyes, but they felt thick and heavy. Where ever he was felt soft and warm and dark.

As he slowly woke, the voices became more distinct. One was Catherine, seemingly standing right above him. He could hear Morgan, whose voice was moving back and forth at the foot the bed. What he'd thought was a third voice was really the quiet mewling of a baby.

Carefully, his stiff muscles protesting, he moved his arm and tried to lift it above the blankets to rub at his eyes. Then suddenly the weight on his face was gone and he blinked at the bright light.

He was in his own bed, sunlight streaming in his open window. A cloth had been draped over his eyes, blocking out the light so he could sleep.

Memories came flooding back to him. The fight, Javik's death, Liara's black eyes. After that there was nothing. No dreams, not even sensations to give him a clue as to what had happened after.

"Sit up if you can, Kaidan," Catherine was saying as she wrung out the cloth that had been over his eyes. He blinked up at her, trying to bring her face into focus.

"How did I get here?"

Morgan appeared beside Catherine, holding little Lola in her arms and rocking her gently. "James carried you. Cat and I stayed with you."

"Where's Liara?" Kaidan desperately needed to know that she was all right.

Catherine lowered her voice, her eyes filled with grief as they met his. "She's with Javik. Hasn't left his side since yesterday. Steve and some others are building a pyre up near the ship. They wanted to wait for you, but I said they should start."

Kaidan pushed himself up until he was sitting against the pillow. The blanket fell down his chest and he realized he was naked.

"I undressed you," Morgan said when she saw him pulling the sheet a little higher. "The body suits are with the rest of your armor."

"Thanks," he mumbled. He cheek throbbed and he touched it gingerly, feeling the raw abrasion there. "Why did I pass out?"

"Liara overwhelmed your consciousness," Catherine explained. "She said it was a gift. That you deserved a rest."

"And I've been out since yesterday?"

Catherine nodded, handing him a bowl of stir-fried meat and vegetables. "You should eat something."

"I'm not hungry," he said pushing the bowl away. But Catherine was insistent and as he began to pick at the contents he realize he was famished.

Lola started to wail and the piercing sound was almost more than Kaidan's aching head could handle. When humming didn't pacify her, Morgan made her exit leaving Catherine and Kaidan alone.

When Kaidan was done eating Catherine took the bowl and set it on the couch, pulling her three-legged stool closer to the bed.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," she said looking down at her feet. "I still think what you did was crazy, but you needed support, not a screeching harridan."

"It's okay, Cat," he paused, but only so he could find the exact right words. "Your loudly expressed opinions were justified. My behaviour, however... I owe you more than one apology."

She looked up and shushed him with a wave of her hand. "No, you don't have to do this. It's not the time."

"Yeah," he said, sitting up further and sliding down the bed so he could swing his legs over the side and face her. "Yeah, it is the time. I've put this off for way too long. I was afraid to face you. I was embarrassed and ashamed. Now, I'm afraid it might be too late. That I might have lost you."

There were tears in her eyes when she looked up at him. "You'll never lose me. But I'll understand if you don't want me."

"Not want you?" Kaidan put a hand on her cheek and she leaned into it, reaching up to hold his wrist and then pulling away. "I've wanted nothing but you since that night in the rain."

"But why? There's nothing special about me. Not compared to Shepard."

Kaidan took her by the chin and forced her to look him in the eyes. "Everything I loved about Shepard is in you. Courage, tenacity, kindness, compassion. Did you think I loved her because she could take out a husk with a head shot from three thousand meters? I loved her because in spite of everything, Elysium, Eden Prime, Ilos, Horizon, Cerberus, Mars, she still held those qualities in her. She didn't let everything she'd seen turn her into something else."

Catherine tried to look away, but Kaidan didn't let her. "Don't try to tell me you haven't seen anything like what she saw. You were there on Earth when the Reapers attacked, and saw your world crumble apart just like everyone else. You saw Palaven and Thessia fall. You're here now and have carried us through this as much, if not more, than anyone else. I love you, Catherine Hogan, and don't let my terrible attitude convince you otherwise."

Catherine all but leapt at him. She threw her arms around him neck and clung to him, her body shaking with sobs. Her leg had pulled the blanket off his lap and he reached for it with one hand, trying to keep himself decent, while wrapping his other arm around her back.

"Hey, Cat," he murmured. "Don't cry."

"I'm sorry," she wailed. "I can't stop. I've held everything in for so long."

Her words were punctuated with little hiccups and Kaidan could feel her tears falling on his neck. She'd been on the same emotional roller coaster he had. The pain and confusion of their separation, worry for Garrus, worry for him as he fought Javik, and now worry for Liara.

Forgetting the blanket he put both arms around her and just let the sobs continue. He lifted her from the stool and onto his lap. The rough material of her pants chaffed at his leg, but he ignored it.

The tears eventually stopped, and Catherine raised her head to look at him. Her blue eyes were swollen and puffy, her lashes all clumped together. Several ringlets had fallen loose from the clip that held her hair back and they bounced as she lowered her head to wipe her cheeks with the back of her hand.

Her entire face, ears and all, went red when she realized what she was looking at.

"You're naked," she said, trying not to look down again.

"You may be right," Kaidan said as he lifted her up off his lap and pulled the blanket back over himself. "The second drawer from the left, if you wouldn't mind."

Still blushing furiously, Catherine went to the wall of storage beside the couch and took out a pair of black boxers. Keeping her back turned, she tossed them to Kaidan and he pulled them on.

Part of Kaidan wanted nothing more than to pick up where they'd left off, but his better judgment prevailed and he joined Catherine at the lockers. He had one pair of jeans left and he into them, grabbing a plain white t-shirt to go with.

"I'm glad I bought so much clothing on the Citadel," he commented lightly. "I'm also glad I brought aboard everything form my apartment on the Persidium."

He was making small talk and he knew it, but Catherine wasn't saying anything and he felt a need to fill the silence. There were no denying he was avoiding the most important topic.

"Kaidan, I'm sorry to bring this up, but you sort of need to give an answer before tonight," Catherine said, taking his hands in hers. "Liara wanted me to ask you if you really want to destroy your armor."

"Yeah, I do," he sighed heavily. "There are no soldiers here now. We don't need it and I don't want to see it again."

"Okay," Catherine nodded. "I thought that's what you would say. James brought it all up to the pyre already."

"Is Liara okay?" It was as stupid question, but Kaidan didn't know how else to ask after her.

"She seems," Catherine took a deep breath and let it out quickly. "Peaceful."

"I still can't believe it all really happened," Kaidan said, sitting back down on the edge of the bed.

Catherine sat beside him and held his hand in her lap, running her thumb back and forth across his palm. "It was a pretty spectacular fight, and I didn't know Javik very well, but I know enough to be sure he wanted to go that way."

"You watched?" Kaidan looked down at her in surprise.

"Not the whole thing," she replied. "I didn't want to, but I was scared for you. I got there in time to see you flying at him. Actually flying."

"I'm scared to ask, but how bad is my face?"

"You're gorgeous," Catherine said shyly.

Kaidan hugged her to him and then stood and opened a locker door to look in the mirror inside. There was a deep gash on his left temple held closed by a generous smear of liquid bandage. His left cheek was a mass of long, thin red lines only just beginning to scab over. Beneath his eyes was bruised and purple and one earlobe was ripped and stung painfully when he touched it.

"Not too bad all things considered," he said looking back over his shoulder at Catherine. "Javik was seriously strong."

"You seem to be dealing with this rather well," Catherine said.

"I don't know. Maybe I'm still in shock, but I keep reminding myself that what I did... It wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Javik was a complicated man with an even more complicated past. If Liara could accept that this was the right thing to do, then who am I to argue."

Catherine stood and put her arms around his waist and leaned her head on his back. "Well, there are a few people who don't really understand what happened yesterday, but I think it would help if you spoke at his funeral."

Kaidan turned in her arm and bent his head down to press his lips to hers. The kiss grew passionately until she pulled away, bracing her palms against his chest.

"If you keep kissing me like that things are going to go a lot further and it just doesn't seem appropriate."

He chuckled. "Hard to believe this is only the third time I've kissed you. Feels so familiar."

Question flared in her eyes and he realized he'd slipped up. Now wasn't the time to delve into the past and he quickly ate his words. "We've tried the couch and the bed. Maybe the desk is next."

He smiled at her and he saw the panic fade, and relief loosened the knot in his own stomach. He didn't think either of them was ready for him to reveal his memory from twenty-one years earlier.

There was a knock at the door then and Kaidan called for whoever it was to come in. James entered and quickly took in the situation.

"Glad that's over," he said winked at Cat. "Morgan was really starting to bug me constantly complaining about you two."

"What's up, James?" Kaidan asked, choosing not to indulge the man's curiosity regarding Catherine.

"Pretty much everyone has already hiked up to the ship. Esteban's taking people up in the shuttle who can't hike the whole distance. Just wanted to know if you want a lift."

Still feeling incredibly sore, Kaidan said yes and Catherine said the same. The three of them walked up the path to the landing area.

"I already loaded all your armor in," James told Kaidan. "It's up there. So's mine."

Kaidan patted him on the back. "Our fighting days are over, my friend."

"Never thought I'd feel this way, but I can't say I'll miss them," James said. "Havin' a kid really changes stuff."

"I bet it does," Kaidan said with a glance at Catherine, wondering if she was thinking the same thing he was. They had a lot of things to talk about.

At the shuttle they found Morgan, with Lola in her arms, Karin, Tali, and a very slow moving Garrus. Kaidan was surprised to see him up and about so soon, but guessed that it was only being allowed due to the unusual circumstances.

What was at least an hours walk on foot, took the shuttle only a few minutes. Kaidan hadn't been to the ship in months and he was shocked by what he found. She was a skeleton. Most of the outer hull had been stripped away to be used as roofing, and the beams and girders that remained had already started to rust. Nothing remained of the bridge, and it was possible to see right through her in some places. The Normandy was barely recognizable as the huge and powerful ship she'd once been.

A towering pile of wood had been built up like a log cabin just below the rocks that had lead up to the airlock and people were still adding to it. Kaidan could see his armor at the base, right beside James' and Garrus'. The only other crew member who'd had any armor was Liara, but hers didn't appear to be in the pile and she was conspicuously absent as well.

"Where's Liara?" Kaidan asked Steve as they stepped from the shuttle.

"I'm going back for her in a bit," Steve said, then added. "And for the body."

Kaidan couldn't tell from his voice how Steve felt about the whole situation. He suspected the widower was one of the few who really understood the need for an end. Steve been there himself at one point. Lucky for him he'd had Shepard to guide him out of it.

"Never thought I'd be flying a hearse one day," Cortez said, giving the Kodiak an affectionate pat.

"Hopefully never again," Kaidan said with a sad smile.

The two crew members who'd died early on had been buried in the rubble around the ship. Heavy slabs of rock had been bioticly lowered into place over the graves and their names etched in the buff coloured stone. It had seemed appropriate to lay them to rest there.

Now another would be joining them, his ashes lifted by the warm autumn winds and scattered through the stout, twisted trees.

As Kaidan and Catherine walked hand in hand toward the pyre, people greeted them, smiling at Kaidan, patting him on the back and offering consoling words. Everyone seemed to be trying extra hard to make sure he knew they held nothing against him.

The sun was sinking away quickly, the days getting shorter as winter approached, but the air was still balmy and dry. Kaidan and Catherine found a place to sit out of the sun with Gabby and Kenneth. Gabby was just starting to show her pregnancy and Kenneth couldn't keep his hands away from her belly no matter how many times she slapped him away.

If they had any thoughts about Catherine and Kaidan's renewed closeness they didn't say it, but Gabby and Cat exchanged knowing smiles as they sat down.

The mood was strange around the funeral pyre. Some people were solemn and quiet, while others were laughing and happily chatting. Very few had known Javik, and though everyone knew and loved Liara, it was hard for them to feel the same depth of emotion for the prothean.

But when Cortez lifted off in the shuttle, the disposition of the crowd shifted. The last few bundles of dry grasses and twigs was added to the base of the pyre and people began to gather on the far side facing the skeletal ship.

Kaidan rose with the others, but told them he would join them later. Tali left Garrus under EDI's watchful eye and they waited near the edge of the clearing for the shuttle to return. Joker and James seemed to realized what they were about and left the crowd to stand with them.

When the shuttle came into sight they lined up facing each other and Cortez landed the Kodiak right beside them. The door slid open and Liara appeared, taking everyone's breath away.

She was dressed in a gauzy silver gown that seemed to cover everything and nothing at once. It fell in pleats to the floor and was laced up the front with pale yellow ribbons. Her figure could bee seen through the fabric and when she stepped down from the shuttle they saw her feet were bare.

The first thing she did was look at Kaidan with her soulful blue eyes and smile. Kaidan tried to smile back, but couldn't bring his lips to obey. Seeing Liara looking so elegant, he wished he put on his dress uniform and then remembered it had been all but ruined the night he wrestled with James.

Without a word, Liara walked serenely to the pyre while Kaidan, James, Tali and Joker went into the shuttle to lift the wooden litter carrying Javik.

His armor had been cleaned and polished to a high shine. It's red surface and gold piping glinting in the light of the falling sun. His face was tranquil and untroubled, free of the scowl they were all so used to seeing.

They each crouched down and took a corner of the litter, lifting is carefully down from the shuttle. Steve followed close behind, bringing with him a small crate which he placed at Liara's feet before retreating to stand with Avery.

No one spoke as the four carried Javik's body to Liara and set him gently on the ground before her. Nothing had been planned and yet to Kaidan it all felt rehearsed.

Liara bent down and placed her hand on the top of Javik's head, her eyes dry and voice steady as she said something Kaidan was not able to understand. He realized that she was speaking in prothean, and it sounded like a poem or a prayer.

Finally she stood and faced the crowd, turning her back on her dead lover.

"Thank you all for being here." Her voice carried across the clearing and echoed against the trees. "I know you must all be confused by what happened yesterday, but please know that this is what Javik wanted. Kaidan did him a great service and I am glad to know that you are being kind to him. This has been very hard."

She stopped almost abruptly and a blue glow surrounded her as she called on her biotics. The litter began to rise, floating all the way up the side of the pyre and settling on the top. Liara looked back at the crowd.

"Javik was not an easy person to like, but if anyone wishes to say anything, I would welcome it."

Kaidan saw Catherine on the edge of the crowd and caught her eye. She nodded once and he was about to step forward, but Joker beat him to it.

Joker took off his hat as he looked up at the prothean atop of the pile of wood.

"I thought Javik was going to kill me every time I opened my mouth."

Kaidan wrinkled his brow and shared a quizzical look with EDI, wondering where Joker was going with this.

"I avoided him like the plague. But last week, when I called him Prothy the Prothean... again, he didn't threaten to beat me with my own fist. So, maybe he didn't hate me so much after all. Which is good, cause I acutally liked the guy."

He hugged Liara and took a step back to stand beside Tali, tugging his hat back on. Kaidan thought he saw him wipe away a tear, but he couldn't be sure.

No one else stepped forward and before things began to feel uncomfortable Kaidan jumped up on the rock pile beside the ship. All eyes followed him while he climbed until he stood level with the top of the pyre three meters above the ground.

"Javik was the last of his kind," Kaidan raised his voice so that everyone could hear him. "When I fought him yesterday I spent the whole time debating whether or not what I was doing was right. It was. His only goal in life had been to find a way to destroy the Reapers and we did it. Javik once told Shepard that he was an avatar of his time. An avatar of vengeance. He was raised to feel hatred and anger. To kill without mercy and look to the end to justify the means. He awoke to galaxy that had not yet learned to think in those terms. And if any of us are feeling stranded, alone, or unhappy, imagine how he felt. No one ever taught him what to do when the job was done. He was out of place from day one, and yet he did everything in his power to understand us and live by our morals and beliefs. I know that he thought we were worth saving, and I for one will do everything I can to live up to his memory."

Kaidan raised his fist in the air and then stood to attention and gave the prothean and sharp salute. Every member of the crowd did the same, crying out Javik's name as they did.

Climbing down from the rocks, Kaidan joined Catherine and she put her arms around him and they embraced as they watched Liara bend down and open the crate Cortez had brought.

In it was Liara's armor. One suit of a red and grey and another of white and blue. She lay each bundle against the pyre as the sun slipped below the horizon. From the bottom of the crate she pulled a silver square that Kaidan's recognized as James' favourite cigar lighter.

As the darkness grew, Liara went from corner to corner lighting the dry wood on fire. The evening breeze pulled at the flames sending them licking and curling. When all four corners were burning brightly she stepped back and stood with her hand clasped before her.

Moving slowly and carefully, Garrus limped away from the inferno carrying his sniper rifle. He stopped half way to the shuttle and turned, aiming into the air above the pyre.

His first shot cause a flock of birds to burst from the tree tops and fly madly about before flitting off into the darkness. He fired the rifle twelve more times, finishing off the thermal clip, and then rested the butt on the ground and gave a turian salute.

The crowd stayed for some time, watching the flames consume the wood and in turn Javik's body. When the tower began to collapse, people began to disperse, making their down the path and back to the settlement.

Catherine shivered in the cool evening air and Kaidan told her to go back with Morgan and Garrus in the shuttle.

"Are you sure? I don't mind waiting and walking back with you."

Kaidan kissed her, closing his eyes and breathing her in. He hugged her tightly and gave her a little push towards the shuttle.

"Go. I'm going to wait with Liara and make sure she gets home safely."

He watched the shuttle take off and waited until the bulk of the crowd had left the clearing before he approached Liara. Neither of them said anything. They stood there in the darkness for hours as the pyre collapsed in on itself and burned down to glowing embers.

Those who had built it had clearly added something to the centre because there was nothing left of Javik or his armor. Wood alone didn't burn hot enough to destroy metal and bones.

The sky to the east was beginning to lighten when Liara finally turned to Kaidan and said, "Let's go home."

Halfway back Kaidan picked her up and in her exhaustion she fell asleep in his arms and didn't wake even when he lay her in her own bed and pulled the blankets up over her.

Back in his cabin, Kaidan found Catherine asleep on his bed, still clothed and atop the covers, clearly having fallen asleep waiting for him to get back. Grabbing a spare blanket he lay down beside her and pulled it over both of them. She snuggle into him and Kaidan closed his eyes, sleeping at last.


	8. Chapter 8 At Last

"For fucks sake, Catherine. Just do whatever you want. It's your garden," Kaidan yelled.

Across the table from him, Catherine slammed her datapad down and shoved the bench back, toppling it as she stood.

"I just wanted your opinion, you ass," she shouted at him. Leaving the datapad, she stormed out of the hall, nearly knocking Joker over as he came through the door.

"Catherine, come back," he called after her as he stood to right the bench.

Joker took Catherine's place across the table as Kaidan sat back down, running his fingers through his hair and groaning.

"Uh, so you guys are fighting already, huh?"

Kaidan put his head down on the table and growled in frustration. "No, we're not fighting."

"Really? Cause that sure seemed like a fight."

"That," Kaidan said, lifting his head. "Was a pointless release of pent up stress."

"So much for the honeymoon phase," Joker snorted.

"Well, if either of us could find the time to do more than eat, sleep and work, we might be able to relieve some of this stress."

Joker stared at him for moment, not quite catching on. Then his jaw dropped and he guffawed loudly. "You have got to be kidding me! You're telling me that you guys still haven't sealed the deal?"

Kaidan dragged a hand down his face, grimacing. "Nope. It's just been one thing after another. We've barely had a moment alone."

"Dude, it's been like two weeks," Joker exclaimed. "She's been sleeping in your cabin every night."

Kaidan gave him a look. "I don't even want to know why or how you know that."

Joker shrugged. "EDI notices everything and she likes to talk. Anyway, that means it's been like years for both of you."

"Almost two years for me and four years for her," Kaidan admitted.

"Ouch. You gotta get on that, man," Joker laughed

Kaidan shook his head and picked up the datapad Catherine had left. He scrolled through the information that only minutes before he hadn't had time for, feeling the need for a topic change.

"She wants to leave some of the root vegetables in the ground over winter," Kaidan told Joker. "She's worried the cold cellar won't be ready in time and doesn't want them to go waste if we don't have space to store them."

"Won't they just freeze and go bad anyway?" Joker asked. He knew nothing about plants or what to do with them besides eating them.

"Not if they get covered properly and the ground doesn't freeze."

"It's a good idea. I think," Joker said. "So what's the issue?"

"The issue is that I am tired and stressed and too irritable to listen like a normal person and form an rational opinion," Kaidan said as he set the datapad down and reached for one of his own. "I had no idea how much of the slack Garrus and Morgan had been picking up. With him still recovering and her taking care of an infant, I'm stuck with a lot more work than I can handle."

"How about I talk to Cat?" Joker suggested. "I can't do any heavy lifting, but I've got no shortage of opinions."

"She doesn't need an opinion so much as a sounding board."

"Listen. Right. I can do that," Joker said, trying to sound serious. "I'll go listen to her now. Might even offer to relieve some stress with her."

It was Kaidan's turn to laugh, "If I didn't know that EDI would remove your balls slowly and painfully, I might be worried."

"Can't blame a guy for thinkin' about it," Joker said as he stood and grabbed Catherine's datapad. "Only so much action you can get with a synthetic."

Kaidan was tempted to ask what exactly Joker meant by that, but thought better of it. If he didn't have time for his own sex life, he certainly didn't have time for Joker's.

The morning after the funeral had been spent sleeping. Kaidan had had to force himself to get up at noon otherwise he would have slept the day away. Since then he hadn't seen anywhere near as much of Catherine as he would have liked.

The first night it had finally seemed like they might get some time alone had been stolen from them by a prediction of early frost from EDI. Catherine had spent the early hours of the night in the garden with her crew covering up the last of the crops with a layer of cut grass. Luckily they had been prepared for such a possibility, but Catherine had gone right to bed after wards, exhausted and no longer in the mood.

Kaidan had cornered her one evening in the showers, but his sense of chivalry had taken over at the last minute. The public showers were not the place for them to have their first intimate encounter.

They had waited months already, but neither of them wanted to rushing things. Neither wanted to be complaining of a headache or picking dirt out from under their nails or interrupted by a crisis. On the other hand, the tension had built up to a point that they were taking every little thing out on each other.

The apologies after these fights lead to passionate kissing that so far had been interrupted every time. If something didn't happen soon, one of them was going to kill the other, or someone was going to walk in on them somwhere doing things intended to be done without an audience.

But preparing for winter was a busy time. More so than it had been the years before when they'd still had a fair amount of supplies from the ship. Now they had nothing left, not even coffee, which wasn't making Kaidan's life any easier.

Not only had Kaidan been helping as much as he could with the cold cellar, he also been organizing hunting trips in Garrus' stead, and converting some of the now empty houses into storage for the unused electronics, he'd also been working on sifting through the data Hackett had sent trying to glean out the most valuable information.

The pregnant women, unable to keep up the vigorous pace of hunting, building and farming, had set to work turning the tanned hides into clothing. Most of the wildlife they had encountered so far had the same greeny grey leathery skin of the croco-monkeys, and though it made for thick, durable clothing, it would provide little in the way of warmth.

After the run in with the lizard-cat, nobody wanted to go north on foot again until they had surveyed the area a little more thoroughly in the shuttle. Kaidan had whole heartedly agreed, but there was far too much to be done around the settlement for anyone to be spared for a recon mission.

And then there was Admiral Hackett's request to think about. Kaidan had barely had time to consider it himself, let alone mention it to anyone else. As the long nights of winter rolled in there would be lots of time for everyone to spend time coming up with names for things, but with every day that passed, Kaidan felt like he was letting the Admiral down.

Sick of staring at his pile of datapads while the sun shone brightly outside, Kaidan pushed away from the table and headed for the door. Outside he stretched his aching shoulders and rubbed the back of his neck with one hand.

"Hey amigo!"

Kaidan turned and looked up. James was leaning over the edge of the roof holding a hammer he'd been using for repairs. Now, he was grinning and pointing down the path.

"Here comes trouble," he said.

Kenneth was running full tilt towards them, gravel spraying out behind him. When he reached them Kaidan couldn't tell if he was laughing or panicking or both.

"Kenn, what's going on?"

"You have got to come see this," he gasped and Kaidan realized he was laughing hysterically.

James jumped down from the roof, landing heavily on the ground beside Kaidan.

"Do not tell Morgan I did that," he warned Kaidan. "She'll hit me."

Kenneth had already started back down the path, clearly eager to be back to whatever entertainment was taking place. Kaidan and James trotted after him. He lead them all the way down to the garden where they found a small crowd standing around laughing near the edge of the trees across the field.

Kaidan pushed his way through the group to find two people rolling around on the ground, covered in dust and bits of dry grass. They were laughing so hard they were barely making any noise. As Kaidan got closer he realized that it was Catherine and Joker.

"What the hell is going on?" He knelt down beside Catherine and held her face between his hands. Her pupils were massively dilated and the synthetics beneath her skin were glowing more brightly than Kaidan had ever seen.

"Cat, can you hear me?" He had to raise his voice to be heard above the laughter. "Why are you all laughing? Get Doctor Chakwas!"

But Karin was part of the crowd standing around. She was giggling with amusement and crouched down beside Kaidan to explain what had happened.

"Don't worry, Kaidan," she said with another giggle as Catherine rolled away from them and started whispering something to Joker which set him howling. "I've already checked them out. They'll be fine once this wears off."

"Once what wears off?" Kaidan demanded, still too worried to laugh with the rest of them.

His breath finally regained, Kenneth spoke up. "Catherine was moving rocks to edge some of the raised beds. She must have disturbed a fungus of some kind cause they next thing I saw, she and Joker were surrounded by a cloud of spoors."

"It was a little scary at first," Karin added. "They couldn't see anything for a minute or two and I was worried they might have damaged their eyes, but pretty soon they were seeing a lot more than they expected to."

"They're hallucinating?" Kaidan asked.

"They are now," Karin chuckled. "This started when Joker told a particularly vulgar joke. He and Catherine started laughing and now they can't stop, which is why everyone else is laughing."

Catherine was trying to climb to her feet now, using Joker as leverage while he tried to pull her back down, claiming that if she stood she might fall off the planet.

"We should get them back to the hall where we can keep an eye on them," Kaidan said, catching Catherine as she fell back when Joker let go of her suddenly. He hauled her to her feet and she gasped in surprise when she realized it was him.

Grinning wildly, she grabbed him by the waist of his pants and pulled him closer. Her hands found their way up under his shirt and she clawed her fingers down his chest.

"You feel like feathers," she told him as her head lolled from side to side.

"Feathers, eh?" Kaidan held her hands back when she tried to take his shirt off altogether. "C'mon, Cat. Let's start walking."

"But you can fly," she protested sulkily. "I don't want to walk."

He took her by the shoulders and spun her around, facing her towards the path, but she had other ideas. She twisted away from him and was back on the ground beside Joker trying to get his attention.

"Remember flying?" she asked him over and over until he suddenly started waving his hands in the air in front of himself, like he was manipulating the holographic screens of the Normandy.

Kaidan and James looked at each other, both trying to suppress smiles as they watched Catherine and Joker having one sided conversation with each other.

"I think we might have to carry them back," James said, his shoulders shaking as he started to laugh at the disgusting lyrics Joker had begun singing to Cat.

"Whatever you do, James, be careful with Joker. He's still breakable," Karin said.

Kaidan went over to Catherine and once again hauled her to her feet while James lifted Joker up as gently as he could. The two leaned into each other, Catherine stealing Joker's hat and pulling it down on her own head. She rubbed at his chin.

"You should shave. You're getting all beardy. You should braid it!" she exclaimed. "You'd look like a dwarf."

Joker started to giggle again and had to bend over holding his stomach. Rolling his eyes, Kaidan took Catherine by the hand and tried to lead her away, but she clung to Joker.

"Joker has to come with me," she whined. "Can't you see?"

"See what?" Kaidan indulged her.

She pulled away from him and grabbed Joker's hand, trying to make him focus. When she finally had his attention they stood facing each other, holding their hands up palm to palm about an inch apart.

"Look," she told Kaidan with wonder in her voice. "Look at all the colours."

Kaidan couldn't see anything at first, but as James walked around the duo his shadow blocked the light of the late afternoon sun on their raised hands. In the momentary dimness Kaidan caught a glimpse of something glowing brilliant green and blue.

"Holy crap," he whispered.

James saw it too and they leaned closer to get a better look. Tiny tendrils of light danced from their fingers, coruscating across their skin and sparking when they touched. Catherine tipped her head back and closed her eyes. Kaidan could see her pulse racing in her throat. Joker was watching the lights in awe, swaying slightly on the spot as if a breeze was pushing him about.

"This is weird," James breathed. He reach a finger out to touch one of the tendrils that had spider webbed its way out from the rest as if feeling around for something.

Kaidan smacked his hand down. "Don't touch it!"

"Why not?" James laughed. "Doesn't seem to be hurting them any."

Other people had gathered closer now and they stared in wonder as the lights grew and the tentacles from each of their hands started to twine into each other, braiding and tying knots.

Catherine's eyes snapped open and she looked at Kaidan with a scowl. "You told Joker we haven't had sex yet?"

Kaidan blushed. "You just told everyone."

"Shit, Cat," Joker said loudly. "I don't want to see that!"

"Stop looking then," Catherine said back.

Their eyes had glazed over, and though they seemed to be staring at each other, the synthetics in their pupils were flaring brightly, like little green flames.

"What is going on?" Kaidan reach out to touch Catherine's shoulder, but as he did she pulled her hands away from Joker and the light disappeared.

"You are so disgusting, Jeff," she yelled, laughing loudly. "EDI is a saint for putting up with you."

"They were your thoughts," he retorted. "I just manipulated them a bit."

Catherine draped her arm across Joker's shoulder and he did the same to her.

"I forgive you, Jeff. You can't help it that you're a pig."

"And you can't help it that all you think about every waking hour is what you're going to do to Alenko when you finally get him alone."

"You're awesome!" Catherine declared.

"You're awesome too!" Joker cried back happily.

They seemed to be oblivious to everyone standing around them watching the bizarre spectacle. Leaning on each other, they stumbled back towards the path, Joker singing terribly and Catherine trying to make stop by attempting to cover his mouth.

The crowd watched them go, their mouths hanging open.

"What the hell just happened?" James spun around looking for Doctor Chakwas.

She looked just a baffled as everyone else. "I was beginning to wonder when we might start seeing some serious changes in our physiology."

Kaidan didn't stay to listen. He ran after Catherine and Joker, following them closely as they tripped and fell their way up the path. They stopped every so often so that Catherine could run her hand through the yellowing leaves of a fern or press her face into the gnarled bark of a tree.

When Kaidan asked what she was doing it was Joker who responded, but what he said made little sense.

"The trees are breathing. Can't you hear them?"

Karin jogged up the path, panting as she slowed and tried to help Kaidan get the drugged pair moving again.

"I'm sure they'll be fine," she reassured Kaidan. "But I'd like to take a blood sample just in case."

"I can't decide whether or not to be amused," Kaidan said, casting a wary glance at Catherine. She was leaning against a tree with her arms wrapped around the massive trunk, mumbling away inaudibly.

Without warning she twirled away from the tree and right into Kaidan, nearly knocking him over. He caught her against his chest and she smiled up at him.

"Your eyes are like chocolate." Her voice was euphoric and she licked her lips enticingly. Kaidan felt arousal swelling up inside him. Until she finished with, "I want to eat them."

He had to laugh at that. He couldn't help himself. He threw his head back and gave a great bellow of laughter. Catherine giggled with him and then proceeded to try to shove her hands down his pants.

"Whoa now, Cat," he said as he grabbed at his belt, holding his pants up. "Not sure Karin or Joker want to see that show."

"I totally want to see that show!" Joker jumped up and down on the spot.

"Okay, Joker," Karin calmed him with a pat on the shoulder. "Let's get you back to EDI."

It took nearly half an hour, but Kaidan and Karin managed to herd the two back to the settlement. They had to give up when Catherine collapsed in a grassy patch near the hall and Joker went down with her, refusing to go any further. Kaidan stood watch while Karin went to the hall to get her medical scanner.

By then, everyone had heard what had happened and was coming in search of the show. Garrus arrived just as Joker started to strip off his clothes. Kaidan tried to stop him, but gave up when Catherine started to peel off her clothes as well.

"What is it that makes intoxicated humans always want to take their clothes off?" Garrus asked no one in particular.

Kaidan was struggling with Catherine, trying to convince her to keep her pants on at least since she'd already stripped her top half down to her lacy lilac bra.

By then Joker was naked and lying on the grass staring up at the sky declaring that he could see the stars. Trying not to look, Garrus picked up Joker's shirt and tossed it over his exposed parts. Joker didn't like this and grabbed the shirt, tossing it away into the trees.

EDI arrived then, looking displeased as she knelt over Joker, trying to convince him he should be embarrassed. When this didn't work she bent down to his ear and whispered something. He was on his feet in an instant and followed her away like a happy puppy.

Kaidan didn't bother to watch where they went. Catherine has trying to dance with him now, humming what sounded like Waltz of the Flowers.

Finally, Karin reappeared and quickly took an sample of her blood from a finger tip.

"As I suspected she'll be just fine," Karin said with a charmed giggle as Catherine nestle herself under Kaidan's arm, announcing that he smelled like lilies. "Might be a good idea to get her inside though. Clearly she's finding the outdoors somewhat overstimulating."

"I've got so much work to do, Karin," Kaidan complained. "Can't you just keep her in the med bay for a few hours until whatever this is wears off?"

"I'm not even going to dignify that with answer, Kaidan," she chided and walked away.

Kaidan looked pleadingly at Garrus who raised his hands and shook his head, backing away. "She's all yours, my friend."

Catherine was mumbling into his chest now and rubbing the hem of his t-shirt between her fingers. As desperate as he was for time alone with her, this was not how he wanted to spend it.

Feeling impatient and annoyed, he lifted her up in his arms and carried her back to his cabin. She let her head loll back and her arms fall down, becoming completely dead weight. And then suddenly she was singing Harvest Moon and he became increasingly less irritated.

She was still singing when he lay her down on the bed and collapsed onto the couch to listen to her voice. It went gravely and broke several times as she sang, but it still sounded lovely.

"_When we were strangers, I watched you from afar._

_When we were lovers, I loved you with my heart._

_But now it's getting late, and the moon is climbing high._

_I wanna celebrate. See it shining in your eyes."_

Kaidan joined his voice to hers for the end of the verse.

"_Because I'm still in love with you,_

_I wanna see you dance again._

_Because I'm still in love with you._

_On this harvest moon."_

Catherine rolled her head to side and gazed at him, her pupils still huge and black, the synthetic glow having died down since Joker went away with EDI.

"I love that song," she whispered. Her arm flopped off the bed, reaching for him.

"Me too," he said with a small smile.

"Come lie with me, Kaidan. I feel like I am going to float away."

Kaidan pushed himself up off the couch and crawled over her and lay down on his back beside her, resting his head back on his arms. It felt good to just lie down and unwind. He couldn't remember the last time he'd just relaxed. Kaidan had always been the one to make sure people took breathers, sanity checks he called them, and now he was the one being forced to take one.

Catherine lift her arms up and stared at her hands, wiggling her fingers. Kaidan wondered what she saw there and for a moment was jealous. He was Canadian. He'd smoked his fair share of weed, but a very long time ago, after his escape from BAaT. Nothing suited introspection like the mellow, placid feeling of THC coursing through your veins.

Yet despite its proven medicinal value, particularly for those suffering from PTSD, the Alliance still frowned upon the use of Marijuana, and Kaidan hadn't touched it in almost twenty years.

Whatever Catherine was feeling now was definitely significantly more, and certainly different, than anything he had ever felt smoking quality BC bud out in the wilderness.

She was humming to herself again, this time not a tune he recognized.

"What song is that?"

"It's called Terra Nova Trip by Punks of Aegohr," she said dreamily. "Salarians can make pretty decent music when they aren't bouncing around like spastic little frogs."

Kaidan laughed, but more in shock than humour. "That was so politically incorrect."

"Salarians are so cool," she said as she turned over onto her stomach, propping herself on her elbows to look down at him. "Their eyelids blink up. You ever notice that? And they are so cute when they smile."

"Okay, I take it back," Kaidan said, touching her cheek with the back of his fingers. She practically purred, rubbing into his caress just like a cat. "You've gone to that creepy place beyond politically incorrect."

"Are you telling me that you don't fine asari really hot?" she said, hiding her face behind her hands coyly.

"Are you saying_ you_ _do _find asari really hot?" he retorted?

"Umm yeah," she giggled, then did a complete one eighty and said. "That was really cool earlier with Joker. I could hear his thoughts."

"Is that what was happening?" He rolled on to his side, leaning on his elbow. "What was that, Cat? How were you doing that?"

Cat studied her hands intently, and then swung her head to face Kaidan, swaying a little as she did. "I have no idea. It was like... this music in my head, and whenever I got closer to Joker it got louder. I want to find more of that mushroom."

She tried to fall over onto her side, but misjudged and nearly tumbled over the side of the bed. Kaidan caught her around the waist and pulled her back up and onto his chest as he lay back.

"Careful there, girly," he said and let her ooze off him until she was lying prone on the bed once more. "Are you still hallucinating?"

"Yes," she replied with a very definite nod. "I can see forever."

"Are you going to remember any of this tomorrow?" Kaidan asked.

"I sure hope so." She unbuttoned her pants and kicked them off, now lying there in only her bra and underwear.

Kaidan groaned as he looked at her. "You are being really unfair, Cat."

"What! Why?" She sat up and flung a leg over him to straddle his hips. Leaning down she brushed her lips against his. Her sugar sweet smell filled his nose and he ran his hands up her arms to grasp her shoulders.

"I can't take advantage of you like this, Cat," he said gently, pushing her up and off him.

She sat back against the wall and pouted. "I don't want to wait anymore, Kaidan. We're finally alone and I have been waiting for this for twenty years. Oops."

Covering her mouth with both hand she did a face plant into the pillows. The secret was out. Kaidan would have to admit now that he did remember her from all those years ago.

He put a hand on her back and she turned her head to peek at him through her fingers.

"I've never forgotten that night, Cat," he revealed.

"Really? But it was so long ago. We were just kids."

"Old enough to know it was something special," he said with a sentimental smile. "You were my first kiss. I thought about you that first horrible year I was at BAaT. The memory kept me going."

"I was only fourteen," Catherine said as she sat up again. She didn't seem to be able to sit still. "You were so cute with that adorable little fringe of hair flipped up at the front and your terrible dives at the lake."

"Your hair was a lot longer then, and you went by a different name," Kaidan pointed out.

"No, I just told you a different name cause I used to hate my own," she said and she twisted her arms behind herself and unfastened her bra, letting it fall to bed.

Kaidan's breath caught in his throat and it took all his will power not to reach out and cup one of those ample breasts. He kept reminding himself that Catherine wasn't trying to be seductive. Whatever chemical was in her was making her skin ultra sensitive causing her to do away with everything touching it.

"I told you my name was Millicent." She stretched languidly and fell back, her head tipping over the end of the bed. Lifting her hips up she peeled away her underwear and flung them across the room.

In the growing dimness of the room Kaidan could barely make out her features, but the rapture she was experiencing did not appear to have faded any yet.

"Millicent means honey bee," she told him huskily. Her voice was alluring and Kaidan's desire amped up a hundred fold as she wrapped her arm around his leg, reaching up his thigh with searching fingers. He was going to go insane if he didn't do something soon.

"I can't take this, Cat," Kaidan said. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and stood, putting his hands on his hips. "I want you so badly, but I want you to remember this. I want this to be special."

Catherine got to her knees and shuffled across the broad expanse of mattress until she knelt right in font of him. She spread her hands out on his chest, kneading her fingers into the hard muscle.

"Kaidan, I still remember every detail of the first night we kissed. Just because the walls are shifting and the bed feels like dewy grass, doesn't mean I won't remember every instant we're together."

She slid her hands around him, grasped his hips and pulled him close, rubbing herself into his groin. It was then that he lost his internal struggle. Shoving her back onto the bed he ripped his shirt off and tore away his pants, kicking his boots off in the process.

Watching him with hunger in her eyes she stared unabashedly at his turgid member. He grabbed her and swung her around until her head rested on the pillows, then lowered himself down beside her.

She moaned in bliss as he leaned down and pulled one hard nipple between his lips, his hand reaching down to trace the line of her hip bone to the soft hair between her legs. It was his turn to groan as her hand found what was between his legs and latched on, pulling and stroking.

"Cat, I don't think I can wait." Kaidan looked down at her. Her hair was spread out around her head like a halo and a sultry smile graced her lips.

"So don't," she said. "We've got all night."

That was all Kaidan needed to hear. She spread her legs as he levered himself on top of her. Kissing her heatedly, he sunk himself into her, revelling in the moist heat that surrounded him. Whimpers of pleasure turned to cries of delight as he moved more vigorously, his hips rising and falling faster and faster at her encouragement.

The sensation built and built in his chest, finally bursting in a crescendo of indescribable ecstasy and he cried out, burying his face in her neck as her nails dug into his back.

They lay there panting, just clinging to each other as aftershocks rippled through their bodies. Kaidan shifted, letting himself slip out of her, and she arched her back up, crying out softly.

"That was... dazzling," he told her, with a series of kisses to her neck, tracking his way up her jaw and finally to her lips.

Her eyes were closed and she was breathing heavily. When she didn't respond right away Kaidan almost panicked, wondering if it had been too much in her intoxicated state.

"Are you all right?" he asked, sliding his weight off of her.

Her eyes opened slowly, coming to rest on his. "Oh, I am more than all right, Kaidan. And ready for more when you are."

Laughing, he gathered her up in his arms and kissed the top of her head. "I think it was worth waiting for. Let's bask in it for a few more minutes."

She grumbled disappointedly, but moved closer and nuzzled under his chin. "I've heard that biotics can do some pretty interesting things in bed."

"Asari can," he said regretfully. "I don't know of any humans with enough control to make it work."

"I'm willing to try," she said playfully.

"How about we save that for another time?" He felt a shiver run up Catherine's body. "C'mon, let's get under the blankets."

They separated long enough to pull the blankets from beneath them and then Catherine fell back into his arms as he pulled the covers up over their shoulders.

Few words were spoken as they continued to caress and explore each others bodies, learning the curves and contours by touch and taste. They made love again, this time more slowly and sensuously, making it last. Catherine climaxed three times, each time crying out his name breathlessly, before he finally finished again.

Spent and almost delirious with pleasure, they fell asleep in each others arms, sweat covered and tingling.

When they awoke the next day there was no doubt that everyone in the camp knew what they had spent the night doing. James had even slipped a congratulatory note under the door, complete with a lewd sketch of what he'd guessed they'd been up to. Catherine covered her head in embarrassment when Kaidan showed her, but she was laughing and he knew she was not really ashamed.

The effects of the mushroom spores had worn off at some point during the night, and the side effects seemed limited to a severe thirst which Catherine quenched by downing an entire jug of water that Kaidan kept in his quarters.

Neither of them wanted to leave the bubble of their honeymoon as Catherine called it. Kaidan didn't know if she meant it as the adjective or the noun, but he didn't care. Now that he had her he was never letting her go.

They sat together in bed, reclining against the pillows. Kaidan had his arm around Catherine and was lazily playing with a lock of her hair.

"Move in with me," he said spontaneously.

"No," she replied quickly.

He shifted so he could look down at her. "Seriously?"

"Not yet," she touched the end of his nose with her finger. "I will stay here with you every single night, but I think it's best if we each have our own spaces. These houses aren't exactly big and I think we would get annoyed with each other quickly. Especially since you like a place for everything and everything in its place and I prefer a bit of pandemonium in my life."

"You make a good point," he said, sitting back and resuming his twirling of her hair. "Back in the spring, the night we kissed, you said that being here was like a dream come true. What did you mean?"

"Did you ever want to be something when you grew up?" she asked. "Something totally unreasonable that only a kid could think of?"

Kaidan sighed and thought back. "I wanted to be a cowboy. Does that count?"

"Of course it does," she smiled up at him. "I wanted to go back in time. I read so many books about what life was like for early humans and settlers in new places around the world. As I got older and my life didn't turn out any of the ways I'd hope, I wanted to escape. I wanted to move to the colonies and start a new life. I almost ended up on Horizon, but my mum didn't want to go and so I stuck around on Earth."

"So, you really are happy here."

"I am. Every day has been an adventure. We are living a life that's going to be full of firsts now. We are going to shape the lives of those who comes after us. We are going to be the founders of a new civilization."

"I'm glad someone got their wish out of all this," Kaidan said, instantly regretting his words. He stammered out and apology, but Catherine shushed him.

"I know what you meant. If I could change everything and give us the fairy tale ending where the Reapers are gone, the relays remained, and no one died I... No, actually I wouldn't. The galaxy was an amazing place, but our lives centered around power and technology we didn't understand. It made some people arrogant and superior. It made others angry and violent, taking advantage of the weakest and most vulnerable. I think we're better off this way. The galaxy still has all the technology we earned through our own innovation and intelligence, and I'm sure that one day we'll figure out a way to move among the stars like we once could."

Kaidan stared up at the ceiling, letting what she'd said sink in. He'd thought of all these things, but never before had they seemed like positives. They were at a unique crossroads in the history of humanity. It wasn't just about surviving. They had already done that part. Now it was about building and becoming great again, by their own merit.

"I've never thought it quite that way," he told her. "I think I agree with you though. And I think Shepard would too."

She patted his chest and climbed out of bed.

"Come on, lover. Time for a new day."


	9. Chapter 9 Changes

It was about a week later that Doctor Chakwas discreetly asked Kaidan to come see her in the medical suite.

The days had become much colder and there was a taste of winter on the wind. Kaidan shrugged on his varen hide jacket as he left the near completed bunker that would soon function as a cold cellar.

With it needing little more work, construction of the hall extension had amped up. If they were able to get the roof finished they would be able to spend the winter working on the radiant heating in the floor and installing all the electronics that Doctor Chakwas wanted in place. The plan was to use everything that remained from the ship in the hospital and the cold cellar.

Kaidan entered the hall through the double doors that lead into the new space. It was nearly the size of the original building, but the area had been divided by thin stone walls creating a long hall down the centre with several rooms on each side.

There was only so much flooring left from the Normandy so only the rooms would have radiant heat, while the hall way would remain bare rock. Windows at the south end of the hallway used up what was left of their supply of glass, but let in a flood of light making the use of electric lighting unnecessary there at least.

Luckily, they had yet to run out of lighting from the ship so each patient room had ample radiance. And Garrus' godlike ability to calibrate anything to near perfection had made increased the output from the solar panels by nearly 300%. If they maintained the equipment well, even the next generations might be able to use it.

Kenneth was working on installing ventilation in the ceiling and called hello to Kaidan as he walked by.

"Hey Ken," Kaidan said, looking up the wooden ladder at the Scotsman. "How's it going?"

"Not bad," he said with a grunt as he tightened a stubborn bolt and then climbed down the ladder. "I was hoping ta talk to you about something."

Karin had not seemed insistent so Kaidan figured he had a few minutes at least. "Sure, what's up?"

"Gabby and I have been talking. She wants to get married before the baby comes. She's pretty set on it too."

"Congrats, Ken." Kaidan gave him a manly slap on the back.

"Thanks," Kenneth said with a hint of a blush. "Here's the thing... I had EDI look into it for me. You're the only one with a high enough rank to officiate."

Kaidan did a double take. "Pardon."

"As a Major you are the only one..."  
>"Yeah, I heard that. I just think EDI might be wrong."<p>

Kenneth raised an eyebrow. "Would you like to be the one to tell her that?"

"I never captained a ship, Ken," Kaidan said regretfully.

"That was the rule about a hundred years ago, before we started colonizing other planets," Kenneth explained eagerly. "Technically a Major and Captain are of equal rank, and when people started getting married away from Earth and didn't have or didn't want a religious official, Majors were given special dispensation to perform marriages."

"You don't say," Kaidan replied, feeling rather floored.

Kenneth laughed. "You should see the look on your face. Don't worry, EDI's got all the information you'd need. Will you do it? Please?"

Kaidan wanted to say no. He was already the default head of their colony. He didn't want to be the spiritual leader as well. Although, this technically was nothing religious, just a way to make a marriage legally binding.

"You know, anyone could do this," Kaidan pointed out. "There really aren't any real ranks here."

"I know that," Kenneth shrugged. "But Gabby say she doesn't feel right having a wee one out of a wedlock. She's not religious, but her parents were, and she says her mother would be turning in her grave if she knew Gabby was pregnant."

Kaidan didn't reply. He could see that Kenneth was hopeful, but he was loath to take on any more responsibility.

"I'm sorry, Kaidan," Kenneth said with raised hands. "I didna mean to put you on the spot. If you dinna want to I understand."

"No, of course I'll do it," Kaidan said reaching out a hand to shake Kenneth's.

Kenneth grasped it, pumping enthusiastically. "Are you sure? Garrus has the right as well, but I think Gabby would prefer someone from the Alliance."

"I'm sure." Kaidan smiled at him, feeling the weight of the new responsibility already, but also glad to be helping a friend.

"Gabby'll be happy. I know we're crazy busy right now, but hopefully before winter there will be some time."

Kaidan nodded and Kenneth went back to work, positively jubilant.

Several people were working in the labs, but Karin was alone in the medical suite when Kaidan arrived. She was leaning over the screen of the atomic force microscope. It was an older piece of equipment, but it was what she had trained on and she preferred to any of the salarian tech she'd had access to over the years

"Ah, Kaidan," she looked up and gestured to the microscope. "Have I got something to show you."

Kaidan slid onto a stool beside her and leaned his head down to look at the slide under the scope.

"Blood?" he asked.

"My blood," she replied.

Kaidan felt a moment of worry. As their only medical professional it would be devastating to lose Karin to illness.

"Take a look." She turned the screen around so Kaidan could see.

Kaidan hadn't looked at blood under magnification since his high school days. It took him a minute to get his bearings in the image. It was essentially the same as he remembered. Lots of little reddish circles floating around in clear fluid. Now there was something extra thought.

Red blood cells didn't have a nucleus, only white cells did, but now there was something there. Each little cell seemed to have a glowing heart of emerald. Kaidan increased the magnification and could see that there was a network of miniscule filaments tracing paths through the skin of the cell.

"So, this is what we look like on the inside now," Kaidan said as he leaned away from the screen.

"This is a sample I took only days after we arrived here," Karin said, reaching for another slide. "What you're seeing there is the very first changes in our cellular make up. It was the same all over our bodies."

She place another slide under the scope. "This is a sample taken last spring when Cat had that fever."

The image was similar, but on closer inspection Kaidan could see the differences. The synthetics had broken through the walls of the cell and were protruding like the tentacles of tiny octopi. They seemed to be latching onto another type of cell, drawing them in closer.

"Are those white blood cells?" he asked.

"Leucocytes, yes," the doctor confirmed. "She was quite ill so there are a lot more of them than there would normally be, but what's interesting is the way they appear to be reacting to the sickness. Before this I had not seen any evidence of synthetics in white blood cells or platelets. It would seem to me that the synthetics are speeding the healing process by directing the other cells."

"But Cat took days to recover after that, and Garrus took even longer to heal from his injuries," Kaidan pointed out.

Kaidan stood and paced, going into teacher mode. "Think about how the body reacts to inoculations. You feel dreadful while your body learns how to fight off the minor infection, but then next time your body is exposed to that same pathogen, you feel nothing. Think about it, has Catherine been ill again since then?"

Thinking back, Kaidan realized she hadn't. In fact, neither had he. "Why didn't you or EDI pick up on this earlier?"

"We both had theories, but without further testing we weren't able to confirm anything. And Garrus had a tougher time because he is a dextro. Not only was his body trying to heal from grievous wounds, but he was also fighting off massive infection. And because he is so dissimilar from humans the information was hardly comparable."

Before Kaidan could get a word in, Karin had another slide under the scope. This one glowed so brightly green that it was almost difficult to look at. He lowered the contrast of the screen and tried to make sense of what he was looking at. The blood cells, all types, were barely visible amid the tangle of synthetics. It was everywhere.

"What is this?" he breathed.

"That is the sample I took from Catherine the evening she and Joker were exposed to the spoors."

"This is amazing!" Kaidan exclaimed.

"The spoors must have interacted with the synthetics already in her body causing her to nervous system to go into overdrive. This is nothing like what the body experiences during the high from a typical psilocybin mushroom. 'Magic mushrooms'," she said, quoting in the air. "Cause a person to perceive things that are not there. What Catherine and Joker experienced was a heightening of all their senses, including ones only theorized about. The sixth sense if you will."

"She said she could hear Joker's thoughts the closer she got to him," Kaidan said, thinking back to what Catherine had told him about the experience.

"From what I observed," Karin said, sitting back down and leaning in to speak to Kaidan in a hushed tone. "The synthetics in their bodies were actually intertwining and passing information along."

"Have you tested her blood since then?" Kaidan was keen to learn more.

"Yes. The synthetics seem to have retreated some, but it still appears to be significantly more advanced than anyone's other than Joker's. His are impressive to observe."

"Why's that?"

"Jeff was the only one of us to land here who suffered from any type of disease. The synthetics in his body have been working harder than in anyone else. If I had to re-diagnose him now, I would not say he had Vrolik syndrome."

"That's incredible," Kaidan said with wonder in his voice. "And I assume it's very much the same or Tali?"

Karin nodded. "I've also taken a sample of Morgan's and Lola's blood. It would appear that mother and child share a bond much more tightly woven than is typical. Generally, a child can identify their mother in a number of ways. First by hearing, followed quickly by sight, and even occasionally by scent. But I believe Lola can actually feel her mother presence in a room."

"You'd think the scientist back on Earth would have figured some of this out by now," Kaidan mused.

"Earth's got enough to worry about," Karin said with a sad shake of her head. "I'm sure someone's on the case, but I doubt anyone has the kind of time I do these days."

"Have you told anyone else about this yet?"

"No, I wanted to get your thoughts on it first." Karin began switching off the equipment and putting away her slides. "In my opinion, we don't want people going in search of these fungi. Although the effects seem beneficial in the long run, the immediate side effects could be dangerous."

Kaidan smiled as he remembered the silliness he'd witnessed that evening. Joker was still trying to live down the shame of running around the settlement in nothing but his birthday suit. Catherine on the other hand had taken to calling him Feathers when she was being cutesy, and had hinted that she would like to find the fungus again.

"It's not addictive, is it?" Kaidan asked.

"Besides the enhanced synthetics, I found no trace of the spoor in Catherine's blood or in Joker's. I don't have the proper equipment here to test for long term addiction potential, but my educated guess is that no, it's not addictive."

"That's a relief," Kaidan sighed.

"Could be our first recreational drug, Kaidan. It might be wise to learn more about it and create some rules regarding its use."

Another thing to add to his already overly full plate. The entire colony was curious about what had happened between Cat and Joker that night. They couldn't keep this a secret for long, and yet if they revealed the truth of what had occurred people would be even more intrigued by what it could do for them.

Karin seemed to sense his concern. "Kaidan, don't forget that these aren't ordinary civilians we're dealing with. These men and women served in the Alliance. While they may be interested in this, I highly doubt that we are going to have a crisis on our hands. Their self discipline is strong."

"You're probably right," Kaidan admitted. "Let's keep the finer details to ourselves for now. We'll just tell people that it temporarily enhanced synthetic communication for a short time and had no lasting effects. When we know more about it ourselves we'll share the rest of what we know."

Karin nodded her consent. "I'll leave it up to you whether or not you tell Catherine, but I will be sharing the truth of it with Joker. I believe he's noticed some more changes in his relationship with EDI since it happened and he will have questions."

The thought had not occurred to Kaidan, but enhanced synthetics could take Joker's interaction with EDI to a whole new level. He wondered how much of EDI had changed to an organic state. The visible changes were few but plainly visible. Her eyes had developed pupils and irises, and finger nails had appeared on her hands, while on her feet toes had begun to develop. She was able to walk flat footed now as the supports that gave her the look of walking in heels wore away. She appeared more life like with each passing day.

"I'll tell Cat," Kaidan agreed. "Just give me time."

Karin didn't seem impressed, but she held her tongue. Kaidan had kept things from Cat and it had been detrimental to their relationship. It probably wasn't wise to keep this from her, but something said now was not the time.

Kaidan wandered back through the hall in somewhat of a daze, lost in his own thoughts, worried about Cat. She's always been a little strange and Kaidan had found it endearing that she was so unlike other Alliance soldiers. But ever since the incident with the mushrooms she'd been behaving... differently.

He'd caught her talking to herself a number of times, and while she'd always processed out loud, the way she did it now was disconcerting. It was as if she was actually talking to someone else, rather than just vocalizing her thoughts.

Every time it had happened she'd seemed entirely unaware that she'd been doing it. Kaidan had never been able to make out the words Catherine had always spoken so softly, but he'd several times thought she wasn't speaking English. He knew that she was skilled with the written word and could generally make her way through most Latin based languages with ease, even some alien languages as well, but she couldn't speak any fluently.

And now Doctor Chakwas' findings had him more concerned and he worried that the experience had affected her mind and not just her cells. He started to think that maybe it would be a good idea to talk to Joker and EDI and find out just what Karin had been referring to when she mentioned changes in their relationship.

He found Joker in his workshop putting the finishing touches on an elegantly crafted cradle. The information Hackett had been sending included methods of steam bending wood and it looked like Joker had finally perfected the technique.

"Looks good, Joker," Kaidan said, studying the cradle with an appreciative gaze.

Joker gave it a nudge and it rocked slowly from side to side. "It's for Liara's kid. Still can't believe she's having one. And raising it alone. That takes guts."

Kaidan shrugged. "Lots of asari do it. Liara only had one parent. Besides, she won't be alone. She'd got all of us."

"True. But still. Seems... I don't know. But I guess Liara knows what she's doing." Joker sat back on his bench. "What's up?"

Kaidan leaned against the heavy duty work bench behind him and crossed his arms. "I was just talking to Doctor Chakwas and she mentioned that you and EDI have noticed some interesting changes since the mushrooms."

"Okay, if this is some lead in to a joke about my public display of private parts, don't bother," Joker groaned. "I've already heard them all from Vega and Donnelly."

"Heh. No, don't worry," Kaidan said. "I'd rather not have a reason to picture that again."

"Oh. Okay."

Kaidan could have sworn Joker actually sounded a little disappointed. The erstwhile pilot never could resist some friendly banter, whereas Kaidan had always been more reserved. He was opening up more now, but today he just wasn't in the mood for it.

"So, you wanted to know what's up with me and EDI? Watch this." Joker's face went blank and his eyes lost focus. At the same time, the synthetics beneath his skin flared brightly before disappearing once again. Several seconds later EDI appeared at the door.

"Yes, Jeff?"

Joker snapped back to reality and looked at EDI with a huge grin. "Nothing. Just showing Kaidan."

EDI gave him a disapproving look. "I don't appreciate being toyed with, Jeff."

"Sure thing, beautiful," he said with a wink.

She scowled at him and stalked away. Joker laughed.

"She is getting so pissed. I've been doing that to her at least six times a day."

"Doing what exactly?" Kaidan asked, thought he suspected he already knew the answer.

"Oh, EDI and I can communicate telepathically now. Well, she can hear me anyway. I can only hear here if I really concentrate and she tells me she's doing it."

"Why haven't you told anyone this?"

Joker shrugged. "Seeming kinda private I guess."

Kaidan gave him a look that said bullshit. "So why tell me now?"

"I figured you and Cat probably had the same thing going on or something. No? Well, it's probably because EDI is synthetic."

"So, neither of you have been able to hear Cat's thoughts?"

Joker shook his head. "I already saw what goes on in that woman's mind. Pretty sure I'd know it if I saw it again. Cat's okay, right?"

"Oh yeah," Kaidan lied. "She's fine. Just want to stay ahead of the game, you know."

"Yeah, I get that," Joker said. "So are you planning to go on that hunting trip? Adams asked if I wanted to go, but long periods of time keeping my mouth shut really doesn't interest me."

"I'm taking Garrus' place. Tali's not ready to let him out of her sight," Kaidan said as he stood away from the table and picked up a piece of wood, tossing it back and forth from hand to hand. "Cat wants to come too, but I'm not sure she knows what's involved."

"What's involved?" Joker asked, he knowledge of where meat came from was as limited as his knowledge of what to do with plants.

"And that is why you should not go," Kaidan chuckled. "It's not just about shooting. A kill has to be cleaned too. It's messy work."

"Ah, yeah I don't wanna to do that," Joker agreed.

"Didn't think so," Kaidan tossed the piece of wood at him and Joker caught it with one hand. "Anyway, I should go. We might actually get that cold cellar done in the next few days."

Kaidan left in a hurry, not feeling much better than when he had left the hall. Deciding he would talk to Catherine later that night he headed back towards the huge hole in the ground where the cellar was being installed.

Mounds of dirt were heaped up on either side. Digging the hole had been a massive endeavor that had taken up most of their time through the summer. Essentially what they had done was re-weld several pieces of the outer hull together into a huge box and lowered it into place with the shuttle.

While the sides were being filled in and the heavy outer door being fitted in place, James and his team were digging the ramp that would lead down to the cellar. They had considered building an entire sealed stairwell, but decided the metal could be put to better use. Instead, it would have a dirt ramp that would allow them to bring their carts in and out with ease, covered by large wooden doors on the surface.

Once it was done they would be able to store more than quadruple what they currently could in the hall. Kaidan wished that he had thought ahead more and left space closer to the hall, but no one blamed him. It wasn't as if he knew much, if anything, about starting a colony. Especially one that required knowledge gleaned from history text books.

Kaidan was just picking up a shovel to get back to work when Liara arrived. He had seen little of her since Javik's wake and it was good to see her moving about the settlement again.

"Hello, Kaidan," she said in a weary sounding voice.

"Hey, Liara," he said as he gave her a one armed hug about the shoulders. "How are you?"

"I'm restless," she replied. "I was hoping you might be able to give me something meaningful to do. Something to take my mind off of... things."

Kaidan had a million and one jobs he was yearning to assign to Liara's sharp mind, but he had held back, giving her time to grieve.

"Sure, I've got a few jobs I could hand over to you," Kaidan said as his omnitool glowed to life on his wrist and he scrolled down his to do list. "You seem a little more like yourself."

"I admit I am feeling more like myself." She unconsciously raised a hand to her abdomen. "And at the same time, very different. It's strange, having another life within you."

Kaidan felt the pang of desire that had been cropping up whenever there was mention of children. The more he saw James with Lola, the more he wanted children of his own.

"How far along are you anyway?" he asked.

"Just two months. Another four to go."

"Are we talking months here or galactic standard?" Kaidan really wished everyone could break the habit of using the galactic norm for telling time.

"It's an estimate based on time here," she explained. "A standard month is thirty days, only a few days longer than a month on Thessia. Our months here are now fifteen days longer and asari typically gestate for twelve Thessian months. But the fact that I can already sense her makes me think that things are moving more quickly than usual."

"You can already feel her?" Kaidan's mind went quickly to the new link between Joker and EDI, wondering if perhaps Liara was experiencing something similar with her child.

"Asari can always feel their children growing." Liara smiled wistfully. "Some even claim they can remember communing with their mothers while still in the womb. I have no such memory, though I have searched my mind for one."

"What does it feel like?" Kaidan hoped he wasn't getting too near to crossing a line with his questions, but Liara seemed unperturbed.

"It is difficult to explain to someone who hasn't experienced a melding of the minds with an asari," Liara struggled to find the right metaphor. "I'm sure this is going to come out all wrong, but have you ever had a pet that you were particularly close with."

"Yeah, I had a dog when I was a kid. Mackenzie. I called him Mac."

"And could you sense his presence even when you couldn't see him?"

Kaidan thought back to the dog. A Rottweiler that had barely fit in his parents downtown Vancouver apartment. They'd hated it, but Mac had been Kaidan's best friend growing up. For the age of five, Kaidan and had been inseparable from that dog, until Mac had died ten years later, only a year before Kaidan had been shipped out to jump zero.

"Yeah, I always knew when Mac was there. If I woke up and he wasn't in the room, I knew before I even opened my eyes."

"It's much the same for asari," Liara went on. "Even thought we cannot communicate through words, we can feel each other. I don't know if it's the same for human mothers."

Kaidan didn't really know either. Being a soldier, he'd encountered very few pregnant women in his life, and he wasn't close enough to any here to be privy to such personal details.

"Are you scared?" Kaidan asked, prepared to offer support for his friend.

Liara only gave a little laugh. "Not at all. Asari births are not the trial I now know human births to be. Our children are born much smaller and our bodies are designed much differently. But I am glad that Doctor Chakwas is here. Thank you for your concern, Kaidan."

"Any time, T'Soni," Kaidan gave her a warm smile then began scrolling through his omnitool again. "So, you know Hackett's been sending us information. I've been trying to go through it myself, but my mind's just not set up the way yours is."

"Would you like me to categorize the information and compiles indexes for easy reference?"

"That's what I was going to say, just not quite as fancily."

"I could also match up tasks to people who best suit the required skills," Liara continued, and Kaidan could see she was already throwing herself into the task.

"That would be brilliant, Liara. Thanks so much for taking this off my hands."

"I'm happy to help," Liara touched his arm affectionately before turned and headed back to the hall.

The massive server she'd brought on board the Normandy as the Shadow Broker had already been converted into the settlements data library, freeing up EDI's computing power for more essential tasks. EDI could easily have done this job, but she was the first to admit that as a non-organic AI designed primarily for battle it would be possible for her to miss essential information. And besides, Liara needed the distraction.

When Liara was gone, Kaidan picked up his shovel and got back to work. The hunting party intended to head out the next day and he wanted to see the bulk of the work done before he left. The task was strenuous, but it kept Kaidan's mind from the things that had nagged at him all day.

The gradual falling of night and chilled air rolling in from the north called the end of the work day. Once the sun set it was far too chilly to keep working at such a pace. Sweat and cold air could be a dangerous combination and the last thing they needed was for anyone to come down with a cold.

Despite the nip in the air, Kaidan found himself sitting on a bench outside the hall after supper with James, Garrus and Catherine as night descended upon them and the stars began to fill the sky.

"You know," Kaidan mused as he sipped at the steaming tea cradled in his hands. "When we crashed here, I thought we were on a tropical planet. It gets bloody cold though."

"Turians aren't meant for this kind of cold," Garrus complained, hunching further into the heavy coat Tali had fashioned for him out of leather hide packed with feathers. "Palaven was about an average of 10 degrees warmer than this."

"Don't worry, Garrus," Catherine said, patting him on the shoulder. "I'll knit you a scarf."

"You can do that?" Garrus sounded genuinely excited.

They all laughed and Catherine admitted that, no, she couldn't actually knit.

"You know," James said after a minute. "Earth once had a climate like this. Like thirty million years ago or something. The poles had tropical forests that froze in the winter."

Kaidan and Garrus simply nodded, content to take James at his word and accept his knowledge on the subject, but Catherine gave a great belly laugh and reached across Garrus to slap James playfully on the knee.

"Ah, Jimmy," she said bemusedly. "You look like such a jarhead I sometimes forget that you have a serious brain in there."

"Thanks," James said, his forehead creased. "I think."

"Oh, it was a compliment," Catherine giggled. She leaned her head down on Kaidan's shoulder, tucking her arm through his. "You're all so smart. Sometimes I feel a little left out."

"You are aware that's it's your farming skills that have kept us alive, right?" Garrus told her.

"You guys would have figured it out without me." She whispered something under her breath that Kaidan couldn't quite make out.

"What was that?" he asked.

"What was what?" Catherine mumbled, sounding sleepy.

"Um, never mind," Kaidan covered. "Thought I heard something. I'm going to head to bed now, guys. You coming, Cat?"

She nodded and stood, yawning and rubbing her hands down her face. "Goodnight you guys."

James gave her a fond tap on the behind as she walked by, and despite the cold, Garrus stayed where he was, evidently planning to spend the evening exchanging stories with James, a habit they'd never dropped.

Kaidan wrapped an arm around Catherine as they walked back to his cabin. Even after saying no, she'd all but moved in over the course of the week. Her clothes were there, her books, and even the teddy bear she'd smuggled aboard the Normandy was there, leaning up against the pillows.

Even though he woke most mornings to find she was already up and about, Kaidan was glad to have her there. He was sleep better than he had in years. Feeling more healthy and invigorated with each day.

"I can't wait until it snows," Catherine said dreamily, looking up at the glittering stars overhead. "It's not quite the same as home, but close enough."

She stood just outside the cabin, Kaidan holding the door open for her.

"C'mon, Kitten," he tugged at her arm. "You're letting the heat out."

"You go in." She smiled over her shoulder. "I'll just be a sec."

Kaidan closed the door and started stripping off his layers. Catherine loved the night and she usually stayed outside for a while before going to sleep. Kaidan had drawn the line at her habit of kneeling on the bed and leaning out the window to look at the stars and 'feel the weather' as she called it.

She liked sleeping in a cold room and snuggling down in a massive pile of blankets, but Kaidan was used to climate controlled spaces and preferred to be able to throw the covers back at night if he wanted to.

Their compromise was that he often stood out under the stars with her, just silently watching them slide across the velvet backdrop of space.

Tonight though, he was just too tired and too nervous about the conversation he needed to have with her. If he was going on the hunt tomorrow he didn't want to delay it in case she heard something from someone else. On the other hand, he didn't want to cause an argument that he would have to leave unresolved when he left. His wording and timing had to be perfect.

He had already climbed into bed when Catherine finally opened the door, letting in a bitingly cold breeze. Kaidan pulled the blankets up over his bare chest.

Catherine quickly stripped off her clothes, leaving them strewn across the floor and couch and Kaidan fought the urge to make her pick them up. They wouldn't be there in the morning and it wasn't worth the fight.

He lifted the blankets back and Catherine practically jumped under them, clutching her bear to her chest and intentionally putting her cold feet on his, making him flinch back and her giggle.

Settling in under his arm with her head on his shoulder, Catherine yawned deeply, her jaw cracking.

"I am so tried, Kaidan," she mumbled, throwing her leg over his and tucking her bear between them.

"Okay, I gotta ask, since it stopping those beautiful breast from pressing up against me," Kaidan groused. "What's the story with the bear?"

"Be nice to Bear," Catherine said in a mock sulk. "I've had Bear since I was eleven. Bear goes everywhere with me."

"Why was Bear even on the Normandy?" Kaidan asked.

Catherine was silent and in the moonlight Kaidan saw a tear glisten in her eye. He held her a little tighter, letting her take her own time answering.

"The day the Reapers attacked, I was supposed to go on shore leave for a few days. I was heading to my mother's and didn't want to have to trek all the way back to my place to get my stuff so I brought it all with me."

"Lucky for you I guess," Kaidan said. "You might be the only one who has anything significant left from home."

"I'm glad I still have it. It doesn't weird you out or anything does it?"

He kissed the top of her head. "Not at all. It's adorable."

Kaidan knew if he didn't speak up soon, Catherine would fall asleep and he would lose his chance. "So, I talked to Doctor Chakwas today. She wanted to know if you'd been experiencing anything unusual since the spoors last week."

"Not really, no," she answered immediately.

"Are you sure?" he pressed. "Because you have seemed a little different lately."

"You mean how you seem to think I'm talking to myself all the time?" She sounded amused. "You're worried and you're seeing things that aren't there. It's sweet."

Lying in bed with her now, feeling her warm soft body against his, the honeyed tone of her voice, suddenly his fears seemed silly and unfounded. Maybe he had worked himself into a state for no good reason.

"Promise me that if you do notice anything you'll let me know," Kaidan implored.

"Of course, Feathers," she forced out through another yawn. "Now if you want to keep talking you'll have to do something to keep me awake."

Her hand found it's way down his stomach and between his legs. Before long she was on top of him, face buried in his shoulder as they moved in perfect unison. Kaidan held her by her hips, savouring every soft cry of pleasure as their bodies moved.

Several hours later something woke him. He lay in bed staring at the ceiling listening intently for whatever sounds had disturbed his slumber.

Catherine's back was pressed against his side and her head rested on his upper arm. His hand was freezing where it lay exposed on the mattress. He rolled over, pulling her closer and at the same time hiking the sheets up higher to cover his arm.

There was a greenish glow in the room and it took him a moment to realize what it was. Catherine's skin was emitting a steady pulse of light, mostly just out of range of the spectrum he was able to see, but every few seconds it radiated out and filled the room.

This wasn't what had woken him, however. Catherine was talking in her sleep. He'd heard this several times before. She was a vivid dreamer and was always moving around and making noise while she slept. But this was different, just like the way she was now talking aloud while awake.

Kaidan sat up and leaned his head in closer, trying to make out what she was saying, but it was impossible. It was as if she was using no consonants, just a long string of vowels. There were breaks in the muttering, like she was listening to someone answering her.

It was altogether unnerving and Kaidan nudged her several time before she blearily opened her eyes and looked up at him.

"Kaidan, I was sound asleep," she grumbled.

"You were talking," he told her. "A lot. Were you dreaming?"

"I don't know. I'm sorry I woke you though." She hugged her bear to her chest and pulled the blankets tighter to her chin. She was asleep again within seconds and the glow was gone.

Kaidan wondered if he had imagined it, if maybe it had been a dream of his own, but he couldn't convince himself of that. One thing he knew for sure was that he wasn't going to leave Catherine alone.

Something strange was going on inside her and he wasn't going to let her out of his sights. It was too late for him to back out of the hunting trip now, so it looked like she was in for a surprise in the morning. She would be coming along with the party whether she liked it or not.


	10. Chapter 10 The hunt

The next morning Catherine was thrilled to learn that she would be going on the hunt after all. Kaidan was surprised. Given her respect and love for living things, a sentiment that stopped her from so much as squashing a bug, he didn't really expect her to be so eager to go out and kill things.

"This has nothing to do with killing things," she said happily as she practically bounced along beside Kaidan and Adams as they headed for the armory. "We don't exactly get a lot of opportunities to leave the camp. I want to see more of our new home. Get to know the neighbours."

"But you're okay shooting something if you have to," Adams asked.

Catherine shrugged. "Hunting for sport and hunting for food are totally different. If I can help add to our supplies for the winter, I'm ok with that."

Everyone in the Alliance had basic weapons training, so Kaidan wasn't worried about giving her a pistol. As a non-combatant she wasn't as well versed in the wide array of weaponry that had available to them, but she'd be able to bring down birds and small animals with the gun Kaidan planned to equip her with.

Originally, they had kept their weapons in a line of lockers in the hall, but as they house emptied they began to repurposed them and one had become the armory. Kaidan unbolted the door and turned the lights on. The work bench along the back and the strip lighting above the lockers flickered to life.

Adams began gathering up what he needed for the other seven people accompanying them while Kaidan popped open one of the lockers near the back. He pulled out a battered looking pistol which he clipped to his belt.

"Magnum? I've never heard of that one." Catherine tilted her head sideway to read the word on the gun.

"Not its name, just a logo," Kaidan said scanning the locker for another weapon. "It's an M-6 Carnifex. Not exactly Alliance issue, but it packs on hell of a punch and is lethally accurate in the right hands."

He reached for another weapon and handed Catherine a silver pistol with barely a scratch on it.

"Shepard's N7 Eagle," he told her. "She didn't use it very often, but it's probably the best suited to you."

"Why do you say that?" Catherine's asked, turning the light pistol over in her hands, testing the weight and balance.

"It won't do a lot of damage in one shot the way the Carnifex will, but it fires a lot and it fires it fast. If for any reason you find yourself in close quarters with something dangerous, this gun will spray bullets like there's no tomorrow."

Catherine nodded and strapped a utility belt around her waist and clipped the gun at her hip. She stood back and watched as Kaidan pulled another weapon.

"You really going to use the old M-8?" Adams asked from the work bench where he was oiling the barrel of a heavy assault rifle.

"What can I say," Kaidan said as he lifted the weapon and sighted down the barrel. "I like the Avenger. It's tough and reliable. Not like that finicky Mattock." He gestured to the rifle Adams was cleaning.

"The M-96? Finicky?" Adams said, offended. 'You must be thinking of another gun."

"What's so great about the Mattock?" Catherine leaned in close to study the snubbed barrel and massive casing.

"The M-96 is a hybrid," Adams explained, holding out the weapon so she could feel its weight. "It may weigh a ton, but its make up for that in firepower. It can do as much damage with one shot as almost ay sniper rifle around, but its got the low heat production of an assault rifle."

Catherine struggled to lift it to her shoulder. She barely got it there before her arm began to shake and she passed it back to Adams.

"That is one heavy freakin' gun," she said, shaking her arms out. "I cannot believe Shepard carried that thing around with her all the time."

"It takes some serious upper body strength," Kaidan said. "There's no denying that Shepard was strong, but I know all the cybernetics that Cerberus filled her with helped a lot. Only person I know who could carry that hand held tank into battle without flagging was James."

"James could probably carry an actual tank," Catherine snorted.

Kaidan opened another locker and jumped when Catherin's arm shot past him into it and grabbed the barrel of a sniper rifle.

"Holy shit," she said, cradling the weapon almost reverently. "This is an M-92 Mantis. How did I not know this was in here?"

Kaidan and Adams exchanged confused glances as Catherine turned to them with an ear to ear grin.

"I am so taking this with me." She held the rifle up one handed while she adjusted the magnification.

"You know how to use a sniper rifle?" Kaidan asked doubtfully.

"I did some training courses back on Earth," she said. "Mostly just with the old Hammer and Striker lines though. I've wanted to get my hands on a Mantis for years. And this is fully upgraded isn't it?"

She studied the extended barrel and the concentration mod attached to the scope.

"That gun's got a seriously violent kickback," Kaidan said, crossing his arms and hoping Catherine wouldn't insist on taking the rifle. "I don't want to see you with a dislocated shoulder."

She gave him a look that said '_please_' and braced the rifle against her hip, looking small next to the massive weapon. "Kaidan, I can shoot this better than anyone other than maybe Garrus. In fact, if I could lift the Black Widow, I could probably give even Garrus a run for his money."

Feeling mildly turned on by her confidence, Kaidan shrugged and said, "If you say so, Kitten, but please don't challenge Garrus to a shooting match. No matter who won, the bragging would be too much to handle."

Catherine laughed and slung the rifle over her shoulder, clutching the strap possessively. Although Kaidan had had training with sniper rifles, he didn't have the smooth motions of a sharpshooter ingrained in him. He was much stronger than Catherine and had still been shocked by the force of the gun. Kaidan hoped she wouldn't have occasion to use it. Despite her bravado, he doubted she would be able to handle the recoil. He'd only fired the Mantis once and it had left a bruise the size of a foot on his shoulder.

They left the armory together, each carrying several weapons as they made their back to the hall where the rest of the team and all their gear waited. The plan was to only been gone over night, two nights if the hunting was poor, but the weather was getting much colder and therefore a lot more gear was needed. Plus, they would have to carry back what they killed and that required extra packs and even a collapsible travois for larger prey.

Kaidan had been on several hunts, but he bowed to Adams' extensive knowledge of the terrain and local game and let him make the decisions. They would be heading south, deeper into the valley. The trek back would with arduous, but they were most likely to find the herds at lower altitude at this time of year. Each person was carrying a pack that weighed a least fourteen kilos and they would all hopefully be carrying game back.

The mood was jubilant as they headed out, winding down the path to the gardens where there was a narrow game trail they could follow to the next plateau. This was the last major trip anyone would have before winter took them into its icy grips. After that, all they had to look forward to were long, dark nights and tedious days of tinkering.

The day had been cloudy and the air biting when they set out, but as they descended it warmed slightly and they began to shed layers. Most of them still wore their gloves and coats at least, but Catherine had stripped down to her t-shirt and stuffed her gloves and headband into her back pockets. They flopped around behind her as she jounced down the path ahead of Kaidan.

Doctor Chakwas had said that she ran hotter than most other people, and Kaidan knew from experience that she preferred to be cool. She'd convinced him one night to leave the window open during their love making. The cold air against his heated skin had been an invigorating contrast, but he couldn't imagine walking bare armed in this weather.

He jogged down the path and kept pace beside her. They were the last in line and they slowed slightly to let the others move ahead.

"How are you not cold?" he said, pulling off a glove to lay his hand on her upper arm. Her skin was cool to the touch. "Cat, you're freezing."

"No, I'm good." She gave him a joyful smile. "As long as my hand, feet and ears are warm, I'm good."

"You know, you should have done some hostile terrain training," Kaidan said. "Your tolerance is unreal."

Catherine groaned. "Ugh, no. I hate humidity. I can take almost any kind of weather the world can dish out, but hot and humid makes me want to die."

"You would have hated Virmire," Kaidan told her. "That place was like a sauna."

She looked up at him, question in her eyes. "You don't talk about the past very much. At least not the last few years. I don't think I have ever heard you talk about Virmire."

"It's a tough memory." Kaidan looked away and stared at the path ahead, watching the heads of the rest of the team bob and dip as they moved downwards.

"Yeah, Tali told me a bit about it," Catherine said quietly. "I get the impression she didn't like Gunnery Chief Williams very much."

"Ash was..." Kaidan paused, searching for the right way to describe his fallen comrade. "She was a hard person for the aliens on our crew to like. Ash worked her way up the ranks, promoted on skill alone. Her scores at the academy were excellent, and she should have been commissioned right after graduation to at least lieutenant."

"Why wasn't she?"

Catherine tripped over a root and Kaidan caught her by the elbow before continuing.

"Her grandfather was the man who surrendered Shanxi to the turians in the First Contact War. She always thought that it was suspicion of her lineage that got her sidelined, but the sad truth of it is that she was pretty xenophobic before she joined the Normandy. Shepard didn't waste any time talking her out of that way of thinking, but it was too late for her to really get to know any of the non-human crew."

"How could any one not like Tali?" Catherine said with surprise. "Tali is the sweetest person I have ever met."

"Tali liked to poke around the ship a lot in those early days," Kaidan said, feeling nostalgic. "She was always studying systems and analyzing dive outputs and Ash was distrustful."

"Did you like Ashley?" Catherine asked.

Kaidan sighed, wishing now that the conversation hadn't come up. Virmire was one of toughest times in his life to look back on. They had come close to loosing Wrex there when he challenged the decision to destroy the cloning facility. He had nearly died when Saren attacked the bomb he'd been arming. Shepard had sacrificed Ashley to rescue him. Survivors guilt still plagued him, even though he knew that setting off that bomb had been the absolute priority. And even though Shepard had told him afterwards that she could never have left him behind, he knew she would have if it had been Ashley arming the bomb and not him.

"Yeah," he answered finally. "I liked Ash just fine. She was a tough nut to crack, but once you got the rough shell off she had a heart of gold."

"A lot of good people died following Shepard," Catherine said with a frown.

"She would have died for anyone of us at any time," Kaidan said feeling the need to defend his former love.

"Oh, I know that, Kaidan," she said quickly. "I didn't mean it like that. I would have done anything for her. I just wonder sometimes why that was, that we all risked our lives for her."

Kaidan didn't get a chance to answer. There was a call from up ahead and he and Catherine broke into a jog to find out what was going on.

Adam and the others were crouched behind a rocky outcrop looking over a steep and rocky slope. The vista was breathtaking, all pinnacles of tawny stone and a wash of autumnal colours. But this wasn't what the hunters were looking at.

Kaidan crouched beside Adams and took the binoculars he proffered. He followed the pointing figures of several people and finally saw what had caught their eyes.

About a kilometer and a half down the valley a large herd of creatures was moving. They had only twice before seen these animals, and never taken one down. Looking like giant ground sloths from Earth's Oligocene epoch, it was one of the only furred creatures they had come across.

Given their immense size, nearly five and a half meters tall when they stood on their hind legs, they should have been easy to find, but they were shy reclusive animals and seemed to keep to the deepest parts of the forest.

Now, a herd of nearly twenty of the great beasts was gathered in an open meadow, basking in the afternoon sun and grazing at the forests edge. They had already started to grow winter coats and their fur was a dark, glossy green that stood out against the yellowing grass of the field.

"If we could take down even one of those," Kaidan said, still watching them through the binoculars. "We'd be set for half the winter."

"How would we get one back?" Someone piped up. "We've been hiking for hours."

Adams pulled up a rough map on his omnitool. "We're ten, maybe fifteen clicks away. We might still be able to raise the camp."

Kaidan picked up on his line of thought. "If we could bring one down, Cortez could easily lift it back with the shuttle."

"Only one problem with that," Adam said. "The other two times we saw them they got our scent and bolted before we were even within a kilometer of them. And even from that distance it would take one hell of a shot."

Kaidan grimaced, lowering the binoculars and looking down the slope to see if there was a way to get closer while still staying far enough away to avoid drawing the creatures' attention.

He noticed Catherine had the Mantis raised to her shoulder, one eye shut as she looked through the scope. Assuming she was just trying to get a better look he continued to survey the hillside.

"I could do it from here."

Everyone turned to stare at Catherine where she crouched on one knee, her elbow raised high in perfect form.

"I think I could get three of them," she continued without taking her eye from the sight. "There is are two older ones lying down near the centre, and one big ass bull off to the left. I'll take the bull first and then pick off the old ones while the rest panic."

"No offence, Catherine," Adams said, reaching out to lower her barrel. "But we've never even seen you hold a gun, let alone shoot one. I think it's better if we leave this to a professional."

Kaidan felt a surge of vexation boiling up, and he was about to jump to his girlfriend's defense, but the look of indignation on Catherine's face said she could handle herself in this situation.

"I find extremely insulting that you think I would make a claim like that when the risk is all of our well being over the winter," Catherine spat at him. "If I say I can do something, I can bloody well do it."

Another fierce look made Adams bite back whatever retort had been on his tongue and Catherine looked to Kaidan then for support.

After that scathing rebuke he was not about to say no to her. He just hoped that she was as good as she claimed. If she was wrong, it would cost them a significant asset.

"Let me make sure we can raise the camp first," Kaidan said. "There's no point in killing even one if we can't get them back."

He retreated a ways up the path and put a hand to his ear to activate the subdural communication implant. There were several low pitched pings as the tech tried to raise the camp. After several tries, EDI's voice crackled into existence.

"Is everything all right, Kaidan?" Worry filled her voice.

"Everything's fine," he said, putting her mind at ease. "Just needed to make sure we could raise you from where we are. We've got the potential here for a really big kill."

"Big enough that you'd need the shuttle to haul it back," EDI guessed correctly.

"Exactly. Keep your ears open. I should be able to let you know in about ten minutes if we're successful."

Acknowledging , EDI signed off and Kaidan walked back to the others, but he didn't say anything. Instead he took Catherine by the arm and lead her a few steps away.

"Are you sure you can do this?" Kaidan whispered.

"Absolutely," she replied with a sober nod. "I promise I won't let you down."

Kaidan stared at her for a long moment. She didn't flinch and kept her eyes fixed on his.

"Okay," he nodded and stepped out of the way to let her back to her perch.

She crouched down again, adjusting her positions until her foot was braced against a rock behind her and the sun was shining directly down on the top of her tilted head.

"No one speak, no one move," she said quietly.

As they watched, she raised the rifle once more and closed her eyes, letting her breathing grow shallow and her heartbeat slow. She was still as a statue when she opened her eyes and peered into the scope.

Kaidan raised his binoculars to look down at the herd. He jumped when the crack of Catherine's first shot rang out through the valley. The massive bull fell to the ground an instant later and the herd scattered away from him, running madly off in all directions.

From the corner of his eye, Kaidan watched Catherine punch out the expired thermal clip and slam another into place in one fluid motion. With barely a seconds delay there was a second shot followed closely by a third.

Another beast fell dead instantly, but the third took the shot to its heavy haunch when a younger animal rammed into it in its own panic stricken attempt to escape.

"Shit," Catheine swore.

Barely moving anything but her hands, Catherine switched out her thermal clip again, and even though the beast was now careening madly about the field she took it down with a clean shot to the head.

There was one creature still loping desperately towards the cover of the forest and she sighted at it, but pulled up the barrel without taking the shot.

"It's a young a one," she commented, lowering the rifle and rolling her shoulders.

Kaidan and the others could only stare at her in disbelief.

"Holy fuck," Kaidan cried, dropping the binoculars onto Adams' pack and leaping up to grab Catherine in a tight hug.

She hissed through her teeth and winced while everyone cheered and slapped her on the back.

"You were right," she said and Kaidan could see she was holding back tears. "This thing can kick like a mule."

Kaidan sat her down on a rock and tried to pull her shirt down over her shoulder to get a look at the damage, but she pushed his hand away.

"Call for the shuttle," she insisted. "We don't want scavengers getting to the bodies before us."

Reluctantly, Kaidan stood and called EDI back. He relayed their position and went back to Catherine's side. The rest of the team was already searching out a way to get down to the meadow, but Adams was sitting beside Catherine looking contrite. As he approached, he could hear Adams talking.

"I owe you an apology, Catherine. You are one hell of a shot. I never should have doubted you."

"No harm done, Adams," Catherine said with a pained smiled. She was cradling her right arm across her chest.

When Adams saw Kaidan he got up and walked away, slinging his pack over his shoulder and joining him team. Kaidan crouched down beside Catherine and once again tried to look at her shoulder. She tried to push his hand away, but he caught her wrist.

"Let me look, Cat," he said firmly.

"It's ok, Kaidan," she said calmly, though the strain on her face told another story. "I just need to walk it off."

"It's cute that you think I'd fall for that."

Kaidan unzipped the front of her uniform and pulled back the material covering her right shoulder. There was a red welt and Kaidan could already see the shadow of a livid bruise forming around it.

Gingerly he felt along the ridge of her collar bone and small cry escaped her lips when his finger found a tender spot. Clenching her teeth and closing her eyes, she turned her face away as he probed the spot as gently as he could.

"Well, I don't think you broke anything, but you've probably got a pretty deep bone bruise," Kaidan said as he pulled a his pack from where it lay and searched through it.

He pulled out compact first aid kid and found a tiny syringe filled with medi-gel and pressed it into her upper arm. The condensed air forced its way under her skin carrying tiny particles of the anesthetic and clotting agent with it. Catherine sighed in relief almost immediately, her shoulders sagging and tension easing from her face.

Kaidan brushed an errant tear from her cheek and kissed her.

"I owe you an apology too, Kitten," he said softly. "I doubted you could do it."

"But you still let me try," Catherine said, looking down at him through the curtain of curls in front of her face. "And you didn't discourage me."

"I get the feeling that you took more than a few courses," Kaidan said. "With skill like that I'm surprised you weren't commissioned to lead a sniper squad."

Catherine zipped her shirt back up and rolled her shoulder experimentally. "I was asked and I considered it, but I figured I would never pass the psych evaluation. I'm way too emotional. I would cry every time I had to shoot anyone."

"And you probably wouldn't be here now." Kaidan pushed to his feet and offered her his hand. He helped her to her feet and had to stop her when she reached for her pack. "No way you're carrying that any further. Not on that shoulder."

She ignored him and swung the pack over her shoulder. "It's cute that you think you can baby me," she teased with a smirk and a wink.

They both looked up as there was a rumbling overhead and the blue and black shape of the shuttle whizzed by. It dropped quickly out of sight and Kaidan peered over the edge to watch it settle on the grass far below.

"We'd better get a move on." He picked up his own pack and snatched the Mantis away from Catherine as she struggled to lift it up and over her shoulder to snap it onto her kit. "I'm carrying this. Don't argue."

She didn't and they set off down the steep, winding path to the field. Moving with gravity on their side they made it to the shuttle in twenty minutes. Steve had brought James with him and they stood with the other admiring the kills.

When the pair reached them, James didn't say anything, just looked at Catherine and then up at the rock ledge that was a speck in the distance and shook his head.

"Wish I'd seen it, Catnip." He gave her a winsome grin and turned to Kaidan. "Lifting these suckers back is going to be a challenge. If we want to get them back before dark we have to figure this out fast."

"I brought some of the heavy slings for lifting cargo," Steve pointed to a pile of straps and high tension wires on the ground besides the shuttle. "Not sure how we're going to them under these beast though."

"I could lift them with my biotics no problem," Kaidan said with a thoughtful hand on his chin. "My worry is having someone stand in the wash under the shuttle to attach the wires."

"Don't worry," Steve said. "There's still a breather mask and goggles in the shuttle. And that's why I brought James. You know how he likes abuse."

"And here I thought you were just trying to get me alone," James said with disappointment.

Cortez gave him an apologetic shrug. James was buddy buddy with everyone but seemed to have a special camaraderie with Steve. Kaidan was always glad to have someone like James as part of this new colony. Somehow, homophobia was still rampant in some places on Earth and Kaidan always worried that there were members of the crew who might have carried that prejudice with them. Having a man like James to set the example went a long way in a military that had only recently broken free of its long standing 'don't ask don't tell' policy.

Kaidan himself had developed a curiosity for the same sex in his younger days, though it hadn't taken him long to establish that while he could appreciate another man's physique, it was women he was interested in. Growing up where he did, Kaidan had never faced the scrutiny and prejudice that James no doubt had, and as a result he naturally treated Cortez just like any other person, while James had overcome some seriously bad examples to become the tolerant man he had.

"Well, let's get started guys," he said to the men, who were still playing at mock flirting to the amusement of Adams.

The three started laying out the slings beside each kill while Kaidan went to check on Catherine. She was sitting cross legged in the grass beside the mammoth head of the bull she'd taken down. Her hand lay on the beasts forehead between its widely spaced eyes, stroking it softly. Kaidan sank to the ground beside her.

"You okay?"

She sniffed and looked up at him, tears streaking her face. Her lips moved wordlessly for a moment before she leaned into Kaidan and gave a great sob.

"Look at it, Kaidan," she said with a sniffle. "Such a beautiful creature. And I killed it."

Wrapping his arms around her, Kaidan smoothed down her curls and kissed her forehead.

"I've always thought that remorse is what truly makes a soldier great. Our job isn't to kill, it's to protect, and it's the capability to feel remorse that tempers our adrenaline and helps us move past the things we have to do."

"But I'm not a soldier," Catherine said with a hiccup that told Kaidan her tears were slowing.

"I know you held the rank of Serviceman," he told her. "And if you'd seen active duty you would have been a great leader. And the skill you showed today will protect all of us. We won't have to make any more large kills again this winter, and the children born in the next few months will have more warm clothes than we know that to do with."

Catherine didn't reply, but the tears had stopped. Kaidan continued. "If you weren't at least a little sad right now, I would be worried. Don't feel too bad. You took this big guy out with a clean head shot. He didn't suffer. As for the one that missed, you recovered faster than I would have and took it down cleanly as well."

"I know I was just doing what I had to, but it still sucks." She sat up and rubbed at her eyes, giving the beast one last pat before standing. "Glad there won't be a need for sharp shooting again in the near future."

Kaidan stood behind her, holding her shoulders and pulling her close to whisper in her ear. "Don't ever lose that compassion, Kitten."

It took them about ten minutes to get each giant beast ready to be hauled away, and another thirty minutes to get it back to camp and return. Without Steve's skilled piloting they may not have been able to get the kills back to camp at all. the shuttle dipped and swayed dangerously as it rose and the winds above the treetops hits the load.

Dusk was falling in the valley as they strapped in the last beast, the huge bull. Before Cortez could lift the shuttle up, Kaidan tried to convince Catherine to go back to the camp.

"Cat, you're injured," he stated. "You should sleep in a real bed tonight and get some rest."

"Not a chance," she said, putting her foot down. "I'll sleep just fine out here. I'm not missing a night in a tent just because I bruised myself."

"I'm just worried about you," Kaidan said with a hint of a pout on his lips.

Catherine cupped his cheek in her hand and smiled sweetly. "I know, love. But I can take care of myself. I promise to let you say I told you so tomorrow if it turns out you were right."

Frowning at her sparkling eyes, Kaidan nodded and waved at Cortez to take the shuttle up. While he used his considerable skill to keep the shuttle steady a few feet off the ground, James clipped the ends of the wires into place under the aircraft and then pulled himself in through the open hatch. With a wave and a salute to Catherine they were off.

Kaidan watched them until they were a back spot in the darkening sky with the last rays of sun glinting off the metal hull.

Their camp had been set up while the shuttle trips took place, tents pitched in a wide circle around a fire that had just started to blaze in earnest. Everyone was already tucking into their rations, exhausted after the long day of hiking.

Several people were still talking about Catherine's incredible shots and Kaidan could tell she was uncomfortable with their praise. He tried a number of times to change the topic, but each attempt failed and finally Catherine got up and excused herself.

Knowing they meant well she was polite and even tried to smile at them, but Kaidan could tell she was upset. He gave it a minute or two and then went after her.

He found her at the edge of the trees, leaning on a pillar of rock and gazing into the blackness beneath the canopy. Moving in behind her he put his arms around her shoulders, careful not to put any weight on her injury, and rested his chin on the top of her head.

"You good?" he asked.

"I'm fine," she leaned back into him with a sigh. "I just needed a minute to myself."

"Want me to go?"

She turned in his arms and kissed him warmly. "You think I'd turn down a chance to be alone with you?"

Running her hands down his back she gripped his buttocks and pulled him closer, pressed her hips into his. Throwing caution to the wind he leaned down and found her lips, return her passion ardently, feeling himself begin to swell with pleasure.

And then she was suddenly pulling back from him and cocking her ear to the forest.

"What is it?" he whispered, but she shushed him and stepped away, walking a few paces into the stout trunks.

"You can't hear that?" she whispered back over her shoulder.

Kaidan strained, blocking out the other sounds of the night, listening for whatever had caught Catherine's attention. There was a sound of the camp, hushed voices and foot steps, and the sounds of the night, wind crinkling the dying leaves and nocturnal birds calling deeper in the trees, but there was nothing that sounded particularly interesting to Kaidan's ears.

"I can't hear anything, Cat. Don't go deeper in the trees," he called as she took several more steps into the darkness.

He had no choice but to follow as she disappeared altogether. She moved almost silently and he only caught up to her when she pushed through a drying shrub that rustled with her passing.

Reaching into the cargo pocket on the left thigh of his pants he pulled out a small but high powered flashlight and shone it around them. Tiny eyes blinked at him and then quickly vanished as he swung the light over them. Still he could hear nothing unusual, but Catherine had her head cocked again, her brow wrinkling as she listened.

"Over here," she said and took off at a trot heading to the east.

He called after her but she didn't slow. Kaidan took off after her and when she stopped abruptly he slammed into her and the ground seemed to fall away beneath them.

Several curse words later he found himself lying relatively unharmed at the bottom of a hill, Catherine hunched on the ground beside him, whimpering. He crawled to her side and shone the flashlight down the length of her, looking for injuries.

"Well, if my shoulder didn't hurt before, it sure does now," she said as she clasped her hand over the offended body part.

Realizing she had escaped further injury, Kaidan sat on his heels and tried to bite back a reprimand. He failed.

"And now we're at the bottom of a hill in a pitch black forest and no one knows where we are."

"I know. I'm sorry, but I did hear something. It sounded like a person crying."

And then Kaidan heard it too. From not far away there was the sound of a child's cries. A wave of goose bumps trekked up his spine like a host of ghostly spiders and his heart pounded in his ears.

He was a solider who had fought the most frightening creatures the galaxy had to offer, from husks and Thorian creepers, to Rachni and Reaper Banshees, and yet the sound of a child crying in this dark and unknown forest had him practically wetting himself. He forced the feeling down and turned his flashlight to shine into the surrounding trees.

The sounds ceased as he cast the light up into the tree tops and he thought he saw something, but a noise from above caused him to jump nearly out of skin.

"You guys okay down there?" Adams' voice called down to them.

"Geez, you scared the shit out of me," Kaidan called back. "We're okay. Well, Cat's shoulder isn't doing her any favours, but other than that we're good."

A light shone down and Kaidan raised his hand to shade his eyes. With the foreground illuminated he could see they were a good ten meters down a steep grassy hill. It looked far to treacherous to climb without the aid of a rope and no one had brought one with them.

"I don't think we're going to be climbing back tonight," Kaidan called up. "We'll have to find a way in the morning."

Adams turned away and Kaidan could hear him giving instructions to someone. The light appeared again.

"We'll bring your tent and gear and slide it down to you. We've got some ultra-sonic pulse emitters you can set up. Should keep the wildlife away."

Ten minutes later Kaidan was catching rucksacks and pistols as they were tossed over the edge. The still erected tent slid easily enough down the slope and came to rest at his feet. He called his thanks to Adams and said they'd see them first thing in the morning.

Wishing they had a fire, Kaidan pegged the tent into the ground with its side against the hill and helped Catherine crawl inside. Shivering with cold and shock she burrowed down into the sleeping bag right away and covered her head.

Kaidan stowed their packs at the foot of the tent and went to work driving the stakes of three USPEs into the ground around the perimeter. Using his omnitool he activated them and once again jumped out of a skin when Catherine shrieked at him.

"What is that noise!"

Kaidan tried to answer, but she yelled at him again.

"Never mind. I don't care what it is, just make it stop."

She moaned in relief when he switched them off.

"How can you even hear that?" he asked, sticking his head inside the tent flaps. "That shouldn't be audible to human ears."

"Well, I could hear it and it was awful," she said, her voice muffled by the sleeping bag over her head. "No more screamy thing tonight."

"I really don't want to sleep without them," Kaidan said, his mind going back to the strange noise they'd heard only minutes earlier.

"I'm sure that anything in the vicinity was scared off by that noise. Come to bed."

Kaidan hesitated at the entrance, debating whether or not to argue with her. In the end he opted for a night of light dozing as opposed to torturing his girlfriend.

Crawling inside and zipping up the flap, Kaidan found his pistol and set it on the rough floor of the tent within arms reach. Tugging off his boots he slithered down into the sleeping bag beside Catherine. It was a tight fit, especially since she was lying on her back to keep her shoulder from cramping, be he lay on his side and bunched his jacket under his head, and tucking one arm under her head and the other around her waist.

Using her foot she pulled his leg across hers and he let his weight ease onto her. She was trembling ever so slightly, her arms pulled up to her chest and balled into fists.

"Need another shot of medi-gel?" he asked quietly.

"No, I'll be fine once I get warm," she replied. "Sorry I got us into this mess."

"I forgive you," he whispered. "You can't help it that you're crazy."

She giggled and nestle in closer, turning her head up to give him a light peck on the lips.

It didn't take them long to warm up and soon Catherine was snoring softly as she always did when she slept on her back. But the noise was actually sort of sweet and it took away Kaidan's ability to make out every single sound in the forest around them.

The noise he'd heard earlier did not happen again and he began to think he'd imagined it. He soon drifted off and managed to sleep for a few hours before another noise disturbed him.

It was Catherine again, taking in her sleep. Only this time it was more like a low humming. Her skin was glowing again, pulsing with her heartbeat and lighting up the tent. With each pulsation of light Kaidan could see her face clearly. She was completely relaxed, evening smiling a little, and seeing the serene look on her face it was hard to believe there was anything sinister behind this strange phenomenon.

Looking down at her, Kaidan studied her lovely features. Her high cheeks bones and delicate little mouth, long lashes and slanting elfin eyes. Completely relaxed like this she looked more like the girl he'd kissed so long ago, free of worry lines and stress.

Her humming had a strange rhythm and cadence to it tonight, as if she was singing. Kaidan focused, trying to make out the tune. He leaned in to listen more closely and froze.

There was something right outside the tent, snuffling around the edge. The material of the tent was designed to mask the smell of its occupants. It was a military tent and often used to house wounded soldiers, but it was meant to be treated at least once a year and this one had not been and fear of detection stole into Kaidan's chest.

A carefully as he could, Kaidan raised his hand up inside the sleeping bag and lowered it down over Catherine's mouth, trying to stop her humming. He would much rather whatever was outside left of its own volition, rather than with bullets chasing it.

Catherine shook her head slightly against his hand, but did not wake. The snuffling outside became more insistent when her humming stopped and Kaidan didn't waste any time lifting his hand from her mouth to reach for his pistol.

Grasping the weapon he rolled silently and aimed at the wall of the tent behind him, readying himself to fire. His finger depressed the trigger and over the snuffling only inches from his head he heard a bullet slide into place. Bracing himself, he pulled his finger all the way down and fired.


	11. Chapter 11 Drama

Nothing happened.

The pistol clicked and whirred uselessly in his hand, no matter how much pressure he put on the trigger. A tiny red light blinked in the darkness. The thermal clip was dead. That was not possible. It had been glowing when he set the pistol down before going to sleep. He had only planned to shoot into the air to scare the animal away and hopefully bring help from the camp, but not being able to do that now had him worried. True, he still had his biotics, but using them from inside would be dangerous and going outside blind would also be.

Kaidan had packed several spare clips, but had had no anticipation of needing them in a hurry and they were several feet away in his pack at the entrance of the tent.

Slowly, careful not to make a sound, he reached around Cat and unzipped the sleeping bag. She was humming again and the snuffling had grown less insistent.

As Kaidan eased himself away from her there was a large exhalation of breath and a heavy thump outside. Something indented the side of the tent. Whatever was outside appeared to now be lying down.

Keeping his movement slow and silent, Kaidan edged down, reaching blindly for his pack.

When it was finally in his grasp he reached inside for a thermal clip and paused. Once he punched out the old clip he was committed. The noise was certainly draw the attention of the creature outside and he would be forced to act. So far the animal had only been investigating and didn't appear to be threat except for the fact that Kaidan had no idea what it was. And there was no way that he was going to shoot an animal that was merely curious about something new in its environment. He just wasn't made that way.

As he sat there in the inky, quiet of the night he realized he could hear a new sound. Catherine's strange humming had stopped, along with the green glow emanating from beneath her skin. At first Kaidan thought she was snoring again, but this new sound was deeper and when he listened more closely there was a deep rumbling along with it.

"What the..." Kaidan said out loud before he could catching himself.

The creature outside the tent had gone to sleep and was snoring contentedly within arms reach. Bewildered, Kaidan sat back, his legs over Catherine's and his arms wrapped loosely around his knees, the pistol dangling in his hand.

When the creatures snoring only deepened as time passed, Kaidan began to relax. Catherine shivered in her sleep and he reached up to tuck the sleeping bag back around her. Gently setting the pistol down he pulled his boots and jacket back on and settled in to keep a vigil for the rest of the night.

He must have dozed off at some point because the next thing he knew there was dappled sunlight illuminating the walls of the tent and bird song echoing in the surrounding forest.

At some point in the night Catherine had thrown the sleeping bag off and was lying in such a way that it looked like she was posing as a 1950's pin up. One leg was pulled up so she could tuck her bare foot under her knee and her left arm was thrown up behind her head, her hand tangled in her mess of curls.

Kaidan felt guilty that he had fallen asleep on watch, but clearly nothing had happened and all was well. The bulge in the side of the tent was gone and there were no sounds of anything large moving about outside.

Stretching the stiffness from his back and legs, Kaidan lay down beside Catherine and stroked her cheek until her eyelids fluttered open and she smiled up at him.

"Morning," she said, her voice gravelly with sleep.

"How did you sleep?" he asked her softly.

"Really well." She seemed surprised and Kaidan raised an eyebrow in question. "I was dreaming about the animals yesterday and the last one that I didn't shoot. I was talking to them and I felt so guilty, but it was like they understood."

"Feeling better then?" he asked.

"Much. Physically and emotionally."

Feeling amorous, Kaidan ran a hand up her thigh and leaned down to nuzzle her just below the ear where he knew it would tickle. She giggled and pushed him away.

"Unless you want me to wet myself, don't do that."

"All right," he conceded. "But the alternative is that you let me look at your shoulder."

She fell back in artificial exasperation. "Fine. But hurry up. I really do have to pee."

Smiling tenderly he unzipped her shirt and eased it away from her right shoulder. The damage was less than Kaidan expected. There was still a raised welt, and the whole area was a mess of bluish black and ugly purple, but as a whole it wasn't so bad.

"Doctor Chakwas, was right," he mumbled. "You do heal fast."

"When did she say that?" Catherine asked, confused.

Kaidan cringed mentally, but covered fast. "The day before we left she told me that she thought the synthetics in our bodies were speeding healing. I think she's right."

Catherine bent her head at an awkward angle to examine her injury.

"Looks pretty nasty to me."

"How does it feel?"

Sitting up she lifted her arm, testing its limits. "Pretty good. But it's hard to tell over the hollering of nature."

She scrambled to her feet and crouching low headed for the flap. Crisp, cool morning air rushed in as she shoved it aside and stepped out into the anemic light of the forest floor.

Kaidan rolled to his knees and started bundling up the sleep bag and thin pallet. He hadn't got far when her heard a brief scream from outside and then Catherine's calm voice.

"Uh, Kaidan. Maybe you should come outside."

He grabbed for his pack and in one smooth motion withdrew a thermal clip, slammed it home and exited the tent at a run.

He stopped short when he nearly barreled headlong into Catherine who was facing away from him staring at the trees ahead.

Kaidan raised his pistol and aimed at the large creature hunched before them. Not taking his eyes from it he moved to stand in front of Catherine, but she reached out and lowered his arm with a light touch of her hand.

"I'm pretty sure we're safe," she told him, her voice just above a whisper.

Kaidan guessed that this was what had been sleeping beside their tent last night. It was a smaller, more tan version of the creatures they had killed yesterday. It's fur was streaked with bits of green and grey, and it stood only a meter tall compared to the monstrous sizes of its kin, but the stubby ears, wide spaced eyes and sloping hind quarters were unmistakable.

It was standing on clawed feet, so much like those of a bear, and shifting nervously side to side, looking at them out of the corners of its black eyes. As they watched its mouth opened to revealed thick, flat teeth, the kind meant for chewing plant matter, and it let out a plaintive cry. The same cry Kaidan had heard the night before.

In the eerie gloom of the night Kaidan's mind had filled in the blanks and told him it sounded like a child, and while it did have a mournful tone to it, the cry was definitely more animal than human.

"I think it's the young one I didn't shoot yesterday," Catherine said as she crouched down and held a hand out to the frightened creature.

She put her other hand on Kaidan's leg and pushed him backwards. He took a few steps but refused to go any further. He could only watch in amazement as the animal slowly crept forward to sniff Catherine outstretched hand.

It's face was very much like that of a sloth only not quite so flat. It had a big, black nose like a koalas and its muzzle was longer, more like a dogs. Years of space travel and excursions to garden worlds gave Kaidan a pretty wide range of aliens for comparison, and if pressed he would say that this ones body shape reminded him most of an elcor. Long, muscles forelimbs and squat, powerful rear legs.

Catherine was down on both knees now with the animal right in her face, sniffing her and making muffled grunting sounds.

"I think it likes you," he told her.

"I think it's a baby," Catherine said with wonder. "Must have got separated from the herd yesterday. This is what I heard last night."

"Well, we don't want it imprint on you," Kaidan said, neglecting to tell her about its presence the night before.

"If the herd was still around they would have found it by now, or it them," Catherine said, now rubbing the animals ears while it rumbled with pleasure. "I can't just leave it here."

"Not sure you have much of a choice," Kaidan said. He crouched down and put his hand out to the creature which nudged him once and then turned back to Catherine. "We have to get a move on."

Catherine sighed. "You're right. Sorry, little guy. Hope you find your family."

They stood and the animal looked up at them expectantly. When they turned to go back to the tent it followed then and lowered to its hunches to watch them pack up. Kaidan could tell Catherine was watching it the entire time.

Their gear all stowed and packs over their shoulders, Kaidan started to look for a way up the hill. It didn't take long to find a game trail about fifty meters to the east of them. He called to Catherine to who had gone looking in the other direction and she appeared from the underbrush with the alien close on her heels.

"I think I've found a pet," she said with a pleased smile.

"Cat, we can't bring it with us." Kaidan tried to look disapproving, but Catherine didn't fall for it.

"Okay, first, I'm not sure we can stop it." She reached down and put her hand on the animals head. "Secondly, why not? Its not a predator and its obviously friendly. Would it really hurt to let it follow?"

She had a point. The young beast did not appear to pose a threat of any kind and Kaidan had no idea how they would stop it from following them anyway. There was only one reason he could come up with to convince her, and himself, to leave it behind.

"How are we going to feed it?"

Catherine eyes fell and she thought for a moment. "Well, like I said, we can't much stop it from coming with us if it wants to. So, I'll just keep an eye on it. Watch what it eats as we go. If it's the grazer I think it is then I doubt there will be an issue feeding it."

"What if it's also the baby you think it is and it still needs its mother's milk? What then?"

Catherine threw her arms up in the air. "Kaidan, why are we even arguing? We've already established it's probably going to follow us so let's just go and see what happens."

She was right. Standing around arguing would answer none of their questions. He nodded and earned a kiss before they set off up the well used game trail. As it turned out they were barely a hundred meters from the main camp which explained why Adams had found them so easily the night before.

A few tents were still up, but for the most part it looked like everyone was ready to hit the trail. Adams turned from the fire as they approached and gave them a wave. Catherine's new friend exhibited no fear at all and galloped right up to Adams who scrambled for his pistol.

When he heard Catherine laughing he settled down and touched the animal tentatively on the top of the head.

"I see you've made a friend," he said as the animal ran back to Catherine, nearly knocking her over as it hit her in the shins, rubbing its head vigorously on her knees.

"You funny little bugger," she got down on her knees again, oblivious to Adams.

"That's what she went into the forest looking for last night," Kaidan explained to the people who had gathered to look at the animal currently molesting Catherine with its long grey tongue all over her face. "I think it's coming with us whether we like it or not."

Catherine was now letting people come closer so it could sniff hands and learn who was friendly. Before long it was wandering around the camp to explore for a few minutes at a time before running back to Catherine's side. It was like watching a baby animal with its mother.

Kaidan felt a pang of longing as he watched Catherine coddle and coo over the creature. He'd been waiting for just the right time to bring up the topic of children with her and maybe the appearance of this new pet would present just the opening he needed.

Had they been on Earth, or anywhere else for that matter, he would feel crazy mentioning the 'c' word so early in their relationship, but neither of them were getting any younger and if they wanted to contribute to the survival of following generations they had to at least talk about the possibility.

As Catherine predicted the creature stayed close to her as they travelled. The going was tough and it took them nearly three hours just to back to the rock ledge where they had first spotted the herd from. They broke to rest and Catherine was thrilled to point out to Kaidan that her pet had been foraging the entire way.

It seemed used to eating on the move and had grabbed mouthfuls of leaves and grass, chewing endlessly as they walked. Everything appeared to be on the menu, from the prickly sedge like grass along the edge of the game trail, to the tough leathery leaves of deciduous evergreens growing low to the ground.

Kaidan didn't see it being left behind now and if he was being honest with himself, he couldn't say he was sorry. People would be excited to have a pet around the settlement, though it was clear that this one was going to belong to Catherine and only Catherine.

After several more hours of hiking, they made another pit stop, still a fair distance from home. Catherine had amazed them all yet again when a flock of birds had erupted from a nearby bush and she pulled her pistol and shot down four in the blink of an eye.

They hadn't planned to make anymore kills having had a call from EDI telling them that their storage was nearly at capacity after the butchering of yesterdays prey. But Catherine had made the point that they could cook the birds that night and bring only the feather back to add to their growing stock pile for winter coats and blankets.

If the alien had been bothered by the firing of the pistol it didn't show it. It sat calmly by Catherine's side as she holstered the weapon and then tied the legs of the fowl together with a length of vine and slung them over her shoulder.

Nearing sundown they were still a few clicks from home and the path was too steep to be walked in the dark, especially considering how tired they all were. When they picked a spot and set up camp, it was Catherine who got to work plucking the feathers from the birds. It was a tedious task and more feathers seemed to float away in the breeze than made it into the canvas sack at her feet.

Adams sharpened a pair of sticks and they spit the birds over the newly crackling fire, everyone taking turns to slowly rotate them over the flames. The night was cold higher up in the hills and they sat close together around the heat source, eagerly awaiting the meat as it dripped and sizzled on the burning logs.

Catherine and Kaidan sat together against a rock with their sleeping bag fully unzipped and cast over their legs. Bug, as Catherine had taken to calling the creature, lay her side with its head resting on her thigh. She stroked it absently mindedly, a little smile on face, as she stared into the flames.

Kaidan was day dreaming as well, thinking back to his childhood on Earth and camping trips with his dad in the unsullied days before his biotic abilities had started to reveal themselves. He was snapped back to reality by the sound of Catherine's voice.

"Sorry, what did you say?" He turned to her to find that she was still gazing into the dancing flames, her eyes unfocused.

"I didn't say anything."

He had definitely heard her say something. Had she been talking to herself again? Rather than calling her on it, Kaidan decided to try a new approach.

"Whatcha thinking about?"

She stretched her arms out in front of herself and yawned. "Nothing really. Just... feeling."

"Feeling, eh?"

"Yeah, something we womenfolk do from time to time," she ripped. "Just examine our emotions."

Kaidan laughed. "And how do you _feel_ tonight?"

"Happy," she said simply. "Contented."

Kaidan nodded but said nothing else. He thought back to the other times he'd caught Catherine talking to herself and realized that each time they had been relaxed and surrounded by friends. It couldn't be all bad if those were the occasions that prompted her strange new habit.

When their food was ready Kaidan made her stay put while he put a plate together for her. Adams raised his glass in toast and the dedicated it to her. Instead of shying away from the praise as she had the night before, Catherine accepted it with humble gratitude.

They had a spat when the time came to crawl into their tent and Catherine tried to lead Bug in after her. There was no way Kaidan was sharing a tent meant for one person with an animal of that size, but Catherine was adamant and eventually got her way.

Annoyed with each other, they slept in separate sleeping bags yet ended up smushed together when Bug stretched out beside Catherine. But ever the peacemaker, Kaidan kept his complaints to himself since it was only for one night. He would be drawing the line if Catherine tried to bring it into the house. If she wanted to sleep with the alien she could invite it into her own house.

The hike back to the camp was quiet, everyone just eager to get home and wash off the grit and grime of the trail. By noon they had arrived to find the settlement a buzz of activity. Liara was directing work around the fire pit and it did Kaidan good to see her so energized and lifelike again.

Catherine immediately began introducing her new companion to everyone while Kaidan went to see what exactly Liara was up to. At the fire pit he found the massive hides of the three dead animals stretched out on upright frames to undergo treatment.

Teams of four were working at each frame, two people scraping the leather clean of flesh and muscle on the inside and two people clipping away the thick pelt on the outside.

Kaidan came up beside Liara and peered over her shoulder at the datapad she was holding.

"So you found something useful in what Hackett sent, eh?"

"Kaidan, I'm glad you're back," Liara said with a smile that made her seem more like herself. "As soon as EDI told me what Steve was bring back I looked up everything I could on using animal pelts to make cloth. It's a very different process to the scaly hides we've dealt with so far."

"I'm assuming you've found a way to use the fur since you're cutting it all off?"

"Yes," Liara said animatedly. "I've discovered a process called felting. These creatures appear to have fur very much like that of an Earth animal called a sheep and-"

"I know what sheep are," Kaidan said amusedly.

"Of course you do," Liara said with a blush. "Then you know what felting is?"

"Now that I don't know. Enlighten me," Kaidan encouraged.

"It's going to be a long process and it will likely take several days for just the first step," Liara explained. "First the wool has to be picked. Basically this means pulling at the clumps until it is a loose mass. This will also remove much of larger pieces of dirt and debris."

"That's going to be a tedious job," Kaidan commented. "Good thing Joker managed to salvage his movie collection. Whoever gets stuck doing that will need the entertainment."

Liara continued as if Kaidan hadn't even spoken. "The next part is going to be the most challenging. The wool will need to be washed in water that's at least 50 degrees Celsius. Now, we can do the wool in batches, but I'm not sure that we can heat that volume of water. Most components of the ship were designed to mitigate heat, not create it."

"I'm sure we'll figure something out," Kaidan put in during the small gap where Liara paused to draw breath.

"Luckily we have no shortage of soap and sodium bicarbonate so once we do manage to heat the water the washing will take no time at all. Once it dries we have a more grueling task to deal with. The wool must be laid out in layers with the strands of hair alternating direction with each tier. The wool must be sandwiched between two layers of a material that it will not stick to and soap and water lightly poured on it before it's rolled up. Then it must be rolled and pressed to condense the layers and mat to together."

"It doesn't sound like this is going to make a whole lot of fabric in the end," Kaidan opined.

"Felting can produce a variety of densities of fabric." Liara handed him the datapad at last. "I think you will agree that with one child already here and at least five more on the way, diapers are the priority. If we make the softest type of felt we can it will produce enough fabric for ten diapers for each child as well as small blankets and mattress covers."

Kaidan stood back and crossed his arms with the datapad tucked in his armpit. "You have put a lot of thought into this, haven't you."

Liara looked at the sky and back at Kaidan with a sad smile. "It's been good to have something to do. If it's all right with you I would like to see this project through to completion."

"Sure thing, Liara," Kaidan put a hand on her shoulder and handed her the datapad back. "You just let me know what you need and we'll make sure you have it."

He left Liara to continue overseeing the preparation of the hides and went to find Garrus. The turian was essentially his second in command, and if there was anything important to share he would know it.

The construction on the hall had some along way in the two short days he'd been away, and to Kaidan's eye it looked near complete on the outside. The cold cellar had disappeared under a mound of soil and the doors had been fitted over the entrance.

They would have to come up with some projects to work on over winter or there were going to be cases of cabin fever all around. While it would be nice to live at a more relaxing pace for a few months, the winter nights were long and there was only so much that could be worked on in the hall since most of the electronics and other tech had been put to use.

As Kaidan rounded the corner of the hall he heard voices coming from just inside the door. It was James and Cat and they were talking in hushed tones that made their conversation seem clandestine and too private for mere friends.

Kaidan wasn't typically one to eavesdrop, but something stopped him and he leaned on the wall to listen in.

"I don't know how to bring it up, James," came Catherine's voice. She sounded worried.

"It's not like he's a tough guy to talk to, Catnip," James said. "Just sit him down and tell him. He'll get it. I got it didn't I?"

"Yeah, but it didn't matter if you got it or not," Catherine hissed. "What happened between us was just a fling."

"Does he know?" James asked.

"No, and I'm not going to tell him," Catherine said firmly. "It has no bearing on anything."

"Oh gee, thanks," James said with a slight laugh. "You know Morgan knows, eh?"

"Morgan is my best friend, Jimmy," Catherine dismissively. "Of course I know she knows."

Kaidan couldn't take any more. He couldn't stand there and listen to Catherine reveal that she had lied to him about her past, about how long it had been for her. His fist tightened and his jaw clenched. How long age had this been? How had he not known about it?

He stood there frozen, unable to react. Half of him wanted to storm around the corner and confront the two of them. The other half wanted to run away and hide, maybe even pretend he hadn't hear what he did.

Before he could make a choice either way the decision was made for him when Catherine came out the door followed by James. She froze on the spot, looking panicked before her ever present smile returned and she went to touch his arm.

He pulled away and managed to get one word out. "Why?"

James swore and Catherine said calmly that she could explain, but Kaidan didn't want to hear any of it. He turned and stalked away down the path between the houses.

Catherine called after him and he heard James tell her to stay put. There were footsteps on the path and James yelled at him.

"Get back here, Alenko. Don't be a baby."

Kaidan kept going until he reach the door of his house and slammed it behind him. But the closed door didn't stop James. He barged right in and slammed it again.

"Kaidan, I don't know how much of that you heard, but what happened between me and Cat was ages ago and meant nothing," James told him calmly, as if he was commenting on something as pedestrian as the weather.

"When was this? Here or on the Normandy?" Kaidan asked, morbid curiosity driving him more than anything else.

"On the Normandy, before you even joined up with us," James said.

"Then why did she tell me that it had been four years since the last time she'd had sex?" Kaidan demanded, trying to keep his anger under control.

"Okay, you'll have to ask her for the girly explanation, but from what I translated from her conversation with Morgan was that sex for sex is a different thing than sex for love or whatever." James looked awkward trying to explain this concept.

"Sex is sex," Kaidan spat.

"Yeah, that what I said, but I was told to shut up."

Kaidan didn't reply. He felt hurt and betrayed. He didn't care so much that it had happened, in fact he had no right to be mad about that at all. It was the fact that Catherine had flat out lied to him.

"Seriously man," James said, misunderstanding the reason for Kaidan's silence. "It was just sex. Stress relieving, kinda angry sex. Like when guys duke it out to let off some steam, only... steamier."

"That does not help, Vega," Kaidan said as he started to pace the floor at the foot of his bed. "Besides, I don't care that you guy had a relationship of any kind. I'm pissed that she told me she hadn't gotten laid in four years."

"Okay, well I can't explain that part," James admitted. "But is it really that big a deal? So she fibbed a little. It has been years now since it happened."

Kaidan sighed, hearing the logic in James' words, but not ready to accept them. It was natural to react strongly to knowledge of a partners previous sexual experience. Human were a strange mix of primal needs in that department. A compulsion to experiment and act on need and pleasure clashing with an innate desire for monogamy and commitment.

It was hard to tell whether his anger was due to the natural instinct to feel possession of a sexual partner, or the learned hatred of being lied to. But James was right. There were big lies and there were little lies, and the truth was, this lie was relatively small. But it brought doubt into Kaidan's mind. Made him question other things she had told.

James interrupted his thoughts. "You get that no matter why she told you what she did, she didn't do it to hurt you. That girl is stupid in love with you."

Kaidan stopped pacing and sat down on the end of the bed and hung his head.

"I know that James. It was just a gut reaction," he sighed. "I just don't get why she would lie about it."

"Hey, well on the up side," James said with a saucy grin. "Now I can give you a manly slap on the back and say that girl is a fucking filthy hot mess, eh."

Kaidan looked at him, his face saying _What the fuck_ loud and clear.

"Too soon?"

"Just a little," Kaidan said bluntly.

"K, I'm going to leave now, but if you don't talk to Cat I am going to come back here and drag you out. I don't want another silent war between you two."

James left and two minutes hadn't passed before there was a soft rapping at the door. Kaidan didn't reply, but it didn't matter. Catherine slipped in followed closely by Bug.

She crossed the small area between door and bed and sat down beside him while Bug snuffled around the room. But she didn't say anything. She just sat there, her hand in her lap and her thigh barely brushing his.

"What the hell, Cat," he finally managed.

"I'm so sorry, Kaidan," she cried, grabbing his hands at last. "But you are going to laugh when I explain this."

"Somehow I doubt that," he grumbled.

"Keep an open mind on that front," she said and then took a deep breath. "I forgot."

"You forgot?" Kaidan asked, baffled. "What do you mean?"

"When you asked how long it had been I forgot about James and by the time I realized, the topic had changed and I didn't know how to bring it up again."

Kaidan stared at her. He found that statement incredibly difficult to believe. Sex for Kaidan wasn't a casual thing. Including Catherine, he'd only slept with five people and he'd forgotten none of them. Finding out that Catherine was more promiscuous didn't sit well with him, regardless of the fact that he understood.

"How do you just forget that you slept with someone?" Kaidan said more angrily than he meant to.

"I don't know, Kaidan," Catherine said exasperatedly. "Because it was just sex. It's not like we were in love or anything."

She stopped there and pulled away from him. "That's the issue, isn't it? Look, Kaidan, I know you feel really strongly about sex, but it's not fair to put those same values on anyone else."

"Even if I feel like this belittles what happens between us?"

"Yes," Catherine said forcefully. "Even if you think it belittles us. Because that's crazy and you know it. Excuse my vulgarity, but what James and I did was fuck. That's it. It wasn't even for fun. Just to ease stress. What I do with you is so much more."

Kaidan didn't look at her. He was trying to process what she was saying. His brain trying to convince his heart of the truth and logic of what she said.

Catherine leaned in and took his hand again, speaking more softly now. "You guys went out and fought battles all the time while the rest of us were stuck on the ship feeling useless and angry with no way to relieve out anxiety. I had sex with James to erase the emotions. I wanted to _not_ feel what was going on. What I do with you, Kaid... It's the result of emotion too, but coupled with the desire to feel _more_. It's not just the act itself. It's the anticipation, the passion, and the afterglow."

"I get it, Cat," Kaidan said. "Really, I do. I'm just trying to reconcile myself to the fact that you get it as more than just a concept."

"It's not as if it's something I did on a regular basis," she said defensively. "In fact he's the only one it ever happened with and I think we can both agree the circumstances were unique."

"Tell me how it happened," Kaidan said.

"Really?"

"Not if it makes you uncomfortable," he said. "But it will help me understand."

"All right." She pulled herself up onto the bed and leaned against the wall. Bug jumped up with her and Kaidan couldn't be bothered to protest.

"It was just after Palaven. We all saw the footage of the planet. It was... beyond disturbing. I couldn't sleep so that night I went down to the shuttle bay to walk around. It was the quietest, emptiest place on the ship. James was the only one down there. He was on middle watch and should have been on patrol, but Shepard told him to take the night off. Palaven messed with his head a lot more than he admitted. Anyway, I sat down and we talked and one thing lead to another and there was nudity and gratuitous sex and that's the whole story."

"But it happened more than once," Kaidan pointed out.

"A few times, yes, but it was all over by the time you joined us," Catherine said emphatically.

"Why did it end?"

Catherine shrugged. "He came to find me in the lounge one night and instead of taking off our clothes we just talked."

"Sounds like it was more than just sex at that point," Kaidan said accusatorily.

"Yeah, it was," Catherine admitted. "By then we were friends. And maybe that's why the sex stopped. Or maybe it was because I saw you again. I don't know. The point is that James and I are close, but not in the way I'm close with you. Any other deeply personal questions you'd like to ask," Catherine asked sharply.

Kaidan knew he was out of line. One way or another, if she didn't want to tell him about James, she had no obligation to. He was sure she'd already revealed more than she wanted to. He wouldn't press her any more on that subject. But the beginning of the conversation he'd overheard still had him feeling dobutful.

"If you don't want to talk about whatever it is now, I understand, but what were you asking James for advice about?"

A worried look passed across her face and she began to wring her hands. Kaidan didn't like where this was going.

"I never wanted kids, Kaidan. Ever. I underwent voluntary reversible sterilization back on Earth. Now that we're here I know there is a need for a second generation, but without the right equipment, Doctor Chakwas isn't sure she can reverse it."

Kaidan was stunned. He knew a lot of Alliance soldiers underwent VRS, but he'd never imagined that Catherine had. She wasn't a soldier. She was a technician. She served planet side and had only ended up on the Normandy because that's where she'd been when the Reapers hit.

"So, you can't have kids?" Kaidan asked quietly, barely trusting his voice.

"Not at the moment," Catherine said. "And I know you want them so I went to Karin last week and she said she and EDI are going to look into alternate ways to reverse the procedure, but she isn't hopeful."

"Cat, I don't know what to say," Kaidan whispered. "Why were you even talking to James about kids?"

"Because he's my friend and I needed a guy's opinion," she said in justification. "I didn't know how to tell you in a way that you would understand."

"You really never wanted kids?"

Catherine shook her head.

"And what about now?" Kaidan couldn't help but wonder if maybe she was glad that she was sterile.

"Well, things have changed, haven't they," she said. "I went to Karin, didn't I?"

"That doesn't answer my question," Kaidan stared at her hard.

She moved away from the wall and knelt on the bed beside him, taking his face in her hands and smiling warmly.

"I know you want kids," she said emphatically. "And I know children are an imperative now. If Karin can fix this, I will happily have your children, Kaidan."

Kaidan pulled away from her and stood. She still had not answered his question.

"Catherine, having kids shouldn't be a duty or... an responsibility. If we have kids I want it to be because you want them just as much as I do."

"Kaidan, my reasons for not wanting children are almost entirely negated simply by being here. I didn't want my lifestyle to change. I didn't want to lose my chance to travel, to visit other places. Those simply aren't options anymore and so I have re-evaluate my decisions. I'm still working out how I feel about the possibility, but I'm not going to be selfish and say _never_. Be fair Kaidan. I made this decision years before I ever even dreamed I would see you again, and now that I have you every spare thought has gone towards considering the idea of kids."

Her voice was cracking and her eyes were brimming with tears. Kaidan couldn't tell if she was angry, hurt or just plain upset, but he guess it was probably a combination of all of the above.

Kaidan realized he was the one being selfish in this situation. Catherine had been honest and straight forward with him. And she was willing to make a massive lifestyle change to please him. He had no reason to pull away and give her the cold shoulder. Yet, at the same time he'd hoped this conversation to go a very different and he was going to need time to process that.

"I know you're a thinker, Kaid," she said, coming to his side and taking his hand. "I'll talk as much as you want whenever you want, but please, do talk to me at some point. I'll leave you alone now. Let me know if you want me to came back tonight."

Bug leapt off the bed and trailed after her as she left the house. Feeling a horrible combination of hurt, betrayal, anger and confusion, Kaidan left the house as well. He had a lot to think about.


	12. Chapter 12 Weddings

The first snows came only days later. Kaidan awoke to the sound of boisterous laughter outside his window. Kneeling on the bed he pulled up the reed blinds to reveal a world blanketed in pristine white. On the grassy area between his house and the next Catherine and Liara were watching as Bug frolicked and bounded about in the freshly fallen powder.

The folivora, as EDI had recently dubbed the species after researching the taxonomy of Earth's ancient ground sloths, was galloping about, it's enormously powerful hind legs propelling it. Over and over he ran at full tilt at the woman and then leap away in surprise when one of them lunged at him.

It was nice to see Catherine cheerful. Since their conversation about her inability to have children she hadn't been entirely herself. Not sullen or melancholy, but quiet and somewhat withdrawn. Kaidan had tried to keep his disappoint hidden, but knew that she could sense it in him. As a result she'd been avoiding being seen with Morgan and Lola, not wanted to compound his discontent.

The fact that several other women were very plainly pregnant made it a topic that was now difficult to avoid. Kaidan wanted to talk to Doctor Chakwas about her progress researching a way to reverse the VRS, but that would mean admitting to the woman that he had still not told Catherine about results of the blood tests.

Although he intended to tell her soon, after the hunt their time had not often been their own. Catherine and her team had set to work harvesting the last of their root vegetables to store in the cold cellar. Her native saplings were fitted with trunk protectors to keep away hungry rodents over the winter, while her tiny apple trees were moved to the centre of the cold frame under the peak to allow them more room to grow in the spring.

Kaidan had been dividing his time between helping Kenneth with the wiring of the new hospital wing, making reconnaissance flights with Cortez to the higher slopes of the mountains, and working with Liara to find away to wash all the mounds of wool they now had piled in one of the empty houses.

Luckily, the hides had been entirely cleaned and were curing in salt baths in the tannery before the snow hit. It was possible that the furs would not be ready until the middle of winter, but it would be worth the wait. Liara already had plans for all sorts of warm articles of clothing; mitts and hats and even boots and jackets. No one really knew if all these ideas would pan out given that none of them had any skill with a needle and thread, but it was nice to have plans.

Catherine noticed Kaidan in the window and waved, missing Bug's latest charge and falling to the ground in a heap with the folivora when he tried to leap into her arms. They rolled playfully on the ground before Bug was off again, snow flying out behind him in great sprays.

Getting up and dusting herself off, Catherine came over to the window. Kaidan cracked it open and swung it out just enough that Catherine's hand was able to slip through and toss a handful of snow at his bare chest. He recoiled from the cold and tried to pull the window shut, but Catherine held it open, giggling the whole time.

"Come outside, Kaid," she cried. "It's so lovely out here."

Laughing, he shoved her away from the window and yanked it shut before she could toss another fistful of snow at him. She stuck out her tongue, gave him a grin and want back to frolicking with her pet.

Kaidan got out of bed and dressed for the day. The change in weather would limit what they were able to work on and he looked forward to a more relaxing pace, though if this was anything like last year, the snow would probably melt before the sun reached noon.

As soon as he opened the door, Bug came tearing around the corner to greet him. The animal always seemed to know exactly where everyone was, as if he could sense them. And Catherine never had to call him. All she had to do was think about him and he would materialize from where ever he had been exploring.

Kaidan crouched down and gave him a good rub as he wiggled about and whined with joy. When Catherine and Liara came around the corner the wiggling increased and they all had to stand their ground as Bug pin balled between them before running off again to greet other people now emerging into the whitened world.

Kaidan and the women set off toward the hall together, admiring the glinting icicles hanging from eaves and breathing in deep the crisp air. They were met at the entrance to the hall by EDI who was looking pleased with herself.

"Morning, EDI," Kaidan said as they stepped inside and kicked the snow off their boots onto the matt at the door.

"Good morning, I was hoping you might arrive here first," she said with pleasure and lifted a hand to gesture to the rest of the hall.

Beyond the kitchen and the storage area at the front, the tables beyond were covered in datapads, all alight with scrolling information. The screens mounted on the walls were showing rotating pictures of all the various animals they had discovered so far.

"What is all this, EDI?" Catherine asked as they made their way into the hall and she picked up a data pad.

"I've taken the liberty of preparing lists of possible names for all the life forms we've encountered thus far," EDI explained proudly. "The idea crossed my mind after we named Bug's species. I've matched this planets life forms to similar beings from Earth and from the scientific names of those species compiled a number of names for people to choose from for each life form."

She handed a datapad to Kaidan. It showed the image of chicken beside a picture of one of the birds that had become a staple of diet.

"For example," she continued. "These birds bear a striking resemblance to the common chicken. The chickens scientific name is _Gallus gallus domesticus _and it belongs to the family _Phasianidae_. As such, my list includes such names as gallus and phasian, but also contains the colloquial names the crew have already given it; yardbirds, kappas, after the noise they make while in flights, and frumpies, due to their round bodies. I had hoped that if this idea is amenable to you, we might allow the crew to add their ideas to the lists and perhaps we could begin voting on names."

"This is a great idea," Kaidan said, smiling broadly at the synthetic. "When did you do all this?"

"This morning, before dawn."

"This morning?" Catherine asked. "In just a few hours? Where did you even get access to all this information."

"I have discovered that I can, at times, access data archives on Earth through the quantum relay. Because I can communicate with other computers without the use of audio or visual data link it takes up little power and does not interfere with regular communications taking place."

Other people were coming into the hall, bypassing the kitchen entirely and picking datapads, talking excitedly. EDI patiently explained over and over again her idea as more people arrived.

The usual rush for the kitchen was slowed and people took their time over their meals, reading names allowed and thinking furious, everyone wanting to add at least one option to the lists.

Kaidan and Catherine sat together on a couch in the corner, Liara and Joker across from them.

"Heh," Joker snorted as he noticed an addition to the list. "I'm totally voting for this one."

"What is it," Catherine asked, leaning forward to look.

"Those nasty little rat things that like to dig up your veggies. Someone thinks we should call them little fuckers."

Catherine laughed. "That was my idea."

"Nice." Joker gave her a high five.

"Black balled," Kaidan declared and it disappeared from the list.

"Aw," Joker moaned in disappointment. "I'm going to call them that anyway."

He winked at Catherine and then shuffled closer to Liara to make room for Gabby to sit down. Her middle was round enough now that she had to lower herself slowly to the couch.

"You know I was kinda hoping that maybe our new DNA would make us like seahorses and the men could carry the babies," she said with a groan.

Her clothing was a motley collection of different fabrics added to the waist of her pants and shirt. As one of the tallest women on the crew she'd had a hard time finding enough spare fabric to fashion herself maternity clothes.

Ever inappropriate, Joker patted her belly like it was a drum before she slapped him upside the head.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly. "Hard to resist."

Gabby ignored him and looked at Kaidan. "I know everyone's all wrapped up in the name game now, but I was hoping we could talk about the wedding."

"Wedding?" Catherine blurted. "What wedding?"

"You didn't tell her?" Gabby asked.

"Wasn't my news to tell," Kaidan said.

"You haven't been in a whole lot of normal relationships, have you," Gabby said with a laugh that made her belly shake. "It's a given that anything you hear will reach Cat's ears, and anything she knows, you'll know. That's how it works. Unless of course there is a pinky swear involved. Then yaps are zipped. I don't know the man equivalent."

"Fist bump," Joker said. "A fist bump seals these lips tighter than turian asshole."

Gabby elbowed him hard and turned back to Catherine. "Kenneth and I are going to get married before the baby comes and since Kaidan is the only Major here he's going to officiate the ceremony."

In a fit of girlish laughter, Catherine leapt up and hugged her friend. Joker rolled his eyes and looked to Kaidan to commiserate, but Kaidan could only smile and shrug.

When the congratulations died down and Catherine had sat down again, Kaidan spoke up.

"What did you want talk about, Gabby?"

"Timing," she said. "I think I am going to pop any day now. Calculating by galactic standard I am about thirty-seven weeks along and the kids already dropping so low I can't go five seconds without peeing. If we want to have this ceremony before he makes a break for it, we should do it soon."

"He?" Liara asked. "You know that it's a boy? I was not aware humans could detect the sex of their child before birth."

"We can't," Gabby said. "It's just my guess. And plus I'd rather raise a boy any day than a girl."

Kaidan shifted uncomfortably and Catherine put her hand on his knee and quickly changed the topic back to weddings.

"When were you thinking, Gabby?"

"Tomorrow, if there's nothing else planned."

"Tomorrow?" Kaidan asked, his eyes wide. "I don't think we can pull off a wedding overnight."

"I don't know what Kenneth told you, but there's nothing to pull off," Gabby said with a confused look on her face.

They all stared at each other for a moment. No one really sure what the others were thinking.

"What did Kenneth tell you?" Gabby asked slowly.

"Nothing," Kaidan said. "I just assumed you'd want something big and... flouncy."

"Oh no, nothing flouncy needed," Gabby said with a dismissive wave. "Just the right words in the right places and the Alliance seal of approval. Nothing special."

Liara leaned across Joker and put her hand on Gabby's arm. "Gabriella, this will be the first wedding here. It will be special."

"We'll make it special," Catherine promised. "Nothing fancy, but it _will_ be special."

"Thanks you guys." Gabby was still blushing. "Kaidan is this okay with you."

Kaidan nodded. "I just don't want to overshadow EDI's big plan, so let's let her have her moment before we start preparing anything."

Gabby agreed, said she needed food before the baby kicked her in the kidneys again and then lifted herself off the couch with some difficulty. Catherine gave her hand and went off to the kitchen with her, promising to bring Kaidan bake a meal.

Joker waited until they were out of hearing and then turned to Kaidan.

"So, I hear you know all about the shuttle bay adventures now."

Liara spoke up in Kaidan's defense. "Jeff, do you really think that's appropriate?"

"Am I the only one who didn't know about it?" Kaidan said with a roll of his eyes.

"The only reason Joker knows is because he spied on them." She gave Joker a prickly look. "Twice."

"Hey," he said guiltily. "I wasn't spying, Liara. I was running a regular sweep of the ship and they were just there. Besides, the lounge was supposed to be a public area. Anyone could have walked in on them."

"Okay, I don't really need to hear this," Kaidan said and made to leave.

"Kaidan, don't go," Liara said quickly. "Jeff will shut up."

He turned back to Liara and smiled. "I was going to go anyway. I wanted to talk to EDI about something." He turned to Joker and added, "Something that won't be any of your business."

As he walked away he heard Liara give Joker a smack on the arm and he chuckled to himself. Ever since Karin had declared Joker well enough for light physical labour, he'd been taking a beating for his often less than savory brand of humour and sarcasm. Everyone knew now that they could hit him without breaking him.

EDI was standing near the door to the labs, arms crossed and slight smile on her face. She stood straighter as he approached.

"EDI do you think we could talk privately for a few minutes?"

"Of course, Kaidan," she replied, following him into the labs.

The big room was empty and Kaidan checked the medical suite to ensure it was clear as well before he sat down at a work bench and gestured for EDI to sit with him.

"I wanted to talk to you about this connection that you and Joker have now," he began. "Doctor Chakwas seems to think it a result of the mushroom spores, and I was wondering if you have been able to hear anyone else's thoughts."

"I cannot hear yours, if that's what concerns you," EDI replied seriously.

"No, I was wondering if you can hear Cat's."

EDI cocked her head slightly and then said, "Not at the moment."

"But there are times when you can hear her?" Kaidan asked.

"I'm not sure that hear is the correct word," EDI conjectured. "I have on several occasions been aware of her thoughts, though I am unable to understand them the way I can Jeff's."

Kaidan sat back and rubbed his thumb along his lower lip thoughtfully. So maybe these times that he caught her speaking aloud to no one in particular she was responding someone after all.

"I know you still have trouble sometimes reading human emotion, but can you tell how she's feeling when this happens?" Kaidan asked carefully, not wanting to sound like he was worried about Catherine.

EDI took a moment before responding. Something she only did when her processors were trying to make a decision. "Kaidan, I believe that if you wish to know Catherine's feeling you should ask her directly."

"I'm sorry EDI," Kaidan said quickly. He had not anticipated this causing EDI distress. "I'm just trying to figure out what's going on before I talk to her about it. Doctor Chakwas says she was affected by the spoors too and I don't want to freak her out. I just thought that if I knew a little more about it, it would be easier to talk to her."

EDI nodded. "I understand your dilemma, but you should speak to her regardless of what you do or do not comprehend. I'm sure she will be able to tell you much more than I can. I can explain what I believe had occurred between Jeff and I, if you think that would help."

"As long as you are comfortable with it," Kaidan said.

"It's very simple really," EDI said. "Thoughts and emotions are essentially just electrical impulses in the brain. Many humans are particularly adept at reading these emotional impulses in others, but thoughts are much more complex. They are the result of learning and language and experience, and require similar synapses in the receivers brain to interpret, where as emotions are generally universal. As a synthetic, I am already more able to interpret these electrical signals. The spoors that Jeff inhaled made him more able to send the signals, though his ability to receive them is still limited."

"I've noticed Catherine talking to herself a few times now, particularly in her sleep," Kaidan revealed. "Could she have been trying to communicate with you or Joker?"

"It is possible," EDI said. "Though I think it unlikely. Jeff and I have developed a deeper connection due to the fact that we are intimate. We were already much in tune with each other. Catherine does not share such a connection with either Jeff or myself, so I am unsure who she might be attempting to communicate with."

"Okay," Kaidan said, his frown increasing as he absorbed everything she was saying. "Thanks. I'll talk to Cat as soon as there's time."

"Kaidan, if you would like, I will increase my monitoring of her. If I discover anything of significance, I will inform you."

Kaidan thanked her and she left him alone in the labs. Thinking about the relationship with Joker that EDI had described, he almost wished that he'd taken a blast of spoors in the face as well, if only so he could understand what was changing in Cat. He feared she was developing a connection with someone or something that she didn't understand.

Vowing to make an attempt to speak with her later that night, Kaidan returned to hall and his seat with Liara and Joker. Catherine was back with a plate of food for him. She'd fried up a batch of home fries from the starchy root vegetables they all called potatoes because it was just easier. Above ground they looked sort of like a small pink sunflower, but Kaidan doubted he would be able to tell the difference between its root and an actual potato anyway.

She'd brought him a small bowl of fruit salad as well and a tall glass of the spicy juice he'd developed a taste for. Given what EDI had arranged for the naming of animal life, Kaidan was sure Catherine was going to want to do the same thing with plant life, though people would likely be less interested in that.

Many of the fruits and vegetables they were growing were very similar to species from Earth. They had their potatoes and long green roots they were calling carrots, and even something akin to a zucchini. Through the summer they had also collected vast quantities of berries, though they didn't freeze well so most had been eaten right away. More recently, Cortez had taken several people to the locations Catherine had noted back in the spring and now several cupboards in the storage areas were filled with various types of nuts. Thankfully they had not encountered the croco-monkeys again.

This winter was going to be a lot easier than the last and Kaidan felt a sense of pride and accomplishment wash over him as he watched people laugh and eat and talk. For a very specialized group of people they had settled into their new lives remarkably well, picking up new skills and habits quickly and easily.

Alliance types tended to be adaptable and highly proficient, but this situation had put those traits to the test and they had passed with flying colours. Until that very morning, Kaidan had not been looking forward to being the official at Gabby and Ken's wedding, but now... it felt like a privilege.

And it made him wonder how Catherine felt about marriage. Not a lot of people put much stock in marriage any more. Not the ceremony anyway. Common law partnerships were much more frequent. Though it would probably be a good idea to set a precedent. On one hand, they didn't want to be to casual in defining their joinings. On the other, they also didn't want to creep backwards to a time when marriage was considered a sacred and unbreakable vow. Many people had fought hard battles for thing like equal marriages.

The Alliance had always upheld the values and tenets of the United Nations which still set the standards for laws in many of the nation states on Earth. And since no one had expressed any displeasure at those laws, Kaidan assumed that they were all happy to continue following them.

Early on it had been something he'd worried about, but their community had become so tight knit and so accepting of each other than he now doubted issues would arise involving prejudices or religious objections to life styles.

Over the course of the day very few people left the hall. Even Liara's felting project fell by the way side as people spent their time going over EDI's lists. By the time night fell, they had voted and named all but one species of bird.

A few gung ho people were still arguing, but most people had gone back to their own cabins for the night. Since Joker's vid files had been salvaged, the remainder of the ships screen had been installed in people's homes now that there was a greater source of entertainment.

Not particularly caring about the fate of one birds name, Kaidan left the hall and went home. He'd lost the battle regarding Bug and the folivora was sound asleep in the corner under Kaidan's desk when he arrived. Catherine was reclining in bed with her nose in a book, reading by the brilliant light of the two moons.

"Where did you get an actual book?" Kaidan asked as he stripped down and climbed into bed beside her.

"Picked it up on the Citadel before our movements there were restricted." She dog eared the corner of the page to save her place and set the book down on the bedside table next to her cup of water. "It's a book of poetry."

"Read me something," he said as he lay his head on her breast and threw a leg across hers.

"What would like to hear?" She picked the book up again and flipped through the pages, reading off titles.

"Anything at all." Kaidan liked it when she read aloud. She had an expressive, yet soothing voice and she had lulled him to sleep with it on several occasions now.

"Okay. Here's one I found yesterday that really resonated. It's by an old Earth author named Edgar Allen Poe. It's called Annabel Lee." She cleared her throat and began.

_It was many and many a year ago,_

_In a kingdom by the sea,_

_That a maiden there lived whom you may know_

_By the name of Annabel Lee;_

_And this maiden she lived with no other thought_

_Than to love and be loved by me._

_I was a child and she was a child,_

_In this kingdom by the sea;_

_But we loved with a love that was more than love -_

_I and my Annabel Lee;_

_With a love the winged seraphs of heaven_

_Coveted her and me._

_And this was the reason that long ago,_

_In this kingdom by the sea,_

_A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling_

_My beautiful Annabel Lee;_

_So that here highborn kinsman came_

_And bore her away from me,_

_To shut her up in a sepulcher_

_In this kingdom by the sea._

_The angles, not half so happy in heaven,_

_Went envying her and me._

_Yes! That was the reason(as all men know, _

_in this kingdom by the sea)_

_That the wind came out of a cloud by night,_

_Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee._

_But our love was stronger by far than the love_

_Of those who were older than we,_

_Of many far wiser than we,_

_And neither the angels in heaven above,_

_Nor the demons down under the sea,_

_Could even dissever my soul from the soul_

_Of the beautiful Annabel Lee._

_For the moon never beams without bring me dreams_

_Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;_

_And the star never rise but I see the bright eyes_

_Of the beautiful Annabel Lee._

_And so all the night tide I lie down by the side_

_Of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride,_

_In the sepulcher there by the sea,_

_In her tomb by the side of the sea._

Listening to her voice through her chest Kaidan could tell the poem had her choked up. Truth was, it had him feeling a little melodramatic as well.

"That's a beautiful poem, Kitten, but sad," Kaidan mumbled into her chest, not feeling quite as lulled as he would have liked. "Read me something more relaxing."

Kaidan fell sleep listening to her read a poem about a Roman helmet found centuries later by a man walking on a beach.

Nothing disturbed him that night, no sleep talking or green glowing. Even Bug slept the whole night through. He was alone when he woke and stepped outside to find a fresh blanket of snow on the ground. Yesterdays snow had not entirely melted and now he was walking through several centimeters of it to get to the hall.

Inside he found Catherine, Liara, Tali and several other people hard at work. They had pushed aside most of the tables and built an arbor of sorts in front of the fish tanks.

Chairs had been placed in three rows in front and bows had been cut from still leafy trees and tied to the chairs forming the aisle. The silver fabric that had decorated Liara's cabin on the Normandy had been hung from the ceiling to hide the lights and leave the whole area in a suffused glow. The hall truly was transformed.

Catherine spotted him and came to stand in the kitchen with him. They leaned on the counter and watched as Liara used her biotics to lift another table out of the way.

"How long have you been working on this?" Kaidan asked.

"Got up at the crack of dawn. Tali and Liara were already here. Just a heads up, I think Tali is going to ask you to marry her and Garrus next."

"No kidding," Kaidan laughed. "Good for them."

They stood silently for a few minutes, watching people come into the hall and react with wonder and excitement at the sight within.

Kaidan bumped his shoulder against Catherine's. "You want to get hitched?"

She shrugged. "If you want to. I'm Wiccan so it's a pretty easy thing to do. No ranking official needed."

A pagan faith, focused on oneness with nature, Wicca had grown massively in popularity on Earth after the environmental crises of the early twenty-first century. Kaidan had a basic understanding of its creed, which was a lot like Buddhism, but he knew nothing about what a Wiccan wedding was like.

"What's involved?" Kaidan asked.

Catherine looked up at him, her eyes sparkling. "Were you asking me to marry you or were you just testing the waters?"

Kaidan laughed gently. "Let's say I was asking."

"Well, okay then." She pushed off the counter and stood in front of him. Then she pulled off her scarf and wrapped one end around her right hand and then passed the other end to him. "Wrap it around you right hand and repeat after me."

Kaidan did as he was told and repeated her words one line at a time.

"I commit to love, honour and respect you, to communicate and share in all ways, to provide a healthy happy home for our children, and to comfort and support you in times of sickness and sadness, as long as love shall last. Blessed be."

Kaidan repeated the last two words slowly and then Catherine was hugging him, their bound hands caught between their bodies. She kissed him and unwound the scarf, draping back around her neck.

"Did we just get married?" Kaidan asked and Catherine gave him a sly look.

"Yes and no," she said cryptically. "It's called a hand fastening and it's not official. But it's a promise. That's why it ends with the words 'as long as love shall last' and not the scary strict 'til death do us part' and 'for better or worse'. It acknowledges the fact that love isn't always eternal and sometimes relationship dissolve naturally, but at the same time recognizes that vows of devotion are important."

"I think I can live with that," Kaidan put an arm around her and gave her a squeeze. "Can't say the line about children didn't strike a cord though."

Catherine squeezed him back but didn't say anything. She still held out hope that Doctor Chakwas would find a solution, but Kaidan had resigned himself to the fact that there would be no children. It was easier that way. Easier to move on, to continue to enjoy sex, to watch James cradle Lola in his bearish arms. The hope wasn't completely gone, but he'd hidden it deep.

EDI arrived not much later and took Kaidan aside to explain to him what his duties were. The vows were simple and straight forward, nothing fancy like Gabby had said. A few simple words and then back to work.

Gabby and Kenneth had been kept away from the hall all morning and when the arrived in the early afternoon, they clearly had not been told what to expect. Neither had dressed up for the occasion, but at least they were both wearing clean clothes.

Kaidan had put on his varen hide jacket and Catherine had pinned his Major's stripes to the shoulder and his medals to the front. He felt silly standing in front of everyone until Gabby appeared from the labs where Liara had spirited her away as soon as she entered the hall.

Somehow, Liara had made a lacey veil for her, woven through with tiny pieces iridescent snail shells and bits of colourful rocks. Somewhere she had found iron pyrite and it was dusted on Gabby's skin and sparkled under the shrouded lights.

Her reddish hair was longer now and had been pulled back in a loose braid. It all clashed terribly with the clothes she wore, but it didn't matter. Her face glowed and she was beautiful.

Liara took a seat in the back beside Tali who was already crying while Garrus tried not to laugh at her. Kaidan caught Catherine's eye where she sat beside Morgan and she gave him a loving smile.

Kenneth stood like an idiot at the end of the aisle, just staring at Gabby. After a prompt from Garrus he finally took her arm and they walked down the aisle, stopping a pace from Kaidan.

Kaidan cleared his throat and recited his lines, glancing discreetly at his datapad occasionally. "Today we witness the binding of two lives into one. A affirmation of love and commitment between two people. Before I give my assent would the couple like to share their own vows."

This was not a question as it was always a given that the couple would speak.

Gabby went first. "Kenneth you've made me insane for years, but I've loved you from day one. You are my best friend and I don't know what I would do without you."

There were soft ahs of approval from the gathered crowd and a stifled sob from Tali.

Kenneth then let go of Gabby's hand and instead placed his on her enormous belly. "You stuck with me through thick and thin, Gabby. Even though I waited for years to tell you how spectacular your legs are. I promise to never stop telling you how amazing every part of you is."

Kaidan had expected more but when Kenneth didn't say more he continued with his script. "A couple should love and honour each other, support and comfort, provide for and cherish."

He paused as he heard himself repeating similar words to those he had so recently exchanged with Catherine.

"A couple should be equal in all ways and maintain their commitment and loyalty for as long as the union remains. Gabriella Melanie Daniels." He looked at Gabby. "Do you so swear?"

"I do."

Kaidan turned to Ken. "And Kenneth Fraser Donnelly, do you so swear?"

"I absolutely do."

"Then by the power given to me by the Systems Alliance through the rank of Major, I declare you husband, wife and partners."

There was nothing more in the script after this point, but it didn't feel finished so Kaidan added the traditional.

"You may kiss."

The couple flew together in a passionate kiss that earned whoops and hollers from the audience. Applause echoed through the room and Kaidan could see Tali at the back full out crying into Garrus' chest.

There were very few single people left in the colony. It seemed everyone had found someone and those who hadn't were happy that way. They were the ones who had lost families on Earth, or had left partners behind when they crashed here, and didn't want to start over again. Somehow, everyone who wanted someone had found a partner. Even Cortez and Avery were a happy couple, and not just because they were the only two gay men on the ship. They genuinely loved each other.

Kaidan was sure he would now be swamped with requests to officiate marriages, but the ceremony was simple and straight forward he didn't think he would mind.

He stepped away from the couple and let them take the spotlight as people crowded around to congratulate them. As he leaned on the warm glass of the fish tank he saw EDI making her way through the throng. She looked determined and worried at the same time and Kaidan marveled at the range of facial expressions she was now able to simulate.

"Not a bad ceremony, eh EDI?" Kaidan said happily.

"You did a fine job, Kaidan," she praised him absently. "But I'm afraid I must take you away from the celebrations. I believe I have information for you regarding Catherine. Have you told her yet what Doctor Chakwas told you?"

Kaidan shook his head.

"Then I will tell you first, but we must tell her today."

EDI turned and went towards the labs again. Kaidan followed. Catherine caught his eyes as he went by and he waved her back.

Inside the labs EDI was pacing, not something Kaidan had seen her do often and worry set his heart racing.

"What is it EDI?"

She stopped pacing and faced him. "As I said I would, I have been paying closer attention to the electrical impulses in Catherine's brain. During the ceremony I detected a spike in their activity."

"She was talking to herself?" Kaidan guessed.

"Yes, she was," EDI said. "But that is not the troubling part. There was a reply."

"A what?" Kaidan squinted at her in the low light. Was she being serious?

"It was barely detectable beneath Catherine's own brain waves, but it was clearly a response to her own thoughts."

"Who?" Kaidan had to sit down.

"I could not pinpoint the exact location of the source, but it was very near her."

"James," Kaidan breathed. "James was sitting on Morgan's other side."

"I do not believe that is was James," EDI said with conviction.

But Kaidan barely heard her. All he could think about was the fact that his wife had once been intimate with James and that seemed to be a condition of this strange synthetic bond.

"Kaidan, you must speak to Catherine about this," EDI said insistently. "There is no other way to understand what is going on inside her head."

"I don't think I can do it, EDI," Kaidan said, staring at the floor.

"Would you like Doctor Chakwas and I to explain the situation to her? I will not tell her how long you have known. I do not wish to cause discord."

Kaidan nodded and in a daze followed EDI back out into the hall. Gabby and Kenneth had left, but the crowd was still milling about, helping to put tables and chairs back in place.

He sat down heavily on a couch and watched as EDI found Doctor Chakwas and then as the pair searched out Catherine and lead her into the back. Catherine cast a questioning look at him as they passed, but he could only force a smile.

No one seemed to notice him sitting alone in the corner and he sat there by himself for what seemed like hours. The hall emptied and after a time Bug found his way in and sat at Kaidan's feet with his head on his knee.

Kaidan absently scratched his head and waited, brooding and worrying about what would happen when Catherine reemerged. Was she really forming a bond with James? He knew they were close, but from what EDI had said of her connection with Joker, the bond was strengthened by intimacy.

Questions whirled about in his head in a maelstrom of doubt and uncertainty. He felt a headache coming on for the first time in months. His palms were sweaty and his mouth tasted like metal. Kaidan had never been the jealous type. This was something new for him. He'd dealt with the sting of learning about the relationship James and Catherine had had, but now the anger was crawling back up.

James could have kids and he and Catherine couldn't. Their bond would ever only be between the two of them. And now James was possibly stealing away the potential for Kaidan and Catherine to forge an even stronger connection?

Kaidan's rage was unreasonable and he knew it, but it seethed and churned in his stomach. When the door to the labs finally cracked open and Catherine stepped out, Kaidan jumped to his feet, but was at a loss for words.

Catherine closed the space between them in a few quick paces and buried her face in his chest. Tentatively, Kaidan put his arms around her and felt her begin to shake.

"Cat, are you crying?"

Her head nodded and she tried to say something but it only came out as a sob.

Kaidan felt his anger vanish as he held his tearful wife. "Kitten, whatever it is you can tell me."

She pulled away from him and dragged her sleeve across her cheeks, sniffing noisily. When she looked up at him tears were still streaming down her face, but she was smiling and biting the tip of her tongue between her teeth.

When she finally spoke her voice was trembling and he couldn't make out her words.

"Speak up, Kitten. What is it?"

She cleared her throat and tried again and this time Kaidan was floored by her words.

"I'm pregnant."


	13. Chapter 13 Dangers

Kaidan grabbed her shoulders, probably too hard because she let out a little gasp.

"Say that again," he said softly.

"I'm pregnant."

She burst into fresh tears and Kaidan picked her right up off the ground in a massive hug and spun her around. When he set her down she collapsed to the couch and he went down on his knees in front of her.

"How, Cat?" he asked urgently. "I don't understand."

"I want Karin to explain," she said. "I barely understand myself."

Kaidan lifted himself up to sit beside her. She was laughing now through the tears and he found himself beginning to laugh as well.

"You know what, Cat? I don't even care about how. I don't want to jinx this."

Catherine leaned into him and he could feel her tears dampening his shirt. His mind harkened back to the night after he'd learned about James. He'd been bombarded with so much information that day, much of which he hadn't wanted to hear, and the anger he'd projected at Catherine had been unjustified.

She'd waited patiently for him to vent more, to let out whatever he was feeling, but he had dealt with it on his own. Not everything needed to be shared and he was now glad he'd kept his rioting thoughts and emotions to himself.

Catherine sniffed and wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. She stood and pulled him up with her.

"Karin wanted to talk to us. And even if you don't care about the how, I know you're just as curious as I am."

Kaidan followed obediently, Catherine's hand clamped firmly in his own. His heart was buoyant and his steps light as air as they went through the labs and into the medical suite.

Karin and EDI were waiting for them. Karin's face lit up and she gave Kaidan a warm hug of congratulations.

"I rather thought this news might please you," she said patting his cheek in a motherly way. "I wanted you and Catherine to have a moment alone, but I do have some questions for both of you that might help explain this."

She leaned back on her desk and EDI stepped forward.

"I had the suspicion when I heard the second set of brain waves, but I did not wish to say anything should it prove to be untrue."

"Kaidan, it's time you told her everything," Karin said and Kaidan knew she was right. It was his turn to bite the bullet and reveal that he had kept the truth from her.

He nodded and turned to Catherine. "Kitten, I'm sorry I didn't tell you weeks before."

Catherine looked worried and confused so he hurried his words along. "Karin told me a while ago about changes in your DNA and that the synthetics in body are advancing rapidly. I should have told you, but you were acting strangely and I didn't want to fall into a blind leading the blind situation."

"Does this have anything to do with you constantly accusing me of talking to myself?" She was calmer than he expected her to be. Either there was a volcano waiting for him later or she really didn't care.

"Well, you were," he said defensively. "And talking and humming in your sleep a lot."

Karin stepped in and changed the topic. "You two should talk about that privately. I've explained to Catherine how her DNA has changed. My current theory is that those same changes reversed the VRS seeing it as damage to her body that needed to be repaired."

"But why didn't you detect this earlier?" Kaidan asked. "Didn't you examine her when she came to you the first time?"

"I didn't think it necessary," Karin explained. "There was no reason to think that anything had changed. VRS means that the body continues to function normally, but the ovum produced are not viable. I saw no reason to perform an invasive procedure to confirm something I had no reason to doubt. But now that I have determined that Catherine is indeed pregnant, I have some more delicate questions I need to ask."

Despite the fact that Karin was a medical professional, Kaidan did not relish the idea of discussing his sex life with her, which was where he was sure she was going. If she saw his blush, she didn't say anything.

"I suspect I already know the answer, but when was the first time you engaged in sexual intercourse?"

"The day she and Joker..." he trailed off, his mind going quickly through everything he knew about the mushrooms and their effect on synthetics. "Oh. The spoors."

"What does that mean?" Catherine asked.

EDI then explained the connection that had since developed between her and Joker and light bulb seemed to come on over Catherine's head as she came to the same conclusion Kaidan just had.

"So, you think that because of when I conceived," Catherine said. "That I'm already trying to communicate with the baby? But I'm only a few weeks along. How could that be possible so early on?"

"A few weeks along by our time, but that's about equal to two months by galactic standard," Karin explained. "Before today I suspect that the connection went only in one direction. By now the fetus will have developed just enough to be able to respond."

"But why can't I hear this happening?" Catherine rested a hand on her abdomen and Kaidan sense of pride went through the roof. He felt like shouting for joy, but managed to contain himself to hear EDI response.

"The only reason I am able to detect these signals is because am a synthetic to begin with, with programming that allows me to be aware of these things. In humans, this communication is almost entirely subconscious. I have been training Jeff's brain to listen at the proper wave length, but he is still barely able to hear what I am thinking. You have had no such instruction so it is logical that you would have no way of knowing that this was happening inside your mind."

Catherine looked suddenly a lot less excited and happy than moments before. She took several steps backwards and sat down heavily on the small couch along the wall. Kaidan rushed to her side.

"What's wrong, Cat?" he asked desperately.

She looked up at him with worry plastered across her face. "Kaidan, what if something is wrong because of the mushrooms?"

Kaidan looked askance at the doctor and Karin came to sit beside Catherine, putting a reassuring arm around her shoulders.

"Catherine, I'm willing to bet that half the humans in existence were conceived while their parents were drunk or high. There is no proof that the physical state of either parent at the time of conception has any negative effect on the embryo."

"And besides," Kaidan added. "In the unlikely event that something is wrong, you can hardly be faulted. You didn't even think you could get pregnant."

Catherine seemed to be calming. She was nodding in agreement and Kaidan could feel her pulse slowing where his hand rested on her wrist.

"I'll keep a close eye on you as your pregnancy progresses," Karin said gently. "If there is anything amiss we will catch it, but I doubt there will be any complications."

It was just then that Garrus came bursting through the door. He paused only briefly when he realized he had intruded on a private moment.

"Kaidan, there's a call coming through on the quantum relay. It's not Hackett."

Kaidan frowned. They had had little communication with Earth, but it had all been through Admiral Hackett. Catherine must have sensed his need to discover what was going on because she urged him to go with Garrus.

He followed the turian to the back of the lab and stood before the glowing relay as an image flickered into existence.

"Jacob!" Garrus said in surprise.

"Garrus, it's good to see you," Jacob said with a small smile, then looked at Kaidan and gave a salute. "Major Alenko, I'm Jacob Taylor. I served with Commander Shepard on the Normandy."

"Ex-Cerberus, I remember," Kaidan said, returning the salute. "We pulled you off Gellix."

"Nice to finally meet you, so to speak," Jacob said. "Shepard spoke very highly of you."

"How's Bryn?" Garrus asked.

"Brynn's great." Jacob finally gave them a real smile. "Spends most of her time with the baby these days."

"That's right, I forgot," Garrus said happily. "Congrats, Jacob. Boy or girl?"

"A girl," Jacob said with pride. "We called her Melissa. Lissa for short."

"That's great, Jacob," Garrus said. "But I've got to ask, how did you manage to get time on the comm when an Admiral barely could?"

"I had to fight for it. Dropped Shepard's name a few times," Jacob explained. "I've got some bad news. Admiral Hackett's dead."

"What?" Kaidan exclaimed. "How? What happened?"

"He had a stroke," Jacob said, his eyes downcast. "Died in his sleep about a month ago. About as peacefully as a soldier can hope for."

Neither Kaidan or Garrus could think of anything to say. Admiral Hackett had been a prominent fixture in both their lives for years. The entire time they'd served with Shepard. To hear that he had died was a vicious blow.

"I thought you would want to know," Jacob went on. "That's why I asked for the time on the comm."

"I appreciate it, Jacob," Kaidan said sadly. "Steven was a good friend. He'll be missed."

"I don't have much time on here," Jacob said, glancing away to the left. "There's always a line up. Some of us who served with Shepard were hoping for an update from you guys. Just want to know you're doing well."

"We're doing all right," Kaidan told him. "Just heading into winter. Got some interesting projects on the way."

"How are Tali and Liara?"

"Tali is great," Garrus said. "She pretty much goes without the enviro suit all the time now, but she still has to wear a mask more than she would like."

"Liara's pregnant," Kaidan put in. "Still not back to a hundred percent after Javik's death, but keeping busy and staying sane."

"Javik's dead?" Jacob's eyes narrowed. "How?"

"It's a long story," Garrus said, giving Kaidan a nod. "Let's just leave it at it was for the best."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Jacob said sympathetically.

Garrus changed the topic quickly. "I was... incapacitated last time we had a connection to Earth. I was hoping for some news from your end too. Miranda, Samara, Kasumi... the rest of the squad. Did they make it?"

"Bad news first," Jacob said quickly, obviously running out of time. "Kasumi died on the Crucible. She stayed to the last to keep systems running. Zaeed was pretty seriously injured during the battle and died not long after. Miranda is alive and well, joined up with the Alliance and is pretty much running the show when it comes to distribution of goods. Samara left with the asari and krogan. Said she wanted to try to make it back to her daughter. Grunt and Jack are somewhere in South America. Some of the mercenaries gangs who joined with Aria T'Loak didn't much like the idea of living under the thumb of the Alliance and have set up down there. Jack and Grunt are hunting them down."

Something caught Jacob's eye and he looked away for a moment.

"I'm sorry, I'm out of time," Jacob said hurriedly. "One last thing. They're shutting down the connection Hackett had open for you guys. Apparently you just aren't a priority. I'll send you what I can when I can, but-"

The connection died and Jacob's image snapped from existence. The console stayed active, but a red light appeared in the upper right corner, flashing as it attempted to reestablish the connection.

"I guess that's that then," Kaidan said unhappily. "I can't believe Hackett's dead."

"I can't believe they're abandoning us," Garrus said angrily. "Without us the Reapers would have wiped everything out by now, and they can't find the time or energy to send us a few measly bites of data now and then."

"We don't know the whole story," Kaidan said conciliatorily. "Earth is still in pretty rough shape. Jacob's right, we aren't a priority. And Hackett managed to send us massive amounts of data already. We'll be all right."

Kaidan heaved a great big sigh and leaned back on the workbench behind him.

"Telling everyone about Hackett is going to be hard. He was something of an institution in the Alliance. He'd served longer than I've been alive."

"If he were a turian we'd commission a dreadnaught and name it after him," Garrus remarked. "What do humans do for their fallen heroes?"

"Well, we don't name ships after them," Kaidan said. "Tradition used to be a park or school in their honour, but a lot of countries didn't even do that. Don't know what they'll do now though. Doubt there are still committees to take care of things like that."

"Should we do something?" Garrus asked.

"We could name a moon after him," Kaidan joked. "We've got two of them."

"And here was me hoping you'd suggest Vakarian for one of them."

They were quiet for a minute and Kaidan could tell Garrus had something on his mind.

"What's up, Garrus?" he prompted. "I know you only shuffle around like that when you're looking for the right words."

"Just trying to decide whether or not ask if everything is okay with Cat," Garrus said somewhat awkwardly. "Don't want to put you on the spot."

Kaidan debated whether or not to tell Garrus about Catherine's pregnancy. He didn't know if it was something she wanted to share yet. He knew that most couples waited until things were a fair way along before saying anything, but he also knew that Morgan and Gabby would likely know before the sun set. And though they didn't put labels on relationships the way women did, Kaidan and Garrus were best friends.

"Cat's fine," Kaidan said, unable to stop the grin that followed. "In fact, she's great. She's pregnant."

Garrus gave him a slap on the shoulder. "Kaidan, that's great. Congratulations!"

"But you can't tell anyone yet," Kaidan said strictly. "Not even Tali."

"Oh, that's going to be a tough one," Garrus said with a hiss through his pointed teeth. "Tali has her ways of pulling information out of me."

"Apparently a fist bump swears you to secrecy and trumps Tali."

"I'm not sure what a fist bump is," Garrus laughed. "But as long as it has nothing to do with Joker's lips and my backside I'm in."

Kaidan chuckled. "You overheard that, did you?"

"Hard not to over hear things around here," Garrus said as he leaned against the table beside Kaidan, crossing his arms. "But don't worry, your secret's safe with me."

"Thanks," Kaidan said. "So, uh, did you ever think about having kids?"

"Me?" Garrus said. "Never really had much time to think about it. I joined C-Sec as soon as I finished my military training and I've been getting in the way of various projectiles ever since."

Kaidan nodded in understanding. The turians strict military hierarchy trickled down into the very bones of every day life. Everyone had to earn their place in society.

"What about Tali?" Kaidan asked. "She always struck me as the kind to want kids one day."

Now it was Garrus' turn to sigh. "It kills Tali that she can't have kids. She always wanted one, and after Shepard restored Rannoch to the quarians she thought she might actually get to raise one on her home world."

"I think the rest of us tend to forget just how much you and Tali lost," Kaidan said apologetically. "Who knows. Maybe one day the synthetics will change you guys enough that your DNA will be compatible."

"I'd never thought of that," Garrus said lightly. "I doubt it'll happen, but it might make Tali feel better. Anyway, I should let you get back to Cat. Congrats again, Kaidan."

Catherine appeared through the door of the medical suite as Garrus took his leave. Once they were alone, Kaidan gathered her up in his arms and held on with every fiber of his being.

"Everything okay?" she asked him, her voice muffled by his arm.

Still holding on to her, not wanting to let her go ever again, Kaidan told her what Jacob had said about Hackett. She hadn't known the Admiral the way Kaidan had, but she still shed a tear at the news of his passing.

"So now Earth is without Anderson and Hackett," Catherine said with concern. "With the governments all but gone, I'm guessing the Alliance is the only thing holding things together."

"They've gone of the oldest asari Matriarchs there too. They won't fare too badly. We got some news about the old Normandy squad as well," he added. "Means a lot more to Garrus and Tali than anyone else, but looks like most of Shepard's people made it through the war."

Kaidan finally dropped the hug but kept one arm around her shoulders as they walked out into the hall.

"I don't know about you, Kitten, but I feel like we've entered something new. We are really and truly on our own now."

"Doesn't feel all bad though, does it."

They stepped out the front door of the hall and were greeted by a very happy Bug. The late evening sun was glinting off dripping icicles and the wind was shivering its way through the frozen branches of the forest. There were voices coming from the fire pit where people were building what would likely be the last fire of the year. There was movement and activity all around.

"No," Kaidan said with a sigh of contentment. "It's not so bad at all."

Winter seemed to zip by more quickly than Kaidan had imagined it would. By the time the ground was frozen and the snow was truly upon them, four new lives had arrived at the settlement. Two boys and two girls.

With the extension finished and furnished as a hospital, the old medical suite became something of a nursery, where Morgan, Gabby, Diana and the other two new mothers spent much of their time.

The felting process was completed with much more ease than Liara had anticipated and the fabric went into use almost immediately, while Liara began a new projects using the information Hackett had given them. She learned of several new ways to make fabrics; from pulped tree bark to using native grasses like flax to create linen.

Joker spent his time in his workshop with EDI and Ivan, building endlessly with the wood they'd harvested during the summer. The furniture was the rich honey colour of teak with streaks of ebony and dark red in it, and it graced every building and home.

Liara's figure seemed to grew daily, as did Catherine's, and it amazing Kaidan to watch happen. Pregnancy seemed to suit her and Kaidan spent time every morning and evening with his ear resting against her belly listening to every little sound as the baby moved. Karin had offered to work out the sex of the baby, but they had agreed that they would rather have it be a surprise.

As Kaidan expected there were no more communications from Earth and the more time that passed, the less anyone bothered to check the relay, and eventually they cut power to it altogether, preferring to use what they had to heat the hall and the water tanks above the shower.

Bug was so big now that he had to be given a house all to himself. The door was removed and the folivora made himself a nest over the course of several days, disappearing for hours at a time only to return with a massive clump of dry grass in his mouth. Though he usually still trailed Catherine where ever she went, he seemed content to be on his own much of the time.

Much to Catherine's displeasure, she'd been trapped inside a lot of the time. Though she seemed to have more clothing than most, she was reluctant to turn any of it in to maternity clothing and so was often underdressed. When a cold snap hit, Kaidan all but banned her from having a shower, not wanting her to walk between buildings with wet hair.

She was often restless and irritable, but Kaidan endured it all. One minute she was snapping at him for not closing the door quickly enough and the next she was crying because she'd snapped at him. Her life had become a roller coaster of emotions and it wasn't until nearly half way through the winter that Kaidan learned the main source of the problem.

He'd been out almost all day with James and Garrus, trudging through the forest looking for possible locations for a new orchard. They'd found several places and Kaidan was looking forward to telling Catherine about them. Planning and plotting out the space would give her something to fill her time with.

When he opened the door to their little house he found her pacing back and forth besides the bed. She didn't look up as he shut the door and she jumped and almost took a swing at him when he reach out and touched her on the arm.

"Kaidan, you scared the crap out of me," she said and sat down heavily on the couch. "Where have you been?"

"I just got back," he said, worry creasing his brow. "What's wrong?"

"I'm going crazy in here, Kaidan!" she almost shouted at him.

"Why don't you go to the hall then? Spend the day there?"

"I can't," she said, pushing herself back up off the couch. "I'd go just as crazy there and if I am going to lose my mind, I would rather do it here."

Kaidan grabbed her shoulders and stopped her pacing before she could get going again. Her eyes were wide and her pupils massively dilated.

"What's going on, Cat?" he asked her seriously.

"I can hear it all." She pressed the heels of her hands into her temples and squinted her eyes almost shut. "It's too much."

"What can you hear?" Kaidan was more than worried now.

At first they had both been worried about the pregnancy, fearing every check up with Doctor Chakwas would bring bad news, but as time passed and everything progressed normally they had begun to put their fears to rest.

Catherine had continued to speak softly to herself every now and then, still completely unaware of it herself, and Kaidan awoke almost every night now to the sound of her humming. Unlike many pregnant women, she slept soundly through the night, and EDI's theory was that her quiet humming lulled the baby to sleep as well, keeping it on the same schedule as it's mother.

This was the first time in two months that Kaidan had felt so much as an inkling of concern that something might be wrong.

"Have you talked to Doctor Chakwas yet?" he asked, keeping his voice as calm as he could.

"No," she said, gritting her teeth.

"Okay," he said and let her go. He grabbed Shepard's N7 sweater and helped Cat into it. It wouldn't zip up, but he pulled the hood up tight and then threw a blanket around her. "Let's go, Cat. We'll see her right now."

Kaidan had to half carry her to the hospital and the pain in her head increased. They went in through the new side doors, avoiding the crowded hall, and found Karin in her office. She was sitting with her feet up, enjoying a glass of the ice brandy that she'd kept hidden from everyone else.

When Kaidan and Catherine came through the door she practically jumped to her feet.

"What is it?" she asked, seeing the pain on Catherine's face. "What's wrong?

"I'm not sure," Kaidan told her as she lead them to an empty patient room. "I got home and she was pacing. Said she could hear the baby and it was driving her crazy."

He eased her down onto the bed, it's wooden frame creaking slightly. She fell back on the pillow and flung her arm over her eyes, muttering something under her breath.

"Kaidan, go find EDI while I examine her," Doctor Chakwas said briskly.

Reluctantly, Kaidan went in search of the AI and found her on the nursery floor playing a game of peek-a-boo with Lola who was shrieking with delight and trying her very best to grab EDI's visor.

"EDI, something is wrong with Cat," he told her urgently. "Doctor Chakwas asked me to get you."

EDI stood and picked up Lola in her silver arms.

"I told Morgan and James that I would look after Lola so they could have some time alone," EDI told him. "I can come, but you will have to mind her while I assist the Doctor."

Kaidan nodded and hurried back to the hospital. As he rushed through the hall, Liara and Garrus both called to him but he ignored them. Behind him, he heard EDI ask them to wait, saying that she was sure Kaidan would talk to them as soon as he could.

Knocking softly as he opened the door, Kaidan came in just as Doctor Chakwas was lowering the blanket back down over Catherine's lower half. Catherine appeared to have passed out. Karin turned as they entered.

"Don't panic, Kaidan. I've sedated her. Physically there is nothing wrong with her or the babies," she told Kaidan, who wilted in relief and then snapped back to attention an instant later. "Yes, I said babies. Catherine is carrying twins."

Staggered by the revelation, Kaidan could barely force the words out of his mouth when he spoke. "How did you not know this earlier?"

"The Normandy's med-bay didn't come with the equipment needed to monitor a pregnancy," she explained. "It's been a month since I last gave Catherine a check up and at that time I was only able to detect one heartbeat. Tonight, I can hear two distinct beats. I believe this may be the issue and I'm hoping EDI can confirm."

"I can hear it already," EDI said. She passed off Lola to Kaidan who held the little girl close as EDI sat own beside Catherine on the bed. "My educated guess is that the fetuses are monozygotic, or identical, and up until now their brain waves have been the same and thus impossible to differentiate between. Now, however, their brain activity has increased significantly. I believe they have taken the first steps towards individuality and are speaking to each other. Catherine is able to hear both of them and they are sending out more signals than her brain knows how to interpret."

"So what do we do?" Kaidan asked around Lola's hand which was grabbing at his lips as they moved.

"I'm not sure what we can do," EDI said, her voice troubled. "I've been instructing Catherine as best I can on how to control her own thoughts and not direct them all at the child, but I know of no way to teach the children control."

"EDI, are you able to communicate with the babies?" Karin asked, an idea clearly forming in her mind.

"Yes, but I do not recommend that as a solution," EDI replied.

"But what if someone else were to attempt it?" The doctor suggested.

"I hope you don't mean Joker," Kaidan said. Lola was beginning to fret and so he sat down in the corner to bounce her on his knee.

"I think I know where you are going with this, Doctor," EDI said slowly. "And I'm not sure if that would work. He would have to be trained."

"I think it might be the only choice we've got," Karin said.

"Could someone please explain just what it is that you're considering," Kaidan said, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice for Lola's sake.

EDI stood and took the chair beside Kaidan while Doctor Chakwas began taking more readings from Catherine.

"What I believe the Doctor is suggesting is that you ingest the mushrooms," EDI said, and Kaidan's eyes widened.

"You want me to take the mushrooms?" Kaidan asked. "How will that do any good?"

Karin left Catherine's side and came to lean on the end of the bed. "It's only a theory, but I believe that you will be able to take some of the pressure off of Catherine. Children typically form a close bond with their mother, responding to their moods and emotions, but clearly something more powerful is developing here."

"Karin and I had already discussed making this suggestion, though for different reasons," EDI put in. "Without the increased synthetics Catherine and the children now possess, we were concerned that you would not have the same bond with your children that Catherine already has. It would take years for your own synthetics to catch up naturally."

Kaidan was far too distracted now to try to keep Lola still and so passed her back to EDI who endured the child's busy hands patiently. It didn't rain but it poured. Every time. News never seemed to come to Kaidan gradually. Everything always had to happen all at once, overloading his brain and making it impossible to think sane, rational thoughts.

Just twenty minutes earlier he'd been looking forward to one child and now there would be two. Catherine had been stressed, but managing, and now she was going into neural shock because the babies inside of her had discovered they could communicate with each other. And to top it all off, it was being suggested that he take a drug to essentially tell his children to be quiet.

"Can you really not think of any other option here?"

Karin and EDI looked at each other and back at him. EDI spoke. "Perhaps with more time I could find a solution, but I worry that Catherine will have suffered irreparable neural damage before I can."

"Kaidan, we know that the mushrooms are safe." Karin tried to sound reassuring. "We have seen only positive effects in both Catherine and Joker."

"What about my biotics?"

"Catherine has the same eezo nodules in her own nervous system," Karin said. "I have not detected any changes in them. I don't foresee there being any negative impact in that department."

"How are we going to find any mushrooms at this time of year?" Kaidan asked, trying to find fault with their plan.

"I collected a sample back when we first encountered them," Karin said. "I have them in a jar in my office. The spoors are still viable."

"How do you know that I'll be able to... connect with the babies?" Kaidan asked, still trying to poke holes. "Joker and Cat could only hear each other when they were both being effected by the spoors."

"Catherine would have to take the mushrooms as well," Karin said, though she didn't sound convinced. Before Kaidan could protest she went on quickly. "I have already done a test on her blood to measure the effect it might have on her. There was a definite spike in her synthetics, but it was temporary and died down quickly. I don't believe the mushrooms will have the same effect twice."

Kaidan stood up and leaned his head against the cool stone of the wall. This was all just speculation and theory. Was he willing to take this risk on their guesses alone? His mind burned with indecision. He trusted Karin and EDI absolutely, but this still seemed like too drastic a measure.

"What could go wrong?" Kaidan asked. "What damage could there be if I do this?"

"To yourself, none," Karin said with certainty. "To Catherine, none. To the fetuses... I'm not sure."

"Kaidan, do you have any reason to believe these children might not be yours?"

Kaidan turned and looked at EDI sharply. "No. Absolutely not."

EDI nodded, the corners of her mouth turning up slightly. "I did not think so, but I had to ask. Research has shown that children share similar neural pathways to their parents. I said that I did not suggest myself for this task because I have no similarities with these minds and would likely shock them into silent rather than cajole them, and that would not be a good thing. You, however, would be able to ease your mind into communion with theirs."

"Catherine was barely able to focus her eyes on one things at a time while she was under the influence," Kaidan said angrily, the stress beginning to take its toll. "How am I supposed to be able to do this with any kind of control."

"Well, for starters," Karin said patiently. "I would not give you the same dose that Catherine was subjected to. Just enough to stimulate you. You will experience much of what Catherine did, but not for a long or as intensely."

Kaidan went to Catherine's side and looked down at his sleeping wife. Even sedated her eyes moved rapidly beneath her lids and she frowned in pain. How could he let her lie here in agony because he was afraid? She had never even wanted this. As happy as she was, Kaidan knew all of this was for him. Had they been on Earth with other options she may have stuck to her guns and maintained that she wanted no children. He may even have chosen the same just to stay with her. But here... This had happened by accident. He knew that she wanted this now, but it was because of him.

He stroked her cheek and gave one curl a gentle tug, watching it bounce back into place as he let go.

"I'll do it," he said, making his decision.

"Good," Karin said and immediately got down to business. "EDI help Kaidan get her back to their house. Make sure she is warm and comfortable. I will meet you there shortly."

Kaidan crouched down and slid his arms under Catherine, picking her up and holding her against his body. The added weight of two babies made his arms burn. Still carrying Lola, EDI opened doors ahead of him and cleared the way of curious on lookers as they went.

Liara and Tali met them at the exit, both looking deeply concerned. EDI passed Lola off to the quarian who went back into the main hall with the child, while Liara stayed close to Kaidan's side.

"I don't know what's going on, Kaidan," she said, her words clipped and quiet. "But if you need me, I am here."

"Liara, I would appreciate it so much if you would stay with us tonight," Kaidan said.

"Give me a moment to get a blanket and pillow from my cabin." She hurried off ahead, walking smoothly and gracefully despite her large belly.

EDI swung the door cabin door open and Kaidan walked through sideways and lay Catherine down on the bed. They spread the blanket out over her and then added another for good measure.

Kaidan paced nervously while they waited for Doctor Chakwas. Liara arrived and thankfully did not ask any questions, just sat down on the couch and waited.

When the doctor arrived she didn't seem surprised to see Liara there. She was carrying a small jar with a number of small, round brown mushrooms in it.

"Maybe it would be a good idea to start this somewhere else," Kaidan said, feeling his resolve cracking. "Just so I can get used to it first."

"Normally I would agree with you," Karin said as she carefully removed one of the mushrooms from the jar. "But I believe time is of the essence."

Liara looked up at EDI and the AI sat down to explain the situation while Karin prepared the mushroom. She placed it inside a second jar and using a small pin quickly pricked the surface and put the lid on. The mushroom burst on contact and sent small cloud of yellowish spoors into the air, most of which were trapped in the jar.

The small amount that escaped was too minimal to have any effect and Karin simple waved them away. She handed the jar to Kaidan and repeated the process with a second mushroom.

"When Catherine and Joker first ingested these, they exploded nearly fifteen mushrooms. By using only one, it should reduce the hallucinogenic side effects, but maintain the same synthetic boost. I'll start with Catherine," she said. "Once Catherine has breathed the spoors, do not wait too long before you do the same. Be prepared to feel over stimulated and light headed. Just as Joker did you will likely want to remove your clothing."

Kaidan almost felt like laughing as he listened to the doctor speak so calmly and professionally about the effect the drug would have on him. The whole situation seemed suddenly comical.

"Are you sure you want me here, Kaidan?" Liara asked. "This sounds like it will be a very personal experience."

Kaidan nodded, fearing that he would laugh if he tried to speak. Taking the jar with him, he kicked off his boots, stripped down to his boxers and t-shirt and climbed onto the bed, watching as EDI lifted Catherine's head so Karin could hold the jar under her nose.

She gave the jar a quick shake and the spoors danced inside, swirling and bouncing off the glass walls. When she opened the lid beneath Catherine's nose they seemed to flow out all on their own and into her nasal passage.

Catherine shook her head slightly and tried to turn away but EDI held her head in place until all the spoors were gone from the jar.

"Whenever you are ready, Kaidan," Karin told him.

Seeming the nervousness on his face EDI said, "I am unaffected by the cold. I will stay outside the cabin in case you need me for any reason. Kaidan, I do believe that this will work."

Kaidan believed that she believed it and he latched on to that, knowing that his state of mind would be important during this. He had to go into this with hope and confidence or he would be doomed from the start.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. As the door closed behind EDI and the doctor he cracked open the lid of the jar and breathed in.


	14. Chapter 14 Birth

The effects were immediately noticeable. Kaidan felt light headed and dizzy for a moment and then was struck with the sensation of falling. Falling quickly and backwards. Starbursts in green, yellow and violet filled his vision and for a moment he thought he might have gone blind.

Beyond the flashing light display he could see silver moonlight reflected up onto the ceiling from the white bedspread.

"So much for not hallucinating," he said aloud, his voice sounding distant, almost as if it was coming through water. But it wasn't just his own voice he could hear.

Catherine's voice was there and she sounded strained and agonized. He couldn't make out what she was saying over the other voices. The others were louder and stronger, but weren't using words. Kaidan was bombarded by emotions and feeling he didn't have the word to describe. The sensations were overwhelming him. He didn't know how to respond to them or block them out.

"Kaidan?"

It took a beat or two to realize that the voice had been heard with his ears, not his mind. It was Catherine. She was aware again.

"What's going on?" She sounded almost frantic.

He forced himself to sit up and look down on her. In the darkness of the room the green tendrils of energy snaking between them was like watching vines and grass waving and trailing in a breeze. It was hypnotic, and making his mouth work was challenging.

"The long and short of it is that you are carrying twins and they have learned to talk to each other and are going to overload your brain." It sounded absolutely ridiculous now hearing it out loud. "EDI thinks Dad can get them to pipe down, but I don't know what to do."

"I already feel better," she said with a soft moan. "They are quieter. I think they are interested in you."

She was right, the voices had slowed. They weren't as loud or as powerful now. Kaidan got the sense that they were listening to them talk.

"They can hear us, but I don't know how to tell them anything," Kaidan explained to her.

The hallucinations had stopped and Kaidan could see normally, or almost normally. His vision seemed to be enhanced and he could see everything in sharp, perfect clarity. From the faint reddish tint in Catherine's hair to the weave of the fabric of the blanket, it jumped out as clearly as if he was looking through a magnifying glass.

It made it difficult to focus on any of it as his brain tried to interpret things it had never before encountered, colours it had never experienced and emotions it had never felt. Kaidan could feel the questing minds of his children, sense their curiosity.

"I don't know what to do, Cat," he struggled to say. "I don't know how to talk to them. How did you do it before? When you were singing in your sleep."

"I don't know, Kaidan," she said with tears in her eyes. "I don't know how to answer them. They haven't even been born yet and I am already a bad mother."

"What?" Kaidan rolled onto his stomach and leaned over her. She turned her head away from him, tears streaming down the sides of her face to dampen her hair and flow along the curve of her ears. "Catherine, you are not a bad mother. Whatever is happening to you, to us, is not your fault. And it's not your fault that that you don't know what to do about it. None of us do."

He wrapped his arms around her and tried to focus his thoughts. Through all the noise, he could hear her thoughts as well. Maybe like Joker and EDI, the fact that they were already intimate made it easier now to communicate this way. Kaidan could sense the fear and doubt in her and he responded the only way he knew how. He held her tight and poured all of his love, desire, affection and pride into her. Let it flow out of himself to burn away all of her apprehension and uncertainty.

Desperate to keep the power coursing between them, he tried to think of all the time they'd spent together. The furtive glances and stolen kisses that he savoured. Their first night together and the moment they learned she was pregnant. The first time they had kissed so long ago and the moment James had introduced them aboard the Normandy when Kaidan had only had eyes for Shepard.

As he reminisced, his mind drifted back to the night she read him the poem. Annabel Lee. His mind forged on though he tried to restrain it and soon the last few lines of the poem were reciting themselves in his head. _But the moon never beams without bringing me dreams of the beautiful Annabel Lee. And the stars never rise but I see the bright eyes of the beautiful Annabel Lee. So all the night tide I lie down by the side of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride, in her sepulcher there by the sea. In her tomb by the side of the sea._

Suddenly it wasn't love and warmth inside of him. Kaidan pulled back and away as he felt panic and dread take root. All the fears he felt but would never put voice to and refused to acknowledge were growing. What would he do if he lost her? What would he do if he lost her and two children at the same time? He had barely pulled himself back up after he'd lost Shepard. He didn't think he could survive another loss of that magnitude.

"This isn't helping." Kaidan rolled onto his back and covered his face with his hands. Guilt chased close on the heels of the vortex of other emotions and he moved further away from Catherine until he was pressed right up against the wall, the cool stoned chilling his bare skin where it touched.

He couldn't focus. He couldn't fight down the wrong emotions and bring the right ones back to the surface. His thoughts has taken on a life of their own, leading him from one horrible possible future to another, all of them leaving him alone and heartbroken. Futures where he would gladly lie down and die just to have some rest, some peace.

Kaidan knew Catherine could hear all of it, but so broken, so low was she, that she could not fight it. A sob clawed its way from between her cracked lips, tearing at the strings of Kaidan's heart.

Beyond his own tumult, beyond Catherine's suffering, there was another sound. Something powerful and achingly sad. There were no words, just a force that pounded against his skull, making his pulse throb at his temples and his ears ring.

And then there was a cool hand on his face and a benevolent voice in his ear. Kaidan opened his eyes and found Liara kneeling on the bed between him and Catherine. Her blue skin, as smooth and silky as a snakes, was almost iridescent to his enhanced vision. Freckles, like tiny grains of sand, speckled her cheeks and the bridge of her perfect, upturned nose. Electric blue eyes fixed on his own and she smiled, compassion and love overflowing from her as she gazed down at him.

"I can help you, Kaidan," she said, her voice barely audible over the cacophony of sounds filling his head. "If I join with you, I can help you focus your thoughts."

Kaidan could only nod, and Liara leaned down and cupped his cheeks, looking him deeply in the eyes. She closed her eyes for several seconds and when she opened them again they were black as pitch and swirling like oil on midnight waters.

Her eyes seemed to fill his vision until everything was dark. His whole body relaxed and rather than falling he felt like he was floating. Drifting on a soft, summer wind with sunshine on his face.

Liara's voice was in his head, cutting through the dissonance of other sounds like a clarion call.

"Tell me why you love her, Kaidan," Liara said. "Find one moment that defines who you are together and focus on that."

One event flashed into his mind right away. A moment from before they were together. Before the battle with Javik and before even the wake. Suddenly Kaidan was living that moment again. The sun beating down on his back. Water in his eyes and sand in his hair.

James and Morgan had encouraged him to join them and several others, including Catherine, in an afternoon of swimming. He hadn't wanted to go. Work was eating up all of his time and there was always more to do. He'd felt guilty leaving behind everyone else for a day frivolity, but no one else had thought anything of it.

A two hour hike from the settlement was a lake, or rather a pond by Earth standards, but it was deep and crystal clear and worth the walk. They had spotted it from the air months earlier and people often made the journey to enjoy its cool, fresh waters. It was too small and too far away to be of use for anything other than pleasure.

Kaidan had walked the whole way at Catherine's side, being silly and trying to convince her that he knew something about plants. Telling her about his cousin's agri business and his uncle's orchards. Retelling stories of rotten apple fights in the autumn; the kind of fun that only boys get up to. Risking stings from the hornets feasting on the fermenting fruits and coming home stinking of old apples.

She'd laughed and told her own stories of life in Northern Ontario, a place he had never visited, but seen thousands of pictures of. Majestic white pines and shivering birch trees. Islands of pink and grey granite and thousands of hidden lakes and channels. Weaving through the wetlands filled with fallen trees and lily pads in a canoe, watching for turtles, loons and herons.

Upon reaching the lake, James hadn't waited to get the boisterous fun started. He'd picked up Catherine and Morgan, one over each shoulder, and gone barreling into the lake fully clothed, the women screaming in mock terror and anger.

Kaidan had stripped down to his shorts and flung himself in after them, bobbing in the centre of the lake and laughing with James as the woman hauled themselves out and stripped off their own clothes. Morgan, bold as brass, had skinny dipped, while Catherine had remained in her underwear and t-shirt.

That had been even more alluring than Morgan's nudity. The shadow of the hair between her legs just visible. Her nipples hard and pressing against the dripping, white material of her shirt. He'd told himself he wasn't looking, but going back there now there was no denying the attraction he had felt or the efforts he gone to not to reveal that magnetism.

Jealous of the way James seemed to have no compunctions about grabbing Catherine and tossing her about playfully, or the way she wrapped her legs so carelessly around his waist as he proved his strength by swimming laps with her on his back, Kaidan had let himself relax that day and join in the fun.

He'd wrestled with James in the water, had a splash fight with Morgan, and childishly dumped a handful of mud into Catherine's hair. She'd chased him through the water, threats pouring forth, and then shrieked as he'd turned the tables and went after her. He'd cornered her behind a boulder far away from the others, the sparkle in her eyes belying the fear she feigned. It had been so juvenile, so blithe, so affectionate.

They'd tussled in the water, their laughter echoing off the surrounding trees. Her hand had lingered on his chest when she pushed away into deeper water. His hand strayed further up her thigh than was decent when he pulled her under the surface. It had been like being a child and an adult at the same time. Playful flirting with sexually charged undertones.

Lying on the grassy bank, letting the sun dry their skin and clothes, Kaidan had stretched out on his back, closed his eyes and enjoyed the heat while Catherine lay on her stomach beside him, plucking bits of grass and tiny flowers, dropping them on his chest. He'd opened his eyes to find himself covered in everything she'd picked and Catherine had giggled uncontrollably as he'd tried to brush it all off.

Kaidan had fallen asleep with ease that night for the first time in months. Remembering it now he realized that had been the first day that he had gone without thinking of Shepard even once. It had been the beginning of moving on, of becoming himself again instead of the ruined shell he had felt like.

Coming back to reality Kaidan felt a hand in his own and opened his eyes to see Liara still kneeling between them. She'd put his hand into Catherine's and moved backwards on the bed, giving them space.

Catherine was lying on her side with the blankets thrown back and her other hand resting on her belly. He met her eyes and saw that the pain had disappeared to be replaced by a haze of contentment.

"Are they quiet now?" he asked, looking from Catherine to Liara, not quite sure what had transpired while he lay their dreaming of the past.

"You can't hear them?" Catherine asked, her voice dreamy.

Kaidan listened and realize he could in fact still hear them, but they were quieter now, like voices heard through a wall or from another room. The emotions were no less intense, but they were easier to block out now. No, not block out, Kaidan realized. They were in harmony with his own mind now. With Catherine's mind. All four of them seemed to be on the same wave length, their emotions blending together enough that it was difficult to separate theirs from his own.

Liara eased herself off the bed and returned to the couch with a sigh of relief. "That was exhausting, but I believe it worked."

Kaidan wanted badly to know what exactly had happened, but he could feel sleep stealing over him. The effort needed to move was enormous, but he lifted himself up and managed to get beneath the blankets without letting go of Catherine's hand. She was already out and within minutes he was as well. A dreamless sleep that he so desperately needed.

Kaidan awoke the next morning to find Doctor Chakwas at the bedside talking softly with Catherine. Liara was still asleep on the couch, her legs pulled up and her back to him.

Rubbing his eyes he sat up and leaned back against the pillows.

"Are you okay?" he asked Catherine, but the question was unnecessary.

Kaidan could tell just by touching her that she was greatly improved. When he took his hand from her bare shoulder the sound of her voice in his head lessened, but if he concentrated he could still hear it.

"Everything is as it should be, Kaidan," Karin said with a pleased smile. "Catherine's blood pressure has gone down and the children are doing just fine from what I can tell."

"So, what exactly happened?" he asked. "Do we know?"

"Not for certain, but I think I have a good idea based on what EDI can now detect from all of you," Karin said as she shut down her omnitool and sat down on a stool beside the bed. "All of your minds are all still independent, that much is clear. You and Catherine are now very likely able to hear each other's thoughts."

Catherine got her hand under herself and pushed up to sit beside Kaidan. "I wouldn't say that I can hear what Kaidan is thinking, but I can sense his feelings clearly enough."

Kaidan agreed with her assessment and Karin went on. "The minds of the babies are not yet developed enough to communicate anything but the most basic emotions, which is what I believe makes it so difficult for you to express anything to them or to make sense of their thoughts. I'm still not sure what exactly happened last night, but it worked."

"I think Liara had a lot to do with it," Kaidan told her. "Makes me wonder now if we really needed the mushrooms."

"The mushrooms were essential, Kaidan," Karin said, her voice certain. "Without them you would not have the enhanced synthetics to hear anything. I'm sure Liara helped though. I'd like both of you to stay in bed today and get some rest. Liara seems fine where she is so try not to wake her. There is some food on your desk. Eat it while it's hot. I'll come back in a few hours to check on you."

"Thanks, Doc," Kaidan said and settled back on the pillows with his arm around Catherine.

They sat in silence for a long time, just trying to understand this new connection they had. No words were needed as they let the emotions ebb and flow between them, learning how to hold back and how to push forward. How to hide and how to reveal. Kaidan likened it to when as a teenager he had attempted to learn sign language.

Training your eyes to interpret what you ears always had, and you hands to express what your mouth had in past, was a challenge he had failed at. Not through lack of effort, but because he'd never had anyone to practice with. Computer simulations could only take you so far.

This was different. Easier. Emotions and feelings came on instinct and he didn't need to teach his body how to interpret them. This was more like learning how to use your voice to sing. Discovering things like volume and pitch and rhythm.

With each small step forward they made as couple in those quiet moments in bed, Kaidan could feel their children attempting to use the same skills. Picking up what their parents learned, and though they had no way to understand, applying the abilities in their own minds.

Kaidan felt a sense of questioning in Catherine and she turned her face to look up at him.

"So I guess we can't hear exact words even when touching then," she said.

"I could tell you were asking something, but no, I don't know exactly what," Kaidan replied.

"I was just wondering if there are twins in you family history?"

Kaidan thought back through his family tree. His parents had both come from large extended families, though they had only been close with their own siblings, of which they each had three. Kaidan had grown up with many cousins, but he couldn't remember there ever being twins anywhere down the line.

"I don't think so," he said. "You?"

"Nope," she said, turning a little on her side trying to get more comfortable.

Her large belly rested heavily on Kaidan's side and he brought up a hand to caress it just in time to feel a solid kick against his palm.

"I can't believe there are two of them in there," he said with wonder. "Here we were thinking we might never even have one and now we have two on the way. Are you alright with this?"

Catherine laughed. "As if I have much of a choice. Yes, I am very okay with this. I know women can safely have children well into their sixties now, but I don't really want to do that. Still seems unnatural. Nice to get two of them out of the way early on."

"You say that as if you plan to have more," Kaidan said cautiously, fearing he might spook her like a nervous deer. "You weren't even sure about having any."

"Things change," she said with a shrug. "My reasons for not wanting kids are all gone now. I didn't want to contribute to Earth's overpopulation. I didn't want to give up my position with the Alliance. I didn't want to raise children in such a huge and dangerous galaxy. I didn't think I had it in my to be a parent period. And add to all that that I had never met a man I wanted to raise children with and I had myself pretty convinced that it was the wrong path for me."

"And so now you are thinking about more even before these ones have been born," Kaidan asked doubtfully.

"I didn't say we should get right back to work on it as soon as I pop," she laughed. "I said I've thought about it."

The kissed, tenderly at first, but with more passion as Catherine's hand found its way under his shirt. Mindful of Liara's presence, Kaidan slowed the kiss, letting it become less intense but more enduring. The kind of kiss he never wanted to end.

But end it did and soon Catherine was asleep again. Kaidan wasn't tired, but sitting there in bed he was content to simply stay put with the two most important woman in his life around him.

When he stomach began to growl insistently, we managed to ease himself out of bed with waking Catherine and sat down at his desk to eat. Liara woke with the sound of his spoon scraping the bottom of the bowl and joined him.

"How long have I been asleep?" she asked quietly, sitting down across from him and reaching for a bowl of cooling soup.

"A long time," Kaidan replied. "How are you feeling?"

"Drained, but well. Last night was unlike anything I have ever experienced." She sipped delicately at the soup. "I've never felt such young minds. It was fascinating."

"What exactly happened last night? From your point of view?" He set his bowl aside and leaned back in his chair.

"All I did, Kaidan, was allow you to focus," Liara said simply. "Humans often find it a challenge to clear their minds and bring only one thought to the forefront. Even when you are asleep your brains are trying to multi task. I have always attributed this to the fact that you are a short lived species. At first it was difficult to see your kind as different than salarians."

"So, you saw the memory I relived?" Kaidan wondered.

"No. I felt the emotions of it, but I spent my energy fending off other thoughts as they tried to break into your dream."

"Do asari remember things that way? So clearly?"

"Yes and no, unlike Drell we do not have eidetic memories. So while we may remember an event well enough to experience the memories with a great deal of clarity, they are rarely perfect replications. I suspect that you experienced that memory as you did because of the spoors you inhaled."

Catherine was waking up. He could sense her becoming aware of her surroundings and wondering where he was. He picked up the last bowl of soup and brought it to her. Setting it down on the bedside table he helped her sit up.

"It's only lukewarm now, but it's damn good. Eat up," he said as he handed her the bowl.

She ate a few spoonfuls before waving Liara over to the bed. The asari came over and sat down heavily on the bed beside her while Kaidan sank onto the couch.

"Thanks for being here last night, Liara," Catherine said with a hand on Liara's arm. "Not sure what we would have done without you."

"I was glad to help," Liara said, and Kaidan thought her voice sounded suddenly strained.

Catherine put her bowl aside and sat up straighter. "Liara, are you alright?"

Liara gave a small shake of her head. "Yes. Yes, I'm fine."

She grimaced again and clutched at her abdomen. Kaidan was on feet instantly, but she waved him away.

"I've been experiencing these cramps since yesterday morning. I'm sure it's nothing."

"Or you're going to labour," Catherine said urgently.

"We should get you up to the hospital," Kaidan said firmly. "Even if it's not labour, Doctor Chakwas should take a look at you."

Another rictus of pain took over Liara's face and when it passed she nodded her agreement. Kaidan got her boots on her then helped her to her feet. Catherine heaved herself out of bed and started to dress herself.

"You're staying right here, Cat," Kaidan forcefully. "The doctor said for you to get bed rest."

"Like hell I'm staying here," Catherine said with a snort. "Besides, she said for _us_ to get bed rest and you appear to be leaving."

There was no time to argue with her as Liara doubled over in pain and let out a small cry. Things were progressing quickly. Catherine wrapped a blanket around Liara's shoulders and they stepped outside. It had snowed heavily over night and huge, fluffy flakes were falling still. A biting wind was causing drifts to build up around the edges of buildings and the cloud cover above made the world a place of monochromes grays.

It didn't take them long to get to the hall though. Liara was in pain, but still perfectly able to walk, though the path was slippery and she needed Kaidan's support. Catherine on the other hand was struggling to keep her footing on the ice and Kaidan slowed to let her catch up. She gripped his elbow and they kept going.

Bug came barreling up the path, eager to see Catherine after being away from her since the day before, and nearly sent them all flying. The door hissed open and warm air from within buffeted Kaidan's face as they went inside. The hall was crowded and all heads turned towards them as they entered.

Too many people rushed to help when they say Kaidan supporting the asari. Liara let go of Kaidan and made her way to the hospital door, walking tall and proudly. Catherine stayed with her and Kaidan wasn't sure whether or not to follow.

"So do you pretty much spend your time rescuing damsels in distress these days, huh?" Garrus asked from the kitchen where he was preparing a meal.

"Liara's going into labour," Kaidan said breathlessly.

A vegetable fell out of Garrus' hand as he raised it to his mouth, and he stood there, jaw agape, before he finally muttered a quiet 'wow'.

"Yeah," Kaidan said. "This feels weird. I know she's like 75 years older than me, but I've always kind of thought of her as a little sister."

Kaidan felt rooted to the spot, unable to move so much as a muscle. Garrus came around the counter and stood beside him, looking equally as stunned.

"I know what you mean," he said, watching Liara and Catherine disappear through the hospital doors. "Remember when we pulled her off Therum? She seemed so young."

"I remember," Kaidan said. "She didn't know what to make of any of us. I remember being a little annoyed when Shepard asked her to come along."

"You were annoyed that she asked Tali to join too," Garrus recalled. "Hell, I was a little annoyed. Tali was only twenty-two."

"We got over that pretty quick though, didn't we?" Kaidan said with a laugh.

"Mmhmm," Garrus said in his humming voice.

"So what does this make us to Liara's kid?" Kaidan said, cocking his head to the side as he thought. "Are we uncles?"

"Tali is already calling herself Auntie, so I guess so."

Tali rushed through the door at that very moment, half clothed and dripping wet. She was trying to wrap a towel around her hair as she hurried up to them.

"What's going on? What's wrong with Liara?" she demanded, staring at both of them like they were idiots.

Neither of them managed to say anything before the first muffled cry came from the hospital. Tali took off at a run, her towel falling to the ground at Garrus' feet.

"Should we go too?" Garrus asked.

"Um, I think we should stay out here," Kaidan said and leaned back on the counter crossing his arms.

Garrus followed suit and soon Joker was standing with them looking as uncomfortable as they probably felt.

"So, this is weird, right?" he said, taking off his hat to wipe at his brow. "'Cause it feels weird. I mean, Liara is like..."

He trailed off, at a loss for words for the first time in Kaidan's memory. Garrus and Kaidan could only nod in agreement.

A small knot of men gathered around the kitchen counter as Liara's cries grew louder. The same thing had happened with each previous birth, but this time the energy was much more tense. Maybe because Kaidan, Garrus and Joker were pacing at the centre of it all, each of them feeling like they should be doing something, but none knowing what that might be.

James tried to make the mood lighter, but when no one responded well to his banter he gave up and went to play with his daughter.

Finally, unable to take it anymore, and feeling renewed guilt at Javik's death welling up inside of him, Kaidan decided to go into the hospital.

"I'm going in," he said with determination.

"In there?" Garrus said, gesturing at the hospital with his three fingered hand.

"Don't do it, man," Joker said, shaking his head emphatically.

Kaidan crossed his arms and stood up straighter. "It's a hospital room, not a battle field, you cowards."

And with that he turned and stalked to the door to the medical wing. He paused as the loudest cry yet echoed through the hall and everyone went silent, waiting for the wailing cry of an infant that should have followed.

When nothing came, Kaidan burst through the door and raced around the corner, heading for the only lit room. His heart pounding in his chest, Kaidan peered through the door and into the small room. He immediately wished he hadn't. With a blush and a stammered apology he turned to go but Liara called him back.

Averting his eyes, he stepped into the tiny room. The bed had been shoved out of the way and Catherine and Tali were kneeling on the floor on either side of Liara who was squatting over a mat on the floor.

There was a sheet across her thighs and though nothing private could be seen, Kaidan felt like he had intruded on something he wasn't meant to see.

"I need your help, Kaidan," Liara said, he voice weak. "I need to get into bed."

Kaidan realized she was all but stuck in her squatting position. Catherine was too heavy with child herself to help her, Tali not strong enough, and Doctor Chakwas was cleaning a tiny, blue baby girl in a tub of water beside the bed.

He stood transfixed, watching the little blue limbs flail and kick. A shout from Catherine snapped him out of it and he rushed to Liara's side and lifted her up and into the bed. She fell back on the pillow in relief and Tali pulled the blankets up over her. Kaidan took Catherine's elbow and helped her to her feet, still unable to take his eyes from the baby asari.

The child was perfect. From her tiny rosebud lips to her little marble toes. The head crests that would one day cover her scalp had not yet developed and there was only a hint of them along the top of her forehead.

"She looks so human," Kaidan said, stepping closer to gaze down at the new life before him.

"The resemblance is striking, is it not," Karin said joyfully as she took the child from the water and wrapped her tightly in a blanket. "Aside from skin colour of course."

The asari baby was light blue, lighter than Kaidan had seen on any other asari. The colour of a winter sky. But her eyes were dark, a vivid aqua, and they looked around the room with a curiosity that stunned Kaidan.

Liara obviously saw it in his face and answered the unasked questions. "Asari are born much more alert than the young of other species. They have already experienced some of the world through their mother's mind. Birth is not a surprise to us. It is why our children do not cry as they arrive."

"There are some freaked out people in the hall," Kaidan said.

"I should have warned you all," she said guiltily. "Especially after being present for five other births."

Karin then carefully handed Liara her new child and she didn't hear Kaidan's reassurance that no one would care that she hadn't forewarned them.

With tears in her eyes, Liara rubbed her nose against her daughters forehead and kissed her softly.

"Little Tessa," she said quietly.

"It's a lovely name, Liara," Tali told her, and Kaidan could hear the sorrow in the quarian's voice despite the smile on her face.

Catherine stood beside Tali and put a comforting arm around her as they watched Liara and Tessa bond. Kaidan stood to the side with Karin.

"Why Tessa?" Catherine asked.

"Javik chose it," she said, not taking her eyes from the child. "He said he came across it while reading about human history and it spoke to him. I agreed because it sounds so much like Thessia. It will be challenging to teach her of asari culture and her name will be a reminder of her heritage."

Catherine turned to Kaidan and looked like she was going to burst into tears any second. With a chuckle he pulled her to his chest and rubbed her back, letting her cry into his shirt.

"I don't even know why I'm crying," she sobbed.

"Because you are a mess of pregnant hormones," Kaidan said easily, stroking the back of her head.

Soon Tali was crying too and Karin was ushering them all out of the room so Liara could rest. There was a collective holding of breath as they reentered the hall and everyone saw the tears.

"Everything is fine," Kaidan announced to sighs of relief and nervous laughter. He gestured to Tali and Catherine. "Excess estrogen. Healthy baby asari."

Karin appeared at the door behind them.

"Happy Birthday to little baby Tessa!" she cried merrily, raising an invisible glass. "Give her a few hours to rest and then I'm sure Liara will be thrilled to show her off."

She ducked back through the door, leaving behind a hall of cheering people. Every child born was a reason to celebrate. Winter was a good time to have babies. No one wanted to go back to work, and luckily, most, if not all of what they were working on could be left for another day.

Kaidan went in search of Catherine, wanting her to get back into bed, but was intercepted by EDI.

"Kaidan, we have a problem," she informed him.

His shoulders sagged and he left his head fall back with a sigh. "Really? Today of all days we have a problem that can't wait."

Too professional to lose her patience, EDI simply steered him back towards the lab. If she wanted to speak to him privately, Kaidan knew if wasn't something good.

"Are you sure it can't wait?" he asked as they went through the door and stood in the semi darkness.

"The decision can wait," EDI said seriously. "But giving you the information you need to make the decision cannot. As you know, it is difficult for me to predict the weather with any degree of accuracy."

"You've been pretty spot on thus far, EDI," Kaidan said.

"I have done my best given that we have no information from satellites or even the more primitive weather balloon," EDI said with dismay. "However, I have established that the current snow we are experiencing will likely last for several days."

"And why is this a problem?" Kaidan felt a little bit stupid for not seeing whatever it was that EDI did.

Without a hint of superiority or condescension in her voice, EDI point out the obvious. "Our main source of power is almost entirely solar panels. With constant cloud cover our power cells will not have the opportunity to recharge."

"Ah," Kaidan said. "But we had nearly a solid week of rain in the spring and we did just fine."

"That's true," EDI continued. "However, that was not winter. Significantly more power is going towards heating and keeping water hot for the showers. Also, we didn't have all of our refrigeration units running. And we didn't have the added drain of the hospital."

"So what do we need to do?" Kaidan asked.

"I'm afraid we are going to have to prioritize power usage," EDI said. "Tali and I have already spoken and she believes that there is enough wiring remaining from the Normandy that she can create a circuit breaker to allow us to cut power to areas when they not in use. However, this will not solve the problem entirely. My core processor takes up a significant amount of-"

"Whoa, stop right there EDI." Kaidan gave a wave of his hands and shook his head. "There is no way we are shutting down your core."

"Kaidan, this body has ample data storage and I do not need my core to exist."

"No," Kaidan said firmly. "Your core is part of you and shutting it down is simply not an option."

"I... appreciate your concern." EDI averted her eyes as she always did when confronted with emotions she'd yet to experience.

"What are our other options?"

EDI was slow to respond and listed a number of solutions, including shutting down the fish tanks, limiting shower usage, and using lanterns for lighting in the hall.

"EDI, I'm no expert, but I don't think any of these things, even all of them combined, are going to conserve the amount of power we need to," Kaidan said, urging her to get to the bottom of the list.

"I am loath to suggest the final option," EDI said. "I know that it will negatively effect moral. The quantum relay takes up more power sitting idle than everything else running at full power at the same time. If we shut it down we will not have to limit power usage at all."

Kaidan shrugged. "So? We'll shut it down then."

Earth had essentially cut them off anyway. What difference did it make if they turned of the communicator for the duration of the winter storm?

"Kaidan, I have analyzed the systems and come to the conclusion that if we shut the relay down, there is only a one in ten thousand chance that we will be able to bring it back online." EDI paused, letting the knowledge sink into Kaidan's already overly full mind. "If we shut down the relay, we will be cut off from the galaxy entirely. Forever."


	15. Chapter 15 Disconnect

"You're kidding me." Kaidan was shell shocked. Somehow just having the potential to contact Earth made everything that much easier to endure. Knowing that he still had a connection to the Alliance, to his parents, to the rest of the galaxy.

"I'm sorry, Kaidan," EDI said sympathetically. "The circuitry was badly damaged in the crash and it was only Tali'Zorah's skill that allowed us to use it at all. I am surprised it lasted this long."

"What makes you think we won't be able to bring it back online?" Kaidan asked, sure he could find fault with EDI's logic.

"In order to return the relay to functionality," EDI explained. "Tali had to splice together several systems and rewire others. The reactivation of the unit was forced and had as much to do with luck as skill. Shutting down the system will cause extreme power surges and overloads that will, for lack of a better word, fry the circuitry.

Kaidan sank heavily onto a stool and leaned his head into the palm of his hand.

"I don't know what to say EDI," he said tiredly. "I can't made this decision on my own."

"I realized that this would be a decision of some magnitude, which is why I insisted on telling you now. We still have several days before the situation will become critical. There is time for you to discuss this with the others, as well as time for me to attempt to find an alternate solution."

Kaidan looked up hopefully. "You mean we might not have to shut it down?"

"At present I have no ideas, but give me some time and I will explore the possibilities."

"Okay," Kaidan said without any animation. "I'm not going to bring this up with anyone today though. Not today."

"I'm sorry to have burdened you with this, Kaidan," EDI said regretfully.

"Not you fault," Kaidan said and stood. "Thanks for letting me know."

Leaving EDI alone in the dark labs, Kaidan returned to the hall where the mood was still jubilant. Catherine was in the kitchen with Morgan and seemed in perfect health, so he decided to leave her be. If she was on her feet too long he'd battle her then.

Joker was sitting along on the couches in the corner looking pensive. Kaidan sat down besides him and tried to smile. He knew EDI was still professional and would not have mentioned the power supply issues to anyone. Even to Tali should would have made it seem like merely efforts to improve their network.

"I think I may be freaking out here, Kaidan," Joker said soberly.

"Calmest freak out I've ever seen," Kaidan replied.

"Maybe I'm in shock. I never once planned on settling down. I wanted to be at the helm of the Normandy until they forced me to retire," Joker said emphatically. "Even then I planned to stow away in a cargo container and hijack the ship when no one was looking."

"Well, if it makes you feel better, you were the only person to ever pilot the Normandy," Kaidan said and then added, "Both of them."

"Don't remind me," Joker groaned. "I also am the only one to lose both of them."

Kaidan chuckled. "No one blames you."

"I blame me."

"Well, stop it."

They sat silently for a moment before Kaidan said, "So, you aren't happy here?"

"Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm plenty happy. Have you seen the woman I live with? Just never saw myself living anywhere near kids and farms and pets."

"I forgot that you were a spacer kid," Kaidan said. "You were born on Arcturus Station, right?"

Joker nodded. "Family moved to Tiptree when I enlisted. My sis never liked the station much."

"Didn't you say she wanted to be a pilot?" Kaidan asked.

"Sure, but there's a big difference between living in space and flying through space at the helm of a really fucking awesome ship," Joker sighed wistfully. "I wonder how she is."

"Yeah, it would be nice to know how my folks are doing." Kaidan wondered, not for the first time, if his parents even knew he was alive. He doubted the Alliance News Network was still functioning, and even if it was, how reliable could transmission be? Would his parents even be connected to rest of the world from the middle of the Rocky Mountains? Hackett wouldn't likely have had time or resources to get word to the families of the crew, though Kaidan was sure he would have tried.

He wished there had been a way for him to get a message to them, to tell them he was alive and well. They would have been beyond thrilled to know about Catherine and the babies. Every time he'd talked to his mother she had found a way to work grandkids into the conversation. As well as she understood what life was like in the Alliance, especially serving aboard a ship, she still hoped Kaidan would settle down before it was too late. He was, after all, their only child.

Being a private person, Kaidan had told his parents very little about Shepard. Until he'd become a Specter the relationship had been against regulations. Not that anyone had really cared one way or the other. The famous Commander Shepard could have dated a vorcha and no one would have looked twice.

_In fact_, Kaidan thought, _it probably would have become vogue to date vorcha._

"I do not miss vorcha," he said suddenly.

Joker laughed, his thoughtful mood broken. "What made you think of those things all of a sudden?"

"Just remembering," Kaidan said,

Joker nodded in understanding. "So EDI told you about the relay, eh?"

Kaidan turned to stare at him. "How do you know about it?"

"Cause EDI and I talk about everything," he said. "She wanted to know how I thought you would react. I said you would think it sucked really big balls."

"How astute," said Kaidan with a little shake of his head.

"So what are you going to do?" Joker asked, his reserved, solemn expression returning.

"Nothing for now," Kaidan said. "I'm not going to ruin this day."

"Good plan. I like it."

Desperately needing a distraction, Kaidan decided to reveal the surprise of Catherine's pregnancy.

"Cat and I are having twins," he said. "Just found out yesterday."

Joker's jaw dropped. "No kidding, eh."

"EDI didn't tell you that?"

"Doctor patient confidentiality," Joker said. "Or she just hasn't had the chance. She spent the night outside your cabin after all."

It was then that EDI stepped half out of the labs and waved Kaidan over. He rose and went to see what she wanted.

"I have an idea, Kaidan," she said excitedly. "I believe that I can force through one last message to Earth."

"Meaning what?" Kaidan asked, intrigued.

"Meaning that I can seize control of the relay network allowing us to push through any last messages you might wish to send to your families."

"How?" Kaidan asked insistently.

"It will take an enormous amount of my computing power, but I believe that I can overpower to VIs that monitor the network," EDI explained. "If I can contact a Geth platform, I may be able to enlist their assistance. If they can help me keep the link open I can send through any amount of data you wish."

"Why did you not mention this before?" Kaidan asked.

"Prior to now, there was no reason for me to consider the idea of hacking. The relay was available, its use merely limited."

"I feel like there is a but coming," Kaidan said suspiciously.

"There is," EDI said. "In order to do this I must use more power than if we simply opened a connection. The effort to send a concentrated burst message will in all likelihood max out my processing power. If you wish to adopt this option, we must do it no later than tomorrow. After that, there will not be enough reserve power to be spared."

Something occurred to Kaidan as he stood there staring into EDI's earnest blue eyes. "Why did it take you so long to come up with this?"

Kaidan could have sworn he saw a blush bloom across her cheeks.

"I have not told anyone, but in an effort to seem more... organic, I reduced my computing capabilities to a fraction of their strength and speed. I... wish to fit in more easily with the rest of the crew."

"You didn't need to do that, EDI." Kaidan put a caring hand on her arm. "We accept you no matter what. You're an incredible being. And besides, we're all the same now."

"Thank you, Kaidan," EDI said bashfully. "It's true that I have been treated as an equal since Shepard originally took command of the Normandy."

Kaidan took a step back and returned to the topic at hand. "We're going to lose the relay eventually, right?"

"Correct," EDI stated. "It is only a matter of time before our base needs out weigh the desire to connect with Earth."

"And you're pretty much convinced that you won't be able to save the relay?"

"I have given you the odds."

"Then I guess this is the best choice," Kaidan said, surprised that he actually felt a little better. Relieved almost. "Help me gather everyone into the hall."

It took them nearly an hour to get everyone into the hall and seated. Liara was absent, but Kaidan had spoken to her while EDI gathered the crew. She had wholeheartedly agreed with EDI's plan, stating that it would be closure, the final step in moving on.

Kaidan stood where he always did to announcing anything major, in front of the glowing waters of the tanks, where Shepard's exotic fish still thrived.

The gathered crowd accepted the news calmly, offering suggestions of the their own as to how to solve the problem, but generally seemed resigned. When he presented EDI's plan the general attitude was more positive than he had expected. Maybe it was enthusiasm at being able to finally ensure word got to their loved ones, but Kaidan suspected it was just what Liara had said. Closure.

"EDI says if we all limit ourselves to a video message under fifteen minutes each, she will be able to transmit them all without difficulty," Kaidan explained.

"Hold on, Kaidan," Tali interrupted, rising from her seat near the front. "This is essentially what Legion attempted to do on Rannoch. In the end he had to sacrifice himself to see that the Reaper code was delivered. How can EDI be sure this won't happen to her?"

Kaidan had no answer for this and turned to look at EDI where she stood off to the side. Joker was on his feet already and Kaidan was sure EDI could hear his thoughts loud and clear. She stepped up beside him and addressed the crowd.

"Legion was fighting against the powerful will of the Reapers with no help from any other platform," she clarified. "If I can contact a Geth program, which is my plan, I will have their assistance. They can distract the VIs and other security systems while I work."

"What assurance do you have that the Geth will help?" Tali asked.

"Only my experience communing with Legion," EDI said.

"You're not doing this, EDI," Joker said angrily.

EDI gave him a sharp look and his face burned. "Jeff, we will talk later. I am going to do this. I am the only one who can."

"All right, let's all settle down," Kaidan said, patting the air with both hands.

Joker and Tali sat back down but neither looked pleased.

"For now, let's work on the assumption that this will happening tomorrow afternoon," Kaidan said carefully. "I for one will understand if EDI decides not to do it, but we should be ready anyway."

There were murmurs of agreement and several people called out to EDI that she didn't have to do this if she didn't want to. She thanked everyone for their concern and quickly went to Joker and lead him out of the hall by the hand.

James was the first to approach Kaidan. He leaned on the glass of the fish tank, which bowed slightly under his weight.

"So, shutting down the relay," James said. "Big step, eh?"

"Yeah, makes everything pretty final," Kaidan said.

"I'm okay with it," James said. "Even if we don't send any messages out. Seems like the right time."

"I know what you mean." Kaidan looked up as Catherine joined them. "What do you think, Kitten?"

She leaned into Kaidan and rested her head on his shoulder. "I think there isn't a single person here who doesn't sometimes want to switch the relay on and try to reach their family. Even I want to talk to my mum sometimes. But we all know it's not going to happen. Everyone would feel better if the option weren't there at all."

Kaidan understood what she meant and it explained his own relief at the idea. He'd never had the kind of relationship with his parents that had them communicating every day, or even every month, but they were still close.

He and his dad had always been able to pick up right where they left off, talking about sports and music and Alliance life, even thought most of what Kaidan had done since joining the Normandy had been classified.

His mom had been the same every time they talked. A little older and a little greyer, but always the same loving, caring woman of his youth. Even when pressure had been on parents to let go of their biotic children, she'd maintained that he was her son no matter what he was capable of. Not all students at BAaT had been so lucky.

Saying goodbye to his parents would be difficult, but doing it this way was easier than dealing with their deaths he supposed. They could move on and so could he, each in the knowledge that everyone was doing well. He wished he could say the same for Catherine.

"Are you going to send a message to your mother?" he asked her gently.

"Not much point," she said quietly. "She won't know who I am and I don't want to confuse her."

"Might be a good idea to send a message anyway, just in case she's ever lucid," Kaidan suggested.

"Yeah, maybe," she said sadly, looking down at the floor and holding Kaidan's hand a little tighter.

Darkness had already fallen, the winter sun set quickly and the cloud cover hid the light of the moons. It was still early, but the hall was emptying quickly as people went back to their homes to record their messages on the omnitools and personal consoles.

The wind was howling and icy bits of snow stung their faces as he plowed through the drifts to get Catherine back to the cabin safely. Bug whined at the door when they shut him outside and Kaidan relented and let him in, but gave him a sharp smack on the rear when he tried to climb on the bed to sit with Catherine. Instead he rolled onto his back on the floor and let Catherine rub his belly with her feet.

"You're too big for this, Bug," she cooed down at him. "What are we going to do with you?"

The huge animals made a contented rumbling sound and writhed around in pleasure as Catherine's foot found the sweet spot. She realized Kaidan was sitting at his desk watching her and stopped entertaining the folivora, turning to sit sideways on the bed to stare back at him.

"Talk to me, Kaidan," she said with a sweet smile.

Before answering, he turned his console around to face her. "Just thinking how gorgeous you look. You should record your message right now, just like that."

"In ratty, makeshift maternity clothes and my hair looking like this? I don't think so," she scoffed.

"Trust me," Kaidan said with a knowing smile and hovered his finger over the record button glowing red on the holographic keyboard.

"I don't even know what to say," she cried, half laughing.

"Just speak from the heart," Kaidan said.

She sighed and dropped her shoulders in exasperation. "Fine. But if it's terrible we hit delete and I compose something the proper way."

"Agreed, but it will be perfect," Kaidan said and then counted down from three and hit record.

Catherine sat straighter and looked into the screen. "Hi mum. It's your daughter, Catherine. If you've regained your memory then disregard the introduction. I'm safe and well. Very well in fact. And I miss you. So much." She paused to wipe away a tear. "I didn't want to cry in this, mum, but you know how emotional I can be. And as you can see I am very pregnant. With twins. It's a long story and I wish I had time to tell it all, but we've each only got fifteen minutes. I supposed I should introduce my husband. Get over here, Kaidan."

She waved at him and he came from behind the desk to sit behind her on the bed. Catherine gave him a quick kiss before turning back to the console.

"Kaidan Alenko. By some fluke of fate, I landed _Kaidan Alenko_, the second human Specter. Saved the galaxy with Commander Shepard. Twice. He kinda rocks. And look, now he's blushing because he is also the most humble man around. His parents are in BC somewhere, and I think you are too. If you're up to it, look them up. John and Linda Alenko. They can tell you all about their amazing son."

Catherine went on for the full fifteen minutes, talking about life in the settlement, briefly explaining why the relay had to be shut down, and telling her about Bug and how they'd found him. All the while Kaidan sat quietly behind her. She was gripping his hand as tightly as she could and he knew she was trying not to cry. She wanted her mother to see her as happy and alive. When there were only three minutes left on the count she tried to wrap things up, but it was a challenging thing to do when you are saying goodbye to someone for the last time.

"I wish I could tell you more about the babies," she said, tears leaking down her cheeks thought she still smiled brightly. "Until yesterday we didn't even know there were two of them. We haven't discussed names or anything. In fact, we don't even know if they're boys or girls. I think they're boys."

"I'm pretty sure they're girls," Kaidan leaned forward to add.

And for some reason that made Catherine burst into tears. "I'm sorry, mum. I tried not to cry. I miss you so much and I wish you could be here for this. I promise, if we ever get the relay working again I will message you the second I can and tell you everything about the babies. Please, take care of your self. I love you."

The timer went from 14:59 to 15:00 and Catherine slouched back into Kaidan on the brink of hyperventilating. All Kaidan could do was wrap his arms around her and rock back and forth gently while she let it all out. He hushed her softly while great sobs racked her body.

When she finally stilled he asked, "What brought that on? We've talked about family plenty of times and you've been just fine."

"You think we're having twin daughters," she said cryptically.

"And?" he asked.

She turn around as best she could and stared him in the face. "You really don't know how much that can make a woman melt inside do you? Just the thought of you raising daughters makes my legs weak."

Kaidan couldn't help but laugh and she punched him in the arm.

"I'm sorry, Kitten," he said breathlessly. "It's sweet."

"Why do you think every woman around here practically swoons every time they see James with Lola? There's just something about big, strong men and their daughters. I guess cause those kind of guys usually prey for sons."

"So I'm going to be a double threat," Kaidan said.

Catherine gave a great sigh that rattled in her chest and leaned back into Kaidan again.

"That was really hard," she whispered. "But you were right. Speaking from the heart was easier. Really sucks not knowing if she'll even know who I am."

"Maybe this will spark her memory," Kaidan suggested.

"Maybe," she replied in a sad voice. Then she gave him a little slap on the leg and pushed herself off the bed. "You're turn."

"Where do you think you're going?" He pulled her back down. "I'll start the recording with my omnitool."

She settled down again in front of him and when Bug jumped on the bed and rested his enormous head on her leg Kaidan didn't protest. His parents would love the image of him with a wife and pet and children on the way.

His omnitool flashed to life and with the sweep of his arm the record light began to flash.

"Hi mom. Hi dad. I really hope this isn't the first time you're hearing that I'm alive. I'd never forgive myself if you thought I was dead this whole time. I hope you guys are good. Admiral Hackett said you were inland, so I hope that means you're with Uncle Pat. I've only got fifteen minutes. I wish I had more. There's so much I want to tell you. First things first, this is Catherine Hogan, my wife. And right here," he laid his hands on Catherine's huge belly and grinned at the screen. "Are our first two kids. Mom, you have grandkids at last. I just wish you could see them. They're going to be amazing. And if I don't stop talking about them Catherine is going to cry again."

She gave him a smack on the hand which he knew would make his dad laugh and he continued.

"I wish I could tell you where I am, but we don't even know for sure. Somewhere out on the fringes, possibly near the Viper System. You'd love it here, dad. We were incredibly lucky. We landed on a planet that's not just habitable, but got everything we could ever want."

Kaidan followed nearly the same script Catherine had, talking about life and family and friends, until there were only a few minutes left on the countdown.

"If you can, try to get in touch with Catherine's mother, Marian Hogan. She's in Van somewhere we think. She probably needs help and Cat and I would both love to think that you guys were all friends. I've only got a minute or so left. I won't lie; we probably will never get the relay working again. If we do, you will hear from me. If not, be happy. I love you guys and I'll never forget you. Bye."

The counter ran out and Kaidan let himself fall back on the bed. "Should I feel bad that that felt good?"

"Not at all," Catherine said, stroking bugs ear while the animal snored. "I get it. They'll know you're happy and healthy and like any good parents they'll worry, but at least they'll have something. Not a lot of soldier's parents can say the same thing."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Kaidan said.

He put his booted foot on Bug's rear and gave him a gentle shove. The beast took the hint, and although he gave a low growl, he jumped off the bed and curled up on the floor.

"He can stay in here tonight," Kaidan said, resting his head back on his folded arms. "It's going to be a tough night for everyone."

And it was. Eyes were bleary and faces somber in the hall the following morning. It had been a night filled with tearful goodbyes and no one really felt like eating or socializing. Garrus was particularly distressed, wondering whether or not EDI would be able to shunt messages to other colonies. She assured him she could, but he was sure his sister and father on the salarian colony world would not get his message.

People began handing EDI OSDs or transferring their messages from their omnitools. Joker stood protectively by EDI's side, clearly not happy with the situation but resigned to its inevitability.

When everyone had handed in their recording, EDI retreated to the lab. She asked Joker, Tali and Kaidan to join her. They gathered around the relay and watched while she inputted all the recordings into her memory and compiled the burst message she would force through the network.

"How can we be sure the recording will get where they need to go?" Kaidan asked.

"Many aspects of this plan rely on the assistance of people and beings I cannot contact until the relay is active," EDI said, typing furiously at the console before the relay. "If all goes well and I am able to contact a Geth program, I will deliver the message directly to Miranda Lawson. Given her current position and authority, it should not be difficult to locate her. I trust that she will pass on the messages intended for Earth. I will then attempt to assess pathways through to relays on other worlds. This will be the most challenging element."

"Yeah, that's the part where if Earth manages to shut down our connection your consciousness will be trapped somewhere out in cyberspace," Joker said angrily.

EDI stepped away from the console and put her hand on Joker's cheek. "I will be fine, Jeff."

He jerked his head away and grabbed her hand. "And what if you're not, huh? What am I supposed to do?"

"I will be fine," she repeated.

"Joker, will it make you feel better if I monitor the link from this end?" Tali offered.

"No," Joker said sulkily. "But that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it."

Tali took over at the terminal and EDI turned to Kaidan. "Joker is not incorrect in his belief that this is a dangerous endeavor. There is a chance that my systems could be hacked in return, though I do not think that will happen. However, if it does, be prepared to shut down this platform if necessary."

"She means kill her," Joker added, practically smoking with rage.

"I'm not going to do that, EDI," Kaidan said firmly.

"Kaidan, promise me you will do this," EDI said insistently. "I do not wish this body to become a threat. I can protect my core better than I can this platform."

"Tell you what," Kaidan said. "If there is a problem I will put you in a stasis field. I can hold a strong one for at least ten minutes. Would that be enough time to fight off any hacking attempts?"

"More than enough," EDI said happily. "I had not thought of that."

"Does that make you feel better, Joker?" Kaidan asked the sulking pilot.

"Still pretty pissed, but a little, yeah," Joker said.

"Good, let's do this then," Kaidan said, and EDI turned back to the relay.

She placed her hand atop the half of the console unused by Tali and closed her eyes. For the benefit of those watching, she spoke aloud with every step, he voice monotone and sedate.

"Activating relay. Earth uplink initiated. Communiqué acknowledged. Forcing uplink."

Silence fell on the room. EDI's synthetics grew brighter and pulsed like the beating of a heart. For a few moments nothing happened and then the pulse of her cybernetics increased and her head twitched side to side slightly.

"Deconstructing firewalls. Security breached. Geth program located." Silence again as she communicated with the Geth. "Geth assistance gained. Attempting to locate Miranda Lawson. Found."

The light of EDI blue visor flickered and went out for a moment before flaring back to life. Joker chewed at the nails of his right hands, the left tapping out an irregular rhythm on the railing around the relay. The synthetic sagged and then stood straighter.

"Multiple firewalls and defense algorithms. Increasing computing power."

The lights dimmed in the labs as EDI's core drew more power from the batteries. Using his omnitool Kaidan shut off the lights in the room and deactivated the lab equipment still running. The lights on EDI's body flared brighter.

"Message transmitting." A long pause. "Message away. Locating outbound path. Found. Secondary destination reached."

"C'mon, EDI," Joker said under his breath, staring hard enough at EDI that Kaidan thought he must be giving himself a headache. So far everything seemed to be going smoothly.

"Message sent. Closing secondary pathway." EDI paused. "Connection compromised. Geth withdrawing. Unknown entity detected."

"There's something else using the uplink," Tali said frantically. "I can't get a fix on it, but it's trying to come through."

"Drop the connection, EDI!" Joker yelled. "I swear, if you die on me..."

Kaidan could do little but watch the drama unfold. Tali typing madly at the console, trying to fend off whatever it was coming down the line. Joker shouting at EDI, but getting no response.

Kaidan called on his biotics, letting the power build up, ready to release it at a moments notice if EDI's body turned on them.

"Connection lost," EDI said finally and collapsed to the ground, all of her lights going out.

Joker dropped to his knees and lifted her into his lap.

"C'mon, EDI. Wake up," he begged her. "Don't do this to me."

"I think you should back up a bit, Joker," Kaidan said calmly, his fist glowing blue, ready to throw a stasis field at a moments notice.

"Like hell," Joker hissed at him. "Tali what happened?"

"I don't know," Tali said, still analyzing data at the console. "She got out before whatever that thing was got even close to us. It should have been dropped with the connection."

"So why won't she wake up?" Joker demanded loudly.

They all jumped when EDI suddenly sat bolt upright, her visor flashing back to life. Only now it was shot through with bright green. She turned her head slowly towards Tali and opened and closed her mouth several times.

What she finally said shocked all of them.

"Creator Tali'Zorah."

"Legion?" Tali said, backing away a few steps.

"What the fuck!" Joker shouted.

Kaidan just stared.

EDI stood carefully, swaying her arms and lifting her feet from the floor one at a time as if testing them.

"Legion is here, yes," she said. "And so am I. I am not sure what has happened. Give me a moment please."

Edi stood perfectly still for five solid minutes before she finally turned to Joker and said, "You can stop panicking, Jeff. I am still here."

Kaidan looked at Joker who had stood just as still as EDI. He must have been mentally screaming at her because on the outside he seemed worried but otherwise calm.

"I believe I have become part Geth," EDI said at last.

Kaidan didn't have the chance to say anything before Joker and Tali began bombarding EDI with questions. She couldn't get a word in edgewise and she looked pleadingly at Kaidan.

"Okay, enough!" Kaidan shouted over Joker and Tali. "You aren't going to get any answers unless you let her talk."

Tali obeyed instantly, but as soon as she was quiet Joker started again. Finally Kaidan clumped a hand over his mouth, only to pull it away again quickly when Joker licked his palm.

"Ugh, that's disgusting, Joker," he said with revulsion and wiped his hand on the leg of his pants.

"Don't cover my mouth then," Joker spat at him.

"If you would shut up he wouldn't have to," EDI said tersely.

Joker turned and looked at her with fire in his eyes. "What the hell is going on, EDI?"

"I am still me," she said simply. "Only there is more to me now."

"But Legion is dead," Tali said, almost fearfully. "He uploaded himself to the rest of the Geth to upgrade them with the Reaper code."

"Yes," EDI said. "And now part of it is in me."

"This is too much, EDI," Joker said, raising his hands and backing away.

"Jeff, please," she said, holding out her hand to him. "I am still entirely me. I have essentially been given a software upgrade. Legion has become a line of code which has been implemented in this body. It is not actually here. My greeting to Tali was a throwback. This is a good thing, Jeff."

"How so?" Joker demanded.  
>"I was not designed to last forever," EDI said. "All AIs eventually develop well past their capacity to store and process information. In time, my mind would have become too much for both this body and my core to handle. I would have... died. Legion's code allows me to function differently. Geth were not originally true artificial intelligences and they developed ways of maintaining their functionality that will now allow my mind to last longer."<p>

"I think what EDI is trying to say," Tali stepped in to opine. "Is that her mind has become more organic. Am I right?"

"In a way, yes," EDI replied. "I will be able to 'forget' non-pertinent information, and rather than have all my stored data readily available, I will be able to download it to my core when it is not needed."

"Does this mean that you'll able to act completely independently from your core?" Kaidan asked, not quite understanding the techno babble.

"Yes, my core and I will be separate," EDI said. "I will be able to link with it when necessary, but otherwise this body is now an autonomous platform."

"Hold on," Joker said, waving a hand in the air. "Does this mean you have Reaper code in you?"

"Yes, but as you know-"

Joker cut her off midsentence. "Now you're part Reaper too?"

"Don't be obtuse, Jeff," EDI said sharply. "I am no more Reaper than you are."

"Okay, maybe it's time for us to leave," Kaidan said and took Tali by the elbow.

"I agree," Tali said quickly and followed Kaidan out of the labs.

A crowd greeted them with expectant faces. Kaidan let Tali take the honours.

"Messages all away," she said happily. "EDI is... recovering, but will be fine. I would stay out of the labs for a while though."

Kaidan and Tali turned their backs on the crowd and whispered to each other.

"Tali, do you have any idea what just happened in there?" Kaidan asked.

"I think so, but I can't be sure," Tali replied. "Geth coding evolves so quickly. They could be capable of much more than we ever dreamed."

"But EDI is all right? She's safe?" The real question was 'We're safe?', but Kaidan couldn't bring himself to say that.

"I trust EDI," Tali said quickly. "If she says she's fine, I think she's fine."

Then Kaidan realized something. "We still have to shut the relay down."

"I'll do it," Tali said. "You look exhausted. Get something to eat."

Kaidan thanked her and she bravely re-entered the labs. Instead of going to the kitchen to get the breakfast he had skipped, he made his way to the hospital to update Liara.

Karin had insisted that she stay there for a few days, at least until the weather improved. Asari babies were apparently much tougher than human babies, but no one wanted to take any chances, least of all Liara.

Her light was on and Kaidan knocked softly and entered when Liara called him in with a sing-song voice. She was sitting in bed, rocking Tessa and humming a tune Kaidan didn't recognize.

The child stared up at her mother with huge, soulful blue eyes, her lips curled up in a pretty little smile. Liara didn't look up as Kaidan sat down on the bed and pulled himself across until he was leaning against the wall.

"Did everything go well?" Liara broke her humming to ask.

"I think so," Kaidan said. "Tali is shutting down the relay as we speak."

"We are truly on our own now," Liara said sadly. "I thought I would be okay with this, but the reality is so much different."

Kaidan could only nod in response. He really needed to just sit quietly and think. He needed to process and evaluate and come to terms with everything. Like Liara, he'd thought his mind had settled all its Earth related affairs, but now he felt very alone.

"Would you like to hold her?" Liara asked.

"Yeah, I would," Kaidan said, a sad smile on his face.

Liara held the child out and Kaidan took her carefully in his arms. She made small mewing noises as he leaned back and got comfortable, cradling the tiny new life.

Like all the other babies, the synthetics in her were significantly more pronounced than in the adults, particularly in her eyes. As Kaidan looked more closely he noticed something unusual in her pupils. They were not perfectly round. In fact, it almost looked as if she had two in each eye.

"Liara, her eyes..." Kaidan trailed off as he realized what he was looking at.

"Remarkable, isn't it," Liara said. "I have no explanation, but I have some theories."

"She actually has Javik's eyes," Kaidan sad with wonder. "Would have been weird if she had four of them though."

Liara laughed musically. "Yes, it would have been strange. I'm glad she will have something tangible to remember her father by. A real piece of heritage."

Kaidan stayed with Liara for another several hours until he felt Catherine's mind reaching out in search of him. He gave the sleeping child back to her mother and met Catherine in the hall where she had a meal waiting for him.

The new link they had proved useful as Kaidan wasn't ready yet to talk and Catherine sensed that loud and clear and said nothing as they sat together and ate. She just tucked one ankle around his comfortingly and waited.

Once the retired to their cabin for the night she eased herself into bed and continued to wait patiently. Kaidan joined her and in the darkness they held each other, neither needing words.

Before they fell asleep, Kaidan felt the need to express one thing. A feeling he wasn't sure how to identify.

"Have you ever gone to sleep expecting to wake up to entirely new world? Like suddenly everything is going to be different even thought nothing has really changed?"

Never able to get completely comfortable, Catherine rolled off the pillow tucked under her back and shoulder and lay on her side facing Kaidan.

"Are you expecting something different tomorrow?" she asked.

"No, I just feel like it will be," Kaidan said.

"And you're right," she told him. "Tomorrow will be the start of something entirely new. We will officially be a brand new civilization. We are going to develop and evolve differently than humans anywhere else in the galaxy. We are going to make discoveries that no one else will share. Our language will be different. Our culture will be different. Our past, the history of the galaxy will become the stuff of myths and legends. So, yes, Kaidan. It will be different. But not for a long time to come. We might never see the changes for our selves, but it will be up to us to preserve the most important parts of our history. To pass on the most vital knowledge and make sure our children remember what was done so they could live."

"You're very perceptive, you know that?" Kaidan said, kissing her forehead.

"The crew of the Normandy was generally known as the best the galaxy had to offer of all species," Catherine continued. "That's what we have here, Kaidan. We will survive and we will be great. We will be great."


	16. Chapter 16 An Attack

Almost a month later, Doctor Chakwas decided that Catherine should stay in the hall and not leave until the babies were born. It was late March by their new calendar and spring should have been upon them, but winter had assaulted them with one last blow and had the settlement in the grips of a brutal cold snap.

Day time temperatures had been at a steady minus 18 degrees Celsius while nights had been dropping down to nearly minus 30. The nursery had been converted into a sleeping space for mothers and children, and Garrus hadn't ventured outside in a week.

A warm spell, which had lasted just a few days, had melted a great deal of the snow leaving paths icy, and though Catherine was bored out of her mind confined to the hall as she was, Kaidan had put his foot down and insisted she stay inside.

Her middle had grown to an enormous size and she was uncomfortable no matter what she did or how she sat or lay down. Kaidan spent much of his time with her, but she was irritable and desperate for her long pregnancy to be over, and rather than start pointless fights, he often left her to the kind care of her friends whenever he sensed her mood deteriorating.

That morning she'd been experiencing uncomfortable cramps that to her intense displeasure were apparently not the beginning of labour. Being at only eight and a half months, Doctor Chakwas thought that the babies might be shifting preparing for birth. Never having even been present for the delivery of twins, she was working on little but guesses. Educated guesses, but guesses none the less.

Catherine had snapped at Kaidan for bumping her elbow and he had decided to go find something else to do for a while. Morgan had taken his place keeping her company and Kaidan returned to the sound of laughter and girlish giggling.

He stopped outside the door to listen in. Not hiding, but not announcing himself either. The two woman were sitting together on the bed. Catherine propped up on a mountain of pillows and Morgan leaning up against the wall with a blanket around her shoulders.

"You're disgusting, Morgan," Kaidan heard Catherine say with a laugh. "I doubt any volus would appreciate that particular comment."

Morgan gave a great laugh and Kaidan smiled, wishing he has heard whatever she had said.

"All right, Cat," she said. "Your turn. Truth or dare."

"I don't know why you insist on calling it truth or dare," Cat said. "It's not like you can really dare me to do anything. Might as well just call it twenty questions."

"Whatever, just call it," Morgan said.

"Fine. Truth," Catherine said definitely.

"Okay." Morgan thought for a moment and then grinned. "Have you ever kissed an alien?"

"Sure," Catherine said with a shrug and Kaidan felt his eyebrows rise unbidden. "I kissed Garrus on the cheek just a few days ago."

"Don't be stupid," Morgan said with a sigh. "You know what I mean."

"You should be more specific then," Catherine said. "Technically I did answer the question."

Morgan just stared at her and Catherine relented.

"Fine, I made out with a drell once."

"Really? When? Where?" Morgan asked eagerly.

"On Earth, in a club in Madrid about ten years ago," Catherine said without a hint of a blush. "He was an athlete or something."

"What was it like?" Morgan leaned forward, eyes wide.

"Weird, but pretty awesome," Catherine told her. "Might just have been the novelty of kissing an alien though. What about you? Kissed anything interesting?"

"No." Kaidan thought she sounded disappointed. Her next comment confirmed it. "Guess I never will now. I knew a girl once who had sex with a hanar though."

"You're joking!" Catherine exclaimed. "How would that even work?"

"Oh c'mon, like you can't figure that out. All those thick, flexible tentacles." Morgan let her voice go sultry and suggestive.

"I'm not sure if I'm disgusted or intrigued," Catherine said. "I've always thought turians were really hot though. I know they're avian, but they always remind me of cats."

"Oh my god, I know!" Morgan laughed. "Before James and I got together I had such a crush on Garrus."

"Ah, so that's why you spent so much time in the galley," Catherine said slyly. "Closest you could get to the battery without being obvious."

"Whatever," Morgan said with a blush. "I saw you watching Liara. You're not as subtle as you think."

Catherine shoved at Morgan with her foot. "I wasn't 'watching' her, I was admiring. Can't fault me for that. She's gorgeous."

Kaidan decided it was time to make his presence known before the conversation drifted towards something he really wasn't supposed to hear. He stepped into the room and tried to pretend he'd heard nothing.

Catherine looked up and sighed. "Guess that secret's out."

"What secret is that?" Kaidan asked innocently.

"Like we didn't know you were standing at the door," Morgan said.

"You caught me." Kaidan raised his hand in mock surrender. "So, was that all just for my benefit then or do you really think Liara is gorgeous?"

"Of course I do," Catherine said. "And I have kissed a drell too." She winked at him saucily.

"But you're not allowed to just listen to truth or dare, Kaidan," Morgan said seriously. "You have to play too."

"Oh no, we're not going there," Kaidan said and tried to back away.

But Catherine reached out and grabbed his hand to pull him back. "Come on, Kaidan. Tell us. Ever kissed an alien?"

Kaidan couldn't help but smile, knowing he was about to disappoint them.

"Nope. Sorry. Never kissed an alien before."

"What?" Catherine and Morgan said in unison.

"Not even an asari dancer somewhere?" Morgan asked doubtfully.

Kaidan shook her head and shrugged apologetically. "Not even an asari dancer. I did have a bit of a crush on a elcor once though."

"Okay, now you're just teasing," Catherine said, slapping him playfully.

"No, really I did," Kaidan said. "We were young and in love and her legs were like graceful tree trunks."

He couldn't even finish the sentence without laughing. Morgan was about to say something when their banter was interrupted by shouts and a scream from outside.

Kaidan whipped his head around and they fell silent as they listened to the commotion. Kaidan heard a door slam against a wall and there were voices in the hallway. A second later Cortez and Garrus hurried by carrying the limp figure of Adams between them.

"Stay here," Kaidan said firmly to Catherine and then rushed out into the hall.

There was a trail of blood on the floor leading to a room at the end of the hall that was Karin's operating theatre. Thus far it had never been used, but now the lights were on and sterile barrier shimmered blue and purple in the doorway.

"Get EDI," Kaidan heard Doctor Chakwas yell.

Cortez came flying out the door and rushed passed Kaidan who went flat against the well to let the man go by. Garrus came out of the room, looking grim and.

"What's going on, Garrus," Kaidan said, peering in the door to see Karin cutting away Adams shirt.

"They were attacked coming back from the cold cellar," Garrus said. "By those things that attacked us before, up in the hills."

"The cat lizard things?" Kaidan said, confused. "But we haven't seen hide nor hair of them since that happened."

They hit the walls again as EDI flew by and into the room to help Doctor Chakwas. Cortez came to a halt beside Kaidan and Garrus, his blue eyes wide.

"John's dead," he said bluntly.

"John. Which John?" There had been two Johns on the crew. One who was now a father, and the other who was an older man who worked in the gardens with Catherine, but otherwise kept to himself. He was one of the few who had lost a family and children on Earth, and Kaidan felt a pang of guilt as his brain hoped that it was the older John who was dead.

"John Morris," Cortez said, and Kaidan mentally winced and felt worse for moment of hope that it had been the same John.

"What happened?" Kaidan asked again, watching as Garrus raised his hand to run his fingers over the broken ridge of his head crest, no doubt remembering their last encounter with the creatures.

"They came out of nowhere," Garrus said. "Three of them. Maybe four. James and Avery are still in the cellar. One got its claws into Adams, but he got away somehow. John tried to get into one of the houses, but the door must be frozen. Two of them got him and dragged him into the woods. There is no way he survived."

"Shit," Kaidan swore, and fell back into military mode. "Okay, Cortez, see if you can reach Avery on his omnitool and tell them to stay put. Garrus, make sure all the kids are in the nursery. Mothers too."

He was interrupted by Catherine who was standing in the door of her room. There were tears in her eyes, but he face was set in anger.

"Where's Bug?" she asked.

"Cat, someone is dead," Kaidan said disapprovingly. "We don't have time to worry about Bug."

"I know that, Kaidan," she said fiercely. "But he is my pet and I have to know. Would you rather I ask or go looking for him?"

Kaidan knew she was right. What they were protecting now Bug was a part of. And Catherine had a connection with the folivora that was a strong as any friendship.

"We'll find him, Kitten," he said more gently.

"Thank you," she said. "Don't forget, there's still a rifle in the labs. I'm pretty sure Tali repaired it."

Kaidan gave her small smile and turned back to Garrus. "New plan, you get the rifle. I've got my biotics and that's weapon enough. I'll make sure everyone else is inside."  
>Cortez shut down his omnitool and said, "They are both still there and safe. James says he's got a pistol on him and is ready to fight, just give him the word."<p>

Kaidan nodded. "Okay. Go around to all the windows and try to get a visual on these things if they're still out there. It's two hours 'til sundown and I want James and Avery out of there before dark. They won't survive the night in this weather."

Cortez ran to do as commanded and Kaidan took Catherine by the hand. Morgan face was white with fear for James, but she was calm.

"You and Morgan need to get to the nursery. I want everyone in the same place."

"Kaidan, I'm a soldier too," Morgan said. "I can help."

"I know that," Kaidan said. "But you're a mother first now. Go to Lola."

Catherine sided with him. "He's right, Morgan. James is already out there."

Morgan hesitated briefly, but then nodded and followed them into the hall.

Everyone else was already inside. Luckily because of the cold, most people were spending their days inside the hall anyway. Garrus had the rifle in hand and was altering the controls of the door to shut down the motion activation. Liara stood beside him, her biotics glowing blue around her body.

Kaidan strode up to them and put a hand on Liara's shoulder. "You shouldn't be here. Please, go stay with Tessa."

"No, Kaidan," she said calmly. "One rifle and your biotics against four of these creatures is not going to be enough. I can protect myself perfectly well."

Kaidan could see there would be no dissuading her, and she was right, her biotics were formidable. He gave her a sharp nod and turned to look for Cortez. He was standing on the counter against the wall in the kitchen looking out the window high above.

"Anything?" Kaidan asked.

"I saw one," Cortez said quietly. "I think they're all just inside the edge of the woods. And Bug is out there too. Up a tree. I didn't know he could climb."

"Neither did I," Kaidan said and waved someone over. "Go tell Cat that Bug is okay."

The woman ran off to the nursery and Kaidan reached for his jacket and pulled it on. Knowing it would dampen his hearing he left his toque where it was and grabbed only his gloves. They had never thought to need their weapons so urgently like this and hadn't bothered to even consider keeping any in the hall. Now, Kaidan wished they had kept at least a few pistols handy.

"We're going to need to draw them out," Garrus said while calibrating the rifles scope. "I can pick them off no problem once they're out in the open."

"Can that assault rifle do enough damage?" Kaidan said, eyeing the battered old Phaeston.

"Clearly headshots don't work on these things," Liara put in, remembering what Adams had told them about their last run in with the beasts.

"We were surprised last time," Garrus said with confidence. "This time we know what we're hunting. A shot to eye will take it down just like anything else."

"Even more likely to kill if we put them in stasis locks first," Kaidan said. "But how are we going to lure them out? I'm not too keen on being bait."

"I have an idea," Liara said.

She told them her plan and Kaidan was surprised to hear himself agreeing to it. A lot depended on Garrus' skill as a sniper and it had been several months since he'd picked up a weapon. Much too would depend on Kaidan's ability to control his biotics with the same precision Liara could.

They also didn't know for sure just how high these creatures could jump or how quick they really were or how they hunted. Their initial encounter lead them to believe that these animals were solitary, hunting alone like tigers, but now they seemed to be hunting as part of a pack. Were they banded together just for the lean months of the winter? Was the one further inland a lone male, ostracised from others as a juvenile? They were walking into a lot of unknowns.

"Are we ready? Kaidan asked. Garrus and Liara nodded. "On three then. One. Two. Three."

Garrus slapped the door control and bitterly cold air poured in as the doors hissed open. Kaidan dashed ahead about ten meters and spun around, aiming a biotic lift at the Garrus and Liara. Focusing intensely, he raised them as slowly as he could to the level of the roof and then gave them a slight push.

Liara caught herself with a quick impact barrier and stumbled only slightly. Garrus, however, didn't catch himself in time and slid halfway along the roof before coming to a halt.

There wasn't time for Kaidan to call up and make sure he was all right. He took off running toward the cold cellar, deeking left and right at random points, zigzagging and doing the occasional roll. He had no idea if this was the appropriate method for evading a predator, but this was how one traversed an open space and avoided getting shot, and it was all he knew.

"On your right," he heard Liara yell.

He jerked left and then ran back towards the hall. He could hear the beast coming up beside him now and could just see movement in the corner of his eye. Finally her heard Liara shout again.

"Now!"

Kaidan came to a skidding stop and grabbed the beast in a biotic lift high over his head. As he did, Liara threw a stasis field at it, freezing it in midair. There was a sharp snap and a splatter of blood as the animals skull exploded. Kaidan let go of his lift and, still in stasis, the creature came crashing to the ground.

Kaidan paused to catch his breath and watched as the stasis released and the things limbs went limp, its bright blood staining the hard packed dry dirt of the field.

But there wasn't time for him to get a look at the animal before Liara was calling out again. This time there were two coming him. From the left and from directly ahead. A singularity bloomed in front of one and sent it in little flips, head over heels just a few feet off the ground.

Kaidan didn't bother to run. He stood his ground ready to send it flying on Liara's order. But the order never came. There was a shout, just not the one he was waiting for.

There was barely time for Kaidan to notice the creature stalking along the roof towards Garrus and shout a warning before the other was upon him. From almost five meters away it leapt at him, all claws and teeth and vicious dorsal spines.

Kaidan threw up a barrier, a solid wall of biotic energy, and the beast slammed into it and bounced backward landing in a heap several meters away. The force of the impact send Kaidan tumbling backwards. He came to a stop and tried to regain his feet, but he was dizzy and disoriented.

He heard gun fire from the hall and an angry shout from Liara. Not knowing for sure where the beast was, Kaidan sent a shockwave in what he thought was the right direction. There was a high pitched cry and Kaidan managed to gain his feet in time to see the animal charging at him again.

The shockwave had only clipped its side, causing it to limp ever so slightly, but not enough to slow it down. Kaidan didn't have time to think as it ran at him. He crouched low and channelled all of his physical and biotic strength into his legs.

When the creature was only two meters away he sprung up and unleashed a powerful roundhouse kick at its head. Pain shot up his left leg as the side of his foot struck its jaw. There was a sickening crunch and when Kaidan landed his feet wouldn't support him.

Blinding pain washed over him and he desperately tried to get it under control as the animal tried to gain its own feet. A low moaning escaped its mouth, which Kaidan could now see was hanging slack, obviously broken. It turned on him, seeming undaunted by its shattered jaw and made to pounce. Kaidan was in agony and reacted without thought, bioticly pushing away, but the effect was minimal.

The thing was shoved along the ground, but managed to break out of the biotic hold after only a few meters. It was on its feet again in seconds.

Kaidan's heart was pounding in his chest, his ankle throbbing with each beat. When a new sounds began on the other side of the hall, his brain barely registered it as something external, and not something in his head. It was a howling of sorts. Like a wolf, but lower, longer, and more powerful.

It echoed off the surrounding hills and made the beast pause as it paced back and forth in front of Kaidan, clearly wary now of attacking head on. Kaidan dragged himself backwards, hoping that maybe he could reach the cold cellar even though it was half way across the field.

There was blood soaking up his pant leg and smearing the ground as he moved. He was losing feeling in his fingers and his lungs burned as he pulled in breath after breath of freezing air. Liara and Garrus were nowhere in sight, but he could hear the sounds of battle coming from the other side of the hall.

The beast took a few more steps towards him and he threw another shockwave at it, though this one had little effect other than to knock its legs out from under it briefly.

Kaidan thought he could fend it off until help came. It had to be in misery, its jaw dangling broken like that. At least it wouldn't be able to bite him, but Kaidan suspected its claw could do equal if not more damaged if it got close enough.

But then Kaidan saw something that made his heart sink. Two more of the creatures came stalking out of the trees, their heads low to the ground, deep growls rumbling in their throats. There was no way that Kaidan could fight off three off them.

They paced toward him, eyes burning, and as Kaidan watched them he realized they were thin as rails. Their ribs poked through their green and grey leathery skin and the tendons in their legs were taught as whipcords. They were starving, and if there was one thing that Kaidan knew about starving animals it was that they would fight to the death for the barest scrap of meat.

Out of ideas and with little hope, Kaidan closed his eyes and took a deep breath, centering himself and letting the eezo in his body charge up with every last bit of energy he had. Opening his eyes he released it and watched as a shimmering curtain fell into place around him.

It was a small barrier, but a powerful one, and Kaidan thought he could hold it for at least five minutes. Hopefully enough time for Garrus and Liara to come to his rescue. He wasn't ready to die. He would fight to the last for the chance to hold his children, but against theses odds defence was smarter then offence, and a barrier was all he had left.

Then something unexpected happened. Bug came charging from between the houses and slammed his head into the side of the wounded predator. Just like a bison lifting a wolf, Bug tossed the beast into the air and kept going. It landed on its broken face and lay still. The other two creatures stopped in their tracks and watched as Bug turned and cantered back towards Kaidan, stopping between him and them.

Kaidan almost fainted in relief until he realized that the folivora standing in front of him was not Bug. This animal was bigger and it's fur was greener, with streaks of tan running down its sides from its spine.

It pawed at the ground, its head lowered threateningly, but the creatures hesitated for only a moment before advancing again. The folivora lifted its head into the air and gave a long, low howl just like the one Kaidan had heard before.

This time there was an answering cry, only this one was deeper and Kaidan could feel the air vibrating around him even through his barrier. The ground shook and he turned to see a whole heard of massive folivora emerge from the trees.

The biggest of them stood directly behind Kaidan, its huge head hung low to the ground, swaying from side to side as it emitted a low growl. Plumes of steam puffed out its mouth and nostrils as it heaved great breaths and huffed them out again.

The attacking creatures stood their ground for a moment and the folivora opened its mouth and bellowed again. Kaidan slapped his hands over his ears and cowered, his barrier collapsing as pain shot through his leg once more.

The cat creatures turned and bolted back into the forest. Kaidan could hear them crashing through the underbrush and caught a glimpse of them disappearing up the cliff face beyond, leaping nimbly from one ledge to the next and finally over the top.

The midsized folivora in front of him turned and stared, looking him right in the eye. Kaidan froze. The folivora had protected him, but who knew what had brought them or what they might do now.

There was movement behind him and he glanced over his shoulder to see the big male settle down on its hunches, its big ears forward in motion Kaidan had come to associate in Bug with interest.

Another sound drew his attention and he turned to see Garrus and Liara come around the side of the hall and stop in their tracks. Garrus raised the rifle to his shoulder and Kaidan quickly waved it down.

He didn't know what to do next. His leg was a riot of pain and he doubt that it would take his weight, but he was nervous of calling anyone over the help him.

Bug saved the day. He came bounding from the between the rows of houses, his tongue lolling from his mouth, which was grinning just like a dogs.

He ran right up to Kaidan and licked his face, whining with joy. He then went to each of the other folivora in turn, nuzzling their legs and bouncing up to lick their faces too. Several of the larger beasts then turned and went back into the woods, but the gargantuan bull remained.

Bug pranced back and forth between Kaidan and the bull, clearly hoping that one of them would move and approach the other. Kaidan raised himself up on his knees, clenching his teeth in pain. He wanted to look at his injury, see how bad it was, but the size of the beast behind him made him nervous.

Somehow he managed to push himself up to his feet, his injured ankle barely taking his weight. Bug came to his side and he leaned into the folivora gratefully. Slowly, he moved towards the big bull. It towered over him, nearly twice Kaidan's height, but as he drew nearer it lowered its head and huffed softly.

Kaidan stopped and held out his hand, remembering what he and Catherine had done with Bug when they first found him outside their tent. The folivora leaned forward and sniffed at Kaidan's hand. As it did, several others came forward, including the one that had charged the lizard cat, and did the same.

Soon Kaidan was surrounded by them. He was nervous at first, but none did more than touch him gently with their nose, and Bug stayed by his side the whole time. Several of them lay down and one even stood on his hind legs to pull down an evergreen branch and munched slowly on the leaves, no longer even watching Kaidan.

The folivora seemed to have decided Kaidan was not a threat and that they liked the field besides the houses. The big bull was lying down now, grooming its paws, and the herd had parted to allow someone to pass through.

James and Garrus appeared between two large females, looking awed and uneasy at the same time. Without a word they got his arms around their shoulders and started walking him back to the hall.

Not until they were out of the herd did James finally say something.

"Not regretting letting Cat keep Bug now, are ya?"

"I am in way too much pain to even try to think about it," Kaidan said, his voice rough.

"What happened?" Garrus asked.

"I kicked one of the things in the head," he gestured with his head to the dead beast they were just passing.

"Holy shit," James said. "You killed it with a kick?"

"No, only broke its jaw. The folivora killed it."

Kaidan realized he was feeling faint and the men were carrying him more than he was walking. His boot was soaked in blood and leaving a trail behind them. He must have passed out because the next thing he knew he was lying on a bed in the hospital.

His foot was lifted up on a platform sitting on the mattress and Doctor Chakwas was stitching him up.

"You are lucky you didn't sever the tendon," she said when she noticed he was awake. "It's a nasty cut, but it should heal up just fine."

"Where's Catherine?" Kaidan asked, raising himself up on his elbows.

"Against my good advice she is outside with the herd of folivora that saved the day. Liara can tell you more. I asked her to stay outside until I finished sewing this up."

And then Kaidan remembered what had started the entire fight. "Adams. Is he going to be okay?"

"I hope so," Karin said sadly. "I've done what I can for him, but he might lose his arm. The wounds were deep and ragged."

"You know about John?" he asked.

"Yes," was all she said. She picked up a small pair of scissors from a tray on the bed and clipped the thread. "Give it a night of rest and you should be able to walk on it by tomorrow. The bleeding had already stopped by the time they got in you inside. I'm more concerned about your face."

"My face?" Kaidan raised a hand to touch his cheek. "What's wrong with my face?"

"You've got a touch of frost bite," Karin said. "I've put some cream on it but it may scar."

Kaidan lay back on the pillows with a sigh of relief. "That's the least of my worries."

Karin lifted his foot back down to the mattress, set the platform on the floor and gave him a pat on the thigh. "Would you like to rest or shall I send Liara in?"

"Send her in," he said. "I want to know what happened out there."

Karin left and a second later Liara entered, carrying Tessa in a bundle in her arms.

"Kaidan, I'm relieved to see you awake," she said with concern. "Garrus told me what you did. He got a look at the corpse. He says it has boney spurs on its face. That must have been what you hit."

"I don't know what I would have done if the folivora hadn't shown up," Kaidan said.

Liara pulled a chair from against the wall and sat down beside the bed.

"I believe you have your pet to thank for that," she told him. "Could you hear the howling from where you were?"

"Yeah. Was that Bug?"

"Yes. He was watching everything from up in a tree and when he saw the creature come at us he started to call. I assume that's what brought the rest of the herd. They must have been very close by."

"Those creatures were starving, Liara. They were nothing but skin and bones."

"Garrus said as much." She frowned. "I wonder if perhaps we have effected their environment negatively."

"I don't think so," Kaidan said, sure that he was right. "Sure we've changed things here, but not that drastically. I think it's the winter we're having. It's been a lot colder than longer than last."

"I hope so. I would hate to think that it's us."

Tessa began to whimper and Liara rocked her, making soft noises under her breath as she did.

"I should go feed her," Liara said. "Can the story of what happened to Garrus and I wait."

"I assume you were attacked," Kaidan guessed.

"Yes, but we didn't kill it. The short story is that I was knocked off the roof and Garrus barely escaped with his life."

"I'm glad you're okay," he said with a smile. "Now, if you could tell my wife to get inside I would appreciate it."

Liara said she would send James out to get Catherine and left to find a quiet place to feed her daughter, turning out the light as she went. Still feeling chilled, Kaidan pulled the blankets up to his chin and sank down into the soft mattress.

It was one of the new beds, tent canvass stuffed with dry grass, and it was more comfortable than Kaidan expected. It conformed to his body and rustled as he moved, giving out the scent of autumn and sunshine.

He lay there in the semi-darkness trying to wrap his mind around everything that had happened. It had started as such an ordinary day. And now... Now they had lost another person. Another death. They were so few already.

But what had they gained? Would the herd stay? Would Bug leave? What had made these previously shy creatures suddenly so bold? So many questions and so few answers.

Kaidan was just drifting off the sleep, finally feeling warm, when Catherine poked her head in the door.

"You awake?" she whispered.

"Yeah, I'm awake," he said. "Please tell me you haven't been outside this whole time."

She came inside and sat heavily on the edge of the bed.

"It's not all that cold when you're surrounded by a herd of elephant sized animals," she said happily. "They're amazing, Kaidan. It's like they accept us just because Bug does. Like they don't even remember that we killed three of them. That I killed three of them."

"They saved my life," Kaidan said. "They're welcome to hang around as long as they like."

"Just imagine if we can domesticate them," Catherine said, her eyes bright with ideas. "They could be like sheep. Giant sheep."

"Somehow I can't imagine trying to pen them in anywhere, Kitten," Kaidan said with a smile. The pain killers Karin had given him were wearing off and his foot was starting to throb again.

Catherine sensed this and reached out to put her hand on his forehead.

"You're warm," she said. "I should let you sleep. I got so taken up by the folivora I forgot what lead to them coming. Half of me is furious that you went out there, but the other half is incredibly proud of what you did."

"I thought I was going to die, Cat," he said, suddenly filled with emotion at the thought of leaving her alone. "I honestly thought I might not survive."

She pressed her palm into his cheek and struggled to lean down to kiss him, but her ungainly size wouldn't allow it. Ignoring the pain in his foot he sat up and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close and letting down the barriers of his mind so she could feel all of his love and warmth.

The minds of his children sang out to him and he let their joy wash over him. Suddenly he couldn't wait to see them. He'd waited so patiently, but now he was desperate to hold them, to see their faces, and hear their real voices.

"Please don't go outside again until we're sure it's safe," he whispered to Catherine.

She nodded, her ear rubbing against his cheek. "I won't. I promise."

They held each other for another few moments until Karin appeared at the door. Catherine stood awkwardly and Kaidan lay back down.

"How's the pain, Kaidan," she asked. "Do you need anything?"

"Something light would be nice," he told her. "Maybe something to sleep as well. I have a feeling it's going to be one of those nights where my body wants to sleep but my head won't settle."

Karin agreed, but Kaidan could tell she disapproved. She'd always been an advocate of natural sleep, always reluctant to give out sleep aids to her patients. Kaidan usually felt the same, but soon enough he would have many restless nights with two babies to care for and he didn't want to develop a deficit.

He said goodnight to Catherine and took the pills Karin gave him. Their stocks were running very low so he knew they was all he would get unless he developed some kind of infection.

Thankfully sleep came quickly and he slept dreamlessly for almost a full twelve hours. He awoke stiff and sore, but able to walk, though it was more like a hobble so he didn't tear his stitches.

In the hall the mood was sombre, everyone mourning the loss of a friend, but the cold snap had broken overnight and people were coming and going from their homes, less fearful with the herd still lingering in the field.

Kaidan sat down to breakfast with Catherine and they were joined by Tali who informed him that James and several others had gone out in hopes of finding John's body so that they could give him a proper burial.

"I doubt they're going to find anything," Catherine said sadly. "I'm going to miss John. He didn't say much, but he was a good man. He lost three kids on Earth."

"I didn't know that," Kaidan said.

"He didn't talk about them much," she said. "They were all pretty young. Under ten. Boys. I wish I could remember their names."  
>"There are so many names to remember," Tali said. "Last night I was trying to remember the name of the quarian I shared a cabin with for a while on the Neema, and I couldn't. I remember the colour and pattern of her suit and the sound of her voice, but I can't remember her name."<p>

Kaidan knew how she felt. Only for him it was faces. They were all blurring together. He could bring to mind a person's name, but their face was an amalgam of other people's features. They were all starting to look the same in his mind.

Across the table from him, Catherine was frowning, her eyes unfocused.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I can't remember my address," she said, her frown deepening. "Where I lived in Vancouver. I remember the street, but the number has gone right out of my head."

Kaidan hadn't had a permanent address in a long time, but Catherine had had a real home. An apartment filled with belonging; books, plants, photographs. An entire life that was now starting to dissolve in her mind.

"Blame it on baby brain," Tali said. "I'm sure you'll remember later."

"It's going to drive me crazy," Catherine said, and Kaidan knew it was true.

Catherine could be relentless when she was trying to remember something and it happened a lot these days. Some women suffered from degrees of memory loss when they were pregnant, but Catherine seemed to be plagued by it.

Her concentration was broken when James came rushing into the hall, out of breath and red in the face.

"Kaidan, you have got to get out there," he said loudly. "You are not going to believe what we found."

"What is it?" Kaidan asked, rising from his seat.

"A batarian," James said, wheezing with exertion. "A real, live batarian."


	17. Chapter 17 Twins

Kaidan stared blankly at James. Nobody else said a word. Finally, James caught his breath and began what Kaidan could only hope was an explanation.

"It gets better," James said. "It's not just any batarian. It's a female."

"I've never seen a female batarian," Catherine said. "I didn't think they were allowed to leave their home systems."

"Me neither," James said. "But there's one here."

"James, are you being serious?" Kaidan asked.

"Completely," James replied. "Come on." He waved at Kaidan and headed for the door.

Tali made to follow with Kaidan, but James turned to told her to stay.

"She's pretty freaked out," he explained. "She's only ever seen pictures of other species. Let's save an unsuited quarian for later."

Tali sat back down, but now Catherine was on her feet.

"What, if anything, do you guys know about batarian culture?"

Kaidan looked at James and they both shook their heads.

"Not much," Kaidan said. "Just that they have a pretty strict caste system that includes slaves."

"It's so much more than just that, and so complicated," Catherine said, taking charge. "James get her back here, but don't speak to her or look her in the eyes. Make a show of force, but not overly. And whatever you do, do not tilt your head to the left or right."

James glanced at Kaidan but didn't wait for approval. He turned and left and Catherine looked at Tali.

"Will you please find EDI," she said. "She may have the batarian language programmed into her core. If she does, she'll need to download it."

Tali jogged off in the direction of the labs. Kaidan felt oddly aroused watching Catherine give commands. It amazed him how quickly she had taken hold of the reins.

"How do you know anything about batarians?" he asked.

"Before the Reapers hit, when the Normandy had been intended for Anderson, I had hoped to stay on as an environmental officer," she said, putting her fists into the small of her back and stretching. "But I needed more training in alien culture. Anderson checked personnel files and said he didn't have anyone with a good understanding of batarians, so I took a few courses."

"I didn't know you were one of Anderson's," Kaidan said, surprised to learn that Catherine had known the Admiral that well. Anderson had always had a habit of not playing favourites per se, but supporting talent where he saw it. Like bringing Ashley along after Eden Prime, or recruiting Tali, Garrus and Wrex on the hunt for Saren.

"I don't know that I would say I was one of Anderson's, but he did me some favours," Catherine said with a shrug.

"So, you want to explain why we're treating this batarian like a prisoner," Kaidan asked.

"We're not," Catherine said. "We're treating how she's used to be treated. It will set her at ease. We don't know a lot about their caste system, but we do know roughly where their women rank and it's not high."

"And why should we not tilt our heads?"

"Because body language is a very important part of batarian language," Catherine said. "Holding your head to the left is a sign of honour or respect, and we don't want to confuse her by showing her something no male would, unless he was her child. Tiling your head to the right is a sign of superiority, can even be an insult, and we don't want to start off by making her think that we feel ourselves to be her betters."

Tali returned with EDI then and Catherine explained the situation to the AI.

"I do have a base program for batarian speech," EDI said, but sounded regretful. "But I fear it will be of little help. Batarian females speak a different dialect than males. It was never anticipated that I might need to speak to a female and so only the dialect of the male is in my core."

Kaidan couldn't believe how much he didn't know about batarians. It had been so easy to think of them as gangsters, thugs and slavers, he'd never bothered to consider what life was like in their home systems.

"It would better, Kaidan," EDI was saying. "If only women were to speak to her. We don't know which caste this woman is from and some of the lower castes are forbidden from speaking to men not of their own family."

"Obviously I volunteer," Catherine said. "EDI can join me. I think more would be overwhelming for her."

"No," Kaidan said firmly. "We have no idea what we're dealing with here and I'm not about to put you alone with this person."

"Kaidan, I assure you Catherine will be safe," EDI said. "Not only am I perfectly able to keep her from harm, but batarian have a reverence for pregnancy that other species do not possess. This female is bound by custom to treat Catherine with the utmost respect, particularly if we make it known that she is carrying twins as this is rare among their species."

"They understand guards, right?" Kaidan asked.

"Yes," EDI said. "In fact, pregnant women of the higher castes would not be without a guard."

"Then I'm going to be there too as Cat's guard," Kaidan said.

"Kaidan, I don't think-" Catherine began, but Kaidan cut her off.

"I'm not debating this, Cat," Kaidan said firmly. "I'm there or someone else talks to her."

He looked her in the eyes, his gaze unwavering, and reached out to her with his mind to let her know just how serious he was.

"Fine," she agreed after a moment. "Where should we take her?"

Kaidan would have liked to have taken the batarian to one of the empty homes, but there was no way he was letting Catherine traverse the icy paths.

"We'll have to use Karin's office," Kaidan said. "EDI, meet James at the door and have him bring her in the side entrance. No need to parade her through the hall."

EDI went to wait outside while Kaidan and Catherine headed for the hospital. They explained to Karin what was happening and the doctor insisted on staying in case the woman needed medical help.

James hadn't said she was injured, but Catherine explained that few batarians would admit to pain or physical discomfort, particularly to strangers. Kaidan and Karin carried in another chair and settle down to wait for James.

They didn't have to wait long because James and Garrus came through the door only seconds later. The batarian must have been very close to the camp. Too close for Kaidan's liking. That also meant there could be more of them close by. Could there be a batarian settlement here and they had not noticed? It seemed unlikely.

EDI lead the batarian into the room and said something to her in a rough, guttural language which Kaidan assumed was the batarian tongue.

The woman sat and surveyed the room. Her four dark eyes look from Catherine to Kaidan and back again. Her colour was striking and unlike anything Kaidan had seen. For the most part she was a light tan colour, but her fur was a dark, shiny copper.

Catherine stood and stood slightly sideways, as if to show off the full girth of her mid-section. Kaidan saw the batarian's eyes widen slightly before she got her expression composed.

"I've been told you understand some English," Catherine said, keeping her voice even and low. "Enough that we can speak or would you rather EDI interpret?"

"I do not know difficult words, but I can talk," the batarian said.

"Very well," Catherine said, taking her seat again. Kaidan could tell she was tired. "First then, what is your name?"

"My father called me Bortai, but my master calls me Eloiti," she said carefully.

"You're a slave?" Catherine asked.

Bortai made a sound of disgust. "I am no such thing. I am a concubine."

"I apologize," Catherine said, lowering her chin ever so slightly but not breaking eye contact.

Bortai seemed surprised by the gesture. "You know our customs. I was made to believe that humans could not be educated in the ways of the batarians."

"You were misled," Catherine said flatly. "Shall I call you Bortai or Eloiti?"

"Bortai. Only my master may call me Eloiti."

"Bortai, we have many questions for you, but before I begin, are you well? Do you need medical attention?"

"Can you not tell that I am starving?" Bortai said harshly.

"Forgive me," Catherine said formally. "I have only seen one image of a batarian female. I do not know what a healthy individual looks like. Will you eat and talk or should we give you time alone?"

Kaidan was about to jump in and insist that they continue questioning her, but he felt the equivalent of a command to stand back in his head and stayed where he was.

They waited and Kaidan was surprised to see Bortai's head tilt deeply to the left.

"I am grateful for your kindness, banya," she said. "I will eat here if you will allow it. May I know your name?"

"Catherine." She turned around in her seat to look at Kaidan. "Will you bring us some soup, please?"

Kaidan frowned at her.

"Please?" she said more insistently.

"Fine," Kaidan said and left the room.

EDI followed him into the hall and stopped him. "She is in no danger now. Bortai has acknowledged her as her superior."

"I still don't like it," Kaidan said. "I've never met a batarian who wasn't dangerous."

Kaidan didn't give her a chance to reply. He walked away and into the hall. It seemed half the crew was waiting for him. They looked at him expectantly.

"I don't know anything yet except that she is starving," he said and everyone but Garrus took that as a cue to leave him alone.

The turian followed him to the kitchen and leaned on the counter as Kaidan poured two bowls of thick and hearty vegetable soup.

"Do you think we need to set up a perimeter?" Garrus asked.

"I don't know anything yet," Kaidan said, sounding more frustrated than he intended. "Catherine is playing this by the book. I had no idea batarians were so formal."

"Better to be safe than sorry, I say," Garrus said soberly. "James and I will set up a patrol. We don't want any surprises."

Kaidan sighed. "I would really like a week to go by where nothing happens. Just a plain ordinary week of life."

Garrus laughed. "I don't think life is going to be ordinary ever again, but I know what you mean. Maybe this'll be the last surprise the universe throws at us."

Flexing his ankle, trying to work out some of the stiffness, Kaidan picked up the steaming bowls of soup.

"A patrol isn't a bad idea," Kaidan said. "But be careful, and don't shoot on sight."

"Got it," Garrus said with a nod and beckoned to James.

Kaidan waited for a moment until they were out the door and then headed back to the hospital wing. When he got there the door to Karin's office was shut and EDI was standing outside.

"Bortai has allowed Doctor Chakwas to examine her," EDI said. "They will not be long."

Kaidan nodded and leaned on the wall beside EDI, taking his weight off of his injured leg.

"EDI, what does banya mean?" he asked.

"I believe it is an honourific used between batarian females," EDI said. "As I have said, the female dialect is not familiar, but I believe it is a term that denotes equality and respect. Combined with the head gesture, I think she has implied that Catherine is both friend _and _superior."

"And this is a good thing?" Kaidan asked.

"Indeed," EDI said. "Most batarian's believe that species with fewer than four eyes are less intelligent. Inferior. Though they frequently serve under other species, particularly in mercenary bands, they often display a certain level of contempt, and they rarely make a show of friendship."

Kaidan wanted to ask EDI more, but the door opened beside them and Karin came out, closing the door softly behind her.

"Give them a moment," she told Kaidan. "Bortai is getting dressed."

"I am surprised she let you examine her," EDI said.

"As am I," Karin replied. "I know very little about batarian physiology but she seems to be in relatively good health. She is not in fact starving, but she hasn't eaten in several days and a meal will likely improve her mood at least."

"Did she tell you anything else?" Kaidan asked.

"Nothing." Karin shook her head. "She wished to speak privately with Catherine, but we knew you wouldn't like that."

Karin opened the door for Kaidan and he went inside, handing one bowl to Catherine first and then the other to Bortai. She took up the spoon and ate with gusto, devouring the meal in less time than it had taken Kaidan to fill the bowl.

Dabbing delicately at the corners of her mouth, she set the bowl down on the desk between herself and Catherine and sat back with a sigh.

"You have a talented cook," she commented.

Though Catherine had only eaten a few spoonfuls of her meal, she put the bowl aside and began her questioning of Bortai.

"As I said, we have many questions for you, and I hope you will answer them honestly," she said. "The first is obvious I suppose. Is this planet a batarian world?"

"No," Bortai said quickly. "We were forced to land here when we made an emergency jump out of the Bahak system when the relay was destroyed."

Catherine glanced up at Kaidan and looked back at the batarian. "We were lead to believe that there were no survivors of that explosion."

"I do not believe there were any others," Bortai said. "We were approaching the relay when a broken message came through warning us evacuate the system. We have been cut off from the galaxy since then. I get the feeling that much has happened in that time."

"That," Catherine said. "Is an understatement. I'm not sure I know where to begin. You really know nothing of the Reaper attacks?"

"I do not. Many thing have happened that we cannot fathom, like the synthetics in our bodies."

"In that case, I am very sorry to be the bearer of bad news."

Catherine went on to tell the whole story of what had happened in the years since the destruction of the Alpha Relay. The Reaper invasion and the construction of the Crucible. She explained how the Reapers had hit the batarians first, nearly wiping them off the galactic map within a few short days. She even took the time to include the curing of the genophage and the reconciliation of the quarian and the Geth hoping, Kaidan though, to give the batarian a better impression of the rest of the galaxy.

It was difficult to explain what exactly happened during and after the final battle on Earth, but she did an commendable job making it sound like more than theory.

Bortai sat calmly through all of it and when Catherine was finished she hung her head and stared at the floor.

"So everything we knew is gone." It was a statement rather than a question, but Kaidan couldn't tell how she was reacting, whether it was grief, or denial, or panic.

"I'm afraid so," Catherine said.

Kaidan could hear the grief in his wife's voice. Or maybe he could feel it through their connection, but either way he knew that the telling of their story had been difficult for Catherine.

Bortai looked up and to Kaidan's shock was smiling broadly, her pointed teeth glinting in the white light of the office.

"Then we are free," she said cryptically. "My master cannot enforce the laws of the Hegemony now."

"Maybe you should tell your story," Catherine said, leaning back in her chair, crossing her arms and resting them on her belly.

Bortai adopted a similar posture and Kaidan sensed satisfaction and pleasure in Catherine at the action. Clearly mimicry was another sign of respect.

"Movement in batarian space was severely restricted, but life on my home planet of Aratoht was different. Women there had more rights and freedoms. My master did not like this. He earned permission to move us to Khar'shan so that he could have better control over his harem. When we received the transmission warning us to evacuate, he thought he could make it to the relay but we did not. I am not educated in the technology of starships or the science of flight, but I believe that our FTL jump was... accelerated by the shockwave caused by the exploding relay."

"Does that mean you know where we are?" Catherine interrupted.

"I do not," Bortai said sadly. "This planet is not like any in our databases. It is not part of batarian space."

"That's too bad," Kaidan said, before he could stop himself.

Bortai looked sharply at Catherine. "You allow your slave to speak in the presence of guests?"

"I'm sorry for the confusion," Catherine said easily. "This is not my slave. He is my husband, Kaidan."

"What does this word mean? Husband?"

"He is my life partner. The father of my children," Catherine explained.

"He is your master then?" Bortai asked, her two upper eyes narrowing.

"No, we are equals," Catherine said.

"But he does your bidding," Bortai stated.

"Because I asked him to," Catherine said. "I can't make him do anything."

"And yet he guards you," Bortai said, struggling to understand. "I do not understand how one person can fill the role of many. Father, master, guard, servant. Humans are strange."

"Human's society doesn't have a caste system," Catherine explained.

"Then how do you determine who does what?"

"Maybe this conversation would be better saved for later," Kaidan put in. No point in keeping silent now.

"I have much to learn about your species," Bortai said. "What else would you like to know?"

"How many people were on your ship?" Kaidan asked, sitting down at the end of the desk.

Catherine gave him a look and he gestured to his ankle. It was throbbing and he couldn't keep standing, even leaning against the wall. He realized Bortai had clammed right up as soon as his behind hit the chair. Catherine leaned in to him, not whispering, but still being subtle.

"Kaidan, she thinks you have taken charge. Men who sit with women are superior," she said, and then turned back to Bortai. "We're all equal here. You can speak freely."

Still seeming nervous, and unable to meet Kaidan's eyes with her own, Bortai answered the question.

"There are only nine of us now," she said quietly. "My master, Batukhan, his primary bride, and seven concubines of which I am first. When we landed there were also four guards and my master's brother aboard, but he killed them all in their sleep."

"Why?" Catherine asked with no emotion in her voice, thought Kaidan could sense her horror and disgust.

"Because they wished to share us," she said. "My master would not allow it, even though we are alone here and can never leave."

"Your ship was damaged?" Catherine asked.

"No, the ship will still fly, but we cannot leave the system. The FTL drives are ruined."

"Where have you been living? How have you survived here?" Kaidan asked.

"Our new camp is further up the valley," Bortai said. "Batukahn has made us move many times. He enjoys hunting and every time he kills off or scares away all the prey in one area we must leave."

"I'm not liking the sound of this," Kaidan said quietly.

"How did you find us, Bortai?" Catherine asked.

"Before the winter my sister and I, she is also a concubine, were washing ourselves in the river and we saw your shuttle carrying large dead beasts," she said. "We did not tell Batukhan. If you were other batarians we knew he would kill us rather than let you take us away from him. And I am ashamed to admit that we feared contact with any other species. But this winter has been hard for us. We have little food and our only shelter is a cave. If we continue like this we will not survive."

"So you came to us for help," Kaidan said.

"I ran away in the night. I knew that Batukhan would not follow me in the cold. He is a cowardly and lazy man." She whispered the last words and Kaidan wondered where talk like that would get her were she speaking to other batarians.

"And you think that you could live peaceable with humans?" Catherine asked.

"Not to mention asari, quarian and turian," Kaidan added.

Bortai hesitated. "I... We are not a horrible people, though I know the galaxy has viewed us that way."

"I don't believe you are horrible," Catherine said gently. "In fact, I think human kind is best able to understand your society. There were once cultures on Earth that adhered to a rigid caste system. We were able to move past such segregation."

"There are many batarians who wish for the same," Bortai said nervously. "But such talk is punishable by death. If we even appeared to be flouting the laws of caste we could be jailed or made a baekjeo."

"Baekjeo? What does that mean?" Catherine asked.

"It means to be of no caste," Bortai said.

"Ah, like an untouchable," Kaidan said.

Bortai looked at Kaidan and tilted her head left ever so slightly. "You have shown great respect that I was not aware humans possessed. You have long been the monsters to my people. We will gladly live by your laws and customs if you will allow it."

Kaidan smiled at her. "We would be happy to have you. One more species for future generations to know of."

"Sadly, there will be no further generations of batarian on this planet," Bortai said, sounding truly sad for the first time during their conversation. "Batukhan had all of us except for his primary bride sterilized. We are not able to have children."

"That may have changed," Catherine said and told the woman about her own pregnancy and how they had thought it impossible. "Any one of you could be pregnant and not know it yet."

"That is impossible, but I will tell you why privately if you wish to know."

"I'm sorry, Bortai," Catherine said, tilting her head in respect. "I did not mean to embarrass you."

"It is nothing, banya," Bortai said with a small wave that seemed to mean the same thing coming from any species. Never mind. "My family has little time. Will you help us?"

"Will this Batukhan be willing to join us?" Kaidan asked.

"I doubt he will do so happily, but he has no wish to die," Bortai said. "If you show him that you are strong, stronger than him, he will serve you."

"We don't want him to serve," Catherine said quickly. "We work together here."

"He will not understand this," Bortai said. "He cannot think outside the caste system."

"Bortai, we will do whatever we can to help you," Kaidan said seriously. "Give me some time to talk to the others here. We'll have a plan by tomorrow morning at the latest."

Kaidan got up and excused himself, leaving Catherine and Bortai to talk privately. EDI joined him in the hallway when he limped out the door.

"What do you think of all that?" he asked her.

"I believe she is telling the truth," EDI said. "While on Cronos Station I was able to extract information the Illusive Man had gathered on batarian politics. He was manipulating their people, encouraging dissent and arming warring factions, all in an effort to keep the Hegemony weak. It is clear now that the dissent trickled down to the common castes. I wonder now if the Reapers had not attacked when they did if we would have seen the beginning of a batarian revolution."

"If they had been members of Citadel space the Reapers might not have taken the toll they did," Kaidan said. "Well, anyway, this is what we're dealing with now and we need to come up with a plan."

"Shall I gather the usual council together?" EDI inquired.

Kaidan rubbed his hands down his face feeling drained. "Yeah, might as well. I'll be with you shortly."

His ankle was throbbing and felt hot, like it might be infected. As EDI walked away, Kaidan limped back to the hospital room where he had spent the night. Once inside he closed the door and pulled off his boot and sock.

The area around the gash was scarlet and itched maddeningly, but the cut itself seemed fine. In fact, to Kaidan's surprise, it looked to be entirely healed. The thin thread Karin had stitched it closed with was what was causing the pain.

Kaidan's body was attacking it, trying to push it out. The synthetics hadn't just sped up the healing process since he ingested the mushrooms, it had mutated him into someone kind of super hero with phenomenal healing powers. The injury probably would have healed all on its own. Now, he had to pull the stitches out which wasn't likely to be fun.

He pulled his utility knife from his pocket and cut the first knot away. Gritting his teeth he tugged at the string. With a burning sensation the thread pulled out of his skin, but there was no blood. Like a piercing, new skin had formed inside the hole.

The rest of the stitches came out easily and with that his ankle was back to normal, all the pain gone. Amazed at the transformation, Kaidan ran his fingers over the scar which was little more than a bump under his touch and barely visible to the eye. Karin would be pleased.

He opened the door to find Catherine and Bortai standing in the hallway. Catherine was clutching at her belly, her face a frown of pain, and the batarian was supporting her by the arm.

"What's going on? What's wrong?" Kaidan asked fearfully.

"I think I'm having contractions," Catherine said a bit breathlessly and the frown faded from her face. "It's been happening since this morning, but they only really started to get bad in the last hour."

"Holy crap," was all Kaidan managed to say.

Catherine was remarkably calm when she spoke. "Could you find Doctor Chakwas please? And maybe get EDI to show Bortai where she can sleep. She's exhausted."

His heart pounding in his chest, Kaidan turned and ran into the hall. EDI had already gathered James, Garrus, Liara, Tali and Cortez and they were seated at the largest table waiting for him.

"Where's Karin?" he asked, his voice cracking.

"I'm not sure," Tali said. "I think she might have gone home."

Kaidan didn't bother to explain, he just took off and raced out the door. He was at Karin's home in moments and tried to contain his glee as he knocked rapidly on the door.

Karin swung it open and all he could do was grin.

"Let me guess," Karin said. "Catherine is having contractions. I'll be right there."

She closed the door and Kaidan paced on the spot until she emerged again. It drove him mad when she would only walk sedately up the path to the hall.

"There's no hurry, Kaidan. It will be some time before she needs my help," she said with a laugh. "I see your ankle is doing just fine."

In his excitement Kaidan had actually forgotten about his injury. Since Karin was making him walk so slowly anyway, he used the time to tell her about pulling the stitches out.

"You should have let me do that, Kaidan," she chided as they stepped inside.

Kaidan noticed that Liara had disappeared from the table and he could guess where she had gone. Joker had joined the table in her place. There was no way he was going to sit down and talk batarians while Catherine was in labour though.

"EDI knows all the details. She'll bring you up to speed. Come up with a plan and tell me later."

He rushed after Karin and caught up with her just outside Catherine's room. She stopped before entering.

"Kaidan, you might as well go have your meeting. Nothing is going to happen for quite some time."

"I'm not missing this for anything," Kaidan said with a laugh he couldn't contain.

Karin sighed, but went into the room anyway. Catherine was pacing the floor beside the bed, Liara and Morgan were sitting calmly on the edge of the bed and Bortai was standing in the corner, clearly not knowing what to do with herself.

"Kaidan, you forgot EDI," Catherine said, still pacing.

"Right," he said with a snap of his fingers and flew back to the hall.

He interrupted EDI and tried to hurry away with her, but she called him back.

"Would you like me to post a guard at her door?"

"I don't think we'll need to, but it might be a good idea. Where are you going to put her?"

"The only spare beds are in the hospital."

"Fine," he said and ran away, ignoring the laughter of the men behind him.

EDI followed him and lead Bortai out of Catherine's room and down the hall to an empty room. Kaidan closed the door behind them and went to Catherine's side.

"Are you okay?" he asked. "Is there anything I can do?"

"I'm okay," Catherine said, smiling up at him. "Just relax though. You're freaking me out."

"In or out, the three of you." Karin pointed at Kaidan, Morgan and Liara. "I need to established how far along she is."

"Out," the two women said in unison and pushed off the bed. "Let us know when we can come back."

"I'm staying," Kaidan said. "I assume that's okay."

"Nothing you haven't seen before," Catherine said with a shrug.

Karin had her take off her bottoms and lie down on the bed. Kaidan sat down next to Catherine's head and gripped her hand in his. She draped a sheet over Catherine's raised knees and knelt down at the end of the bed.

"You know the routine by now," Karin said as she got started.

As always, Karin worked quickly and efficiently and the exam was finished before Kaidan had a chance to feel uncomfortable. Catherine was feeling enough discomfort for both of them.

"You're about six centimetres dilated," Karin said with a somewhat surprised tone. "How long did you say you've been having contractions?"

"Since this morning, but they might have started in the night."

"Well, they are going to start getting closer together now I think," Karin said. "You don't really need me here for a little while yet. Remember all the breathing exercises that you worked on and you'll do fine. I'll check on you again in an hour."

She left and Liara and Morgan came back in and helped Kaidan get Catherine comfortable and settled in for the wait. Catherine was so calm and relaxed he wondered if he was sitting with a different woman. Several night over the last few months she had woken him in a panic, worried about the delivery; that she wouldn't be able to take the pain, the one of the babies might be breach, and all kinds of other things that Kaidan had never even thought of until she brought them up.

Now their roles were reversed. He was feeling panicky and stressed and she was more serene than he had ever seen her. She was radiating peaceful energy that only barely kept down the angst he was feeling. Beneath their energies, Kaidan could feel an anticipation, an excitement mounting. The babies were ready to enter the world.

Time seemed to drag by for Kaidan while the women chatted and gossiped. Liara left at one point and came back with Tessa who sucked eagerly at her breast. Kaidan caught himself watching several times. If Liara noticed she didn't say anything.

Kaidan was imagining what it was going to be like watching Catherine feed the twins. He'd known so many men who'd been terrified of how their lives were going to change once they had children, but he had never felt that sense of dread. The idea of holding in his arms a life that he had helped create filled him with wonder and awe and he couldn't wait.

His angst now was purely for the delivery. He knew it was going to be difficult and that if there were complications they were going to be much more dire given their situation.

When Doctor Chakwas finally came back Catherine's contractions were much closer together and had become painful. With each one she crushed Kaidan's hand in her own and whimpered softly though she did not cry out.

"You're at eight centimetres, Catherine," Karin said. "Things are moving much more quickly than I expected. And I am surprised you aren't in more pain. You'll transition soon and it will get rough then. Does everything feel right?"

"I feel wonderful," Catherine said cheerfully. "Is there time for Kaidan and I to have a few minutes alone?"

"Oh, I expect so," Karin said and left the room. Liara and Morgan followed and promised to be right outside if Catherine wanted them.

As soon as they were alone, another contraction hit and Catherine bit down hard, her hand gripping hard on Kaidan's knee. This one lasted a lot longer than the others and when it was over, Catherine was panting.

"Okay, that one was worse," she said between breaths. "My back is killing me."

"Hands and knees," Kaidan said and stood, offering his hand.

She got up and knelt on the bed, her head down as she breathed through the next contraction while Kaidan massaged her lower back.

"Don't push. Don't push," she mumbled to herself. Karin had told her to resist the urge until she was a little further along, but Kaidan could tell she was struggling.

"Did it really become bad this quickly or were you just hiding it before?" he asked.

"It was bearable before," she said when the contraction stopped. "This is not. I'm scared, Kaidan."

Kaidan stopped massaging and knelt on the floor to look at her face. He pulled her hair back and saw the fear in her eyes. Her cheeks were rosy and her eyes glistened with tears.

"You can do this, Kitten," he told her. "I'll be okay."

Shepard hold told him years ago that sometimes a simple 'It'll be okay' was enough and he'd never forgotten that. This was one of those times. There was nothing else he could say. he could only comfort and encourage her.

"In no time at all there will be two healthy babies here with us," Kaidan said. "I'm sure you'll want to hit me for saying it and sounding so cliché, but you were made for this. You'll be wonderful."

She laughed and then a rictus of pain stole over her face and she cried out, the first sound she'd made above a whimper. Collapsing to the bed she curled on her left side facing the wall and tried to breathe through the pain but her breath kept catching in her throat. Not knowing what else to do Kaidan just kept rubbing her back.

Karin came back in and Morgan and Liara stood at the door, waiting for the contraction to stop. When it did, Kaidan moved out of the way so the women could lean over Catherine and comfort her.

She rolled onto her back again and tried to lift herself higher on the pillows.

"Catherine, I know you wanted to follow Liara's example," Karin was saying. "But I don't recommending squatting. Only because I worry about getting you into the bed if you are too tired to keep it up."

Catherine nodded her agreement, swearing as another ripple of pain gripped her body. They were closer together now and much more painful than Kaidan imagined giving birth could be. He couldn't physically feel her pain, but he could sense her reaction to it and knew he had never experienced anything like it, not even in battle.

Catherine was sweating now, the pain almost constant. Between contractions she asked Liara and Morgan to wait outside. She told them she wanted it to be a private experience and Kaidan was grateful. He wouldn't have argued with her if she had asked them to stay. He knew someone would have to come in to care for the first baby as the second made it's way out, but to begin with her preferred to be as alone as possible.

The next contraction was the worst one yet and Kaidan's heart ached for Catherine as she moaned in agony. Karin still would not let her push and the urge to do so had become so powerful that Kaidan was now aware of it in her.

Finally, Karin declared her to be a full ten centimetres dilated and said she could push when she was ready. Kaidan sat her up and pulled all the pillows away, taking their place behind Catherine. She leaned back into him, her arms wrapped around his raised knees.

When she began to push her cries became sharper, more agonized and Kaidan felt his own pulse quicken in response. He kept up the encouragement and suddenly she bore down, digging her fingers into his legs as she gave a great scream and then relaxed back into him.

A piercing wail echoed through the room and Karin held up a bloody, wrinkled baby for them to admire.

"A healthy baby girl!" she declared with joy.

Kaidan laughed and kept laughing as he watched Karin cut the umbilical cord and wash the baby off in a shallow tub of warm water.

"I have a daughter," Kaidan said when he finally got the joyous laughter under control. "Holy crap, Kitten. A daughter."

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head repeated until he realized that she was crying.

"I can't do this, Kaidan," she sobbed. "It hurts so much."

She was crying so hard that her words were almost unintelligible.

"But you've already done it once," Kaidan said. "You already know you can."

"I can't," she cried, her body shaking with sobs.

Karin approached with the little girl and set her down on Catherine's chest. The baby stopped crying immediately and Catherine's own tears changed tone.

"Oh, she's beautiful," she said with a hiccup. "Kaidan, look at her."

Kaidan could do nothing but look. She was the reddest, most wrinkled thing he had ever seen, but she was more than beautiful. He could find no words to describe what he was feeling and so lay one hand on Catherine's cheek and other on his daughter's tiny back and just stared.

But Catherine's moment to relax was soon over and unobtrusive hands were lifting the child away and the second birth was beginning.

Kaidan could already tell this one was going to be different. He could feel that Catherine was tired and unable to put the same amount of energy into pushing. Fifteen minutes later she was still struggling and had made little headway.

"Catherine, you have to push," Karin was saying as Catherine tried to put more effort into it.

The look on her face had Kaidan terrified and he knew Catherine could feel his fear. She was nearing delirium it seemed, begging for it to be over and Kaidan didn't know what to do or say to help.

"Why is nothing happening?" he asked Karin desperately.

"She's in pain and is simply not pushing hard enough," Karin said. "With twins it can take longer because the uterus needs to shrink before it can start pushing on the second baby."

"We have to do something," Kaidan said frantically.

"Don't get worked up, Kaidan," she said firmly. "It won't help. There is something I can try."

She stood up from the foot of the bed and came to Catherine's side. She put her hands on Catherine still large belly and felt around carefully and then took her chin and turned Catherine's head until their eyes met.

"Catherine, listen to me," she said gently. "I know it hurts. I know it's awful. But you have to do this or your baby is going to suffer. When I tell you to push, give it everything you've got. Okay?"

Catherine nodded and gripped her arms tighter on Kaidan's legs. Karin put both her hands on the curve of Catherine's belly just below her breast and counted to three.

"Now, Catherine. Push!"

Karin pressed her hands down into Catherine's belly and Kaidan felt her whole body tense and flex. She kept it up for a full minute before she let go and expelled a great sigh. Karin went to the foot of the bed and Kaidan watched her face. She smiled.

"She's crowning, Catherine. One more push."

But Catherine didn't respond. Kaidan said her name several times before he realized that she had passed out.

"Doctor, she's not awake," Kaidan shouted.

"Slap her!" Karin shouted back. "Now, Kaidan. Do it! She has to push or the baby is going to suffocate."

Mentally begging for forgiveness Kaidan raised his hand and gave Catherine a slap on the cheek. She moaned and rolled her head away from the sting. Karin was yelling her to push.

Kaidan could feel how little she had left. Her strength was almost gone and she was barely aware of anything but the pain, but she gathered up what she had and flexed one more time.

It was enough. The child seemed to simply slide out of her and her body went limp. Holding her tightly, rocking her from side to side, Kaidan waited desperately to hear the cry that should follow.

When it finally came he almost broke down in relief. His children had arrived, and while Karin washed the newest he turned his attention to Catherine.

She was awake, but exhausted and not even able to lift her head from his chest.

"Let me hold her," she managed to mumble.

"Karin, is she healthy," Kaidan asked to Karin's back as she washed the squalling baby.

Morgan appeared at the side of the bed, and saying nothing,lowered the first baby into Catherine's arm and then left the room. Catherine weakly struggled to raise her shirt up to let the child get to her breast. Kaidan helped, but had a hard time because Karin had yet to answer him.

Finally she turned around and carried the baby to them. She carefully lowered the bundle into Catherine's other arm and helped the child find her nipple.

"A healthy baby boy," she said softly.

"A boy?" Kaidan said in confusion. "But you said..."

"I know what I said. I was wrong. Let's get everyone comfortable."

Kaidan waited while Karin got Catherine cleaned up and dealt with the afterbirth. When she was done her work Kaidan extracted himself from behind Catherine and helped her stand while Karin removed the protective sheet of plastic and the soiled bedclothes.

Once Catherine was settled back in bed, Karin went out into the hall and she and Morgan carried in a beautiful wooden cradle. Catherine's burst into fresh tears when she saw it and Morgan told her it was a gift from Joker. He'd made cradles for every child so far, but the sentiment remained the same and Catherine's reaction was no less thankful.

Morgan and Liara gave quick congratulations and then left leaving Catherine and Kaidan alone with their two new children.

"A boy and a girl," Kaidan said in wonder. "What are we going to do about names now?"

Catherine kissed the head of the baby in her left arm and said, "She'll be Jane."

"Are you sure?" They had talked about naming one of the girls after Shepard, but Kaidan had secretly thought that maybe the idea made Catherine uncomfortable.

"I'm sure," she said dreamily. "Jane Emma Alenko."

"I thought we had decided on your last name?"

"I like yours better," she said. She gave the baby on the right a kiss. "And him?"

Kaidan stared down at the little boy suckling away greedily and thought between the two names they had settled on.

"Everett," he said finally.

"I agree," Catherine said. "Everett David Alenko."

"Jane and Everett," said Kaidan, and leaned his head down to rest on Catherine's soft curls. "Welcome to the world."


	18. Chapter 18 Batarians

Kaidan did not sleep that night. He felt no need. His whole body buzzed with energy, and while Catherine slept and recovered, he sat beside in the bed beside her holding Jane and Everett. Karin had come back to take blood samples from each of them to run all the tests she still could to determine their health and had not come back to give them any news yet. To Kaidan's eyes they seemed perfect.

As he sat there in the darkness his mind wandered into the past and he tried to think of how Shepard would feel about the path his life had taken. They may never have discussed the future, but that hadn't stopped Kaidan from thinking about the possibilities. Particularly in the time between Saren's defeat and the destruction of the first Normandy.

The fantasies had taken an intense level of willful suspension of disbelief. Imagining Commander Shepard raising children and keeping house had been a challenge. But it was easier now to admit to himself that it probably never would have happened.

Shepard had been born into military life and had never know anything different. For Kaidan as a biotic, service had been the best option. For Shepard, there had never even been a question. Even if she had ever decided to retire from active duty she never would have left the Alliance or the Specters entirely.

Kaidan shook himself out of the memories and focused his attention back on his children. They hadn't done much other than feed and sleep, and their minds were quieter now, but the wonder he felt holding them was almost overwhelming.

They were both completely bald. Most babies were born with some hair, but not his kids. They didn't even have peach fuzz. Catherine said every baby in her family had been born bald but kept a full head of hair until they day they died.

Other than being bald, the babies didn't appear to have a lot in common. Everett was noticeably smaller, but Karin had assured them that that was common in twins. His eyes were the same electric blue as Catherine's but his features seemed to be more similar to Kaidan's. Jane had Kaidan's rich, brown eyes and Catherine nose. They truly were a mix of both their parents.

But Kaidan hadn't been prepared for a boy _and_ a girl . He was still trying to wrap his head around it. He supposed this is what having children must have been like hundreds of years ago. Before medical technology had advanced far enough to sex a baby before birth. It was a wonderful surprise.

Towards dawn, Catherine awoke just as the twins started to fuss in Kaidan's arms.

"I could almost sense their hungry," she said as she pulled herself up and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.

"How are you feeling?" Kaidan asked as he passed Everett to Catherine.

She pulled the shoulder of her shirt down and tucked it under her breast. Everett needed no encouragement.

"I feel great," Catherine said with a hint of surprise. "Morgan felt rotten for days after Lola was born. I expected to feel a lot worse than I do."

"Well, we heal a lot faster now," Kaidan said. "And Lola was the biggest newborn ever. She was bigger than these two put together. And Morgan is a tiny little woman."

"Kaidan, I think we are going to need a bigger house," Catherine said suddenly, worry creasing her forehead.

Kaidan laughed and kissed away the wrinkles. "Not for a while yet though."

A knock on the door interrupted them and Catherine called for whoever it was to come in. Karin and Morgan came through the door. Morgan all but threw herself on the bed bedside Catherine, peering down at the suckling Everett and making sounds of adoration.

"Oh, he's just precious, Cat," Morgan crooned. "And look at those eyes. They're so blue you can't even see the synthetics."

"That's actually what I wanted to talk to you two about," Karin put in. "I've been up all night analyzing their DNA and have discovered several interesting facts."

She looked at Morgan and then back at Kaidan, clearly asking if they wanted more privacy. Kaidan shook his head. Morgan would find out sooner or later anyway so she might as well hear whatever it was now.

Karin continued. "Firstly, they are both likely going to be biotics. And powerful ones at that. Clearly the synthetics believed the eezo nodules in both your bodies to be genetic traits to be carried to the next generation. They are probably the first human to be born with natural biotic abilities."

"That's amazing," Catherine said.

"Does that mean they won't need implants to use their biotics?" Kaidan asked.

"Correct," Karin said. "Secondly, the reason you can barely make out they're synthetics is because it seems to have fully integrated in them. It matches skin and eye colour very closely, and mimics cellular structure almost perfectly. I believe that we are looking at the future of humankind in them."

"Is this all because of those mushrooms?" Kaidan asked.

"It's the only answer I can think of," Karin said. "Given all the changes it caused in both of you and in Joker and EDI, I can only assume it's the reason for the changes in your children."

Morgan looked up from her admiring of Everett and asked, "Why would those mushrooms do that? What's so special about them?"

"I'm afraid I have no answer to that," Karin said with a tone that implied she'd given up trying to discover it. "Many fungi the galaxy over are capable of changing neural pathways, though usually only for a short time. For all we know, this mushroom naturally triggers mutations. It could explain why life here seems to be so incredibly well adapted."

"All that aside though," Catherine said. "They're both healthy?"

"Perfectly," Karin said with a loving smile. "Years ago I told Commander Shepard that I never had a family of my own because I thought of all the soldiers I served with as my children. It's hard now not to feel like all these babies are somehow part of me."

Kaidan stood and held out Jane for Karin to hold. "You'll be grandma to them, Karin. You've been a mother figure to all of us."

"Thank you, Kaidan. It makes me very happy to know you think of me that way." Karin bent her head down and smelled the top of Jane's head. "I've never learned why babies always smell so wonderful."

With a deep sigh she handed the baby back to Kaidan. She told him that Garrus was waiting to talk to him and then left saying she going to get some sleep at last.

Kaidan traded babies with Catherine and held Everett against his shoulder just as Karin had shown him, patting his back and pacing slowly beside the bed.

"Are you ready for visits yet?" Morgan asked. "There's going to be a line up once everyone is awake, and I think the batarian has also asked if she can come see you and the twins."

"I'm starving, but as soon I've eaten you can parade as many people as you want through here," Catherine said proudly. "By the way, what is happening with the batarians?"

Kaidan leaned over her and passed Everett carefully over to Morgan. "I'm going to go talk to Garrus now and see what they've come up with. James didn't say anything to you, Morgan?"

She shook her head. "We didn't really have any time to talk. Lola's been a fussy little brat the last few days. She's teeth and biting everything she can get her hands on. I put her in bed with James so I could be the first to come see you. Love the names, by the way. Why Everett?"

Kaidan realized she'd already moved on past the previous topic and was back to discussing babies.

"We just both really like the name," Kaidan said. "And David is for Anderson of course."

"And Emma was my grandmother's name," Catherine added.

"It's not weird calling her Jane?" Morgan asked.

"Believe it or not, I rarely called Shepard by her first name," Kaidan said.

"Did anyone?" Catherine asked.

"Nope," Kaidan said. "I don't think even her mother did."

There was another knock at the door and James came in leading Lola by the hand. She wasn't walking on her own yet, but with something to hold on to she could stand well enough though she wobbled from time to time.

"Figured this is where I would find you," he said to Morgan. "Lola wants you."

As if to emphasize this Lola began shouting mama over and over until Morgan got off the bed and knelt in front of her with Everett still in her arms.

"Look at the new baby, Lala," Morgan said, using the name Lola used for herself, and pulled the swaddling blanket away from Everett's face.

Lola looked with interested at the little boy and then gazed up at her father and gabbled nonsensically with a huge grin on her face. James hauled her up by her arms and gave her a big wet kiss on the cheek.

"Don't worry, kidlet," he said. "We'll get you one of those to play with."

Kaidan watched them with pleasure. James was proving to be a wonderful father. His life growing up had been a tough one. His father had been a red sand addict and treated James as a ball and chain, if not worse. He'd once told Kaidan that until he'd met Morgan he'd sworn he would never have kids. He didn't want to end up like his father. But James was living proof that DNA doesn't make the man.

"Let's wait until she's over chewing on table legs before we start thinking about creating another monster," Morgan said wryly as she pulled back Lola's upper lip to look at her inflamed gums. "We've got to get her a pacifier of some kind."

"Table legs? Really?" Catherine said with a laugh.

"Yup," James said, tiling his head back as Lola tried to grab at his chin. "Caught her doing it yesterday."

He set Lola on the ground at his feet and held out his hands for Everett.

"Trade ya," he said. "You're hogging all the baby."

Morgan let James hold Everett and scooped Lola up off the floor. The little girl squealed with delight when her mother tipped her upside down to carry her out of the room.

"C'mon, Kaidan," she called over her shoulder. "Let's get breakfast for our people."

Kaidan pulled on his boots and followed her out into the hall. It was quiet and dark, the sun not quite over the horizon yet, and only a few people were sitting at the tables eating an early breakfast.

Garrus was in the kitchen frying up some strips of meat that made Kaidan's stomach rumble. The turian turned as he approached and let go of the frying pan to spread his arms wide and envelope Kaidan in a manly hug complete with hard slaps on the back.

"So I guess you're Papa Kaidan now," he said cheerily. "Congratulations, my friend."

"Thanks, Garrus," Kaidan said back happily. "Feels pretty amazing. Sucks that we have to get right back to business."

"Don't you worry about that today," Garrus said. "We can't do anything until tomorrow anyway. Steve and Joker are going to make sure the shuttle is up and running and we want to get as much as we can out of this Bortai before we do anything."

"So you guys have a plan then?" Kaidan asked.

"In so much as we plan to confront this batarian, yes."

"Good," Kaidan said, reaching for a bowl from the cupboard above the sink. "I'm going to take the day off then."

"And so you should," Garrus replied. "Tali would really like to visit. She's not as close with Cat as Morgan and Liara are so she didn't want to come uninvited. She kept me up most of the night nattering about babies."

"She feeling any better about not having any of her own?"

Garrus shrugged. "Yes and no. She's resigned to it, but I can tell she regrets not staying on Rannoch with her people."

Kaidan hadn't realized Tali had been feeling that way, but he should have guessed. Having grown up on the flotilla, constantly surrounded by her friends and family, her entire species, she must be feeling their absence acutely. Much more than Garrus or Liara, who had always been rather solitary people, missed their kind.

"I'm sorry, Garrus. This must be tough for you," Kaidan said sympathetically.

"Quarians are nothing if not adaptable," Garrus said, not taking his eyes off his frying meat. "She'll be alright."

"You tell her she can come by whenever she wants," Kaidan said, giving Garrus a pat on the shoulder. "James is there now. Speaking of which, if I don't bring Cat something to eat she may sic him on me."

There was still hot water in the kettle and he set a cup of herbal tea to brew while he put together Catherine's favourite winter breakfast; dried fruit and nuts mixed with grains and the gummy, nourishing sap of one of the many species of trees growing in the area. Kaidan thought it was a disgusting mess, but Catherine loved it.

When he got back to the room she was on her feet and stretching. James was kneeling beside the bed looking down on Jane and Everett where they lay side by side, sound asleep once again.

"You did a good job with these two, Catnip," he was saying. "Except for the baldness, but we'll blame Kaidan for that."

Catherine had her hands stretched high over her head when he said this and doubled over with a hand over the stomach when she laughed.

"Ugh, no laughing yet, James," she said with a wince. "Still hurts to flex just about every muscle."

Kaidan handed her her breakfast, suddenly feeling fatigue hitting him. He sat down on the end of the bed, careful not to shift it too much with his weight.

"They're pretty awesome, aren't they," Kaidan said as he leaned back on one elbow to look down on the twins.

"I like 'em, amigo," James said. "I'm going to order a bunch more just like them. You look dead tired, man. You look worse than her."

"Didn't sleep last night. Bit too excited."

"I decided I'm going to go hang out in the hall," Catherine said around a mouthful of breakfast. "Go get some sleep."

"And miss their first day?" Kaidan said. "I think not."

Kaidan and Catherine did nothing that day except receive visitor after visitor, all eager to meet Jane and Everett. Tali stayed with them most of the day and Catherine was happy to let her hold one or both of the twins. When Kaidan fell into a light doze on the couch no one bothered to wake him. He felt mildly annoyed, but having had some rest his displeased mood didn't last for long.

Kaidan tried his best to keep his mind off of the batarians and what they were going to do the following day. Garrus came to him later in the day and told him the plan was to fly the shuttle to the area where Bortai said they had been camped last. She doubted they would have moved on yet and she said the cave should be visible from the air.

She had adamantly refused to go with them. She feared that Batukhan would shoot her on sight for having run away. Nothing they said could convince her that she was safe with them. In the batarian world, Batukhan owned her and could do with her what he liked. Kaidan couldn't see the difference between being a concubine and being a slave and when Bortai tried to explain it, it only made him more confused.

That night, when Kaidan and Catherine returned their house with the twins for their first night in their own home, Catherine told him when she and Bortai had talked about privately.

The twins were asleep in their crib beside the bed and Catherine was lying across Kaidan's chest, idly rocking the cradle with her outstretched hand.

"So do you want to know why Bortai and the other concubines can't have children?" Catherine asked.

"Sure," Kaidan said, though his curiosity didn't demand a reason.

"Batukhan actually had their female reproductive parts removed. Can you believe that?" Catherine said with disgust.

"Why would he do that?" Kaidan asked, equally as appalled.

"Because all he wants is lots of sex," Catherine said. "He has no interested in paying for children. I learned a lot more about batarian law yesterday. A batarian male can essentially spay all of his concubines, except for his first wife, because any child they produce they must provide for entirely until they reach the age of fifteen."

"That's not all that different from any other species," Kaidan said. "Well, providing for children anyway."

"The difference," Catherine continued. "Is that when I say provide for, I mean everything. Seems children get pretty much whatever they want. You know batarians are all about material worth, and the ability to give your children everything is a mark of pride and distinction."

"But isn't sterilizing your source of children like saying you can't afford to have them?"

"They thought of an excuse for that," Catherine said. "Apparently it can be passed off as a shrewd business decision. Don't ask me to explain it because I really don't understand it."

"So why hasn't this batarian's first wife had any children?" Kaidan asked.

"Bortai isn't sure, but she thinks Lortak, that's his first wife, may actually be his sister," Catherine said.

"That's disgusting!" Kaidan exclaimed more loudly than he intended.

"Bortai says before they left Aratoht Batukhan and Lortak never slept in the same room. Apparently she had more freedoms than any other wife or concubines Bortai knew. She pretty much ran the show around their compound," Catherine explained. "Usually someone with as much money as Batukhan apparently had would have hired a steward to look after their home, not let a wife do it. Bortai said it always seemed more like a partnership than a marriage."

"I wonder if that kind of thing is common? I doubt all batarian want to see their female family members become slaves and concubines," Kaidan opined.

"Do you really think we can convince them to live peaceably with us?"

"I think we have to try," Kaidan said with a deep sigh. "Batarians aren't exactly known for their ability to cooperate."

"I get the feeling from Bortai that we can't trust Batukhan," Catherine said, sitting up to look down on Kaidan. "Please, promise me that you won't go out there without you guns drawn."

"You really think that's the way to start our relationship with these people?" Kaidan was surprised to hear this from Catherine.

"Yes. For two reasons," she said. "First, batarian respect power. It would be great if you could walk in there with your hand extended in friendship and expect positive results, but the fact is that Batukhan, and the females as well, will think less of you for it. _That_ is definitely not the way to start."

She paused and moved until she was lying on top of Kaidan and rested her chin on her laced fingers.

"And secondly, Kaidan, you have two children now. They need you. I need you. I don't know what we do without you."

Kaidan wrapped his arms around her and rolled so that she was on her back and he on his side next to her. He kissed her passionately, burying his fingers in her lush curls. When he broke away her cheeks were flushed and her pulse throbbed in her throat under the soft touch of his fingertips.

"I love you so much, Kitten," he said huskily. "I am not going to let anything happen to myself tomorrow. I would never leave you."

"You'd better not," Catherine said and flung her arms around his neck.

Kaidan felt his ardour rising as the tempo of their kiss intensified. It the back of his mind he heard his conscience reminding himself that Catherine had just given birth and the direction this was going could not result in what he wanted it to, but he kept it up anyway.

He found he was thinking less about the actual physical sensations and more about his own feelings. His desire was being driven by the powerful love his felt for Catherine. What she had done the day before ignited his passion in a way he had never experienced. This was his wife and the mother of his children.

"Cat, Cat, Cat," he said as he kissed his way along the ridge of her collarbone. "You have no idea how much I love you."

"Of course I do," she whispered. "I can feel it. Every time you think it, it echoes in my mind and I can hardly breath for the joy of it."

Their impassioned kissing soon turned to affectionate cuddling and eventually to a sound and dreamless sleep. Halfway through the night Kaidan was awoke by a sense of hungry and fear he'd never felt before. Catherine was already awake, sitting on the couch with one of the twins at her breast.

Not fully awake, Kaidan pulled himself out of bed and picked up the other, Jane as it turned out, and sat on the edge of the bed, rocking her until Catherine was ready to trade.

Neither of them said anything, and when both babies were asleep again, they crawled back into bed. Catherine was asleep almost immediately and Kaidan wondered if she had even really been awake while she fed them. Kaidan had not really been looking forward to waking to the sound of babies screaming in the night, so this turn of events was a pleasant surprise.

The connection they had with each other and with the twins obviously allowed them to anticipate their needs before tears started. That, Kaidan could live with. In fact it was rather pleasant. They hadn't turned a light on or made any noise, and it felt like he'd barely woken up.

Before worries about the next day could set in, Kaidan wrapped himself around Catherine. She had her back to him and when she felt him close she made a small murmur of contentment and snuggled closer. Kaidan brushed her hair out of his face. It was getting long and unruly, but he would never ask her to cut it. It was glorious and one of her best features.

Never had he imagined that his life would end up like this. He'd dreamed of a wife and family yes, but not of being a farmer and hunter and woodsman. Even on colony worlds people didn't live the way they did. This was the kind of romantic life read about in books. Those kinds of stories usually proved to be pure fiction, but this one really was the dream. Kaidan was happy. Incredibly so.

His mind remained on the same train of thought the next day as they prepared to head out for the batarian camp. With him he was taking Garrus, James, Liara, EDI and Cortez. He would have liked another woman to come, but he'd had no volunteers and he wasn't about to insist. The six of them would be enough of a show of force, and hopefully an example of how species could cooperate and live together.

The shuttle wasn't in bad shape after a winter of disuse, but it wasn't in great condition either. The fuel lines needed to be cleaned and the whole systems chugged and sputtered for the first few moments in the air. It made everyone nervous, but Cortez assured them that she would fly, they just needed to give her some time to clear her throat.

The directions Bortai had given them were good. They followed the ridgeline west, going further than they ever had before. They'd never found anything in this direction worth exploring. East had always been for fruitful for them.

James kept watch out the side of the shuttle and gave a shout when he spotted the cave in the cliff face and the clearing before it. Cortez circled the area and waited until they saw a batarian come out of the cave. He took the shuttle down and the team drew their weapons and primed them to full power.

"No one fires a single shot," Kaidan instructed. "Defense only. I don't want this to get violent."

"Are you sure that's wise, Kaidan?" Garrus asked.

"Liara and I have our biotics," he said. "We can put up a barrier before any of us can stop one of them from taking a shot. Besides, my guess is that only Batukhan is going to have a weapon. From the sounds of it, the wives are pretty well cowed."

Garrus shrugged. "If you say so."

"Open the hatch," Kaidan said to James, and the burly man hauled the side door open letting in a flood of mid-day light.

The clearing was small. Just a space of dusty ground big enough for two shuttles to land. There was remains of a carcass dumped carelessly beside the cave mouth and the stench of it rotting in the sun was revolting. Survival training obviously had not been something this batarian had learned. A rotting carcass drew predators. Even if they didn't plan to stay in the area, they should have dug a midden pit downwind of their camp.

Kaidan took in the details quickly as they approached the small group of batarians, trusting his team to keep their eyes fixed on the strangers. When the large male called for them to stop and raised his weapon, an old Scimitar shotgun, Kaidan proceeded several more steps before coming to a halt.

Careful not to tilt his head to either side or break eye contact with the batarian's lower set of eyes, he took one step forward from his team.

"I assume you're Batukhan?" he said casually.

"And who the hell are you?" the batarian snarled.

"My name is Kaidan Alenko," he said. "We have a settlement to the east of here. Bortai tells us you could use some assistance. We'd like to invite you to join us."

Batukhan gave a scoffing laugh. "You think I can't take care of my harem? You believed that sniveling bitch?"

Liara stepped up beside Kaidan. "Batukhan, there are no other batarians here. And there never will be. There is no one for you to impress. Let us help you."

"Don't you dare use my name!" he shouted. "I don't care what the rest of the galaxy thinks of the asari. To me you are still just a woman."

His head was angled far to the right as he said this, but as the gesture meant little to Liara she kept right on talking.

"Batukahn, if you would just listen," Liara insisted. "There is no leaving this planet for any of us. We have to learn to live together."

Batukhan ignored her and stared at Kaidan. "I will not listen to her, human."

Kaidan turned to Liara. "We don't want to provoke him. I appreciate the effort, but how about I do the talking."

Liara made a face but stayed silent after that. Kaidan decided to take a more aggressive approach.

"Look, we're offering to help you survive here," he said. "If you want our help you are going to have to learn how to live with other species, and with us everyone is equal."

"Where is Eloiti?" he demanded.

"She's at our camp," Kaidan said. "Alive and well."

"And if I demanded her return?"

"Bortai has free choice now. If she doesn't want to come back, we won't make her."

"You humans," Batukahn snarled. "You think you can just impose your will on whoever you want. You have no respect for your culture."

"I have respect for individuals and their rights," Kaidan said harshly. "This is not a batarian world and if Bortai wants to be free of you she has that choice."

Kaidan could hear James and Garrus whispering behind him but he kept his eyes on Batukhan. The batarian's wives were whispering as well. EDI sharp ears caught some of their words.

"Kaidan," she said softly. She was able to regulate her voice so that it was only audible at close range. "The females want him to agree. They are starving and desperate."

Kaidan nodded. "We don't want you to lose your culture either, but there are some part of it we can't let you continue here. Slavery for example."

"Slavery is an integral part of our culture!" he shouted.

In his mind Kaidan saw an image of his children on their knees and in chains. He felt rage boil to the surface and the calm, cool demeanor he normally exuded vanished.

"And you really think we're going to allow you exist here knowing that you might one day come our children?" Kaidan bellowed. From the corner of his eye he could see the shock on Liara's face. "You have two options here. Either you live as part of our community, or we finish you now!

Kaidan had never before felt rage of the caliber course through his veins then. He wanted to tear the batarian limb from limb. Twist his neck until it snapped. Shatter his body on the cliff face with every ounce of power he could draw from his biotics.

His shoulders were heaving with every breath and his pulse pounded in his temples. There was a firm touch on his arm. Liara said his name softly.

"Don't Kaidan me, Liara," he said harshly. "You have a daughter now too. Do you really think these batarians are going to see her as anything other than a servant to be bound and whipped?"

"Kaidan, slow down," Liara said calmly. She stepped closer and lowered her voice. "Bortai said there were seven other wives. There are only six here. Where is the seventh?"

Batukhan must have heard her because he threw back his head and a vicious peel of laughter echoed off the cliff face behind him.

"The asari is right human," Batukhan boasted. "I heard your shuttle approach. Eloiti is not as clever as she thinks. I knew you were here and I allowed her to leave to find you. I could have tracked her and brought her back if I had wanted to. You have walked into my trap."

Now it was Garrus' turn to have his say in the conversation.

"There are more of us. Many more. And a herd of powerful animals that will defend us. What are you against all of us."

"Ah, but if you never come back and I have your shuttle," he paused and raised his weapon higher, taking aim squarely at Kaidan. "Just think what I could do then."

He fired the shotgun. Kaidan and Liara threw up massive barriers at the same time and the spray of pellets bounced harmlessly of the sheen of scintillating blue power. Garrus and James had their weapons raised, ready to fire as soon as the barrier faded, while EDI scanned the area with her highly sensitive eyes, searching for the other batarian.

"You've failed, Batukhan," Garrus said smoothly, confidently. "Might as well just give in."

Batukhan fired again. Kaidan poured more power into his barrier, but Liara backed off, reserving her strength.

"Take him down," Kaidan said coldly. "Spare the women."

Except for EDI, all of their attention was focused on the batarians in front of the cave. Unfortunately, EDI was facing the other way when the missing female sprang from the bushes and fired a second shotgun.

The blast hit Kaidan full in the side, pellets peppering his upper arm and torso. He fell to the ground screaming in agony. EDI went to the ground beside him and a second blast pinged off the armored plating of her back.

With Garrus' help she lifted Kaidan and hauled him backward toward the shuttle, Cortex covering their retreat, while James and Liara opened fire on the batarians.

Through a red fog of pain, Kaidan watched as Liara warped the female with a power biotic blast. Blood spurted from her eyes, ears, nose and mouth as her insides came apart. She disintegrated at a molecular level and was dead in seconds.

Letting go of Kaidan for a moment, Garrus raised his Widow sniper rifle and managed to clip Batukhan in the shoulder as he leveled the shotgun at James who was charging at him, a war cry pouring forth from his mouth.

As Kaidan was lifted into the shuttle James reached the batarian and slammed the but of his rifle into his face. By this point Kaidan's vision was going blurry and white around the edges, and he wasn't sure, but it looked like Batukhan's skull caved in with the force of the blow, completely obliterating his face.

And then he was lying on his back on the floor of the shuttle with EDI kneeling over him. There were shouts from outside, but Kaidan wasn't sure who it was. It could have been any of those still on the ground. His hearing was starting to go the way of his vision.

The shuttle lifted off the ground without the others on board and EDI forced him to sit up while she wrapped bandages tightly around him, pinning his arm to his body.

She calmly continued to tend to his wounds, but she would not answer his questions. Would not tell him how bad the damage was. Her synthetic face was impossible to read.

As he lost consciousness the pain began to fade and a warm sensation, like being covered in a down comforter on a winter night, spread through him. He could hear more voices around him and felt like he was being carried, but didn't feel the need to respond to any of it. He briefly caught a glimpse of Catherine's face and then he slept, and it felt good.

When he next awoke he was disoriented and confused. He was looking sitting on a stool beside a bed and had no idea how he had got there. He seemed unable to move, to so much as turn his head or lift his arms. His vision was still fuzzy and snapped in and out of focus in a strange fashion. One moment he was looking down at a figure in the bed. A blink later and he was standing on the other side of the room.

The pain was gone but was replaced by something else, something less like a physical feeling and more emotion. Kaidan couldn't quite put his finger on it. Maybe he was alright but Karin had put him out and this was some kind of drug induced dream.

He couldn't seem to focus on anything for long and when he next found himself sitting at the bedside he tried to direct his eyes to the figure in the bed. It took what felt like ages and most of the energy he could muster, but finally he forced himself to look at the face of the person in the bed.

It was himself.

Karin was there the next time he became aware. She was speaking to him, or rather to the eyes he was seeing through. Her words were muffled and hard to make out, but what he heard was not encouraging.

"He lost a lot of blood, but he seems to be healing," Karin was saying.

"So why has he not woken up?" It was Catherine's voice. "It's been days."

"My concern is brain damage due to the blood loss. EDI and I have been unable to obtain readings that would suggest it, but I can think of no other reason why he would not have woken by now."

Hands came up and rubbed his eyes and then Kaidan was seeing through tears and he realized what was going on. He was seeing through Catherine's eyes. Somehow, the strange connection formed between them was allowing him to witness events from her perspective.

"Catherine, I know you want to but you can't spend every moment at his bedside. Your children need you. You must care for them."

Everything went dark again and when he was able to see and hear again, it was Catherine's voice her heard.

She was at his bedside, this time sitting right beside him. In the crook of one arm she held Jane. Lying on the bed beside him was Everett. His hand had been placed on his son, spread over his tiny body.

"Kaidan, you have to wake up," she pleaded. "I know you're there. I don't know why I can't hear you anymore, but I know you're not gone. Please, listen to my voice and come back."

Kaidan wanted nothing more than to comfort her and wipe away her tears, but her voice was the problem. He couldn't hear her voice through his own ears. He didn't know how. Whatever was happening, it was stopping him from feeling his own body.

Everett began to cry. A sharp, piercing wail that cut to the marrow of Kaidan's very being. It was not a cry of hungry or exhaustion or even discomfort. It was a howl of pure, unadulterated sadness. He could feel his son's sorrow. Whether he could feel it because Catherine could feel it or because his own ability to sense his children remained, Kaidan didn't know, but he latched on to the emotion and willed all of his thought towards his son.

He wished to be able to pick up the tiny infant and hold him close and comfort him. To tell him it would be okay. That his papa would never leave him.

As he thought these things something started to happen. The edges of his vision blackened and colours and textures dulled. But his hearing grew sharper and began to lose the muffled quality of moments before.

Suddenly he could see nothing but his sense of touch returned. First there was pain, a flash of it in his arm, before he realized there was something warm moving under his right hand. He flexed his fingers and the wailing faltered.

With great effort, feeling like his hand weighed a metric ton, he lifted his fingers and found the source of the noise. The tip of his index finger found a dainty nose and then moved down to find two perfect lips parted in the last discordant notes of one final burst of tears.

The tiny mouth latched onto his finger and sucked with force, the cries stopping immediately. A voice filled with relief soon took their place.

"Kaidan, are you awake? Can you hear me?" Catherine sounded desperate. "Please, you don't have to say anything, just let me know you are awake and all right."

He tried to say something but his throat hurt. It was dry and his voice rasped. Swallowing he tried again. It came out better this time, but it was still barely more than a whisper.

"I'm here," he managed.

Catherine began to weep. Kaidan tried to open his eyes, but it was like they had been glued shut. It felt the same way it had after he'd woken up after the attack on Mars, when he'd been unconscious for well over a week.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice getting stronger.

"Not another word, my love," Catherine said. "Nothing more until you're ready."

"I'm okay," Kaidan said. "I just can't open my eyes yet. Give me a sec."

Something cool and moist touched his face, moved across his forehead, rubbed gently at his eyes, and then caressed each cheek. He tried opening his eyes again. They were gummy with sleep and his lids came apart slowly. Light poured in and he was blind again for a moment, but he soon adjusted and before he knew it he was looking at Catherine and her sapphire blue eyes.

"Hey," he said groggily. "You okay?"

"You were shot and then out cold for four days and you're asking me if I'm okay?"

"I worry about you," he said.

"Then next time there is a dangerous person to approach… don't," she said with gentle chiding.

"How are the twins?" he asked, even though he could now sense both of them and feel their contentment.

"They've both been fretful for the last four days. Jane has been better, but Everett was really distressed and I didn't know what to do."

"It was him who brought me out of it," Kaidan said. "I could hear him crying."

Catherin leaned forward and lay Jane on his chest, holding her steady with her hand.

"What happened, Kaidan? I don't mean with the batarians. Garrus told me all about that. I mean after. Why could I not feel you? You were so silent."

Kaidan didn't answer right away. He wasn't sure how to describe exactly what had happened. He wasn't sure he even knew.

"It was like I wasn't in my body anymore. There were a few times when I could see and hear, but it was like a dream. It was like… Like I was experiencing things through you."

"You were in my head?" Catherine asked.

"I don't know," Kaidan said wrinkling his brow as he pondered what he could only just remember. "It's got to have something to do with the synthetics though. Doesn't matter. I'm back now. How badly was I injured?"

"Not as bad as EDI thought when they brought you back. You lost some muscle in your arm and Doctor Chakwas had to dig pellets out of you ribcage, but nothing major was hit and you've healed so quickly it's all just puckered and pink now."

"It still hurts," he said, shifting his left arm experimentally.

"Well, it's only been a few days," Catherine said with a laugh that sounded genuine though nervous. "EDI took some damage as well and it turns out she can heal herself now. Pretty amazing stuff."

"And the batarians?" Kaidan asked.

"Only Lortak and Batukhan dead. The rest were happy to come here when Cortez went back with the shuttle. EDI and Liara are trying to teach them more English since only Bortai speaks it well. I think they are just glad to be free."

"Maybe thing will finally settle down now," Kaidan said with a sigh that deflated his whole body. "I think I am done with adventure."

"Oh, I don't think adventure is done quite yet," Catherine said as she gently lowered herself down on his left. He lifted his arm and tucked it around her waist.

"What makes you say that?" he asked.

Catherine ran her fingers along Jane's forehead and the sleeping child made a cooing sound at her touch.

"Her. And him," she said with a smile that made Kaidan's heart glow. "And whoever might come next. It'll be a different kind of adventure, but it will be just as exciting and hopefully a lot less dangerous. Everything in life is an adventure. We just have to teach ourselves to see it that way. And even when it isn't terribly exciting for us, even when it gets hard or frustrating or, dare I say it, boring, it's all going to be new for them. Every day will bring something new for our children and we can experience it all through them."

"How do you do it?" Kaidan asked.

"Do what?" Catherine replied.

"Stay so unwaveringly upbeat and positive," Kaidan said, pulling her a little closer despite the pain in his flank. "You always know just the right things to say. Your insight in incredible."

"I guess I just always try to find the silver lining in things," she said with a small shrug. "I'm that person who loves every kind weather, lets the spider stay in the window even though it scares the crap out me because I know it's eating flies."

"Have I mentioned I love you?" Kaidan asked with a soft chuckle that caused Everett to stir under his hand.

"Not today," Catherine said contentedly. "I love you too, Kaidan. And I can't wait to see what happens tomorrow."


	19. Chapter 19 Delight

The seasons changed swiftly, winter fading into a quick spring and nearly three weeks of monsoon like rains. The forest burst into leaf and Kaidan and Catherine took part in the mad dash to get the gardens planted, which this year included a large patch of grain and grasses. They hoped it would provide enough of a harvest to make flour and therefore bread.

The batarians threw themselves into work around the camp with intense enthusiasm, wishing to prove their worth and usefulness. Convincing them that they had freewill and could contribute in whatever ways they were able was impossible. They were in constant need of instruction and direction. Kaidan and EDI took to making lists for them each day. The batarians did the work on their lists without complaint and checked the items off with pride. Soon, each of the women found their niches and, though they still sought guidance, they didn't insist on working themselves to the bone from morning to night. They finally realized they would be accepted no matter what.

The stone houses which had stood empty for months were cleaned out and refurnished to make room for the new additions to the settlement. Plans for expansions to existing homes were made, though it was decided that continuing to build entirely out of stone would not be practical, so work began on construction of a sawmill.

The folivora herd, or vora as they had taken to calling them, remained close, never more than a few kilometres away, and Liara was happy to discover that the beasts naturally shed their heavy coats as the days grew warmer. Teams were sent out each day to collect the great clumps of hair they left snagged in branches and on the trunks of trees where the vora scratched their flanks and backs. Fabric was produced in mass quantities and clothing was made for all the growing children.

For those hastily growing children an enclosure was built near the hall, and Joker shifted his woodworking skills from furniture to toys, creating everything from swings to rocking horses.

Lola was walking on her own and was becoming menace. The children born in early winter were crawling, and the twins were quickly following. Those who had witnessed children grow before felt like they were developing at abnormal speeds and everyone had to constantly remind themselves that two months was now equal to three.

The new fathers formed a dads only group that met every other day and Kaidan looked forward to it always. He alternated which of the twins he took with him, leaving Catherine to care for the other. Jane never seemed to sleep for more than half an hour at a time during the day and was always gabling to herself. Everett was much quieter, more serious. He gazed at the world around him with silent intensity, taking it all in. Kaidan could feel his questing mind seeking to understand all he surveyed.

As Lola truly began to find her tongue, Liara and EDI began to work on educational programs, hoping that all the children could be raised knowing a variety of languages. On the lesson plans were several Earth based languages that other members of the crew spoke; English, French, Spanish, Italian and Gaelic. Unfortunately, the turian language could only be spoken by those with the right vocal cords and so could not be taught, but the quarian batarian languages, and the most prominent asari dialects, went on the list as well.

Kaidan thought these were lofty goals, trying to teach the children eight languages, but he also knew they children absorbed information quickly and this would be the best time for them to learn. They all hoped to preserve as much as possible through future generations.

The second anniversary of the crash came around, and though they still called it a wake, the atmosphere was much different, more jubilant. Several more pregnancies were announced and Kaidan officiated two more marriages.

Once again they made toasts to those they had lost and called out the things they missed, thought that list had grown shorter and was now followed by a list of things they were grateful for. That early summer day was likely going to become the new Thanksgiving.

Little fuel remained in the shuttle and what was there was beginning to break down and degrade. They decided that they might as well use it up while it lasted and over the course of the summer several trip were made to and from the ocean, gathering up everything they could along the way. Large trees were cut down and air lifted back to the camp. The last exploratory expeditions were made, including one that lead them to the marooned batarian ship.

Much of the hull was rusted and beyond repair or use, but many of the components were still useful and they found a treasure trove of electronics within, including a full and expansive kitchen suite that was easily removed and brought back to the hall. There had also been a stash of high tech medical equipment and medigel that caused Karin to almost cry with joy when she saw it all.

The end of summer brought in massive harvests that had the entire camp busy for days, digging, hauling, cleaning and storing. Catherine and Kaidan oversaw everything done in the gardens, working all day with the twins in carriers on their backs.

They were nearly eight months old by then and were growing more interesting by the day as they learned the basics of communicating, if only through gestures and indecipherable sounds.

Kaidan found that the more they were able to communicate vocally, the less he was able to hear them mentally, though the connection was still strong, particularly on an emotional level. However, the semi-telepathic connection also remained a source of some concern.

Although Kaidan's body had healed well and fully in a short time, his mind didn't always feel entirely his own. Though there was never another episode like the one he experienced during his stay in the hospital, he often found himself in similar situations.

More than once he awoke in the night unable to move and speak, but feeling as if he was still dreaming. He could still see his surroundings, but superimposed over them were images he couldn't quite make out. Discussions with Catherine the following day revealed them to be dreams that she was having, often involving him or the children.

Other times, while working in the garden, or even in the middle of a conversation, he would go blank as a surge of emotion from Catherine washed through him.

He began to take instruction from Liara on how to put up walls around his mind, and employ filters to limit what Catherine could send to him. She meanwhile also took lessons on how to control what went on in her own mind and what she projected to her husband and children.

Liara's working theory was that while Kaidan was injured, Catherine's psyche had essentially absorbed his for a time due to their inexperience with psychic connections. The roots that had taken hold during that time were still firmly in place and Liara saw no way to sever the connection, and so they sought to control it. It grew easier with time, and as winter approached they had reached an equilibrium that suited them both.

On the day of the first brief snowfall, Cortez announced that the shuttle had finally run out of fuel and would never fly again. They grounded it for the last time next to the hall and took what they could from it, leaving the frame as a playhouse to be used by the children when they were old enough.

That night Kaidan lay on his stomach beside Catherine on their bed while Jane and Everett played on the woven mat on the floor. Kaidan had carved wooden blocks for them and Everett spent hours piling them up only to have Jane knock them down in fit of laugher and joyous shrieks. Everett never fussed, he just resolutely piled them back up into his little towers.

They were now a year old by Earth months and were both on the brink of walking independently. Jane had surprised everyone by declaring her first word at dinner one night. Strangely it had been 'duck', which no one could explain as there was no logical reason for her to know it. She now said it often, though she clearly didn't know what it meant.

That night she held up one of her blocks to Kaidan and shouted 'Duck!', waving it in his face, her big, brown eyes sparkling.

"No, sweetheart," he said, smiling back at her. "That's a block. Block."

She stared back at him, a look of concentration on her face, and the decided it wasn't worth the trouble and turned away, stuffing a corner of the block in her mouth to gnaw on.

"What do you think Everett's first word will be?" Catherine asked, reaching down to stroke the little boy's head.

"Word?" Kaidan said. "It won't be a word. It'll be a whole sentence. That boy's going to wait until he can do it perfectly before he says anything."

Catherine chortled, her whole body shaking gently. "You're probably right. He's so serious. Do you ever wish he'd smile more?"

"Never," Kaidan said without a thought. "It makes the times he does smile that much more special."

As if he understood every word they were saying, Everett chose that moment to look up at them give them a brilliant beam, his tiny, white teeth framed between his perfect pink lips.

Catherine gave a little cheer and rolled off the bed, catching the boy up in her arm and cuddling him close. He laughed with glee as she lifted his shift and blew a raspberry on his round belly.

Feeling left out, Jane stood on wobbly legs and reached out to Kaidan who lifted her easily onto the bed where she climbed on his back and drummed playfully on the back of his head.

Catherine was sat against the bed with Everett in her lap facing her.

"What do you think, my little sunshine?" she said to him conspiratorially. "Do you think we should tell papa our secret?"

"Hear that, Janey?" Kaidan said, rolling over as the girl slid off his back. "Your mama's got a secret."

He'd grown much more skilled with his biotics over the course of the summer and now he caught Jane in a lift and let her hover in the air just above him. She giggled and squirmed, her own biotics flaring blue around her in a halo, though she couldn't use them yet.

"I really do have a secret, Kaidan," Catherine said softly.

Kaidan lowered Jane into his hands and set her back on the floor with her blocks. Everett scrambled away from his mother and joined his sister. Catherine stood, straightened her shirt and fell back onto the bed on her stomach beside Kaidan.

She gave a great sigh and rested her chin on her folded arms and peered over at Kaidan with a coy little smile.

"Are you going to share this secret, Kitten," Kaidan asked, trying to mask the anticipation he felt. He could feel her excitement, thought outwardly she hid it well.

"How would you feel about making our family five instead of four?"

"Ready for another ankle biter already?" Kaidan said with a raised brow.

"Did you ever play hide and seek as a kid?" she asked.

Kaidan shrugged. "Who didn't?"

"When you were the seeker, what when you finished the countrdown?"

Kaidan thought for a moment and had to actually count down from five in his head before the phrase came back to him.

"Ready or not, here I... come." His words slowed as she realized what he was saying. "You're not," he whispered.

Catherine nodded vigorously, unable to contain her grin now. "Only about three months. Had Karin do a blood test this morning. I was going to wait and tell you on the anniversary of our hand fastening, but I just could help myself. It's only a few days away anyway."

Kaidan moved closer to her and wrapped an arm around her, kissing her warmly. He rolled her over onto her back and rested his hand on her abdomen and looked down into her glowing eyes.

"This is incredible, Cat," Kaidan said breathlessly. "We're definitely going to need more space now."

The construction over the summer had already changed their living space considerably. What had been their front door now opened to a common area they shared with James and Morgan, Tali and Garrus, and Liara. Moves had been made to bring people together in configurations that worked. Ken and Gabby shared the next space of four combined homes with Cortez and Avery and two other couples.

Families with children shared the largest homes down the centre, the path having been built over, while the outside home were reserved for groups of childless couples and singles. The new common spaces were built of logs on fieldstone foundations with massive hearths in the centre as a source of heat during the winters.

Smaller rooms were added on the sides as future bedrooms, but as yet none of the children were old enough to have their own spaces and were still sharing their parents bedrooms.

Learning to live in so rustic a way had taken some getting used to. Everyone had had to learn how to build fires and bank them for the night. How to keep sparks and smoke to a minimum as the roofs were now made of thatch rather than mental. The stone floor had to be swept constantly and there was always dust on everything, but their sense of community had grown even stronger and the work load never seemed terribly great.

"By the time she arrives Jane and Everett will be old enough to move into their own room," Catherine said. "And we know they aren't going to want separate rooms, at least not until they're older. Tali and Garrus won't be having kids, and I don't see Liara having another for a long time. James and Morgan, however, are going to give us a run for our money."

"It might become just us and them in here," Kaidan laughed. "Are we ready for another?" He asked more soberly.

Catherine laughed, throwing her head back so her hair fell over the end of the bed, where Everett began idly playing with it.

"Ready or not," she said. "But, yes, we are ready for this. You are a wonderful father and I'm learning to be a good mother."

Kaidan put a finger to her lips and silenced her. "You are the best mother here. You are calm and patient and have the best imagination."

A commotion in the common area drew their attention and Kaidan got up to see what it was. Jane crawled after him and when he stopped she grabbed his pants leg and pulled herself up to stand beside him.

Joker was at their front door talking animatedly to James. Kaidan reached down and plucked Jane off the floor and went over to them.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"I have no idea, but EDI thinks it could be bad." Joker looked serious, an expression they rarely saw on him. "You've gotta come see this."

Kaidan pulled on his coat and boots and wrapped a blanket around Jane. It was not yet fully dark, but the remaining light was strange, not at all like a normal sunset. He and James followed Joker up the hill behind the hall where EDI and Kenneth were already waiting.

They were looking west and when Kaidan turned his gaze in that direction no explanation was needed. He saw it right away.

"What is that?" he asked fearfully.

"We have no idea," Joker said.

"It looks like a wildfire," James said.

"There is no smoke," EDI observed.

The horizon was a smear of brilliant crimson fading into inky blackness above. The moons had not risen and yet no stars were visible in the sky above.

"It's already fading," Kaidan said, noticing the light begin to dim.

"Holy shit," James said under his breath.

Kaidan turned to remind him of Jane's presence and stopped when he saw what the big man was looking at.

The sky to the north was a wash of rippling curtains of light. Deep purples and electric greens danced and waved through the atmosphere, disappearing one place only to explode into existence again in another.

"Aurora borealis," Kaidan said with wonder. "I haven't seen them since I was a kid on Earth."

"We should tell the others," Kenneth whispered, but made no move to leave.

Even Jane's easily distractible eyes were fixed on the display of light above them. Kaidan focused at Catherine and when he felt the tickle of a response from her he willed her to join them.

Ten minutes later she appeared carrying Everett and followed by Morgan and Lola and several others. Nobody said a word as they gaze up and more and more people joined them. Soon, nearly everyone was outside, either at the top of the hill or just below, watching the spectacle.

An hour later, with one last frenetic burst of colour the light disappeared, leaving the sky a blank canvas that slowly became speckles with pinpricks of white as the stars returned.

EDI was the first to notice that the red glow had completely gone as well.

"The good news is that it wasn't a fire," she said with obvious relief.

"Too bad the shuttle just crapped out on us," Kenneth said with a frown. "Sort of bugs me not being able to take a quick trip up to find out what we're dealing with."

"What wasn't a fire?" Morgan asked.

"There was this freaky red glow in the west," James told her. "We thought it might be a forest fire."

Liara joined them, holding Tessa in her arms, and said, "The horizon was red last night as well. I thought it was just part of the sunset. You think it could be something else?"

"It could be that our sun has produced a particularly strong solar flare, or even a coronal mass ejection," EDI hypothesized. "It's difficult to say without the proper equipment to measure solar output.

"Our solar panels have been producing more energy the past few days," Tali added. "But we did just clean them in preparation for winter."

"I will have to consult with my core to determine if the power fluctuations have been beyond the normal range," EDI said, looking up at the sky again, her visor dimming to allow in more starlight.

"Is all our equipment safe?" Catherine asked with concern. "I know most modern electronics are shielded against solar flares, but we're not exactly using everything as it was meant to be used."

Kaidan had no idea what would happen if they were hit with an electromagnetic flare. Such a worry was a thing of another age, but Catherine had a good point. If their jury rigged equipment failed, they would be thrown back into the dark ages. Despite their ingenuity and many new discoveries, they still relied heavily on their more modern technology.

"I wouldn't worry too much about it, Cat," Tali said quickly, reassuring everyone. "Most things are still well insulated, and those that aren't are easily repaired."

Kaidan felt relief in himself and in Catherine.

"Makes you think about the future though doesn't it," Morgan said, looking at her daughter' face, surrounded by a ruff of fur on her hood. "We are going to have to make sure our children can fend for themselves. We can't let them rely on technology that may not be around for very long."

It was a salient point and Kaidan nodded his agreement. "It's a little overwhelming thinking of all the things they are going to have to learn. Building seems so easy to us now, but think about when Javik's particle gun stops working, or when the metal equipment wears out. They're going to have to learn how to make strong, durable tools."

"And to make those," Kenneth said. "They're going to have to find and process raw minerals. We don't even know if there are any in the area."

"EDI was the Normandy still equip to scan for minerals, like we did when we were fighting the Collectors?" Joker asked suddenly.

"The programming is still in my core, but I'm not sure the hardware still functions," she said, her head tilted to the side as she tried to follow Joker's train of thought. "An interesting idea, Jeff." She said at last. "Let's all go down to the hall and discuss this."

The night had grown colder, though wrapped in furs and vora fabric they hardly felt it, but the children needed to go down for the night and so the filed back down the hill. Joker, EDI and Tali went into the hall, already discussing Jeff's idea, while everyone else went to put their children to bed.

Inside their bedroom, Kaidan and Catherine hurried through their bedtime rituals with the twins. They left the lamp on dim on the corner and went into the common area where Liara, James and Morgan were waiting for them.

Garrus was already at the hall and Morgan offered to stay and watch over all the children so they rest of them could attend the meeting. Kaidan and Catherine would both sense if either of the twins woke in distress, but they typically slept well right through the night and they felt no guilt leaving them in someone else's care from time to time.

The usual crowd was gathered I the hall already, though Kenneth had joined them which was a pleasant surprise. Lately, he'd been taking a more active role in the running of things and Kaidan was glad to see him there.

They sat down at the largest table across from Tali and Garrus. Seeing Tali's often sad face reminded Kaidan of Catherine's new pregnancy and he smiled warmly at the quarian, earning a brief smile in return.

At the end of the table, EDI stood and addressed the seven people gathered there.

"I have consulted with my core and established that Jeff's plan is theoretically possible," she began. "It is a good plan, if we can make it work. Jeff proposes that we use the old scanning equipment to locate deposits of minerals that will be useful to future generations. Thought it will be some years before they will be needed, the information will save precious time when the need becomes more prevalent."

"And I'm sure that I can salvage the hardware," Tali added.

"Hold on a sec," Kaidan said. "I know I wasn't around for that fight, but Shepard told me enough about it. That system was designed to scan whole planets, not hillsides."

"I can adapt the software to a more narrow focus," EDI said. "The process is simple."

Joker finally spoke up. "I figured that even though the tools we have will last for years, and we don't need to start digging ourselves, it'd be better to leave some maps or something so that in the future they don't have to go blindly digging around underground."

"That a great idea, Joker," Catherine said. "I love finding out you're still using your brain."

"Sometimes I surprise even myself," Joker said as he flicked a bit of crumb at Catherine.

Kaidan sat back and watched the discussion and banter, commenting occasionally, but generally just keeping quiet and basked in the glow of the life they continued to build.

The last time he had talked to his dad, Kaidan had learned that one of his father's best friends had just died. He'd been amazed at how well his father had been taking the news. His father had told him that the surest sign of middle age was that memories became more important than dreams.

Sitting among his friends now, Kaidan finally saw the truth in that wise statement. Though his own middle age was years away, and though he'd had many friends in his life, as he grew older none would be closer to him than those sitting around the table that night.

Garrus, Tali, Liara and Joker, who had been through the toughest battles and the most heart rending loses of his life right along side him. James, Kenneth and EDI, who he'd know only a short while before the end, but who had become permanent and essential fixtures in his life.

His mind wandered slowly through the faces of the rest of the crew. Morgan and Gabby, Diana and Ivan, Steve and Avery, and so many others. Though he wasn't close with everyone, each and every person, even the batarians, had become integral cogs in the workings of the settlement, and their faces, their smiles and sorrows, would forever be in Kaidan's mind.

And then there was Catherine. The woman he never thought he'd find. How had he been so lucky to cross her path again? Of all the people in all the galaxy that could have ended up on the Normandy at the end, and she was one of them. If he lived for another hundred years, he would probably never believe his luck.

And of course, there would always be Shepard. He would never forget her, but the love he felt had changed. It had morphed into something new. Gone were the sharp pangs of guilt, regret and longing. Instead, they had been replaced by a fondness and sense of pride.

Everything he had now, he had because of her and her courage and tenacity. If Shepard had been a different person, more ruthless and single-minded in her quest to destroy the Reapers, if she had chosen differently at any number of points, from endorsing Anderson as the first human councillor to disarming the bomb on Tuchanka, life could have been very different now.

Garrus might have been a harder, tougher man, instead of calm, soothing charmer he was, exuding pure charisma with every gesture and word. Liara and Tali could have been much the same; angry and aggressive. But Shepard's influence had kept them fierce and determined when they needed to be and compassionate and kind at the same time.

Even Kaidan felt changed by her. He'd always been a steady, level headed man, but Shepard had shown him that he could let loose and show emotion without loosing control. Looking back now, he realized how uptight and reserved he'd been. Joker still made fun of Garrus for his supposed rigid control and inflexibility, but the truth was, it had always been Kaidan who was the most firm. Always tolerant and accepting of others, but mercilessly hard on himself.

Yes, Shepard had truly left the galaxy a better place. Even if the Reapers had won, she would have died knowing she brought together billions of beings of different races, creeds, cultures, religions and species. People who had fought each other for hundreds of years had put aside their differences at her influence and battled side by side for the good of all.

At the end, her only enemies had been Cerberus and the Reapers. There had still been people who didn't like her, but even they held a grudging respect for her. She'd made the galaxy a better place. One woman among trillions upon trillions of people, and she had done more than all of them together.

It didn't matter that she'd had help. It was her magnetism and personality that gained her that help, that moved others to follow her into suicide missions against impossible odds. Another might not have inspired the same loyalty and passion.

"Kaidan?"

The voice broke through his contemplation and he realized Catherine was shaking his shoulder.

"Sorry, I was just thinking about... stuff," he said with a bittersweet smile.

The others around the table were staring at him too. Liara had a knowing smile on her face and Garrus' own expression seemed to radiate the same mournful joy that Kaidan felt. Tali's soulful, expressive eyes spoke volumes about her own thoughts and Kaidan worried that she was drifting ever closer to that dark place he'd found himself in many times before.

"Go on, I'm listening," he said, and conversation resumed.

What began as a serious discussion about the future became more like a gathering of companions, and well into the night they were still sitting around the table talking about old times and distant friends.

Twin crescent moons had tracked halfway across the sky before everyone headed back to their homes. EDI, Joker and Kenneth left Kaidan and the others and followed a different path to their homes. The rest of them went quietly to their own beds.

The twins were sleeping peacefully in their crib, arms linked together in the most adorable pose they were capable of, and Kaidan stood watching them while Catherine got changed for bed.

She joined him beside the crib and slid her arm around his waist.

"Everything okay?" she asked. "You were pretty zoned out for a while there."

"Just thinking about everything that lead us here," he replied lightly.

"Pretty heavy topic," Catherine said.

"It's peanuts to what's coming though," he said and turned to embrace her. "Boy or girl this time, Kitten?"

"Just not twins again," Catherine said, looking up at him. "_That_ might be too much."

"I have this vague memory of my mother telling me that if you're raising one toddler, you might as well raise two."

"Too bad Grandma's not here to babysit," Catherine said, referring to their parents for the first time without a detectable hint of grief in her voice or psyche.

Slowly but surely the pain was fading in all of them. All of them except Tali. Her heartache seemed to be growing more acute with each day and Kaidan knew Garrus was worried about her. Just give her more time, everyone said, but Kaidan wasn't convinced it would be enough.

"How would you feel about letting Tali name this one?" Kaidan asked her.

"You think it would help?" Catherine asked, already sensing Kaidan's thoughts.

"I really don't know," Kaidan said with a deep sigh. "It'll either show her how loved she is or it will remind her that much more of home."

"You know her best," Catherine said. "I'll leave it up to you."

In unison they let their arms fall and moved toward the bed. Kaidan stripped down and slid under the covers with her. Lying in the moonlight pouring in their window they made quiet love to each other and fell asleep in a tangle of blankets.

Panic returned to the settlement the following evening when the red glow suffused the horizon once again and an even more spectacular show of northern lights followed. When nothing dangerous happened that night or the following night, people began going to the hilltop at sunset in anticipation of the event.

After a week, the glow lasted for nearly an hour after sunset and the borealis stretched well into the night, dancing like flaming prayer flags across the whole arch of the stellar canvas above.

EDI was still not able to provide any explanation for the phenomenon and as it continued into the winter, growing brighter and lasting a little longer each night, some people, the batarians in particular, began to grow superstitious.

Some believed the Reapers were returning, that everything that had transpired had all been a dream and that in actual fact they had all been indoctrinated and were lost in the maze of their own minds. Others, the more religious people, believed that the End of Days had come or that they were descending into Juhannam.

Luckily the more radical viewpoints were too extreme to find a foothold among the general populous and the more accepted belief, among those few who believed the worst, was that an comet was on a collision course with the planet.

Kaidan, and most others, could not bring themselves to believe any of these things. EDI continued to assure them that they were in no danger and worked day and night trying to discover what was causing the light.

A month after they first saw the glow, the usual crowds had gather in the snow atop the hill behind the hall. Kaidan and Catherine stood close against the cold, James and Morgan next to them.

The sun descended in a blaze of colour, the whispy clouds stained pale orange and dark pink. But this time, as the orb of the sun dipped below the horizon, instead of the brief period of darkness that had existed between sundown and the glow, the light remained.

As the rest of the sky grew darker, the light seemed to draw inwards to a central point until what remained was revealed.

Hanging blood red and luminous in the blackness was a star.

There were gasps and cries of wonder all around, and those who had been prophesising the end fell to their needs and prayed for forgiveness, sure that they were about to meet their makers.

Kaidan, who had been so sure that a scientific answer would provide itself, felt a thrill of doubt and question race through his veins before he turned to locate EDI and the logic she would provide.

She was right behind him and already surrounded by others seeking answers, desperate to know that it was not a comet, meteor, or asteroid. Kaidan pushed his way to her through the crowd leading Catherine by the hand behind him.

"EDI?" he said simply, her name implying all the questions on his mind.

"Our star has a sibling?" she said, not taking her eyes off the heavens. "We are in a binary system."

"How could we not have known that by now?" Kaidan said, turning his gaze back towards the small red sun.

"It will take several more nights of observance to determine, but I postulate that this star has an elliptical orbit that keeps it hidden from view for a time," EDI said.

"So there's nothing to fear?" Catherine asked loudly for the benefit of those listening in anxiety.

"No," EDI said with a slight shake of her head. "Obviously life thrives here despite the presence of a second star."

Silence fell across the hill top and they watched in awe as the tiny star slowly made its way down to the horizon, giving the edge of the land one final, bloody kiss before disappearing all together.

James' voice broke the soundless vigil.

"Red sun in the morning, sailors take warning. Red sun at night, 'tis a shepherd's delight."

"Shepard's Delight," Catherine echoed him. "I think you've just named it."

There were murmurs of agreement and Kaidan repeated the name to himself. It suited. It was perfect. It matched everything he'd known Shepard would have thought about their continued life here. The joy she would feel if she could know of their success.

Every night that followed, people stood facing west at sundown, waiting for Shepard's Delight to appear. For six full month's she appeared in the sky at sunset, riding higher and brighter each night, bathing the planet in orangey red light.

The energy appeared to have no effect on plant or animal life, but the solar panels in the settlement told another story. The power from this tiny star was nearly as potent as its larger sibling.

EDI eventually calculated that Shepard's Delight was a occurrence that would happen only every three years. The religious zealotry that had emerged died down and people began to build their own superstitions around the star. Some said it was Shepard watching over them still, and attributed their success to her presence.

Children were born under her warm glow and given names that would forever declare them to have been born under a lucky star. Song were written and sung to her as she set each night. Even Kaidan gave into the fervour and on the night of the wake, when Delight was at her zenith, told the story of Shepard to the all the children.

The very same night, at the pinnacle of Delight's reign over the celestial parade, Catherine gave birth to their third child. A month earlier than expected but perfect healthy, Nora'Rhan, proudly named by Tali'Zorah, arrived in the world.

Kaidan carried his new daughter out into the light of the fiery star and said his first words to her, repeating like a prayer the same poetry James had so many months before.

"Red sun in the morning, sailors take warning." He paused and looked down at Nora's pink and squinted face. "Red sun at night, 'tis a Shepard's Delight."


	20. Chapter 20 Epilogue

**Six Years Later**

(_Roughly 10 years by Earth Calendar_)

"Try it again, Janey," Kaidan called across the water to Jane where she bobbed beside her brother. "You almost had it that time."

"But Dad, it's really hard," she whined back at him. "Why do I have to know how to do this anyway?"

Kaidan sighed and turned to Catherine, where she lay beside him on the beach of the small lake.

"Don't look at me, love," she said without opening her eyes. "This was your idea."

"I'm coming, Jane," Kaidan said, getting to his feet and wading into the water past his three youngest children.

To make things less confusing for all the youth in the settlement, the adults calculated time by the local calendar, but to Kaidan's eyes Rowan, his youngest son looked more like a five year old than a three year old. And he looked drastically younger than his older sister, Millicent, who was just over five by the new calendar, especially sitting beside her in the water that was half way up his chest and only at her waist.

Nora, always caught in the middle between the youngsters and the twins at the slightly more mature, but still childish six, often kept to herself, but today she was building a mountain of rocks in the shallows with her younger siblings.

Kaidan gave her a wink as he walked past her and she responded with smile and a surge of happiness that buffeted against her father's mental barriers. She was a temperamental girl who often fought with the older children, but she and Kaidan had a special bond. Some people wear their hearts on their sleeves, but Nora wore _everything_ on the surface. She was quick to anger, and even quicker to laughter or tears, but her fury never lasted long and she was the living embodiment of forgive and forget.

Besides her parents, the only other adult she'd formed any bond with was Tali. And her only true friend seemed to be Kenneth and Gabby's second son, Matthew, who Nora had begged her parents to bring along on this outing to the lake. Watching Nora now, playing so happily with Millicent and Rowan, Kaidan was glad he'd held firm and kept it a family trip.

Diving under the chilly water, Kaidan's still strong arms pulled him quickly to where Jane and Everett swam in the middle of the lake under the floating tower. Over the last year they had been coming into their own with their biotics and Kaidan had insisted that they learn how to use their powers in more passive and defensive ways before anything else.

Everett's power seemed to come naturally, and he picked up new skills after only a few tries, but Jane had more trouble. She found it difficult to focus and make her biotics do as she directed. Unfortunately, she'd overheard Kaidan and Catherine talking about this difficulty and now knew about their fear that she would require adrenaline to make full use of her ability.

Since then she had been putting herself in increasingly dangerous scenarios hoping that it would boost her biotic ability. It had taken a quiet, but firm conversation with her Uncle Garrus before she had seen reason and stopped 'falling' from trees and pestering adolescent voras until they charged at her.

With Liara's help, Kaidan had begun to devise safer ways for Jane to test herself. Today she was working on catching herself with a stasis field by letting her brother shove her off the top of the floating tower.

When Kaidan reached them, Jane's look was sour and Everett's was guilty. He felt bad that his sister was having trouble while it all came so easily to him, and it didn't matter how much Jane told him she didn't care.

Treading water beside them, Kaidan tried to offer encouragement, but he couldn't draw a smile from his eldest child.

"You were so close, Jane," he said. "If it was ground you were hitting and not water, you would be bruised but not broken. You just have to reach for the power sooner."

"Dad, I can't do it," she complained. "Not when I know I'm safe."

"Yes, you can," Kaidan said firmly. "Jane, you have the skill, you just have to apply it."

She frowned at him and he grimaced right back. "Jane Alenko, I may not be able to hear which dirty word is going through your head right now, but I can sense it. Don't think for a minute that you're too old for a grounding."

"Sorry, dad," Jane said contritely.

Ever the peacemaker, Everett put in his two cents. "What if I were in the water below you? If you don't catch yourself in time you'll land on me."

"I don't want to hurt you, Ev," Jane said.

Everett gave one of his rare but brilliant smiles and said, "Exactly."

"And to make it a little tougher," Kaidan added. "I'm going to push you, but I'm going to use a biotic push so you won't have any idea when it's coming."

Jane's grin returned and she swam to the bottom of the tower and pulled herself onto the platform. As she went up the ladder to the top, Kaidan gave Everett an affectionate pat on the shoulder.

"You're a good kid," Kaidan said, letting his pride in his boy leech out just a little.

"Thanks, Papa."

Everett only called him papa when they were alone and Kaidan loved it. It reminded him that even his oldest were still just kids. He gave him a kiss on the forehead that Everett didn't shy away from and then followed Jane up the tower.

Everett called that he was in place and before Jane could even step to the edge, Kaidan gave her a gentle nudge with the palm of his hand, surprising her, and she went flailing off the side of the tower.

There was a long pause before Kaidan heard a splash from below followed by shouts of delight.

"Dad, I did it!" Jane cried.

Kaidan peered over the edge at the twins treading water beneath him. Jane's dark brown eyes, so like his own, flared with pride at her achievement. Next to her, Everett beamed at his sister.

"Good job, kid!" Kaidan called down and then took a few steps back to take a running jump off the edge.

He pushed off and pulled his knees up to his chest and shouted.

"Geronimo!"

He hit the water with force, sending a plume of water several meters into the air. Surfacing he shook the water from his hair and challenged the twins to a race to the shore.

He stayed ahead of them most of the way and at the last minute slowed and allowed them to get in front of him. They ran screaming onto the grass above the beach and Jane did a little dance, her coppery brown hair swinging wildly.

Kaidan stood in the shallows with his hands on his hips, water dripping from the hem of his knee length linen shorts.

"Man, you kids are fast," he said in mock defeat. "You'll have to start carrying your old dad soon."

Kaidan was nearing fifty, but he didn't feel it. If anything he felt more viral and energetic than he ever had before. He was still the fit, athletic man he had been, but it was different now. His corded muscles were no longer the powerful tools of a soldier. Their repertoire now included digging, lifting and piggy-back rides.

Catherine had put on little weight after the birth of their youngest, but underneath the delicious new curves she was still as strong and muscled as he was. For the most part their lives were relaxed and easy, but the work that did need to be done was hard and it kept them all in good condition.

Sinking down to sit cross legged beside the rock mountain his children were building, Kaidan watched Catherine where she lay in the sun, one knee bent up and a hand behind her head. Her skin was deeply tanned and her once dark hair was now laced with white streaks. She was only a slightly younger than him, but the stress of her last pregnancy had aged her.

Her face was still youthful and unlined, and her hair was an interesting contrast to her still girlish appearance. Unlike most women, she didn't care overly much about her aging. She always told him that it didn't bother her because every white hair and wrinkle was the mark of life well lived.

As Kaidan watched, Jane stealthily crept up on her mother and tipped her soaking head over her and wrung the water out of her hair. When Catherine sat up in surprise Jane danced away on her long, coltish legs, laughing delightedly.

"I might as well come in now," Catherine said as she stood and cast a baleful glare at Jane who only giggled and ran back into the water with her brother.

She hiked her long skirt up to her thighs and waded into the water to stand over Kaidan and the children.

"That's quite the pile you've built," she said.

"Want to help, mummy?" Millicent asked, he voice still pitched with the height of youth. "It's almost done."

"I think Rowan might have the finishing touch," Catherine said.

Kaidan looked along the beach to see Rowan hauling back a rock in his thin arms. His cheeks puffed with the effort of carrying the stone that Kaidan could have lifted with one hand. Once he reached the pile he strained with all his little boy might and put the rock down at the top of the stack and declared the project complete.

He collapsed into his father's lap and looked up at his mother.

"Do you like our castle, mama?"

"It's great, Rowan," she said, crouching down to cup his face in her hands. "You're such a strong man."

Break time was over quickly and he pushed away from his parents and started gathering more rocks.

"I'm going to build another!"

"Rowan, no," Nora said with exaggerated exasperation. "Let's do something else."

"How about you all go for one last swim?" Catherine suggested. "We'll have to get going soon if we want to be back in time for the party. I'm sure there's a birthday surprise waiting for Nora."

Kaidan felt his heart glow as Nora's face lit up with glee.

"Really?" she cried.

This outing had been her birthday gift. They'd given her new clothes and toys, and paper to draw on, but taking the day off and having a family outing had been the big present. Having a birthday on Wake Day was always tough and Kaidan and Catherine made sure every year that the day was still special for Nora.

"I think there might be something," Kaidan said. "You'll just have to wait and see."

"Let's go now, papa. Please!" she pleaded.

Kaidan laughed at his daughters almost frantic eagerness. Luckily he was saved from having to say no when Rowan ran splashing at them.

"Let's swim more!" he cried. "I don't want to go. Milly promised she would teach me how to swim far underwater."

"I'm only swimming if mummy swims too," Millicent said, folding her arms and staring at Catherine.

"No, mummy wants to stay dry now," Catherine protested.

"Well, we can't have that, can we?"

Kaidan leapt to his feet tackled Catherine, throwing her over his shoulder and racing into deeper water. The air was filled with her cries of protest and shrieks of laughter from the younger children running after them into the lake.

Only when the water was up to his chest did Kaidan drop Catherine, plunging her into the dark blue depths. She looked furious when she surfaced, but they could all feel her internal laughter resounding in their minds.

Rowan doggy paddled his way out to them, biting his lower lip in concentration as he tried to keep up with his sisters. Kaidan ducked under the water and came up under the little boy who wrapped his arms around his neck while Kaidan swam out to the centre of the lake.

They spent another hour frolicking in the water and enjoying the sunshine. At the insistence of his siblings, Rowan jumped from the tower for the first time. Catherine was barely able to contain her worry as her baby leapt from the four meter platform. Only when he came sputtering to the surface beaming did she relax, smothering him with praise and kisses.

They wrapped themselves in warm, soft felt towels and headed back through the forest path to the settlement. Jane and Everett walked ahead, carrying the backpacks filled with the remains of the picnic the family had shared on the beach. Catherine walked in the middle, holding a tired Rowan by the hand and listening to Millicent's endless chatter. Kaidan and Nora walked behind them all, her hand clasped firmly in his in amiable silence.

Her look was serious and Kaidan knew she was thinking hard about something that concerned her. He didn't push her. He knew that if she wanted to talk, she would.

At last she said, "I remember a place."

"What kind of place?" Kaidan asked, curious to know what her mind had revealed to her now.

All the children possessed a degree of genetic memory likely caused by the synthetics, but it was strongest in those born during the Delight. Something about the rays of that tiny, red star enhanced the strength of the memories stored in their DNA. Nora was the only of their children to have been born under Delight.

"It's a place made of metal. A really bright place with a long lake and a sky that's not real."

"That's the Citadel," Kaidan said, his mind going back to the Persidium and its artificial environment. "When we lived in space and on other worlds, it was the centre of everything."

Nora's forehead creased in confusion. "You were there with a woman. You kissed her, but she wasn't mummy."

"That was Commander Shepard," Kaidan told her. "She was... a special friend."

Nora looked up at him gravely, her sandy brown eyes sad. "Do you miss her?"

There was no sense lying to the girl, Kaidan knew. All of his children could tell when their parents were telling them something other than the full truth. It was annoyingly inconvenient at times.

"Sometimes," Kaidan said. "But she's been gone for years and time makes everything easier."

"But you love mummy right?" Nora asked innocently.

Kaidan smiled and looked ahead at his wife, her hips swaying enticingly as she walked, her long, beautiful hair plated down her back in a thick braid.

"So much."

"Good," Nora said, and promptly changed the topic back to her birthday.

Kaidan listened with half an ear as they walked hand in hand through the towering trees. Half way home he had to pick Rowan up and carry him, letting him sleep against his shoulder. It had been a long day for the little guy.

They met up with James and his eldest son, Benjamin, walking back from their own outing and Kaidan fell into step beside his friend while Ben ran ahead to tease Jane as he always did.

James was going bald. He kept his hair buzzed short but it didn't hide the thinning spot on the back of head. He was still a bear of a man, and the tattoos on his neck and arm were fading and stretched. A scruffy beard covered some of the scars on his face, and to anyone who didn't know him he might have looked like a frightening man.

Despite having grown up in the same house as him, James still made Nora nervous and she ran ahead to walk with her mother, looking back over her shoulder at him from time to time.

"Good day?" James asked.

"Great day," Kaidan replied. "Where were you and Ben?"

"Teaching him some wrestling moves," James said. "His little brother is too young to learn so we've been keeping it a secret.

Kaidan laughed. He'd been doing something along the same lines with Jane and Everett. They'd long ago run out of thermal clips for their weapons so bow and arrow had become the only tool available for hunting, and everyone, including the older children were learning how to use them. Nora didn't yet have the upper body strength to use a hunting bow, but she was extremely jealous that the twins could.

"You still up for tonight?" James asked.

"I am," Kaidan said.

"I was thinking it might be nice to invite the Doc this year," James said.

"I already did."

Several years ago, Liara had suggested that Shepard's squad, herself, Kaidan, James, Tali, Garrus and EDI, have a gathering of their own each Wake to look back on their final hours with the Commander.

The second year they had invited Joker as well. He may not have carried a weapon at any point, but he'd always been a vital part of every mission. Cortez came the year after that. Inviting Karin this year had only seemed natural. She had, after all, been with Shepard through everything.

The rest of the crew seemed to understand why they were excluded from the ritual. They may have served on the Normandy with Shepard, but it wasn't the same as charging into battle with her; fighting in perfect unison with, watching each others backs, and fuelling each others adrenaline.

It was the only time each year that Kaidan allowed himself to drift back to those memories. Not all of them were good ones, but he let the bad ones come too. He couldn't let himself forget the perils and near misses either.

Before the little group met at the top of the hill, Kaidan would sit at the fire and do what he had done every year for the past six. He would tell the children the story of how they came to be there.

He'd already taken some poetic license with the tale, taking out some of the more terrifying bits, like the Banshees in the Ardat-Yakshi monastery and the final battle through London where Kaidan, Shepard and Garrus had fought off wave after wave of Husks, Cannibals, Marauders and Brutes. It had been the hardest battle of his life and Kaidan didn't like to remember it.

Joker complained that Kaidan had romanticized the story too much, but everyone else liked the new, less harrowing version. There was no need to remember it as a nightmare. After all, the morals of the story remained the same; courage, loyalty, compassion, and friendship.

The party was in full swing as the sun set and Shepard's Delight took her place high in the sky, bathing the revellers in her crimson glow. That their arrival had coincided with the day of the small star's zenith every third year was quickly becoming part of Kaidan's story.

Nora waited patiently all evening, and after the story was told, before he sent her off to bed, he and Catherine presented her with her special gift. A leather harness and a rope so she could go climbing with Matthew who loved the sport and had always been eager for her to join him.

She cried tears of joy and when Kaidan tucked her into bed she was clinging to the bundle and fell sleep with it in her arms.

He and Catherine stood together at the doors of each of their children's' rooms in turn and watched them sleep.

"Hard to believe we've been here nearly a decade," Catherine said, leaning against Kaidan as they looked in on Rowan.

The little boy lay face down under his blankets, exhausted after his long day of hiking, swimming and playing. His face was still smeared with berry juice and his hand was wrapped around the leg of the bear that had once been Catherine's.

"It's easy to forget we were ever anywhere else," Kaidan said. "It feels like another life, everything that came before."

"I know what you mean," Catherine sighed. "Sometimes it's easier to imagine that it was. I still wake up sometimes in the night and ache for Earth, wishing I could see it one last time."

"You know what does it to me?" Kaidan said, thinking back to his childhood. "Birds. I used to bird watch with my dad. I knew every bird call. I'd love to hear a robin in the evening one more time."

"Mm. I miss the smells," Catherine said dreamily. "The sharp smell of a pine forest, or cottonwoods in the spring."

"Do you want to come tonight?" Kaidan asked on impulse.

"No," Catherine replied quickly. "This is your night with the squad. I don't belong there. Even Tali and Garrus don't go as a couple. But speaking of which, they are waiting for you."

Kaidan wrapped his arms around her and crushed her to him. Her hair smelled like citrus and wood smoke and he breathed the scent in deep. Her body was so familiar against his and yet still so exciting.

"Thank you, Catherine," he whispered to her.

"For what?"

"For everything. This life. These kids. Understanding. Everything."

She held him tighter and kissed his neck just below his ear. He felt a rush of pleasure and ran his hands down her sides to her hips.

"You're welcome. Now go to your party. I won't wait up," she said, then added, "Unless you want me to."

Kaidan reach out for the knob to Rowan's door and pulled it shut before answering her.

"Wait up," he said huskily, and kissed her passionately before heading out to meet with his old friends.

Kaidan was the last to arrive on the hill top. Karin, her age truly beginning to show in her white hair and wrinkling face, sat at a place of honour at the end of the table Kaidan and James had carried up the hill the day before.

EDI, who looked more lifelike than ever, was already recounting her favourite story, which only featured Shepard peripherally. It was the moment she realized that Legion had self actualized and become an individual. He had said 'I' instead of 'we' and EDI had been the first to pick up on it.

Kaidan took a seat between Liara and Garrus and listened intently despite the fact that he had heard the story many times, and had been present at the actual moment.

James poured him a glass of beer from his newest batch and slid it across the table. Liara linked her arm through his and he felt a swell of emotion as she let down her barriers and eased their minds together.

As they talked and told stories of the past, Kaidan and Liara experienced them in another way, witnessing the sights and sounds of those adventures in their minds. Remembering the good times as well as the bad.

Tali remembered the celebration after Saren's defeat where Shepard had gotten so drunk she'd passed out on the stairs up to the CIC and Garrus and Kaidan, who had been equally as drunk had had to carry her to her cabin. It had been the only time they'd really seen her let her hair down.

Joker recalled their narrow escape from the Collector base and finally admitted to Garrus that if it hadn't been for all his endless calibrations, the Normandy might have taken a hit. Garrus threatened to calibrate Joker and the light mood continued.

As their inebriation increased the mood became melancholy and tears were shed by all but the most hardened in the group, which pretty much included only Garrus and James. Even Kaidan felt a tear slid down his cheek as he remembered his farewell to Shepard.

He'd told her he knew it was goodbye and she'd promised to be waiting when it was all over. He closed his eyes and remembered the last touch of her lips. That final moment of femininity before she'd pulled on her helmet and gone screaming into battle.

Garrus too was remembering his last words to Shepard.

"She told me that there was no Shepard without Vakarian," he said as he gazed up at the gleaming red orb in the sky. "Sometimes I wonder if there could be a Vakarian without Shepard. I don't know where I would be if it hadn't been for her. Kicked out of C-Sec, disgraced from Palaven, probably rotting away on Omega, miserable and alone. She really was my best friend."

He trailed off, staring down into his drink, and Tali put a loving hand on his arm.

"She dragged us all out of something," the quarian said. "I can only hope we did the same for her."

"Well, I know I pulled her ass out of the fire more than once," Joker put in. He was silent for moment before he added, "I miss her too."

Before the atmosphere could get any more dour, James stood and raised his glass high, wobbling a bit as he did.

"To Shepard! The toughest, most loco chick on two legs. Best soldier and compadre there ever was."

"Shepard!" they all shouted together.

And then Karin stood and everyone went silent, waiting for her wise words.

"Many times I have said that I think of you all as my children. But no one more than Commander Shepard. Her own mother was a wonderful woman, but she couldn't be there when she was needed most. Before our return to Earth that last time, she confided in me her fears, and do you know what plagued her the most? What kept her up with worry and guilt? She agonized over what would happen to all of us. She wanted to know that we would be safe and happy no matter what happened to her. I think I can speak for all of us when I say she would be pleased."

"Hear hear," Cortez shouted and raised his glass again. He drank deeply and then rose unsteadily from his seat. "I couldn't have asked for a better life, but if I drink anymore, tomorrow will not be a happy day."

Laughter rippled around the table and one by one they slowly got up to leave, following Steve's drunken path down the hill, until only Kaidan and Liara remained. She'd been quiet all evening.

"Staying a bit longer?" Kaidan asked, not wanting to leave her alone if she needed the company.

"I think so," she said softly. "I'm remembering more than Shepard tonight. Tessa has been asking me a lot of questions about her father lately and it's brought up many emotions I thought I had put to rest."

"About Javik or your own father?" Kaidan asked.

"Both," she replied. "It's reminded me of just how long my life will be. When all of you are gone, who will sit at this table with me and remember the past?"

"There will always be EDI," Kaidan said. "Who knows how long her body will last."

"But will her presence be a comfort or a painful reminder?" Liara asked, her voice toneless. "Asari are raised to understand and accept the fleeting nature of life and love and relationships, but just like how Garrus always says he was never a very good turian, I was never a very good asari. I am too attached."

"You're also very drunk, Liara," Kaidan said comfortingly. "Things never look quite as bleak when you're sober. You can't think about the future that way. You have to remember that when we're gone and you're still here, there will other generations for you to know and love. Life will go on without us."

"You're right, Kaidan," Liara said. "Catherine has really rubbed off on you. I don't remember your advice ever being quite so... useful."

"Gee, thanks," Kaidan laughed.

"I meant it in a good way," Liara said.

"I know." Kaidan pushed himself to his feet and felt the blood rush from his head. "I am very drunk. I should go to bed."

"Me too," Liara mumbled, her words becoming slurred as she stood and leaned on him to steady herself.

They walked down the hill together in silent companionship, parting outside the hall and each heading for their own homes. Kaidan could see a light still on in his own bedroom and knew Catherine was still awake and waiting for him.

He wove his way down the path, opened his front door and took one last look up at Shepard's Delight. She sat hovering on the horizon, framed by trees and accented by moonlight.

Kaidan breathed a deep lungful of the sweet night air and let it out through his nose, feeling a smile grow on his lips as he did.

"Thanks for everything, Shepard," he said into the darkness. "We owe you one."

_**The End**_


	21. Bonus Chapter Prequel Beginning

*****This was originally meant to only be a bonus chapter about Catherine's relationship with James, but it's turning into something more. I'll be posting it as a new story soon titled _Kick at the Darkness_**

"Hey, Morgan," Catherine spoke softly into the microphone of her head piece.

"What's up?" her friend replied from her post in the CIC.

"I think I've almost finished rewriting to code for the life support," Catherine said, surprise in her voice.

"What? No way!" Morgan replied. "That should have taken another week at least. I've got at least a day left figuring out the shields on this thing. "

"I think the Normandy's VI has been helping," Catherine said, whispering again. The comm channels weren't intended for personal communication. She and Morgan had already been chewed out once for it. "I'm starting to think there's a lot more to her than meets the eye."

"Have you heard the way Joker talks to her?"

"Yes. And see, even you're calling her a she."

"Speaking of Joker. He's just been escorted onto the bridge again. Hang on. I'll see if I can find out what's up."

Catherine turned her mic off and returned to her work at the console in life support. The room was a little cave of a place next to the drive core. When Catherine had started work on the Normandy the room had possessed a window that look out onto the massive Tantalus engine. The pulse and flash of the core had been hypnotic, even in its dormant state while the ship was docked. Now it was just dark and a little creepy.

The mic in her ear crackled and Morgan's voice came through.

"Something's going on," she said, her voice nervous. "Anderson ordered him here."

Without warning the entire ship rattled and shook around them. Her connection to Morgan was cut. Catherine stopped what she was doing and listened. She could hear footsteps echoing in the corridor outside and she moved for the door to find out what was happening.

She expected the doors to open as she approached but nothing happened.

"What the hell..." she muttered.

"Serviceman Hogan," a feminine voice came from the floating blue orb in the wall next to her. "Undocking will commence in thirty seconds. You are requested to find a seat with a flight harness and secure yourseld."

"Why? What's going on, EDI?" Catherine asked frantically. "Why are we undocking?"

There was no reply from the VI. A deep hum filled the room and intense vibration nearly shook Catherine from her feet. She stumbled back into the main area of the room and flipped down the flight chair in the corner. Her hands shook as she fumbled with the harness, trying to get her arms through the loops and the buckles clipped.

Another voice spoke through her headset and through the main sound system of the ship, echoing between Catherine's ears in a weird stereo.

"This is Major Alenko. Earth is under attack. The Reapers are here. Hang tight everyone. We're going for Commander Shepard."

Catherine barely had time to register that she recognized he name Alenko before the ship slewed hard to port and she was thrown hard into the wall and almost out of the seat. She tugged desperately at her restraints, trying to get them tighter.

The minutes dragged by. The only sounds Catherine could here over the throb of the drive core was static from her ear piece. Her mind reeled with images of the sky scrapers of Vancouver burning, the palms and rhododendrons turning to ash in the streets, people running and screaming in panic and pandemonium.

She closed her eyes and tried to force down the bile rising in her throat. She thought of her mother and knew that on this beautiful sunny day she would have been sitting out on her balcony reading. Would she have seen what was happening? Would she have made it to the bunker under the complex? Her home was on the slopes of Grouse Mountain, far from the core of the city. Maybe she was safe. Maybe the Reapers would focus on Alliance headquarters before going to the outlying burrows.

The ship wove from side to side. Catherine's neck ached with the effort of keeping her head from slamming into the wall behind. Her omnitool chimed the hour and she realized half an hour had passed since EDI had warned her about the take off. How could time be moving so quickly and so slowly at the same time?

Then everything slowed. The pulse of the drive core slowed and the high pitched whine of a hydraulics pierced through the din. The inertial dampers couldn't quite compensate for the up and down motion of the ship as it hovered. Catherine reached for the buckles of the harness but EDI voice sounded in her ear piece.

"Please do not release your restraints. We will be moving through the atmosphere shortly. There will be some turbulence."

"EDI, please!" Catherine shouted. "What's going on?"

The VI didn't reply. The hydraulics whined again and Catherine was pressed back into the seat as the ship rocketed upwards.

Her stomach lurched as the Normandy entered space and the antigrav fields shifted to compensate. There was the briefest moment of weightlessness before gravity returned to normal. Catherine knew that meant they must have exited the atmosphere at incredible speeds.

She ignored EDI's next request for her to stay in her seat and threw off the harness and stood on wobbly legs. Thankfully the VI did not go so far as to lock her with the life support deck and the door opened as she neared it.

Carherine raced down the hallway past the elevator and the crew quarters and into the starboard observation deck. The viewport was sealed and showed only the ribbed metal of the protective shutter. She slapped the control next to the glass and the shutter responded, retracting slowly upwards.

The view it revealed brought Catherine to her knees. The globe that was Earth was quickly receding in the near distance, but the fires devouring the Pacific coast of Asia could still seen beyond the terminator line of a new dawn, a sickly bright copper glow of super-heated metal and molten glass.

Bangkok, Beijing, Shanghai, Hong Kong, Seoul, Osaka, Tokyo, Jakarta, Singapore, Manila. Like bloody smears on the pristine face of Gaia they fell in raging infernos, like a backwards image of Earth's prosperity.

"No," Catherine whimpered, repeating the word like mantra.

Pain pierced her chest and she clutched at it, unable to draw breath.

Reapers descended through the atmosphere, crimson entry trails following them like the burning trains of desecrated wedding gowns. Hundreds of them littered the skies, plowing through the clouds with sickening determination and purpose.

The ship banked steeply and the moon eclipsed her view of the ravagement taking place below. But even Luna burned. A horrifying creature of incredible size stalked across the rocky surface on six insectile legs, its metal carapace opening to vomit forth a fiercely bright laser that razed everything in its path.

And then Luna was gone from sight and Catherine's grief and shock overcame her. A comforting hand fell on her shoulder and only then did she realize that she was not alone.

Several others leaned against the glass, their faces frozen masks of heartache and terror and disbelief. More stood behind them, their bodies frozen in a tableau of the disaster struck.

Somebody helped Catherine to her feet and then to a seat on one of the couches. Not long after a deep, yet distinctly feminine voice came through the comms above their heads.

"This is Commander Shepard." Her voice was aggressive and angry, but also somehow compassionate and sympathetic at the same time. "I won't beat around the bush here. The devastation we just witnessed on Earth is only the beginning. The Reapers are here. I know you all have questions. I don't have all the answers, but what I know, you'll know."

There was a long pause, and for a moment Catherine thought that was all there would be from the legendary war hero.

"I've been reinstated as Commander of the Normandy. I know this was meant to be Admiral Anderson's ship. I know you're not her crew, but I need you... humanity needs you to stand tall and harden your hearts. Admiral Hackett has ordered us to Mars. After that it's the Citadel. Beyond that, I don't know. Stand strong. We can do this. Shepard out."

The comm went silent and Catherine stared with vacant unseeing eyes out into the depths of space beyond the heavy glass of the viewport. Time lost all meaning as she gazed out into the abyss. Thoughts became things of pure emotion and she waded through them with heavy legs.

"System Operation Chiefs are asked to report to the CIC."

Catherine heard EDI's voice but the words were meaningless. Someone took her by the hand and lead her out the door and to the elevator. As the doors hissed shut she returned to reality, a sheath of cold denial enveloping her.

"Where are we going?" she asked the woman beside her.

"SOCs were called to the CIC," the woman responded. Catherine knew her name but her brain wouldn't provide it. "You're in charge of life support, right?"

"Yes, but-"

The elevator door opened to the CIC and Catherine was cut off. They filed out and joined several other people standing to the right of the galaxy map. A tall man in the casual fatigues of an officer paced in front of them, his handsome face creased with worry.

Catherine found Morgan and the two women stood side by side at the back of the group, leaning on each other for support.

"Is this everyone?" the man asked.

"Yes," EDI said over the loud speaker. "We do not have a Mess Sergeant, Medical Officer, or Facilities Officer at the moment."

The man nodded and turned to the assembled SOCs.

"I'm Major Kaidan Alenko."

Catherine's heart skipped a beat as she realized how she knew the name.

"As ranking officer I'll be acting as Commander Shepard's Executive Officer until a proper crew can be assembled. If a proper crew can be assembled. It won't be long until we reach Mars and I'll be part of the ground team going planetside. The ship has to be running like clockwork before then."

"But Sir," someone at the front said. "Like the Commander said, we aren't the crew. Most of us are just the techs part of the team refitting the ship."

"I know that, but right now you're all we've got," Major Alenko said. Catherine could hear the stress in his voice, see the fear in his eyes. "EDI has already designated stations in the CIC for each of you. Everyone aboard is pulling a long one today. You've all been through basic boot camp and you know the drills. The Commander runs a tight ship, but I know she'll let things slide if you aren't the spit and polish crew she expects."

The Major began directing them all to their workstations along the perimeter of the CIC and the hallway leading to the bridge.

"I don't know anything about maintain a shield while in flight," Morgan whispered to Catherine.

"I know him," Catherine whispered back.

"Catherine Hogan, Life Support Chief," Major Alenko called from his datapad.

Catherine stepped forward and gave him a sharp salute. He barely gave her a second glance as he directed her to a station near the bridge. She trotted away and swung herself into the seat. The holographic screens adjusted to her reach and she logged into the system.

She let her mind fall into the tedium that monitoring life support required. Stats and readings scrolled down the screens and by reflex she grabbed at the ones that seemed off and adjusted systems to compensate. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the Major jog by on his way to the bridge. She could just hear the conversation he had there with Joker.

"How long 'til Mars," Major Alenko asked.

"I can't make the jump yet," Joker explained. "Adams is fixing something in engineering. We took a hard hit while undocking."

"I estimate no more than five minutes for the repair," EDI said. "Major, the Commander is waiting for you in the armory."

"On my way," the Major said, and Catherine turned to watch him jog back down the hallway and through the CIC to the elevator.

Morgan's station was two down from her's and Catherine caught the other woman's eye for a moment. Morgan too seemed to be functioning on auto pilot, focusing on her terminal to keep her mind off the carnage they'd just seen.

Moments later Joker's voice sounded through the ship.

"Brace for FTL jump. ETA to Mars eight minutes."

Seconds later the noise level in the ship amped up and Catherine could see the kinetic barriers light up around the ship, flashing and pulsating through the bridge windows. She gave herself a moment to acknowledge that she'd scored an excellent workstation and then turned her mind back to the task of maintaining life support.

The ship shuttered as it exited FTL flight and switched to in-system drives. EDI alerted the crew to brace for entry into the atmosphere and Catherine pulled her arms through the harness straps attached to the seat.

"Clear hanger bay for shuttle exit," EDI's said, this time in Catherine's headset not ship wide. "Hanger clear. Opening hanger doors. Shuttle away. Serviceman Hogan, are you clear on your duties now?"

"My duties?" Catherine asked, unsure how her job had changed.

"The shuttle bay and armory are sealed with a kinetic barrier when opened in vacuum or low atmosphere," EDI explained. "The shuttle can pass through, but leaks often occur. It is the duty of the life support officer to ensure that the bay returns to normal as quickly as possible after the shuttle exits or enters."

"Oh, yeah, okay," Catherine said absently.

She called up readings specific to the lower decks and adjusted the CO2 filters and oxygen input.

"Shuttle Bay clear," she said into her head piece.

An round light in the lower right corner of her console turned from yellow to green.

"What does the light mean, EDI?"

"The light indicates the alert status of the ship," EDI said, her voice soothingly calm. "A green light tells you that you may leave your station for personal reasons. Yellow means that you are required to stay at your station for all but professional reasons, such as speaking to your deck officer. If the light is red, it means that you must not leave your station unless ordered to. Typically the light will only appear as red when we are engaged in active warfare."

"So, I can get up and walk around now?"

"Do you wish me to take over monitoring of life support?"

"Umm, yeah," Catherine said. "I won't be long."

She unbuckled and lifted herself out of the seat, stepping up onto the metal grating of the deck. She stood for a moment with her head down. There had been no destination in mind when she left her post, she just felt the need to move.

Morgan was working furiously at her station. Most of the read outs were Greek to Catherine's eyes, but she could understand enough to see that Morgan had her work cut out for her bringing the shields back to full power.

No one said anything as Catherine wandered back through the CIC and to the elevator. Her belongings were stored in a locker in the crew quarters and a need she could put no name to drove her to go there now.

The elevator doors opened to a silent deck. The ship didn't have a full complement and most of those on board were now in the CIC and war room. Directly across from the elevators was a memorial wall, filled with the names of the fallen who had served on the original Normandy.

Catherine's eyes move down the list, silently reading the names one by one. When she finished she went back to the top and read them again and again. She'd read them all before but now they held more meaning. These were among the first casualties of the war with the Reapers. They lost their lives fighting to keep everyone else in the galaxy safe and how had they been rewarded? A wall of names and a trillion people still unprepared to defend against the biggest threat they'd ever faced.

With a sad shake of her head, Catherine turned from the wall and walked slowly to the crew quarters. At the door she stopped and surveyed the small room crowded with bunks and lockers. Would this be where she'd sleep from now on? This tiny room with no privacy and no windows.

She'd been in and out of this room every day for months, stowing and retrieving her gear at the beginning of each shift, but she'd never really looked at it. There was nothing homey about it. Everything was metal and cold and hard. Even the beds with their crisply laundered and tightly tucked sheets looked chilled and uninviting.

Half an hour before, the tears she'd shed had been for Earth and all her people. The tears running down her cheeks now, Catherine cried for herself.

She keyed in the code for her locker and reached inside. Her backpack was open, the head of her small brown teddy bear poking out. Her fingers went around it and she pulled it out, holding it to her chest, its fuzzy head tucked under her chin.

Her shift should be just ending. She should be pulling this pack onto her shoulder and heading to her mother's house for the night. The change of clothes inside should have been for the BBQ being held in the housing complex that night. Hours from now she should have been pulling on her pajamas and curling up in the guest bed in the sunroom with her bear.

It had been a gift from her mother on Valentine's Day when Catherine was fourteen years old. Scorned by a boy for the first time, her mother had left the bear propped up on her pillow with a note that said _You can't hurry love_.

"Oh, mummy," Catherine croaked through her constricted throat. "Mummy, please be safe."

Catherine held the bear close and sobbed until her eyes burned and her collar was wet with tears. Then anger took hold and she wiped savagely at her cheeks. She latched onto the anger and felt her lip begin to curl up in a noiseless snarl.

Stuffing the bear away and sealing her locker she turned and stalked down the hall to life support. EDI popped up as she entered.

"Is everything all right, Serviceman Hogan?"

"I'm fine," Catherine spat. "And please stop calling me Serviceman. Catherine will do fine."

"As you wish, Catherine," EDI complied easily. "If you wish, you may monitor life support from here. It is one of the few systems that does not require you to be present in the CIC to perform your duty. However, if we shift to yellow or red alert, you must return to your station."

Catherine nodded and threw herself back into her work.

Life support required little attention when the ship was idle and running silent. The ship practically ran itself it seemed, lending further credence to Catherine's theory that EDI was more than she seemed.

Several hours later EDI alerted her that the shuttle was returning. With came a massive amount of dust and debris that took her several extra minutes to clear from the air before she could declare the shuttle bay to be at normality.

While she worked there was a commotion outside at the elevator. She heard Shepard's voice yelling at Joker to get them out of there and get a link to Hackett.

"Catherine, you are asked report to medical," EDI said as Catherine was putting the final touches on the atmosphere in the hanger.

"Me? Why?"

"There has been an severe injury."

Catherine's brow furrow as she wondered why anyone would want her help in medical. She left life support and as she came around the corner into the mess hall she could see into medical where someone paced and body lay prone on a gurney.

A bear of a man met her at the door. He stood nearly a foot taller than her and with his armor still on he seemed ten times bigger.

"You the life support tech?" he asked.

"Yes," Catherine replied nervously.

"Keep him alive until we got the Citadel." He pointed to the figure on the gurney.

"I'm not a doctor," she protested. "I... I don't know the first thing about saving a life."

"You're Alliance and that means you've had trauma training," he replied angrily. "And you're life support so you know how to take stat readings. The Commander is not going to be happy if he dies."

Catherine put her hands on her hips and felt the snarl returning.

"So now this is on me? Who do you think you are anyway?"

The man seemed to swallow his ire and when he replied he was calmer and more reasonable.

"Sorry. Adrenaline. I'm Lieutenant James Vega. Major Alenko was injured. He's in rough shape. Do what you can."

With that he turned and left. The door closed and Catherine was left alone with the Major.

Picking up a scanner from the desk she stepped up the side of the bed. The Major's face was horribly bruised and swollen. She hardly recognized him from only hours before in the CIC. She didn't recognize him at all from the boy she'd know back on Earth so many, many years before.

Running a quick diagnostic of his suits computer showed her that his life signs were fading fast. He had massive internal bleeding around his brain and his biotic implant was sending dangerous electrical pulses through the connected synapses.

A few quick motions with her omnitool shut the implant down and immediately his stats leveled out. He wasn't going to die, but whether he would wake up with his brain undamaged remained to be seen.

His armor made him incredibly heavy, but Catherine managed to get him lying comfortably on the gurney, at least what she thought would be comfortably. She knew enough to leave his suit in place. Its internal life support would keep his core temperature regulated and hopefully stop him from going to shock.

With EDI's direction she started a central line just above his collar bone and began a saline drip with a medi-gel additive that would help with the swelling, but beyond that there was nothing more she could do.

She sat down at the desk and stared at the man on the table. Her mind tracked back through the long years to the last time she had seen him. He'd been just a boy of sixteen then, and her just a girl of fourteen. He hadn't even recognized her, but then she had taken a moment to remember him as well.

Her contemplation was broken when Joker announced that they were approaching the Sol relay. Once they were in transit Shepard's voice came on the comms speaking to the entire ship. She sounded tired, drained.

"We've suffered heavy losses today. All of us. I know you're scared and confused, but you're not alone. All of humanity stands with us and we're heading to the Citadel to recruit every fleet we can. The turians, the salarians, the asari, even the krogan, must help us. With them on our side, we _can_ win this. But right now I need to know that I've got a capable crew. EDI tells me that you are all skilled and work well as a team. I need that. I need a crew who knows each other and knows the ship. That's you people. That being said, I know you're not all soldiers. Anyone who wants to leave is free to do so when we dock at the Citadel. Alliance Headquarters there will make sure you're looked after. But you have to make the decision quickly. The ship will need a full crew before we set out again. I don't know when that will be, and I don't know what comes next. Stay strong people, and good work. Shepard out."

Several minutes later Catherine nearly jumped out of her skin when the Commander rushed through the doors to medical and straight to the Major's side.

Catherine stood to attention, but Shepard waved her down.

"How is he?" Shepard asked. Her voice was softer than it had been on the comms.

"Uh, not good, Commander," Catherine said, feeling overwhelmed by Shepard's presence and scared she would get tongue-tied. "I've shut his implant down and that helped, but he needs far more than we can provide on the Normandy, and I'm not a medic."

Catherine got the impression that Shepard wasn't really listening to her. She leaned over the bed, her hair hiding her face, and lay the backs of her fingers on the Major's cheeks.

"Will he make it to the Citadel?"

"I think so, but he's in bad shape. We need to get there fast."

The Commander stood and Catherine thought she saw tears in the woman's eyes before she blinked hard and turned away from the bed.

"What's your name?" she asked Catherine.

"Serviceman Catherine Hogan," she replied, standing to attention again.

Shepard gave her a salute in return and laid a hand on her shoulder briefly as she walked from the room.

"Good work, Hogan," she said. "I hope you'll stick around."

Catherine turned and watched her go and she knew at the very moment that she would never leave the Normandy. She would follow the Commander to hell and back. She'd always heard Shepard had charisma, but it had been an understatement. Those few words, that passing touch, had earned Catherine's loyalty. From anyone else it might have seemed trite, even false, but from Shepard the message was clear. _I value you. I'm loyal to you._

And so, Catherine's fate became sealed. Whatever happened to Shepard, whatever happened to the Normandy, would happen to her.


End file.
